The Smashy Amazing Race: Season Four
by Hoogiman
Summary: SEASON FOUR! Join eleven teams of two smashers on a race around the world! See Fox and Falcon, the party boys! See Marth and Squirtle, the human and turtle lover! See Zelda and Roy, the gold digger and diggee and see Luigi... ...Luigi's really insane.
1. I Hopes You Made Lotsa Spaghetti

The Smashy Amazing Race: Season Four

**The Smashy Amazing Race: Season Four  
By Hoogiman**

* * *

"I'm at Peach's Castle, in the heart of Toad Town, the capital city of Mushroom Kingdom!" said Master Hand, floating along, "And very soon, eleven teams, each with a pre-existing relationship, will set off on a race around the world for a **million** dollars!"

"These teams are…" said Master Hand, "Wolf and Samus, Newly Dating co-workers from Corneria!"

**Wolf and Samus (Newly Dating)**

"Wolf and I met in college," said Samus to the camera, glossed up by the production-applied make-up, "And on this race, we want to prove that... love is universal... love can happen between anyone and any... thing?"

Wolf laughed, "Don't mind her... anyway... we were friends for quite some time and six months ago we started to date..."

_A shot of Wolf and Samus jogging through a park appeared on screen._

"...and really, this race will be a test of our relationship!" said Wolf.

_"Roy and Zelda, dating and recently engaged!" said Master Hand._

**Roy and Zelda (Engaged)**

"Zelda and I," said Roy, wearing his glasses and pocket protector, "We've known each other since high school and... you know... I've always liked her..."

"And I've always liked him too!" said Zelda forcefully.

"Haha, honey," laughed Roy, "Anyway... she was the cool chick in school and I was the nerd..."

"I've always loved you Roy!" reminded Zelda angrily.

"And I asked her out a few times..." said Roy, "And unfortunately she didn't go out with me at the time... she said she didn't date book brains or something cute like that..."

"I love you!" said Zelda angrily.

"But then some short time after I got my dad's multi-million dollar inheritance..." said Roy happily, "She kinda... confessed how she's loved me her whole life and we've been dating ever since!"

"Only because I love you!" laughed Zelda manically.

"Haha, sometimes I joke she started dating me for my money!" laughed Roy.

"Of course not, hunnybuns!" lied Zelda.

"But _**she**_ proposed, you know, it wasn't my idea..." laughed Roy.

"I get half!" mouthed Zelda evilly to the camera.

_A shot of Roy and Zelda, splashing each other in a swimming pool appeared on screen._

"I think our strength in this race is..." said Roy.

"Our love!" interrupted Zelda.

Said Roy, "Yeah, our love but also..."

"Don't you love me?" cried Zelda, play-acting.

"Of course I do honey!" said Roy sweetly.

"I know! Do you promise we'll get married after the race?" said Zelda.

"Uh..." Roy hesitated.

"Of course I will!" said Zelda out of the side of her mouth.

"Aww Roy, you're so sweet!" said Zelda, hugging Roy.

_"Marth and Squirtle!" said Master Hand, "Boyfriends and dating six years!"_

**Marth and Squirtle (Dating Six Years)**

"We've been dating six years..." said Marth, rubbing his finger along Squirtle's head, "And like, you know, we both enjoy fashion..."

"Long walks on the beach..." said Squirtle, cuddling Marth, "Manicures..."

Suddenly it started raining.

"Squirtle," said Marth, "it's so wet. Let's huddle together to... stay warm..."

"And you can stick that long sword into my shell!" said Squirtle sexily.

They giggled.

Master Hand stared.

_"Toon Link, and King Dedede!" said Master Hand, "Coal Miners from Kentucky, Ohio!"_

**Toon Link and King Dedede (Coal Miners)**

"King Dedede and I have been coal miners for the last six years," said Toon Link, "We entered the job at the same time and..."

"Gee! When we're mining for coal..." said King Dedede overenthusiastically, "gosh it sure gets **coal**'d!"

The crew laughed.

"Shut up!" said Toon Link, "And it freaking gets hot down there!"

"You know why it gets hot down there?" laughed King Dedede, "You're growing up, son! Your mind's wandering all over the place! Hyuk! Hyuk!"

The crew laughed.

"Anyway, on this race-" said Toon Link.

"Race?!" laughed King Dedede, "Like... asian or hispanic or bolivian?"

The crew laughed.

"Bolivian isn't a race!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Anyway, when we're down there doing the foozling... and the oozling... sometimes as a coal miner I drink... Coca-**Coal**-a! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

The crew burst into laughter.

"Don't forget when we drink, **coal**'d water!" laughed Toon Link.

...

...

"That's just not funny, son," said King Dedede.

"Talking about son... isn't that **sun** sure hot? Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

The crew laughed hysterically.

Toon Link grunted angrily.

_"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf!" said Master Hand, "Dating twelve days!"_

**Jigglypuff and Ganondorf (Dating)**

"ME AND GANNIE LOVE EACH OTHER!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

"OH MY GOSH WE DO!" screamed Ganondorf excitedly.

"Can you... uh... stop shouting?" said Master Hand.

"OF COURSE!" screamed Jigglypuff excitedly.

"I LOVE YOU HONEY!" screamed Ganondorf, affectionately slopping his tongue on Jigglypuff's face.

"I LOVE YOU TOO, GANNIE!" said Jigglypuff happily, hitting Ganondorf's head affectionately.

_"Lucas and Yoshi, roommates!"_

**Lucas and Yoshi (Roommates)**

"Hi, I'm Lucas, and this is Yoshi!" said Lucas, patting Yoshi. "I'm glad to be part of the first owner and pet team to participate in this race!"

"I'm not a pet!" said Yoshi angrily, "I'm your freaking friend!"

"Bad dog," said Lucas angrily, "If you keep on talking over me I'll put you on a leash..."

"This is insane!" said Yoshi angrily.

"I know, it's so hard for me to have to put up with such a lower-life form," said Lucas angrily.

Yoshi punched Lucas in the face.

_"Fox and Falcon, Fraternity Brothers !" said Master Hand._

**Fox and Falcon (Fraternity Brothers)**

"We're frat boys..." said Falcon slowly, pronouncing each word slowly and unclearly, "And uh... like girls..."

"...and drinking..." said Fox.

"...and working out..." said Falcon.

...

"Wow..." said Master Hand.

_A shot of them playing basketball appeared on the screen._

"Uh... we're really smart and uh..." said Fox.

Fox started to drool.

"...we'll win the race and uh... spend the uh..." said Falcon,

"Freaking skip them already!" said Master Hand.

_"Luigi and Peach, dating couple from Toad Town, Mushroom Kingdom!"_

**Luigi and Peach (Dating)**

"You know what, Mario?" said Luigi angrily to the camera, "You can have any girlfriend that you want but when you leave Peach, she's up for grabs for me!"

"Luigi!" cried Peach, "I don't want to be with you!"

"Yes you do, damnit!" screamed Luigi, downing his bottle of whisky.

"Okay!" said Peach happily.

_"Wario and Mr. Resetti, Firefighters and Best Friends!" said Master Hand._

**Wario and Mr. Resetti (Fire fighters)**

"Mr. Resetti and I are fire fighters and best friends," said Wario, "But that doesn't mean we argue! We both have hot tempers but our drive will help us win the race!"

...

"Driving reminds me of my farm days," said Mr. Resetti, "When I was a young lad, 10 or 20 or 30 or so I was working on the old coal fields eating those corn cobs, you know, my mom used to have the best recipe for corn cobs! She'd put the corn on the stove, the old stove during my childhood that my dad kept on cooking me popcorn chicken on! My father stole the popcorn chicken from the fast food restaurant he worked in the 70's, back in his day he didn't even have the minimum wage! Why, a slave boy in China would get more than what my chicken-cooking father! My father's now buried in the cemetery... you know, I was at this cemetery and I saw this really funny dug up body-"

"SHUT UP!" said Wario angrily.

_"Diddy Kong and Ivysaur, twins from Glensville, Abrahalcon!"_

**Diddy Kong and Ivysaur (Evil Twins)**

"Ivysaur and I are the most evil, dirty, racers ever to have cast themselves upon this race!" cackled Diddy Kong, flames burning inside his eyelids, the background turning an evil crimson red.

"We will do anything to win..." said Ivysaur, laughing evilly, "Even if that means hurting other people or... hurting the crew!"

Diddy Kong's eyes turned more evil. "And our reign of terror will cast so strongly over the other competitors that..."

Master Hand burst out laughing, "Wait! _You_ guys? The evil team? Hehehehehee! Oh, you cuties crack me up!"

"We're not cute! We're evil!" said Ivysaur angrily.

"Teeheehee!" snorted Master Hand, uncontrollably giggling, "Really? You guys? Evil! Heehee!"

"I have a peanut gun!" said Diddy Kong angrily, holding up his coconut gun.

"Oh!" laughed Master Hand, hysterical, "Shoot a _**peanut**_ at me?"

"Yes!" Diddy Kong, engulfed in rage, shot a peanut at Master Hand.

The peanut hit Master Hand. "Tee hee hee!" laughed Master Hand, rolling on the ground, "Oh boy! You guys are sure evil!"

_"Kirby and Pikachu, classmates and best friends!" said Master Hand._

**Kirby and Pikachu (Best Friends)**

"Hey," said Kirby, smiling, his partner Pikachu sipping a cup of juice beside him, "We think of ourselves as a couple of cute kids who-"

"OH MY GOD IT'S THE SPAWN OF SATAN HIMSELF!" screamed Master Hand, bashing Pikachu on the skull with a bible and throwing holy water onto Kirby's eyes.

Master Hand continued to beat Pikachu with the bible. Kirby wiped the holy water out of his eyes.

"Woah man, is that real blood!" said Kirby, giggling.

Pikachu's head decapitated. Master Hand beat Pikachu's disembodied head repeatedly with the bible.

"Uh... excuse me!" said Kirby, tugging on Master Hand's finger, "What's the emergency number? I think someone's been hurt! We have to call for help!"

Master Hand continued to bash Pikachu.

"...mister?" said Kirby, tugging on Master Hand.

_Master Hand  
Host_

"How will these eleven teams cope with each other, as they embark on their travelling journey, which could last an entire month?" said Master Hand, "Which team can muster the right combination of brains, brawn and teamwork to finish first, and win the million dollar prize? All of these questions will be answered on… The Smashy Amazing Race!"

**The Teams:**

Wolf and Samus (_Newly Dating_)

Roy and Zelda (_Engaged_)

Marth and Squirtle (_Dating Six Years_)

Toon Link and King Dedede (_Coal Miners_)

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf (_Dating Twelve Days_)

Lucas and Yoshi (_Roommates_)

Fox and Falcon (_Fraternity Brothers_)

Luigi and Peach (_Dating_)

Wario and Mr. Resetti (_Firefighters_)

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur (_Evil Twins_)

Kirby and Pikachu (_Best Friends_)

_Peach's Castle  
Starting Line_

"Welcome everyone!" said Master Hand, the eleven teams lined up on a grassy straight, "In just a few minutes you will be embarking on a race around the world! Now, there are eleven legs on this race, and at the end of each leg there is a pit stop! Eight of these pit stops are elimination points, so you need to get to them as fast as you can, because if you are last, you _**will**_ be eliminated."

The camera panned on several teams, gasping in shock.

"Now, your first clue is on top of the luggage you have brought. When I give you the word, you can run over to your bags, read the clue and jump into one of those cars!" said Master Hand, pointing to a row of cars behind him, "The first team to cross the finish line after twelve legs, will win _**one million dollars**_!"

Everyone cheered.

"The world is waiting for you…" said Master Hand, raising his little finger.

Dramatic music and camera angles played.

"Travel safe…" said Master Hand.

More aerial camera angles played.

"_**GO!**_" shouted Master Hand.

Everyone took off, in a messy scrum of people, the smashers sprinted across the grassy straight towards their bags.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We got to the clue first!" said Luigi, cackling manically. "I'm beating Mario, take that Mario!"

"But Luigi… Mario's not in the race!" said Peach sweetly.

"You're not in the race!" screamed Luigi angrily, cutting Peach repeatedly with the side of the clue.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Fly to Saffron City, Kanto!" read Marth. "Once there, make your way to Saffron Gym!"

"Let's go!" said Squirtle.

"Hop on me!" said Marth.

Squirtle lunged onto the back of Marth's shoulder. "Ohh…" said Squirtle sexily, "I'd like to take a ride on top of you tonight!"

They giggled.

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Fly to Saffron City, Kanto!" read Diddy Kong. "Once there, make your way to Saffron Gym!"

"Great! I have gangland connections there!" said Ivysaur, grinning evilly, "We can manipulate the police, who are in turn controlled by the mafia, to hold up the other teams!"

"Mwahahaha!" cackled Diddy Kong and Ivysaur in unison.

"I'll call them straight away!" said Ivysaur, taking out his Ivysaur-shaped cellphone.

"Cool phone," laughed Diddy Kong.

"Shut up! At least I don't have a _**banana**_ phone!" said Ivysaur angrily, pointing to an object in Diddy Kong's hand.

"Actually… that's just a banana," said Diddy Kong.

"You're a banana!" said Ivysaur angrily.

"Uh, huh, huh!" cried Diddy Kong.

Some people made some jokes relating to that internet flash.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Fly to Saffron City, Kanto!" read Zelda. "Once there, make your way to Saffron Gym!"

"Let's go, honey!" said Roy.

They ran up to the car, and Roy opened the door in a gentlemanly fashion.

Roy hopped into the driver's seat, fastened his seatbelt and turned on the engine.

"Oh boy, I'm so excited to go to the Pokemon land!" said Roy happily.

"Yeah! Maybe we can buy some Pokemon slaves there!" said Zelda.

"Oh, Zelda!" laughed Roy.

…

"…that wasn't a joke," said Zelda angrily, "You're going to buy me one, with part of that fifteen million dollar inheritance of yours!"

Roy cleared his throat, awkwardness filling the air as he drove along.

…

"How **dare** you suggest I'm marrying you for your money!" said Zelda angrily.

"I never said that!" said Roy angrily.

"Just testing you!" laughed Zelda forcefully, "But on that note, you should be glad **I'm** your girlfriend… I mean… I'm the only one who's marrying you for your love!"

"Aww, how sweet," said Roy happily.

…

As Roy drove along, Zelda began to quietly pull Roy's wallet out of his pocket.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

King Dedede hopped into the car. The height of the car lowered half a metre from the fat penguin's weight.

"You'll drive," said Toon Link, sitting in the back seat.

"So boy, read the clue!" said King Dedede in the overdone accent just like in the anime.

"Fly to Saffron City, Kanto!" read Toon Link.

"Boy, that's gonna be hard! We ain't exactly got no wings!" laughed King Dedede. "Hyuk! Hyuk!"

"Um…" said Toon Link annoyed, "I'm pretty sure that means we have to go to the airport…"

"_**Airport?**_" said King Dedede, "I'll **air-port** you to the police if you keep on stealin' money from my wallet! Hyuk! Hyuk!"

"I have to spend a **WHOLE FREAKING MONTH** with you?" screamed Toon Link angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Vroom vroom!" said Pikachu, holding onto the steering wheel.

"Neeeyooowww!" said Kirby, making airplane sounds, holding out his hands, swinging side to side.

…

"Yeah, maybe we should have learnt how to drive…" said Kirby, scratching his head.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Damn it," said Wolf, driving the car down the main road, "It sucks to be in the back."

"We'll catch up, don't you worry," said Samus. "Okay, Wolfy?"

Wolf giggled. "Okay, Sammy!" he said, driving along.

"Don't **EVER **call me that!" said Samus, choking Wolf.

Samus bit on Wolf's nose.

"Oh Sammy, you're so cute sometimes!" laughed Wolf, head-butting Samus on the chest.

"Aww!" said Samus sweetly, ripping the flesh off Wolf's arm.

"Okay, I'm starting to lose blood," said Wolf seriously, dehydrated.

"Let's see you lose some more!" said Samus, cutting Wolf again erotically.

"Okay! Okay!" said Wolf scared, Samus licking the blood off his arm. "I'm like seriously dying here!"

"Dying… of love?" said Samus sexily.

Wolf died.

Samus took a bite.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 87__th__ Place_

"OH J166LYPUFF MY L0V3 WH47 D035 7H3 CLU3 54Y??" said Ganondorf excitedly, driving along.

"iT sAYS We HaVE tO gO To KaNTO!!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

"I LOVE YOU JIGGLYPUFF HOW EXCITING!!1" screamed Ganondorf, licking Jigglypuff on the face, looking away from the road.

"ME 2 BUT MAYBE YOU SHOULD CONCEnTrate ON THE ROAD!" shouted Jigglypuff, their car heading straight towards a ravine.

"I dON't THinK uR VeRY SErIOus aBOUT tHE reLAyshenSHIP if UR just gOiNG tO AcT LIEk ThIS!" said Ganondorf angrily.

Their car fell into the ravine.

I LOVE YOU HONEY LET'S NEVER FIGHT AGAIN said Jigglypuff

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Duude, this is going to be the best roadtrip ever," said Fox, looking at their luggage, "We got like, ten twelve-packs of beer, eighty girly mags…"

"Passports?" said Falcon, driving along.

"…uh…" said Fox, scratching his head.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Airport, next right!" said Wario, pointing to a sign on the road.

"That reminds me of a little anecdote that I have of my times when I was just yea high," said Mr. Ressetti, "They just invented corn on the cob and I decided to go down to my local store and try one of these strange fruits. Needless to say, I was quite impressed with the-"  
They missed the turn-off.

"You idiot! You missed the turn-off!" said Wario angrily.

"I'll turn your lights out boy if you don't **shut it!**" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

"Me? Shut it?" said Wario angrily, "You're the one that always cuts in about your childhood or the saw mill towns or dancing with your stupid hillbilly friends whenever I say something!"

…

"And you couldn't hit me!" said Wario angrily, "You're old, senile and you can't make a fist because of your arthritis!"

"I'll give you arthritis, boy!" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

…

"That reminds me of a time when I was vacationing on the Grand Canyon with old pop and me," said Mr. Resetti, going back onto a rant.

"How is that even related to arthritis?!" screamed Wario angrily, pulling his hair out.

Wario hyperventilated and had a seizure.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Bad dog!" said Lucas angrily, hopping into the car, holding several bags of toys he had just spent with the race money, "I can't believe you slowed us down all that much!"

"I can't believe you attempted to exchange me for a race car!" said Yoshi angrily, sitting in the back seat. "I'm your teammate!"

"Dogs can't talk!" said Lucas angrily.

"I'm not a dog!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Bad dog!" said Lucas angrily.

Yoshi punched Lucas in the teeth.

Lucas bled, and fell out of the window into the highway.

Yoshi exclaimed 'Yoshi', and did his happy taunt.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Damnit Peach, drive faster!" said Luigi angrily, calling up smutty phone lines on his cell phone, the car driving along in first gear on the road, the other teams lined up behind their car. "You're an experienced driver, damn it!"

"But Luigi, I didn't get driving lessons because you locked me in the cupboard for the last ten years!" said Peach, sobbing.

"I locked you in the cupboard with Mario Kart!" said Luigi angrily. "Or wasn't Mario a good enough teacher for you, huh? Huh? Looks like he's not number one after all!"

…

"I think Mario's pretty cool!" said Peach happily.

Luigi twitched angrily several times, his eyes turning red.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Hey, let's overtake these guys," said Squirtle, wearing a blonde wig, looking in the mirror.

Marth put his foot down on the accelerator pedal, and sped past Luigi and Peach on the overtaking lane.

Marth wound down the windows and looked into the other car.

"Hey Peach!" said Marth playfully, "Love your hair!"

"Oh my gosh! It's like, Mario's brother!" said Squirtle excitedly.

Luigi, hearing the conversation, was fuming.

"What was his name again?" said Squirtle.

"Oh!" laughed Marth, "Hi Lucario!"

Luigi glared angrily.

"Lucas?" said Squirtle.

Luigi glared angrily.

"Lola?" said Marth.

Luigi glared angrily.

"Aww… kwwward…" sang Marth and Squirtle in unison, driving past Peach and Luigi's car.

They giggled.

_Peach and Luigi  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Mario! Mario! It's always about Mario! Why doesn't anyone ever care about me?" said Luigi, his eyes particularly blood-shot. "Why is he number one? He's short and stumpy! I damn do all the work around here!"

"Take this, Mario!" said Luigi, punching Peach in the gut.

"I'm not Mario, silly!" laughed Peach.

Luigi put a latex mask of Mario's head with no breathing holes over Peach's head.

"Now you are!" cackled Luigi evilly.

Their car spun out of control or something. Moving on.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Oh great, the road merges off into two separate roads," said Marth.

"Try sticking to the left, hun," said Squirtle, holding up the map.

A tick sound played.

Marth turned left.

"Oh my gosh, we are such good team mates," said Squirtle.

"Such good team** mates**?" said Marth sexily.

"Actually, there was no innuendo there," said Squirtle.

"Okay**, **_**Squirt**__le_," said Marth cheekily.

"Oh, now that is just _rude_," said Squirtle angrily.

…

"Get it?" said Marth, "Because Squirtle's like, when we're cuddling and-"

The cameraman shifted uncomfortably.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"O MY GOSH GANNIE UR SUCH A GOOD DRIVER" said Jigglypuff, driving the car, adjusting the rear view mirror away from the burning wreckage behind them.

"I KNOW I HAVE THE UBER SKILLZ FROM THE SPINACH I GOT FROM POPEYE" said Ganondorf, driving the car,

"lOL poPeYe's nOt reAL" said Jigglypuff.

"OMG U SHOULDVE KNOWN THAT IT WAS SarCASM" said Ganondorf.

Jigglypuff: shut up (rolls out into Ganondorf and he falls off the stage cos he's fat)

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Don't follow them," said Ivysaur, pointing to the other two cars on the left lane, "I've found a shorter route!"

"Okay, let's do this!" said Diddy Kong, turning right.

A buzzer sound played.

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
Evil Twins_

"As twins, we share a lot of things in common…" said Ivysaur evilly, "We're law students, and we know how to press all of the right buttons to make people crack… we are the most aggressive team to come to this race."

"How are you guys twins?" said Master Hand.

"How aren't we twins?" said Ivysaur angrily.

"One of you… is an ape… and one of you… is a really lame Pokemon…" said Master Hand.

"Don't make me fight you… I'll vine whip you," said Ivysaur angrily.

"Ooh," laughed Master Hand.

…

"…but make sure our confrontation isn't for more than thirty seconds otherwise I'll get tired and have to tag team with Charizard or Squirtle under the Pokemon trainer's instructions," said Ivysaur angrily.

"I make bananas!" said Diddy Kong.

…

"But after several days of digestion they don't look like bananas anymore," said Diddy Kong.

An old Donkey Kong arcade machine fell on them.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Let's follow the Pokemon, they're so cute!" squealed Zelda excitedly.

"I know, don't you just want to hug them so much?" said Roy cutely, veering to the left.

A tick sound played.

"Hug them… more like… enslave them!" said Zelda evilly. "Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Fix me dinner… _**slave Squirtle**_! Rub my toes… _**slave monkey!**_"

"I'm… not buying you any more pets," laughed Roy.

"No! No!" cried Zelda, breaking down, "Please don't break up with me because I'm marrying you for your money!"

"I never-"

"Testing!" laughed Zelda manically.

Zelda hyperventilating and made several whale-mating calls.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Turn right," said Toon Link, holding up the map.

A tick sound played.

"Turn right… more like… turn wrong!" said King Dedede, chuckling heartily.

"That's… really not funny…" said Toon Link.

King Dedede sucker-punched Toon Link in the face several times. "And looks like the blood dripping from your face is really _runny_!" he chuckled.

Toon Link died from blood loss.

"Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede, "That's funny!"

King Dedede pecked at Toon Link's innards.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Peach!" said Luigi angrily, driving the car, "You're doing such a lousy job at driving!"

"But Luigi!" laughed Peach, from the boot of the car, "How can I be driving if I'm bound and gagged here?"

Luigi grovelled angrily.

"I can make milk!" said Peach.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

Samus, driving, turned left. A tick noise played.

"You're doing good, Samus," said Wolf, brushing Samus's hair. "I've… never told you how hot you look in that Zero Suit… rawr…"

Wolf made a scratching action with his claw.

"Actually, it's pretty cool inside this suit," said Samus, turning on the heating.

Wolf sighed.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" cheered Fox and Falcon in unison.

"Wow man," said Fox, stone drunk, fondling the steering wheel, "Our passports and travel money sure can drink a lot of booze!"

Fox and Falcon stared at their passports, stained and drenched in alcohol.

A buzzer sound played.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

Wario drove along.

An awkward silence filled the car. Wario remained silent, knowing Mr. Resetti would burst into a long tangent about his childhood experiences as a kid if he said anything. In a theoretical tangent he envisioned Mr. Resetti talked about his childhood days in Smashville, a young mole working on the coal mines with his father, also named Mr. Resetti. Now that Mr. Resetti also worked the coal mines. Mr. Resetti's father, aptly named Mr. Resetti, had a father named Mr. Resetti. A coal miner too, he was. It was a right family tradition. And this Mr. Resetti had a brother named Joseph. Joseph begot Samuel, Samuel begot Daniel, Daniel begot Samuel, Samuel begot Francis Samuel, and Francis Samuel begot

"SHUT UP!" screamed Wario.

"I didn't say anything, boy!" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

"Well don't say anything anyway!" said Wario angrily.

"The last time I heard that was back on my chicken farm when I was just a young boy," said Mr. Resetti, "In my childhood days in Smashville, I was just a wee young mole working on the coal mines with my father, who-"

Wario choked Mr. Resetti.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"La la la…" sang Kirby, squirting Pikachu with a water gun, the car on auto-pilot.

Towards a ravine. Of death.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

Lucas drove along, the seatbelt sitting on his chin, almost obscuring his vision as much as the large dashboard in front of him.

"You sure you don't want me to drive?" said Yoshi, three feet taller than Lucas.

"I'm sorry, if I heard someone talking it was probably my imagination because _dogs can't talk_!" said Lucas angrily.

"I'm not a dog!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Oh yeah? Then why are you called **dog**-shi?" said Lucas angrily.

"Yoshi!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Whatever, dogshi," said Lucas angrily.

_Mushroom Kingdom International Airport_

"_There are only four spots available for each of the three flights to Kanto," said Master Hand. "These flights are 3:30, 4:00 and 4:30!"_

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Honey, we're here first!" said Marth excitedly, running into the airport line.

"Oh my gosh, we did so good!" said Squirtle excitedly, rolling his luggage into the airport.

"Look," laughed Marth, "We have company!"

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We're second here," said Roy, running into the airport.

"Hi guys!" said Marth, waving to Roy and Zelda.

"Hi, I'm Roy," said Roy, shaking Squirtle's… …turtle hand.

"Hey," said Squirtle, "Pleasure to meet you!"

"Hey Marth," said Roy, shaking Marth's hand.

"Hi guys," said Zelda sexily, taking the clip out of her hair, thrusting her hair around like in the shampoo commercials. "I'm Zelda…"

"Hi Squirtle, you seem to have… the goods…" said Zelda cheekily, poking on Squirtle's turtle biceps.

"Ooh… so what's your relationship?" said Zelda, unbuttoning her dress, "Are you like… brothers… or besties?"

"We're together," said Squirtle, putting his arm around Marth's shoulder.

"Like… together as… friends?" said Zelda, chewing on a piece of twine, eyeing Squirtle lustfully.

Marth and Squirtle giggled, "Oh… we're a couple…"  
Zelda stared.

"We're… boyfriends…"

Zelda stared.

Roy whispered in Zelda's ear.

"Oh! You guys are a **gay** couple?" said Zelda really loudly and uncomfortably, "Well it's always nice to meet a **gay** couple now excuse me… I have to go away… but I still love gays… not at all because your activity is unethical and sinful and against my beliefs… I really do love gays! Gay people! But uh… I have to go… because uh… my friend Clive is back there…"

There was no-one there.

Zelda ran away, cackling manically. "Hi Clive!"

Zelda frisked a plant.

_Marth and Squirtle  
1__st__ on 3:30 Flight_

"We're gonna get this all the time," sighed Marth, taking the tickets.

"That's okay, I have you…" said Squirtle cutely.

"Aww," said Marth.

Squirtle kissed Marth on the cheek.

_Roy and Zelda  
2__nd__ on 3:30 Flight_

"I am _not_ sitting next to them on the plane," said Zelda, turning away from the kissing couple.

"Come on, now," said Roy, "They love each other very much… as long as you love the right person then it doesn't matter what race, gender or age! You have to just make sure the person you love is genuine!"

"No! No!" cried Zelda, breaking down, "Please don't break up with me because I'm marrying you for your money!"

"I never-"

"Testing!" laughed Zelda manically.

Zelda hyperventilating and made several whale-mating calls.

"Why do you keep on doing that?" said Roy, confused.

Zelda ran away, cackling manically. "Hi Clive!"

Zelda frisked a plant.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
3__rd__ on 3:30 Flight_

"cAN wE hAVE tHE nEXT fLIGHT tO mEMPHIS?!" said Jigglypuff, headbutting her head against the window.

"Lol Jigglypuff we're not going to Memphis we're going to Kanto!!" said Ganondorf.

"Can you stop shouting?" said the airline ticket agent angrily.

"I HOPES YOU MADE LOTSA SPAGHETTI" said Jigglypuff.

"Okay, shut up, I'm calling security," said the ticket agent.

"I HOPES YOU MADE LOTSA SPAGHETTI" said Jigglypuff.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Coal Miners_

"We have to run to the ticket desk before they do…" said Toon Link, "We might still make the first flight!"

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

"Catch them!" declared Wolf, trailing behind the fat penguin and the little boy by a few metres.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Coal Miners_

"Stay in front!" declared Toon Link, jogging, several metres in front of them the dating team.

"Yes, ketchup to them!" said King Dedede, holding up a bottle of tomato sauce.

"Can you stop with the puns?" said Toon Link angrily.

"Did you say, can I stop with the buns?" laughed King Dedede, holding up a basket of bread.

Wolf and Samus ran past them.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Can we make the first flight?" said Samus, running up to the desk.

The ticket agent typed into her computer. Dramatic music played.

"Yes, you can!" said the agent.

"Good!" said Samus.

_Wolf and Samus  
Last on 3:30 Flight_

"Oh, that footrace was worth it, we made the first flight!" said Wolf, excited, holding up the tickets.

"Oh yes, we're excited!" laughed Samus, nibbling on Wolf's ear.

"Hehe, cut it out," laughed Wolf.

"Okay…" flirted Samus, still nibbling on Wolf's ear, taking out a pocket knife.

"You haven't cut it out yet," said an unnotified Wolf.

"I'm about to, honey…" giggled Samus, raising her knife.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
1__st__ on 4:00 Flight_

"You idiot! If you weren't busy cracking your crappy jokes, we would have been on the first plane!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Hey! I don't do toilet jokes!" said King Dedede angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"We're gonna catch a plane… we're gonna catch a plane…" said Kirby, waddling up to the desk.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Chug! Chug! Chug!" said Falcon, stone drunk, walking into the airport holding a six-pack.

Fox stumbled through the airport, drinking down his beer, when a female member of security walked up to him. "Excuse me sir, no public consumption of alcohol is allowed."

"You know what else isn't allowed?" said Fox, drunk, "…fat chicks!"

_Holding Cell_

_  
Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"And I was like to the fat chick…" laughed Fox, drinking down more beer, his eyes blood-shot, "…no fat chicks!"

The female officer stood there angrily.

"Because she's fat!" said Fox.

"I get it!" laughed Falcon, drunk.

The female officer took out her taser.

_Mushroom Kingdom International Airport_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
2__nd__ on 4:00 Flight_

"Look, Pikachu!" said Kirby excitedly, wearing a moustache and a nice hat, and some baggy jeans that didn't fit, "I'm the captain!"

"Wow! Cool!" said Pikachu.

…

"Where did you get that disguise from?" said Pikachu.

Kirby burped. "Uh…"

_Fox and Falcon  
3__rd__ on 4:00 Flight_

"My ass is sore," said Fox, limping towards the gate.

"Dude, you really made that airport officer angry," laughed Falcon.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Last on 4:00 Flight_

"So…" said Wario, "You looking forward to the airline meals they'll serve us?"

"Yeah," said Mr. Resetti.

…

"Sometimes they're pretty scrumptious…" said Mr. Resetti.

…

…

_3:30 Flight  
Delayed_

_Wolf and Samus  
On 1__st__ Flight_

"It's really good to be on the first flight," said Samus, sitting on a four-seat row next to Wolf and Jigglypuff.

"_We're experiencing some delays,_" said a voice over the intercom. "_Our flight will depart approximately 45 minutes later…_"

"LOL Looks Like You wERE wRONG SaMUssss" laughed Jigglypuff.

Samus ignored Jigglypuff.

"bECAUSE oUR fLIGHT iS lEAVING rEALLY lATE" said Jigglypuff.

Samus ignored Jigglypuff.

"which means u were wrong" said Jigglypuff.

Samus ignored Jigglypuff.

"u were wrong about it being good on the 1st flight LOLS!!" sia dJIgglypuff.

"SHUT UP!" said Samus angrily.

"Looks like you're going to have a pleasant flight," laughed Wolf, sitting on the aisle. "I get to sit next to normal people."

Wolf looked at the row next to him, where Marth and Squirtle were making out violently.

"Okay… semi-normal…" said Wolf.

"ITTTS OVER NINE THOOUUUSSSADNNNNNDD" said Ganondorf.

Samus punched Ganondorf in the face.

_4:00 Flight  
Departed at 4:00 PM_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Coal Miners_

"Our flight's on the runway…" said Toon Link, "But I think we're leaving first, the other flight hasn't taken off yet…"

"I'll take you off the team if you don't score a home run, boy!" joked King Dedede.

A British man next to them chortled heartily.

"Shut your trap!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Your trap… like Von Trapp… like _**The Sound of Music?**_" laughed King Dedede.

"Shut up!" said Toon Link angrily.

"The hiiils are alliiive…" sang King Dedede.

"SHUT UP!" said Toon Link angrily.

"…with the sound of muuusiiic…" sang everyone on the flight in unison.

"AAAAAHHHH!" screamed Toon Link, bashing his skull against the window.

The window broke, the cabin depressurised, and Toon Link was sucked out of the plane.

"…with songs they have sung…" sang everyone.

_Mushroom Kingdom International Airport_

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
1__st__ on 4:30 Flight_

"This completely sucks," said Ivysaur, taking the tickets, "One moment we were in the front, a wrong turn and now we're on the last flight."

_Luigi and Peach  
2__nd__ on 4:30 Flight_

"You idiot, Peach! Now we're last!" said Luigi angrily.

"But look!" cheered Peach, "It's Lucas and Yoshi behind us!"

"Yaay!" said Luigi drunkenly.

…

"Shut up, woman!" said Luigi angrily.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Last on 4:30 Flight_

"Can I have one ticket to Saffron City?" said Lucas.

"But… there are two of you…" said the ticket agent.

"No… one adult… and one _**dog**_," said Lucas.

…

"That's clearly… a person…" said the ticket agent.

…

"And you're a kid…" said the agent.

"He's not a person, he's a dog!" said Lucas.

"He's a person," said the ticket agent.

"I'm a person," said Yoshi angrily.

"He's a person," said the janitor.

"He's a person," said Lucas.

…

…

"Damn you peer pressure!" said Lucas angrily.

"All teams are now on three flights to Saffron City, Kanto!" said Master Hand. "On the flight that departed at 4:00 PM, there is: Toon Link and King Dedede, Kirby and Pikachu, Fox and Falcon and Wario and Mr. Resetti!"  
"On the flight that departed at 4:07 PM, there is: Marth and Squirtle, Roy and Zelda, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf and Wolf and Samus!"  
"On the flight that departed at 4:30 PM, there is: Diddy Kong and Ivysaur, Luigi and Peach and Lucas and Yoshi!"

"Once teams arrive here, they must make their way to this gym, where they will receive their next clue!" said Master Hand.

_1__st__ Flight  
Landed at 4:30 PM_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Frats are out first!" said Fox, wheeling out a trolley of shoplifted beer from the duty-free section.

"Take us to Saffron Gym!" said Falcon to a taxi driver.

"Are you intoxicated?" snickered the taxi driver, "Because… I might have to take a free sample before I give you a ride…"

"I'm not giving up my beer!" screamed Fox, "What an awful, dirty country! I'm not taking your services!"

There was only one taxi there.

"Hmmph," said Fox angrily, handing over a can of beer.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

Toon Link and King Dedede ran up to the empty cab rank.

"Damn! How is there no-one there?" said Toon Link angrily.

Toon Link spotted the taxi rank manager, "Get us a cab!"

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"You've got to be kidding me…" said Wario, "There's no cabs here!"

"You know, you should be grateful for the technology and the internets of the modern age!" said Mr. Resetti wisely, "Whilst you young boys go connecting your modems into your iPod shuffles… I was out in the corn fields slobbing away-"

"That sentence doesn't make any sense!" said Wario angrily.

"Neither one this does!" laughed King Dedede.

Everyone stared at King Dedede.

"Oh! I get it!" laughed Wario angrily.

"So do I!" said Toon Link.

"So do I!" said the fat mole, laughing forcefully.

"No you don't," said Wario angrily.

The mole sobbed.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

Kirby and Pikachu ran up to the taxi rank.

"Bummer! There's no taxis here!" said Pikachu.

Everyone stood there, in silence.

"Psst…" whispered Kirby very loudly, "We'll cut into the front of the line so that we get the quickest taxi…"

Everyone stared at Kirby.

"And because we're small and cute and quiet…" whispered Kirby very loudly, "They won't suspect a thing!"

Everyone stared at Kirby.

"Everyone's staring at you," said Pikachu.

"Geez, Pikachu! Way to blow our cover!" said Kirby.

Everyone stared at Kirby. Kirby noticed.

"…because uh… we're so cute?" lied Kirby, "And we want to make friends?"

Everyone stared at Kirby.

_2__nd__ Flight  
Landed at 4:37 PM_

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We're seven minutes behind, let's move," said Wolf, running through the airport exit lounge.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Oh my gosh, this is like, so annoying," said Marth, running through the airport, "We worked so hard for this and now our lead just goes away!"

"Come on, hun! We'll show them all!" said Squirtle.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Honey, you do know we're in a race…" said Roy politely, "So maybe we shouldn't be… buying all of this stuff."

"Oh, but I'm having so much fun!" said Zelda, buying more clothes, "Don't you want me to have fun?"

"Yeah… I guess…" said Roy shyly. "But maybe you know… you shouldn't spend too much of our race money…"

"Don't worry, hun!" said Zelda, pointing to a corpse across the airport, "I'm going to use that dead man's credit card, so we won't have to pay a cent!"

"Okay, then!" said Roy.

…

"Wait… what?!" said Roy, shocked.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Hey Ganondor fWHen yOU wERE pACKING mAYBE wE sHOULD hAVE nOt BrOUght so Much STUFF" said Jigglypuff, lugging along a gigantic luggage of trolley.

"bUt I haD to BrING mY yacht… wHAT iF tHERE wAS a YATCHING task and wE had NO yACHT huh??" said Ganondorf angrily. "yOUR vERY MARrOW NINDED"

_Saffron Gym_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Stay here," said Fox to the taxi driver.

"Let's go!" said Falcon, running up to the clue box. He took a clue, and ripped it open. "Eat crickets for your next clue!"

"Teams must eat an entire bowl of fried crickets for their next clue!" said Master Hand. "Crickets aren't a local delicacy, it's just that the people who clean the gym picked up a lot of crickets, so we decided to use them in a task. Are they even edible? We're not sure!"  
"To finish the task, teams must finish a bowl, each which contains roughly 120 crickets!"

_Fox and Falcon  
Eating Crickets_

"Fried crickets man, gross!" said Fox.

"Hey man, a little beer should do the trick…" said Falcon, pouring beer onto the bowl of crickets.

They stared at the bowl.

"You gonna… eat that?" said Fox, staring.

Captain Falcon stared at the bowl.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We got about ten taxis called in," said Toon Link, jumping into the taxi, "So here's where the race is really about to start."

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Stay behind those two," said Wario.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Fire Fighters_

"Toon Link and King Dedede, we got along with them pretty well today," said Wario, "They could be our long-term allies, who knows?"

"Reminds me of a time in the marines, where I-" said Mr. Resetti.

"You weren't in the marines. You were in a crazy house for half your life," said Wario angrily.

Mr. Resetti cried.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Who's that on the right, passing us?" said Pikachu, peering out of the window.

"I think it's… Wolf and Samus…" said Pikachu.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"I was a bit surprised today…" said Kirby, "I mean... we weren't exactly met with a warm response with our cuteness today… I guess they're all really competitive and stuff…"

"Yeah, I thought they were gonna be all like, 'they're so cute'! Let them pass!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Yeah! They'll pay!" said Kirby angrily.

Kirby looked at the camera.

"They'll… pay?" said Kirby cutely.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Keep on passing them," said Samus to the taxi driver.

The driver passed Wario and Mr. Resetti and Toon Link and King Dedede's cars.

"Oh, we're doing so well!" said Samus, excited.

"I know, hun," said Wolf, licking Samus's face affectionately.

"Okay seriously, stop that, I don't want to get rabies," said Samus angrily.

…

"Oh my gosh…" said Wolf angrily. "That is so insensitive!"

"I can make things… more sensitive…" said Samus, licking Wolf's face.

"I can't believe you'd just typecast my whole species as-"

"Are you feeling… sensitive?" said Samus, licking Wolf's face.

"…these bunch of rabid animals who just go around biting people and giving them rabies, and by the way-"

"I think you're feeling very sensitive…" said Samus, licking Wolf's face.

"…I do _**not**_ have rabies nor do any of my friends!" said Wolf angrily, "And stop licking my face, I don't want cooties!"

The British 1920's audience applauded at the gag.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Wow!" said Marth, amazed, in his overly stereotypical lisp, "There are like, so many Pokemon around here! And they're so cute! I wish I like, knew a Pokemon in RL!"

"Oh my gosh Marth, like, I'm a Pokemon!" said Squirtle, combing his hair.

"Oh my gosh, really?" said Marth.

"Yeah, really!" said Squirtle.

"No way!" said Marth.

"Yeah way!" said Squirtle.

They giggled.

_Last Flight  
Arrived at 5:03 PM_

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"We really have to just stay focused and get up the back," said Diddy Kong, running along.

"Hey… is that Jigglypuff and Ganondorf?" said Ivysaur.

"And that's Roy and Zelda!" said Diddy Kong, pointing to a shop.

"They were on the first flight! We're still in this thing!" said Ivysaur.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Run faster, DOG!" said Lucas angrily, trailing ten metres behind Yoshi.

Yoshi punched Lucas in the face.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"I can't believe you, Peach!" said Luigi angrily. "You held us up in customs!"

"Actually Luigi," giggled Peach, "I think it was because you had seven prior criminal convictions and you had to use all of our race money to bribe us into the country!"

They ran out to the taxi rank. Luigi realised they had no money.

"Damn it!" screamed Luigi angrily.

"I'm a speed hump!" said Peach on the main road, getting run over by cars.

_Saffron Gym_

_Fox and Falcon  
Eating Crickets_

"Dude, this stuff is really… disgusting…" said Fox, looking at their crickets covered in beer and tomato sauce.

"Uh…" said Falcon, "I know what can make this bowl better!"

"What?" said Fox, sipping some beer.

"Dirt!" said Falcon, pouring some dirt and rocks into the bowl.

They stared at the bowl.

"Can we switch?" said Falcon to the supervisor.

"Sure!" he replied, "But someone's going to have to eat the stuff in your bowl."

Falcon and Fox did their signature frat boy laugh.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Eat crickets for your next clue!" read Samus.

"Man, we're the second team here," said Wolf, running into the gym.

_Fox and Falcon  
Eating Crickets_

"Hey, hey, we got company," said Falcon, scarfing down crickets.

"Let's do this!" said Fox, gobbling the insects down.

_Wolf and Samus  
Eating Crickets_

Samus ran up to the table, to be met by Fox and Falcon.

"Hi Samus, remember me?" said Fox sexily.

"Hi Samus, remember me?" said Falcon slyly.

"Oh my gosh!" said Samus angrily, "…them two?! On the same team?!"

"We're both single and sexy," said Fox sexily, cricket shells falling out of his mouth.

"Back off, she's _**my**_ girlfriend," said Wolf angrily, raising a claw.

"Oh, don't worry," said Falcon sexily to Wolf, "I can go both ways…"

Everyone stared at Falcon.

Falcon cleared his throat.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Eat crickets?!" said Kirby, shocked, "Disgusting, man!"

Kirby smiled at Pikachu. "Do you like crickets?"

"Oh, come on!" said Pikachu angrily, "You're the one that eats people for a living! It's just a tiny bowl of crickets!"

"But they're crickets! They're slimy… they're crawly!" said Kirby. "And besides… I have very high standards for what I eat!"

Kirby stared boastfully at Pikachu.

A cricket crawled onto Kirby's face.

Kirby quickly ate it.

Said Kirby, "Uh… like I was saying… I have very high standards for…"

Pikachu stuffed the bowl of crickets into Kirby's mouth.

"Hey!" said Kirby angrily.

Pikachu took the clue.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Pikachu ripped open the clue, "Make your way on foot to Saffron Hotel, and collect your ferry departure time for the next day!"

"Teams must now navigate their way around the streets of Saffron City two kilometres to this hotel!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive here, they will collect a ferry departure time for the next day! The three possible times are: 8:00 AM, 8:25 AM and 8:40 AM! There are limited slots, so teams must hurry!"

"Let's go!" said Pikachu.

"Whee! We're in first!" said Kirby, running off.

_Wolf and Samus  
Eating Crickets_

"They're done already?" said Wolf angrily, his mouth full of crickets.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Eat crickets for your next clue!" said Toon Link.

"Hyuk, hyuk! I can imagine them insects crawling down my throat now!" said King Dedede.

"They actually want us to eat crickets," said Toon Link.

"Oh," said King Dedede.

…

"Hyuk, hyuk!" chortled King Dedede.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Eat crickets for your next clue!" said Wario.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Eat crickets for your next clue!" said Marth.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"CLIMB uP tHE eIFFEL TOWER AND JUMP OFF THA Sydney harbour bridge 4 YOUR NEXT CLUESS" said Ganondorf.

OMG REALLIES?!" said Jigglypuff.

"NO WE HAVE TO EAT CRICKTS" said Gandoefnfdorf.

OLOL said Jigglypuff.

A meteor landed on them.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Eat crickets for your next clue," said Zelda, shocked. "Oh my gosh!"

_Saffron Gym_

_Wolf and Samus_

"This is so disgusting…" said Samus, chewing down slowly on her crickets.

_Fox and Falcon_

"Fratt… power!" said Fox, stuffing twenty crickets into Falcon's mouth.

Falcon vomited.

"Fraattt… powwweerrr!" said Fox, stuffing more crickets into Falcon's mouth.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

Toon Link vomited into a production-provided bucket.

"Better out than in, I say!" said King Dedede.

Toon Link vomited again.

"It's only natural… although it's in the wrong direction!" chuckled King Dedede.

"Shut up and eat!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Now boy, if my mouth were shut… how could I eat?!" said King Dedede.

A Waddle Dee next to him played a laugh track.

Toon Link grunted.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Eating crickets…" sang Wario, happily chewing down, "Eating crickets…"

_Marth and Squirtle_

"Oh my gosh, I can feel them wriggling inside of me!" said Marth, squinting his eyes.

"I'll wriggle inside of you if you finish this up," said Squirtle slyly.

"Okay honey…" giggled Marth.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"FUR HUNDRED AND NINETY NINE CHUBBY BUBBIES" said Jigglypuff, _one_ cricket inside her mouth.

"TWENTY MILLION THREE HUNDRED AND ELEVENTY CHUBBY BUBBIES" said Ganondorf, having consumed no crickets yet.

_Roy and Zelda_

"I can't do this, honey!" said Zelda, sobbing, chewing on a cricket, "It's just so disgusting!"

"Come on, honey, do you want to be in this race?" said Roy, chewing on several crickets.

"I do, honey!" cried Zelda, hyperventilating, "But this is too much!"

"But honey, this is about teamwork!" said Roy, trying to sound reasonable.

"ROOY!" wailed Zelda, "I can't do this! And I can't believe you'd treat me like this!"

"Zelda, I'm sorry," said Roy, putting his arm around Zelda's shoulder. "But we have to do this! It's part of the race!"

"I can't!" sobbed Zelda, "I can't!"

"Oh my gosh!" said Roy, pulling out his hair.

He stared at the hair in his hands.

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Eat crickets for your next clue!" said Ivysaur.

"We can do this!" said Diddy Kong, "We're still in the mix!"

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Dog, open the clue!" said Lucas.

Yoshi threw Lucas against the wall and pointed a gun to his head. "I swear, if you (bleep) call me a (bleep) dog again I'll (bleep) blow your brains out! You hear me? I'll (bleep)-"

The cameraman walked up to Yoshi to get a closer look.

Lucas escaped Yoshi's grip, and ran away shuddering.

"Yeah, we were just talking about happy rainbows and sunshine!" said Yoshi happily.

"Why do you have a gun?" said the cameraman.

"Uh…" said Yoshi.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Eat crickets for your next clue!" read Luigi.

"I'll be really good at this one!" said Peach happily to the camera, "Remember Luigi, when you keep me in the basement and force-feed me crickets and you tell me I should be more like Daisy who dumped you? This is going to be a great task!"

Luigi looked at the camera, looked at Peach, and twitched angrily. "What she was saying… was a very funny joke! Hahaha!"

Everyone stared at Luigi.

"Shut up," said Luigi angrily.

_Saffron Hotel_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Kirby and Pikachu proudly walked into the hotel.

"Kirby and Pikachu," said the owner, "You are on the first departing ferry! Congratulations."

"Yay!" said Pikachu, taking a large, metallic sign from the wall.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
1__st__ on 8:00 AM Ferry_

"Now, you can go and play in our indoor heated pool," said the owner, "One of the many five-star facilities of this hotel!"

"Yeah! Let's go swimming!" said Kirby excitedly. "Last one in's a rotten egg!"

Replied Pikachu, "Actually, I don't swim because-"

Kirby pushed Pikachu into the pool.

"AAAAHHHH!" screamed Pikachu, electrocuting himself.

"Hahaha!" chuckled everyone heartily.

_Saffron Gym_

_Fox and Falcon_

"Frat power! Finish off this bowl!" said Fox, swallowing the last few crickets down with some beer.

Falcon took the last cricket.

"Awesome!" said Fox and Falcon, doing their signature frat boy belly high-five.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Make your way on foot to Saffron Hotel, and collect your ferry departure time for the next day!" read Fox.

"Let's go!" said Falcon, running out.

_Wolf and Samus_

"I can't believe those guys are done already!" said Samus angrily.

"Come on, Samus!" said Wolf, holding up a cricket, "Num num num!"

"Oh my gosh, Wolf, I am not a baby," said Samus angrily.

"Here comes the airplane!"

"Hehehehe!" giggled Samus, eating the cricket.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Can you shut up, and start eating?" said Toon Link to King Dedede, drunkenly reciting country folk-tunes with Wario and Mr. Resetti.

"Now boy, you need to take an appreciation for the fine arts!" said Mr. Resetti. "Narrow-minded city folk like you should know that-"

"Shut up, mole!" said Wario angrily, eating his crickets down.

"The last time I heard that was back in the Vietnam War in 1826!" said Mr. Resetti, "You see, those days, the crackers that we ate weren't just made of cracker, they were made of genuine sheep-hyde! A popular colouring-in periodical during the Middle Ages was-"

"SHUT UP!" said Wario angrily, taking King Dedede's banjo and stuffing it inside Mr. Resetti's mouth.

Mr. Resetti choked and died.

…

"Banj_owned_!" said King Dedede.

Everyone laughed.

Toon Link grunted angrily.

_Marth and Squirtle_

"Come on, honey! We're getting there," said Squirtle, shoving a few more bugs into his mouth.

"You're so good at this," said Marth.

"I guess I'm a natural," said Squirtle.

"Maybe because you Pokemon just eat bugs all day," said Marth.

Squirtle gasped. "Oh my gosh, we do not!" he giggled.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Oh my gosh, you have **not** contributed anything!" said Toon Link angrily, the bowl half-eaten.

"Now, now, I've made some funny jokes!" said King Dedede.

"Funny if you were like, born in the eighteenth century," said Toon Link angrily. "Now can you eat _**something**_ with your big old bird beak?"

King Dedede inhaled Toon Link.

"Not me!" said Toon Link angrily.

…

Toon Link grunted.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"See? How hard was that?" said Toon Link angrily.

"It took a few very hard seconds of effort," said King Dedede angrily.

Toon Link opened "Make your way on foot to Saffron Hotel, and collect your ferry departure time for the next day!"

"Let's go!" said King Dedede, sitting on a gigantic floating disembodied foot.

"Har, har, har," said Toon Link angrily.

…

"Since when is there a gigantic floating disembodied foot?" said Toon Link angrily.

"Well… It's Master Foot!" said King Dedede, "His brother is Crazy Foot!"

"This… is so lame…" said Toon Link angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"OMG THESE CRICKTS ARE SO EASY TO EAT n STUFFS" donated Jigglypuff, "THERE LIKE POP KORBNN CHCIKEN FROM THE KFCSSS"

"OMG JIGGLYPUFF GEEZ GET UR grammarsz right it'sn THEY'RE not THERE you SILFFFLly MUFFIN" fried Ganondorf.

_Roy and Zelda_

"I can't do this!" cried Zelda, Roy having consumed only a couple of crickets.

"Honey, we have to do this!" said Roy, comforting Zelda, "Do you want to go out this leg?"

"Oh my gosh, you are so mean!" cried Zelda, her tears dropping onto the table, "This has been the most horrible day of my life and you're making it worse!"

"Bu-"

"Don't interrupt me!" wailed Zelda, "I'm a princess! Princesses don't have to endure this kind of torture! I-"

Peach was sitting next to Zelda, munching loudly, stuffing the crickets down her mouth.

Zelda punched Peach in the face.

"Oh my gosh! I hate this! I hate this task! I hate this stupid race! I can't do it! I'm going to vomit! ROOY!" cried Zelda uncontrollably, "This is… so… awful! I hate this! I hate this!"

"Oh my gosh, we're done for!" said Roy to the camera.

Dramatic pre ad-break music played.

_Advertisement_

"Monday Mornings on SBN is a morning of family-friendly fun!"

"Mondays, 8am on SBN, the adventures of Master Foot and Crazy Foot! Join these two disembodied foots with the rest of the Super Smash Sisters gang… Pichu! Mewtwo! Dr. Mario! Roy! And the rest!"

"_Jealous now Master Hand?" said Mewtwo angrily, "This is what you get for __**cutting **__us! We stole your trademark! Mwahaha! Super Smash Sisters will be the new gaming phenomenon! Does Super Smash Brothers have a show? Nooo!"_

"_Why is it called… Super Smash Sisters?" said the cameraman. "That's a pretty… feminine name…"_

_Mewtwo ran towards the camera, his claws out._

_Static._

"Mondays, 8:40! Dirty Dirty Lingerie hour! Erotic bikini-clad women!"

"All of this family fun starts from 8:00, every Monday!"

_The Smashy Amazing Race_

"This is… so… awful! I hate this! I hate this!"

"Oh my gosh, we're done for!" said Roy to the camera. "Please honey, just control yourself for a bit! Please!"

_Saffron Hotel_

_Fox and Falcon  
Toon Link and King Dedede  
2__nd__ and 3__rd__ on 8:00 AM Ferry_

"Yeah dudes! We're in the top group!" said Fox, doing a knuckle-high-five with King Dedede.

_Saffron Gym_

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Make your way on foot to Saffron Hotel, and collect your ferry departure time for the next day!" read Squirtle.

"See you later, guys!" said Marth, waving playfully.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"…collect your ferry departure time for the next day!" read Wario.

"Let's beat these guys!" said Mr. Resetti, putting his runners on.

"Let's do this thing!" said Wario, putting on his jogging gear.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Firefighters_

"Mr. Resetti and I recently ran several marathons together," said Wario, "We're two very fit-"

Master Hand started snickering, trying to hold back his laughter.

"I said, we're two very fit-"

Wario's stomach bulged out of his shirt, his bare flabby tummy being shown to the camera.

Master Hand burst out cackling.

"Anyway, what I was saying-" said Wario angrily.

Master Hand's laughter got louder.

"We're actually two really fit-"

Master Hand's laughter got louder.

"Okay, cut the freaking tape!" said Wario angrily.

_Marth and Squirtle_

"Come on, honey! We've got company!" said Marth, strolling along gently.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Come on, we're winging it!" said Wario, running along elegantly.

"Let's beat these fairy boys!" said Mr. Resetti, wearing his uncomfortably revealing gym gear, running briskly through the pavement.

_Marth and Squirtle_

"We had like eighty metres on them before!" said Marth, looking behind as he walked along. "They're like… fast!"

"I cbs running," said Squirtle.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"We're going to beat you!" said Wario, sprinting past Marth and Squirtle at a brisk half-metre a second.

"How are you guys so fast?" lamented Squirtle, walking along.

"We trained for months and months!" screamed Wario proudly.

"I'm sure you did boys, wow, you'd beat us in a footrace any day," said Squirtle, walking apace with Wario.

_Saffron Gym_

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Make your way on foot to Saffron Hotel…" read Wolf.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"…and collect your ferry departure time for the next day!" read Jigglypuff in a deep British accent.

_Saffron Hotel_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Last on 8:00 AM Ferry_

"Yes! First group!" said Wario excitedly.

"With the power of athletic ability, we landed ourselves in the first group!" cheered Mr. Resetti.

_Marth and Squirtle  
1__st__ on 8:25 AM Ferry_

"Guys, we took twenty minutes off to buy hamburgers and we came back and you only just beat us," munched Squirtle, taking a time card.

_Saffron Gym_

_Roy and Zelda_

"This is disgusting…" said Zelda, still crying. "I can't do it! I can't do it!"

_Luigi and Peach_

"Peach, you moron!" said Luigi angrily, "You ate the first half of the bowl so quickly! How come you can't eat anymore?"

"Well Luigi," said Peach sweetly, "Because you lock me up in the basement all day and give me a tiny tin of tuna to eat, I don't exactly have a big appetite!"

"Come on, Peach!" said Luigi angrily, sipping down his whisky. "Be a man!"

"But I'm a lady!" said Peach, curtsying nobly.

Luigi spat out his drink. "You're not a dude?! My whole life is a lie!" he moaned.

…

"Luigi, the signs really aren't that hard to pick up," said Peach intellectually, "I mean, first of all there's the primary sex characteristics of a member of the female gender. The primary-"

"Shut up!" cried Luigi.

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur_

"I can't eat much more of this…" groaned Diddy Kong.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"Oh my gosh, Yoshi!" said Lucas angrily, chewing down the crickets, "You are just, _so_ selfish!"

"I told you, I have allergies!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Only _**losers**_ have allergies," said Lucas angrily.

Yoshi stuffed a piece of bread into Lucas's mouth.

Lucas died.

From allergies.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Honey," said Roy, comforting Zelda, who was sobbing, "We're in this together…"

"I know," cried Zelda, hugging Roy, "But I can't do this! I just can't!"

"Honey, do it for me," said Roy romantically. "Do it for us…"

Zelda sobbed.

"Do it for the million dollars," said Roy.

"Oh god I forgot about that fact!" said Zelda, shocked, "Come on! What are we waiting for?"

"But-" said Roy.

"Oh my gosh! Hurry!" said Zelda angrily, tipping the rest of the bowl into her mouth. "Where's my money?"

"Honey," chuckled Roy, "It's _**our**_ money…"

"SHUT UP! MINE! MINE! MINE!" screamed Zelda, biting Roy in the face.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Make your way on foot to Saffron Hotel!" said Zelda.

"Let's go, Roy!" said Zelda.

"Okay," said Roy angrily.

…

"…what's your problem?" said Zelda angrily.

"You bit me in the face!" said Roy angrily.

"Honey!" said Zelda, hugging Roy.

Roy stared angrily.

_Saffron Gym_

_Wolf and Samus  
2__nd__ on 8:25 AM Ferry_

"We're a bit disappointed," said Samus, "We got at the top of the pack, but we just didn't too well on the task."

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
3__rd__ on 8:25 AM Ferry_

"oMG i'M LIKE SO EXCITED" plucked Ganondorf, "I'VE NEVER BEEN ON A FAIRY BEFOrE"

"oMG it'S reALLY cOOL u gets to SEE THE COOL TRICKS THAT The FAIRY DOES" coped Jigglypuff.

_Roy and Zelda  
Last on 8:25 AM Ferry_

"Zelda and I really believe in ourselves," said Roy, "And I think that's why we're not in the bottom group today!"

"Can I have some free money?" said Zelda.

Roy glared at Zelda.

…

"My… sweet… honey-honey?" said Zelda.

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
On Last Ferry_

"Today was very disappointing," said Diddy Kong, taking the time. "I don't think we can be happy about today."

_Lucas and Yoshi  
On Last Ferry_

"It's all _your_ fault Yoshi," said Lucas angrily.

…

"Because you're a loser," said Lucas angrily.

…

"Go make an egg," said Lucas angrily.

…

"_**Yo-**_shi…" said Lucas angrily.

…

"What a stupid name-"

Yoshi choked Lucas to death.

_Luigi and Peach  
On Last Ferry_

"You idiot!" said Luigi angrily, "We did so awful today! And it's all your fault, Peach! You're such a horrible wife!"

"Hey!" said Peach optimistically, "At least we're not last!"

They were in last place.

"OEWNFOIEWNFIO!" screamed Fox, vomiting beer onto Peach's dress.

"All teams are now making their way to a mystery location: Cinnabar Island on three ferries tomorrow morning!"  
"On the first, 8:00 ferry there is: Kirby and Pikachu, Fox and Falcon, Toon Link and King Dedede and Wario and Mr. Resetti!"  
"On the second, 8:25 ferry there is: Marth and Squirtle, Wolf and Samus, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf and Roy and Zelda!"  
"On the last, 8:40 ferry there is: Diddy Kong and Ivysaur, Lucas and Yoshi and Luigi and Peach!"

_Ferry Port  
7:55 AM_

Stock footage of the sunrise played.

_1__st__ Ferry  
8:00 AM_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Coal Miners_

"We're at the top of the pack, and we're feeling good," said Toon Link happily, "Hopefully we can win our first leg today."

"Don't worry, I've already got that covered!" chuckled Dedede, holding up a disembodied leg.

All of the other racers chuckled.

"Uh…" said Toon Link, "Where exactly did you-"

Toon Link noticed the screaming, newly-amputated woman sitting on the other side of the ferry, cursing at King Dedede, a saw next to her leg.

"Guess that was a _**royal**_ error…" laughed King Dedede.

Everyone stared at King Dedede.

"I'm a king!" said King Dedede.

"Oh!" said everyone, laughing.

_2__nd__ Ferry  
8:25 AM_

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

Wolf and Samus, Marth and Squirtle, Roy and Zelda and Jigglypuff and Ganondorf sat in silence.

"So…" said Roy, "…looks like all of the dating couples are on this boat… guess it's the _love ferry_!"

Everyone laughed politely, with the exception of Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, who were picking stucco off the bottom of their seats.

"Oh my gosh… are those guys together?!" said Zelda, shocked, pointing to Wolf and Samus. "That's just… just completely immoral, and completely wrong!"

"Hey, back off, lady," said Wolf angrily.

"Oh, I don't really appreciate your opinion, Mr. Immoral Inter-species dating…" said Zelda angrily.

Wolf, Samus, Marth, Squirtle, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf stared at Zelda angrily.

"I mean, only such a low and unintelligent person would…" said Zelda, chuckling, "Actually think that love would exists between two species…"

Wolf, Samus, Marth, Squirtle, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf stared at Zelda angrily.

"Oh, and don't get me started on gays…" scoffed Zelda.

Everyone stared at Zelda angrily.

…

"So, who's up for a race alliance?" said Zelda happily.

Everyone stared at Zelda angrily.

"Ooh! Ooh!" said Zelda excitedly, "We can be called the eight-pack!"

Everyone stared at Zelda angrily.

"Or how about 'The Smashy Amazing Race Coalition Against Inter-Species Dating Because It's Wrong'?" said Zelda.

Everyone stared at Zelda angrily.

"Huh?" said Zelda, "What do you think about my absolutely true statement?"

Everyone stared at Zelda angrily.

"I think I'm really, really awesome…" said Zelda.  
Samus raised her gun.

_Last Ferry  
8:40 AM_

Everyone sat there angrily.

"So…" said Luigi, strumming a guitar, "Who wants to… sing a song?"

"Shut up," said Diddy Kong angrily.

"No!" said Luigi angrily.

…

…

"…you shut up," said Luigi angrily.

"La la la," hummed Peach, pouring full cream milk over Luigi's head.

"I sure showed you," said Luigi, cackling evilly.

_Cinnabar Island_

_1__st__ Ferry  
Arrived at 10:00 AM_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're off the ferry!" said Kirby excitedly, sprinting to the clue box.

Pikachu ripped open a clue. "Make your way to the Pokemon Contest Hall!"

"Teams must now make their way over eleven kilometres to this Pokemon Contest Hall!" said Master Hand. "Once teams arrive here, they will find their next clue."

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"So, we were like first place on the first day, so I think we'll go pretty far in this race," said Kirby.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Make your way to the Pokemon Contest Hall!" said Fox.

"Let's go!" said Falcon, "To the taxi rank!"

"But where's the taxi rank?!" said Fox, puzzled, the taxi rank about ten metres behind him.

"My frat boy senses are tingling!" said Falcon dramatically, "Frat lock!"

They locked their arms into each other's, and made high-pitched tingling noises.

"The taxi rank is that way!" said Fox dramatically, pointing to a trash compactor several metres away.

"Frat boy power!" said Fox and Falcon in unison, running into the trash compactor.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Make your way to the Pokemon Contest Hall!" said Toon Link.

…

"What, no puns?" said Toon Link angrily.

King Dedede was on the ground, shivering from hypothermia.

"Well that's okay, I like my piece and quiet," said Toon Link obliviously. "I like this new King Dedede!"

King Dedede died.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the Pokemon Contest Hall!" said Wario.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Firefighters_

"Mr. Resetti and I are just a couple of fun-loving guys," said Wario. "We're out to show that-"  
"I don't want to have fun, boy!" said Mr. Resetti angrily, "I want to win, boy!"

Wario turned red.

_2__nd__ Ferry  
Arrived 10:25 AM_

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the Pokemon Contest Hall!" read Wolf.

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

"We're pretty annoyed," said Wolf, sharpening his claws, "The four teams on the first ferry were the people on the first flight that got delayed. Now, we were only behind the first four people by about two minutes, so if our flight actually landed on time, we would be in the top group."

"I think if there's going to a be a 'strong group'," said Samus, "It's everyone on this boat. I could imagine us four teams being the top four."

"HI I'M JEEGLYPUFF" said Jigglypuff, sticking out her hand.

"With a few possible exceptions," said Samus.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the Pokemon Contest Hall!" read Marth.

"Oh my gosh, I'm going to be in a Pokemon contest!" said Squirtle, fluttering his eyes.

"I think we should leave the expertise to the… _seasoned_ Pokemon…" said Marth, pointing to himself.

"You're not a Pokemon," giggled Squirtle.

"It was a joke, honey," dismissed Marth.

"Oh my gosh, and I was laughing!" said Squirtle angrily.

"I am never talking to you again!" said Marth.

"Bring it on, sister!" said Squirtle angrily.

Cue angst.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Rake YOUr WaY to the ROKEMON PONTEST CALL" commuted Jigglypuff.

"wTF I DON'T understands" handbag Ganondorf.

"tHAT'S bECAUSE I AM THE KING OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE" gummed Jigglypuff.

"I THINK UR LYING" Craig'd Ganondorf angrily.

"hONEY I'm SORRY WE'RE fIGHTING I"LL MAKE YOU bIG PIZZA pIE AT THE PIT STOP" said Jigglypuff.

"AWW I LOV YOU" said Ganondorf.

They slopped their gigantic tongues on each other's face.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the Pokemon Contest Hall!" read Roy.

_Roy and Zelda  
Engaged_

"I think the best thing about Zelda is she's such a kind, angelic spirit," said Roy, "Whenever I wake up next to her I say to my self, I am such a blessed person."

Roy smiled.

"Uh… and I think… the best thing about Roy…" said Zelda, "Is um… his uh…"

…

"…his uh…"

_Pokemon Contest Hall_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Frats are first!" said Fox, pouring beer over his head.

"Dude, you're so wasted," laughed Falcon, opening the clue. "Stop wasting that beer…"

"What are you talking about? I'm drinking this stuff!" said Fox angrily, tipping the beer over his head.

Falcon clumsily took the clue out of its envelope. "Detour! Strength or Skill?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, floating through an empty arena, "A detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour… strength… or skill!"  
"In strength, teams must use their muscle and transport fifty Pokemon from one side of the dojo to another, where they will load their Pokemon into the back of a truck! This task requires- no! They're not being trafficked, okay?"  
"In skill, teams must find their co-ordination and perform a dance routine with a Pokemon partner they have never seen before! This is the same process used for any Pokemon who wants to participate in a Pokemon contest! If teams are creative and perform their routines correctly, they could be dancing their way to the clue!"

"Let's do Strength!" said Fox.

"Frat power!" said Falcon, giving Fox a high-five.

…

"Maybe we should do the task now or something…" said Fox.

"Yeah," said Falcon.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Detour! Strength or Skill?" read Kirby.

Kirby lowered the clue. "Which one do you want to do, Pikachu? I think it would be really cool if were doing the dance, what do you think?"

"Actually," said Pikachu, slightly scarred, "I've had some bad experiences with Pokemon contests…"

"_Second place?!" screamed Ash, chugging down a bottle of whisky, "You're a failure, Pikachu! You're a failure!"_

"_I'm sorry!" sobbed Pikachu._

"_And you know what __**failures**__ get?" said Ash, holding a bucket of ionised water over Pikachu._

"_No! No!" screamed Pikachu._

_Ash tilted the bucket._

"_Nooo!" screamed Pikachu._

"Nooo!" screamed Pikachu. "Nooo! Nooo! Nooo!"

"O… kay…" said Kirby, "If you really feel that strongly against it…"

"Nooo!" screamed Pikachu, delusional, "Nooo! Nooo!"

"So, what task do you want to do?" said Kirby.

"Nooo!" screamed Pikachu, delusional, "Nooo! Nooo!"

Kirby grinned slyly. "Do you _**not**_ want to do the Pokemon dance?"

"Nooo!" screamed Pikachu, delusional, "Nooo! Nooo!"

"Awesome!" shouted Kirby, dragging Pikachu off to 'skill'.

"Nooo!" screamed Pikachu, delusional, "Nooo! Nooo!"

Kirby slapped Pikachu.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Should we do strength, or skill?" said Toon Link, deep in thought.

King Dedede stared blankly into space, smiling dumbly.

"Uh… do you have an opinion on what task we should do?" said Toon Link.

King Dedede smiled dumbly.

"Are you going to offer any conversation, or what?" said Toon Link angrily.

King Dedede uncapped a bottle of water, labelled in black ink 'conversation', and tipped it over Toon Link's head.

Toon Link grumbled angrily.

…

"How can you set up those props so quickly anyway?" said Toon Link.

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you," said King Dedede.

"Haha, that's pretty funny," laughed Toon Link politely.

King Dedede stared evilly at Toon Link.

Toon Link shifted uncomfortably.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Detour!" said Wario. "Strength or Skill?"

"We'll do Strength!" said Mr. Resetti, flexing his mole biceps, "I'm really strong and fit!"

"…that's fat…" said Wario, pointing to the flab on Mr. Resetti's arm.

"Fat this!" screamed Mr. Resetti, raising his arm back.

The weight of his flabby arm created a paradigm shift of literal proportions, tipping him over backwards.

"Owned!" said Wario.

"Please help me up, boy," begged Mr. Resetti, his flab weighing him down.

"Haha, okay," said Wario.

Wario tripped on a piece of gum and fell down on the ground.

"Oh no! I'm on the ground as well!" screamed Wario.

"We're done for!" screamed Mr. Resetti.

Dramatic pre ad-break music played.

…

"The last time I was done for was back in-"

"SHUT UP!" said Wario angrily.

_Advertisement_

"Hey Maggot, do you want to get fit like me?" said Mr. Resetti, holding up a dumbbell, "Try the Mr. Mole Weight Loss System! I lost 480 pounds and I'm now only 1040! …years and pounds! What a difference!"

"Hear some of my testimonials!" said Mr. Resetti. "…maggot!"

Testimonial for Mr. Mole Weight Loss System

"I'm a girl, and… I really like Mr. Resetti and I think he's hot and I lost weight and stuff!" said Mr. Resetti, wearing a wig, in a high-pitched voice.

"That's obviously you…" said the cameraman. "No-one's going to fall for that."

"Why yes, I am rather feminine…" said Mr. Resetti.

"Just… give it up…" said the cameraman.

"Shut up! I'll be cool!" cried Mr. Resetti.

_The Smashy Amazing Race_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Damn it! We're done for!" screamed Wario, lying on the ground.

"It's so comfortable here! We're losing valuable time!" screamed Mr. Resetti.

_Cinnabar Pokemon Contest Hall_

_Kirby_

"Whee!" said Kirby, doing a waltz with an Ivysaur. "This is so fun!"

_Pikachu_

"Is this part of the dance routine?" said a sore Pikachu, being slapped repeatedly by a Wigglytuff.

The camera panned to the other side of the hall.

_Fox and Falcon  
Pokemon Transported: 17_

"Dude, this is like, so easy!" said Fox, carrying several Pokemon along at the same time.

"Uh… dude… maybe you're handling that one a bit rough…" said Falcon, pointing to a Pokemon within Fox's teeth.

"Nonsense!" laughed Fox, putting the Pokemon into the truck.

Half a Pokemon carcass fell out of Fox's mouth.

The judge stared, shocked.

"Uh…" said Fox, "Does that count?"

_Fox and Falcon  
Pokemon Transported: 23.5_

"Awesome!" said Fox.

More blood and organs spilt out.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Pokemon Transported: 2_

King Dedede sat on his mallet pose, on the ground. Toon Link, sweating, dragged the third fat Pokemon towards their truck.

"Are you going to _**try**_?!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Yep," said King Dedede, lying on the ground, closing his eyes.

…

"…now?!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Nope!" hyukked King Dedede.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Oh god! Somebody help us!" screamed Wario to several bystander Japanese tourists, who were taking his photo.

"Damn it! Why are we so fat?" moaned Mr. Resetti.

…

"…the last time I said that was back in 1882, when me and the governor-general at the time, Sir Atticus Finch was-"

Wario shoved a pineapple into Mr. Resetti's face.

_Cinnabar Island Ferry Terminal_

_Last Ferry  
Arrived at 8:40 AM_

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Make your way…" said Diddy Kong.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"…to the Pokemon…" said Peach.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

Lucas stared at the clue, stuttering. "C- c- c-"

"Contest," said Yoshi.

"I can read, you know," said Lucas angrily, concentrating on the clue very hard.

Lucas regained his concentration. "H- h- h-" he stuttered.

"Hall!" said Yoshi angrily.

Lucas kept on staring at the clue.

"There's nothing left!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Only an inferior dinosaur like you would-"

Yoshi kicked Lucas in the face.

_Pokemon Contest Hall_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
On Skill_

"We're ready to perform our dance," said Kirby to their DJ.

Country music started to play. Kirby paired up with his Ivysaur and Pikachu teamed up with his Wigglytuff.

The camera panned on Kirby, wearing a cowboy hat, performing the moves with his partner to absolute precision, displaying an aura of fun at the same time.

The camera panned on Pikachu, who was being slapped mercilessly by the Wigglytuff, who appeared not at all interested in dancing.

The music stopped.

A drum roll played.

"Kirby…" said some random judge guy who never appeared before, "You… passed!"

The bystander Pokemon applauded. Kirby took a bow.

"Pikachu…" said the judge, a drum roll being played.

Pikachu rolled his eyes.

"You failed! What a shock! Try again!" said the judge dramatically.

"That's because my partner's a moron," said Pikachu angrily.

"Now, now, just because you're jealous of my talent," said Kirby on the side, eating a sundae.

Pikachu growled.

_Fox and Falcon  
Pokemon Transported: 41_

"Dude, we're almost done," said Fox, pouring a trail of beer towards the truck, which the Pokemon followed, sipping along excitedly.

"Dude, the Pokemon are trying to get out!" said Falcon, being mobbed by several Pokemon, who were clawing at his face.

"Dude, use your frat power!" said Fox proudly.

"Okay! Frrraatttt Powwweerrr!" exclaimed Falcon dramatically.

The Pokemon stared at him.

"Uh… I guess that stopped them…" said Fox, loading the last nine Pokemon into the truck.

"Here's a clue!" said some random lady who we've never seen before and probably doesn't even work there.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Make your way on foot to the Cinnabar Volcano!" said Fox.

"Teams must now make their way on an uphill hike one kilometre to this volcano!" said Master Hand. "Once here, they will find their next clue!"

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Detour!" said Marth. "Strength or Skill?"

"Oh my gosh we should do skill!" said Marth excitedly.

"Oh my gosh me too!" said Squirtle in a high-pitched voice, fluttering his eyes.

"Oh my gosh I am so in!" said Marth excitedly in a squeaky high-pitched voice.

"Oh my gosh I'm going to dance and it's going to be so cool!" said Squirtle in a high-pitched voice.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"oH mY GoSH THOSE PPLZ TALK funny" larfed Ganondorf at Marf and Squirtle.

"BUT U SHOULDN'T LAUGH THERE DISABLED" said Jigglypuff, "SO TALK TO THEM IN A VERY LOUD AND PATRONISING voice okay?"

"wOW jIGGLYPUFF yer SO TOLARENT" said Ganondorf.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Let's boogie down," said Wolf, doing disco moves.

Samus stared at Wolf.

…

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Oh my gosh, we have to do skill," said Zelda, "I am so good at that! And I won't have a breakdown this time, I promise!"

_Two seconds later…_

"Oh my gosh this is so hard I hate you Roy I'm leaving you forever!" screamed Zelda, bashing her legs on the floor.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Help us!" screamed Wario, as the other teams walked past, "We need your help! Please somebody, help!"

"Relax, at least we have each other as friends!" said Mr. Resetti.

An ant colony started forming on his face.

"NOOO!" screamed Mr. Resetti.

_Cinnabar Island_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Dude, we have to find the volcano!" said Fox, a gigantic freaking volcano in the shot behind him.

"I know! We'll go underwater!" said Falcon smartly, pointing to a scuba diving shop. "All volcanoes are under the sea!"

"Awesome!" said Fox.

"Fratttt powwweerrr!" said Falcon.

They ran into the sea.

And drowned.

"That was a crap idea!" said Fox angrily.

_Pokemon Contest Hall_

_Pikachu  
On Skill_

The music started playing. Pikachu, severely bruised, stared angrily at the Wigglytuff.

The Wigglytuff slapped Pikachu in the face.

Pikachu angrily kept on trotting side to side, doing his country heel flicks.

The Wigglytuff slapped Pikachu in the face.

Pikachu, fuming red, continued to trot around.

The Wigglytuff slapped Pikachu in the face.

"AAAHHHH!" screamed Pikachu, zapping the Wigglytuff.

The Wigglytuff launched out of a window, breaking it, causing a trail of blood to run into the hall.

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

Pikachu took the clue.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Make your way on foot to the Cinnabar Volcano!" read Pikachu.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Pokemon Transported: 24_

"We're going to come last because of you," said Toon Link angrily, carrying along two Pokemon at the same time, struggling to walk along.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in a deep state of shame_

"Mr. Resetti!" cried Wario, "We have to try and get up! Otherwise we'll lose!"

"I know, but I just don't have the energy!" screamed Mr. Resetti, a pigeon pecking at his face.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
On Skill_

"OMGZ THIS IS ReALLY hArD" said Jigglypuff, impaled on a sharp spike on the ceiling, "I gUESS I'M NOT THAT gOOD of A daNCER"

"uR RIGHT LETS SWICH TASKS" said Ganondorf, his skull impaled on a whiteboard, bleeding.

"oMG u SERIOUS WE'VE MADE SO MUCH PROGRESS" said Jigglypuff, bleeding.

_Cinnabar Volcano_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Dude, we lost heaps of time trying to find this stupid volcano," said Fox, "The kids are behind us now."

Fox ripped open a clue. "Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort!"

"Teams must now make their way over six kilometres to this resort, the first of ten pit stops in this race around the world!" said Master Hand. "Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive, _**will**_ be eliminated."

"Run, dude!" said Fox.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Warning, the last team to arrive will be eliminated!" read Pikachu.

"Let's go!" said Kirby.

_Pokemon Contest Hall_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Pokemon Transported: 26_

"You are _so_ selfish!" sobbed Toon Link, "I'm not doing _**any**_ more work anymore! I expect you to do it all, you fat bird!"

"Okay! Okay!" said King Dedede, smiling.

King Dedede inhaled 24 Pokemon at the same time, and spit them into the truck.

"WHAT?!" screamed Toon Link angrily, "Why didn't you do that after we opened the clue?"

"I did," said King Dedede.

"I mean right after!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Make your way on foot to the Cinnabar Volcano!" read King Dedede.

"We could have come first!" said Toon Link angrily.

The camera panned over to the other side of the large hall.

_Wolf and Samus  
On Skill_

"Everyone here's going to attempt to do the dance," said Wolf. "So we have three teams doing the dance at the same time."

The music started. All teams danced in unison in front of the judges.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
1__st__ Attempt_

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf danced violently, knocking their partners and each other in the face. They all fell down.

_Wolf and Samus  
1__st__ Attempt_

Wolf and Samus danced satisfactorily to the beat, with the taste of the crispy duck just not enough to be authentic Chinese cuisine. The wine list was slightly overpriced, and the spring rolls were if not the chef's intentions, poisoned with garlic to the chef's intentions.

_Marth and Squirtle  
1__st__ Attempt_

Marth and Squirtle did a jive dancing rave-club thing, that had nothing to do with the foxtrot.

_Roy and Zelda  
1__st__ Attempt_

Zelda timidly tapped in time to the beat, Roy geekily putting all his energy into the normal routine.

The music stopped.

_Judge_

A drum roll played.

"I was too busy checking out that chick," said the judge, pointing to some random model we'd never seen before, "And I bet you all tried so hard so you all passed."

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

The judge dropped several clues in front of him.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Help us!" screamed Wario and Mr. Resetti to Toon Link and King Dedede.

"Son, help them up!" said King Dedede, shocked.

King Dedede lifted the fat Wario and Mr. Resetti up.

"Thank you so much!" cried Mr Resetti, "Today I've learnt the true value of friendship!"

"Aww," said everyone.

"And being yourself!" said Mr. Resetti, teary-eyed.

"Aww," said everyone.

"And-"

Wario kicked Mr. Resetti in the stomach.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Come on! Everyone else is here!"

_Roy and Zelda_

"Make your…" read Roy.

_Wolf and Samus_

"…way on foot…"

_Marth and Squirtle_

"…to…"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"Gilligan's ISLAND!1" said Jigglypuff.

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Detour!" read Diddy Kong.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Strength or…"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"Gilligan's ISLAND!1" said Jigglypuff.

_Downtown Cinnabar Island_

_Fox and Falcon_

"Dude, we got company," said Fox, their taxi driving along the highway.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Look! It's another team!" said Kirby, shocked.

_Fox and Falcon_

"Get your frat boy sprinting gear on…" said Fox.

"Done!" said Falcon, putting two cardboard beer cartons on his feet.

"Get your frat boy juice into your system!" said Fox.

"Done!" said Falcon, chugging down more beer.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"It's going to be a footrace!" said Pikachu, shocked.

"Woah, footraces like, _**never**_ happen!" said Kirby, shocked.

_Ribbon Resort_

The two taxis entered the compound.

_Fox and Falcon_

"Frat boy nail polish…" said Fox, their cars bumper-to-bumper.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Let's beat them," said Pikachu, "Run as fast as you can!"

_Fox and Falcon_

Fox and Falcon's taxi stopped. The other taxi pulled to a halt, and the two teams jumped out of their cars and spotted the mat.

Fox and Falcon sprinted ahead, getting a good start on the slower Kirby and Pikachu.

They both sprinted towards the pit stop, a straight line ahead of them.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Fox and Falcon, several yards in front of the other team charged for the mat.

"We're doing it!" cheered Falcon.

Their alcohol binge started to take effect on their bodies, causing them to fall asleep inches before the mat.

Kirby and Pikachu, shocked, screeched to a halt, and tiptoed onto the mat.

"Kirby and Pikachu," said Master Hand excitedly, "You're team number one!"

"Cool!" said Kirby, hugging Pikachu.

"And for coming first this leg, you've both won ten thousand dollars!" said Master Hand. "Each!"

"Yay!" said Pikachu.

Kirby put on his professorial pair of glasses, "You… could have omitted the 'Each', because by saying 'both' you were implying that there were already two subjects that were-"

"**Ten thousand dollars,**" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" said Kirby.

_Fox and Falcon_

The camera panned on the sleeping frats.

Fox woke up. "Did we win?" he said excitedly.

"No," said Master Hand.

Fox and Falcon clumsily stepped on the mat.

"Fox and Falcon, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.

"That's okay," said Fox.

_Cinnabar Volcano_

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"We've almost made it!" said Toon Link, getting to the top of the volcano.

King Dedede opened the clue. "Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort! Warning! The last team to arrive will be eliminated."

_Pokemon Contest Hall_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Pokemon Transported: 14_

"It's a four-way duel on this task," said Wario.

_Luigi and Peach  
Pokemon Transported: 9_

"Hurry up, woman!" said Luigi, whipping Peach on the back.

"Silly, this is a team game!" giggled Peach.

"You know what's silly? Having to be married to this dumb moron!" said Luigi angrily.

"Are you calling me a dumb moron?" giggled Peach.

"Yes!" said Luigi angrily.

"I think you're calling me a dumb moron, honey!" giggled Peach.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Pokemon Transported: 6_

"I hate you," said Lucas angrily.

"I hate you too," said Yoshi angrily.

"How could you say such a mean thing?" sobbed Lucas.

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
Pokemon Transported: 12_

"This sucks," said Ivysaur, loading the Pokemon into the truck. "We're the aggros, and we're supposed to be the ones that are in the front of the pack, not back here with these idiots!"

_Pit Stop_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Arrived 3__rd_

"Toon Link and King Dedede, you're team number three!" said Master Hand.

"Damn it!" said Toon Link angrily. "Had you not been cracking those stupid jokes we would have come in first place! You're a moron!"

"You're right!" said King Dedede, "Morons don't leave their bags and passports in volcanos!"

Toon Link had no bag on his back. His eyes widened. "That's pretty funny, King Dedede!" he said, laughing nervously, "Where did you put my bag?"

King Dedede swivelled his mallet and did a walking twirl.

Toon Link grunted.

_Cinnabar Volcano_

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Everyone here's so annoying," said Samus, walking briskly up the hill. "At least we're miles ahead of the other teams."

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"IF YOUR SEW AHEAD OF THE OTHER TEAMS SAMUS WHY ARE WE RIGHT HEAR" said Jigglypuff.

Samus grunted angrily.

"oMG aND WHY ARE YOU MARRIED TO THE WOLFS THAT'S WRONG IMMORAL INNATURAL AND INCAPACITY" said Ganondorf.

"**You're** in an interspecies relationship too, bud," said Wolf angrily, grabbing Ganondorf by the collar.

"I THINK NOT I THINK YOU'LL FIND WE ARE BOTH THE POKEMON" said Ganondorf. "JAJAJA"

"Why are they such n00bs?" said Samus angrily.

"(quote)'Why are they such n00bs?'(slash quote) DOES UR MUM SAY THAT TO U EVERYNIGHT AFTER SHE TUCKS U INTO BEDS MUMMY'S GIRL??" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Wolf ignored Jigglypuff.

"OMG WhaTS ur REPLY Noob" said Ganondorf.

Wolf ignored Jigglypuff.

"pls talk 2 me" said Ganondorf.

Wolf ignored Jigglypuff.

"WHAT A BORING FORUM IM LEVING 4evers" said Ganondorf.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Roy! I just can't do it!" said Zelda, wearing high-heels, attempting to walk up the mountain, "I need to take a rest!"

"Honey, this is a race!" said Roy.

"Oh my gosh, Roy, you are so insensitive to my feelings!" said Zelda angrily.

"Honey, you have to believe in yourself…" said Roy. "And believing in yourself-"

"Is there a monetary reward?" said Zelda, suddenly grinning, her eyes turning into dollar notes.

"Why do you keep on asking me about my money?" said Roy angrily.

"What? I never! Money?" laughed Zelda manically, "Throw it away! Ha! What do you think I am, a gold digger?"

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"I spy with my little eye, a gay turtle!!" said Marth.

"Oh… this is a hard one…" said Squirtle, walking up the mountain.

Squirtle sighed. "Who is it?"

"It's you!!" said Marth to Squritle.

"OMGNOWAI!" they said in unison.

They did some yaoi kissing.

_Pokemon Contest Hall_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Pokemon Transported: 36_

"We are doing so good!" said Mr. Resetti, choking another Pokemon and tossing the lifeless body into the truck, "Our Pokemon aren't even putting up a struggle!"

_Luigi and Peach  
Pokemon Transported: 8_

"Aaah! Help me!" screamed Luigi, being attacked by feral Pokemon, "Evil witch wife lady! Help me!"

"Maybe you should be nicer to the Pokemon!" said Peach, doing a twirl.

"Oh Daisy, you're so inspirational!" said Luigi.

"I'm not Daisy!" laughed Peach.

"What?!" screamed Luigi, being mauled by the Pokemon. "You mean you're not Daisy?!"

"She dumped you after he realised what a failure he was!" said Peach. "And then you pay me with your robbery money to stay with you! I'm now a millionaire!"

Peach took some of her board game money and showed it to the camera.

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
Pokemon Transported: 22_

"Come on!" said Ivysaur, dumping several more Pokemon into the back of the truck. "The evil team can't come in last place!"

"So… if we're the evil team…" said Diddy Kong, "Why haven't we done anything remotely evil this leg?"

"Evil this!" said Ivysaur evilly, squashing a bug.

"I'm allergic to bugs! Thank you, kind sir!" said Peach happily.

"Uh…" said Ivysaur, scratching his head, "Evil this!"

Ivysaur murdered Peach.

"Thank you!" said Luigi gratefully, "She was so annoying!"

Ivysaur grunted and swung an axe into Luigi's arm.

"Oh… thank you! I'm a masochist, and I love pain of any shape or form!" said Luigi, bleeding.

Ivysaur gave Luigi a back rub.

"No! No! No! You're so evil!" screamed Luigi.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Pokemon Transported: 13_

"Yoshi, I'm sick of all of this fighting, can we be friends?" said Lucas.

"Okay," said Yoshi.

…

"Besides, I've realised that dogs with low IQ can-"

Yoshi punched Lucas in the face.

_Cinnabar Volcano_

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort!" read Wolf.

"LETSH GO HONEY" said Jigglypuff.

"I'm not Ganondorf," said Wolf angrily.

"I think you are…" said Jigglypuff sexily.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"MAEK YOUR WAY TO ENGLAND AND TOUCH THE QUEEN, DO NOT PASS GO DO NOT COLLECT 200 DOLLARS" said Ganondorf.

"ADVANCE TO MAYFAIR" said Jigglypuff.

"NO IT'S BOARDWALKs duh" said Ganondorf.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Dating Six Years_

"We're almost there, honey," said Marth, the other two teams running down the hill.

_Roy and Zelda  
Engaged_

"Rooy! This is so hard!" complained Zelda, barely halfway up the climb, "My feet are hurting!"

"You'll be fine," said Roy, slowly walking up.

"Roooy!" wailed Zelda.

"Zelda, please…" said Roy.

"Roooy!" wailed Zelda.

"This is too hard to handle… this is just… so stressful…" said Roy.

Dramatic pre-ad break music played.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort!" read Marth.

"Now that we're at the top of the hill… you can ride on my shell down the hill!" said Squirtle, like a kid's show presenter.

Marth hopped on Squirtle's back and they slid down the hill.

Lame 80's music played.

_Pokemon Contest Hall_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We did it!" said Wario excitedly, ripping open the clue. "We're still in it!"

"Awesome! Now nothing can stop us!" said Mr. Resetti, patting the gigantic bulge that was his tummy.

They stared at the narrow doorway leading outside.

"Damn it," said Wario angrily.

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Make your way on foot to the Cinnabar Volcano!" read Diddy Kong.

_Luigi and Peach  
Pokemon Transported: 25_

"Hurry up and help!" said Luigi angrily.

"I am helping!" said Peach angrily, mopping up the blood.

"No! Conceal the murder later! Do the task now!" said Luigi angrily.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Pokemon Transported: 28_

"We're the last two teams and it's all _**your **_fault," said Lucas angrily.

"Excuse me, who was the one that had to have three shower breaks and four toilet breaks that cost us a whole hour?" said Yoshi angrily.

"You!" said Lucas angrily.

…

"Actually, it was you," said Yoshi.

"Oh," said Lucas.

_Downtown Cinnabar Island_

_Wolf and Samus_

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf are in the car behind us," said Wolf.

"I swear, they are the most annoying team I've ever come across," said Samus, "They're such n00bs."

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"I THINK samus and I will be life pals" said Ganondorf.

"NO SHE'S my life pal" said Jigglypuff.

_Wolf and Samus_

"If we lose to them in a footrace…" said Wolf angrily, their cars bumper to bumper.

_Ribbon Resort_

Lots of dramatic, zooming expensive dolly shots and camera angles.

Wolf and Samus's taxi, followed by Jigglypuff and Ganondorf's taxi pulled into the main driveway.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Run! Run!" said Samus, sprinting along with Wolf towards the finish line.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"OMGz we can't beat them we need a plan" said Jigglypuff.

"plan… like A RECIPE??" said Ganondorf.

…

"ONLY KIDDING" said Ganondorf.

"Okay, so right you have your, Warlock Punch attAck" said Jigglypuff, "And I am very light sexy and flexible so you can use your, attack, on me and then I'll fly onto the pit stop mat very fast"

"OKAY good idea" said Ganondorf.

Ganondorf raised his arm. "GGNNNNNRRRGGGGNNNNRRRR…" he grunted.

_Wolf and Samus_

Wolf and Samus ran onto the pit stop.

"Wolf and Samus, you're team number four!" said Master Hand.

"That's good," said Wolf, kissing Samus on the cheek.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"HGGGNNNGNGGHHHHHH" screamed Ganondorf, charging up his Warlock punch.

"Honey, you can!! Stop now because their already on the pit stop"

Ganondorf: I HIT U ANYWAY (punches Jigglypuff)

Jigglypuff: Ow!!

"OOPSIE DAYSIES" said Ganondorf.

_Fourteen lines of disregard for the English language later…_

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, you're team number five!" said Master Hand.

"YAY" said Jigglypuff, eating Ganondorf.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Arrived 6__th_

"Marth and Squirtle, you're team number six!" said Master Hand.

_Cinnabar Volcano_

_Roy and Zelda_

"Honey, you're doing good! We're almost there!" said Roy supportively.

"Oh no, Roy! We're going to come last!" said Zelda, looking behind her.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Doo doo doo…" hummed Wario, walking past Roy and Zelda.

_Roy and Zelda_

"I don't want to get eliminated!" cried Zelda.

"Honey, we're less than twenty metres away!" said Roy.

"But then we have to go down again!" cried Zelda.

"I'm gonna get you out of this, okay?" said Roy.

"Why are you so mean to me?" cried Zelda.

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur_

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur walked past Roy and Zelda.

_Roy and Zelda_

"We're in ninth place now!" sobbed Zelda, "If the other two teams pass us I'll never get that million dollars!"

"Honey, we're almost at the top!" said Roy, helping Zelda along.

"But then we have to go down again!" cried Zelda.

"I'll even carry you down the hill!" said Roy.

"But then I'll fall into the volca- a- no!" cried Zelda, hiccupping as she cried.

_Cinnabar Volcano_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort!" read Wario.

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort!" read Diddy Kong.

"Let's go!" said Ivysaur, dropping the clue.

Loud shrieking orchestral music played.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Look honey, we made it!" said Roy.

"I'm… so tired…" said Zelda.

"Here, I'll read it," said Roy, opening the clue. "Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort!"

"I'm so tired…" moaned Zelda.

"Honey, now we get to go all the way down!" joked Roy.

"I hate you," said Zelda angrily.

_Pokemon Contest Hall_

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Pokemon Transported: 34_

"We're the last two teams," said Yoshi angrily, "Maybe we should actually try and work together."

"Okay!" said Lucas angrily. "I will!"

"Good!" said Yoshi angrily.

_Luigi and Peach  
Pokemon Transported: 33_

"Hurry up, woman!" screamed Luigi, chugging down his brandy.

"I'm trying as hard as I can!" said Peach, lugging several Pokemon along. "Maybe you could help too!"

"Maybe if you don't shut up, I'll drown your pets in the tub!" said Luigi angrily.

"I don't have pets, silly!" laughed Peach, "I've never gotten to go outside, let alone the pet store!"

"I'll drown you in the tub!" said Luigi angrily.

"We don't have a tub! You sold it for alcohol money!" cheered Peach.

…

"When we get back," said Luigi angrily, "I'm going to take a big stick out of the cupboard and give you a good-"

"You sold our walls and cupboards for alcohol money too!" said Peach.

"Do we have anything left?!" screamed Luigi.

"You have meee!" cheered Peach.

Luigi grumbled.

_Downtown Cinnabar Island_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Firefighters_

"Taxi!" shouted Wario.

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
Evil Twins_

"Taxi!" said Diddy Kong.

_Cinnabar Volcano_

_Roy and Zelda_

"Zelda, you can do it!" said Roy, walking down the mountain with Zelda.

"I can do it!" cheered Zelda.

Zelda tripped over a rock.

"ROOOY!" screamed Zelda.

_Pokemon Contest Hall_

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Pokemon Transported: 45_

"We're just beating them!" said Lucas, "We can do this, Yoshi!"

_Pit Stop_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Arrived 7__th_

"Wario and Mr. Resetti, you're team number seven!" said Master Hand.

_Downtown Cinnabar Island_

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
Evil Twins_

"I feel like our taxi driver is completely lost," said Diddy Kong.

"We have no idea where we're at right now," said Ivysaur.

_Cinnabar Volcano_

_Roy and Zelda_

"Come on, Zelda! Get through this!" said Roy, helping the limping Zelda down. "We're halfway there!"

_Pokemon Contest Hall_

_Luigi and Peach  
Pokemon Transported: 42_

"We're just being edged out, Peach! Come on! Work faster!" said Luigi manically.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

Lucas dumped the last Pokemon into the truck.

Lucas ripped open the clue. "Make your way on foot to the Cinnabar Volcano!"

_Roy and Zelda_

"I want this soo bad!" moaned Zelda, walking down the hill.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"Come on, let's work together for once and get up this hill!" said Yoshi angrily.

"How about you work together?" said Lucas angrily, lagging behind Yoshi.

"Just hurry up and run!" said Yoshi angrily.

_Luigi and Peach  
Pokemon Transported: 47_

"You know, Peach," said Luigi, taking the last three Pokemon and dumping them in the truck, "No matter what happens, I still love you!"

"Aww!" said Peach, opening the clue.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Does that mean I don't have to sleep in the dog's kennel anymore?" said Peach sweetly.

"NO" said Luigi angrily.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Oh no! We have company!" screamed Zelda, noticing Yoshi, several metres down the hill from them.

"Honey, we can make this!" said Roy, helping Zelda down the rather steep descent.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"Stop trying to defy me and just _**walk**_!" said Yoshi angrily down the hill. "We're going to lose unless you go quicker!"

"How about you start being nice to me!" sobbed Lucas.

_Luigi and Peach_

Luigi and Peach jogged up the hill.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"But _**you**_ haven't been nice to **me!**" said Yoshi angrily.

"Well, that's because you beat me in the spelling bee when _**I**_ was clearly a better speller!" said Lucas angrily.

_Luigi and Peach_

Luigi and Peach jogged past Lucas.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"So, you haven't been nice for the last month because of a spelling bee?!" screamed Yoshi angrily.

"I know you cheated!" said Lucas angrily.

"I didn't cheat!" said Yoshi angrily.

_Luigi and Peach_

Luigi and Peach jogged past Roy and Zelda.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Come on, honey!" said Roy, "Let's go! We're almost at the bottom!"

They reached the bottom of the hill.

"Oh, Roy! I love you so much! You're so supportive!" said Zelda.

_Zelda  
_"Although I'm marrying Roy for my share in multi-millions of dollars!" squealed Zelda excitedly, "Today, I learnt he's actually a really sweet and cool guy!"

…

"I don't love him though, as if, what a dweeb," dismissed Zelda, "He's so nerdy… I might ditch him after four months of marriage, not three."

_Roy and Zelda  
Engaged_

"Taxi!" said Roy, holding up his arm.

"You're so sweet," said Zelda.

_Ribbon Apartments_

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur_

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur got out of the taxi.

"Let's find the pit stop!" said Diddy Kong, "It's got to be here somewhere!"

Shrieking orchestral music played, as the camera panned on the pit stop on the other side of the road in the 'Ribbon Resort'.

_Cinnabar Volcano_

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop, the Ribbon Resort!" read Luigi.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"You cheated!" said Lucas angrily.

"How did I cheat?" said Yoshi angrily.

"You looked through the see-through paper as he was reading out his question!" said Lucas angrily.

"Fine!" said Yoshi angrily. "But you cheated too!"

"How?!" said Lucas angrily.

"You looked through the see-through paper as he was reading out his question!" said Yoshi angrily.

"What kind of friend would say that?!" said Lucas angrily.

_Ribbon Apartments_

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur_

"I can't see anything!" said Diddy Kong, peering through the window.

"Look at the clue again!" said Ivysaur.

"You had the clue!" said Diddy Kong.

Ivysaur widened his eyes. "The clue! I left the clue!"

"We need to go back!" screamed Diddy Kong.

_Ribbon Resort_

_Roy and Zelda_

"Okay, get out," said Zelda, paying the taxi driver.

"Now… where's the pit stop?" said Roy, hopping out.

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur_

"Damn it! We can't get a taxi to stop!" said Diddy Kong angrily.

"Go into that resort! We can book a taxi there!" said Ivysaur, pointing to the 'Ribbon Resort' across the road.

_Roy and Zelda_

"It's not in here…" said Roy, looking through the lobby.

"I think I see it!" said Zelda, pointing out of the window.

_Cinnabar Volcano_

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"I'm sorry man, we should be so much better friends after this misunderstanding," said Lucas.

"But why did you call me a dog then?" said Yoshi angrily.

"You're not a dog?!" said Lucas.

Yoshi glared at Lucas angrily.

_Ribbon Resort_

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur_

"Hey! That's another team!" said Diddy Kong, walking into the Ribbon Resort.

"Guys, are you struggling to find a taxi too?" shouted Ivysaur.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Pardon?" said Zelda, walking up to Diddy Kong and Ivysaur.

"We can't find the pit stop," said Diddy Kong.

"Neither can we," said Roy.

"Get a taxi from reception!" shouted Ivysaur.

"Yeah!" said Diddy Kong.

"Uh… okay…" said Roy.

Diddy Kong and Ivysaur ran into reception.

_Downtown Cinnabar Island_

_Luigi and Peach_

"We haven't seen the other team at all…" said Luigi, "Hopefully we're in front, because this is a battle to stay in."

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"We want to be a lot nicer to each other…" said Lucas, "Just hopefully we can stay for another leg."

_Ribbon Resort_

_Roy and Zelda_

"Wait! There it is!" said Zelda, pointing across a field.

"We missed it?" said Roy.

They ran onto the pit stop.

"Roy and Zelda, you're team number eight!" said Master Hand.

"We're just so glad to still be in," said Roy.

_Ribbon Resort Reception_

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur_

"Hey, could you book a taxi?" said Diddy Kong.

"Sure," replied the receptionist.

_Downtown Cinnabar Island_

_Luigi and Peach_

"Wait… that's them!" said Luigi, shocked.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"This is going to be a footrace!" said Lucas, the two taxis next to each other.

"It's the next left!" shouted Yoshi.

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur  
At Reception_

"We're in a race, you see," said Diddy Kong.

"You sure you folks aren't supposed to go on the mat?" said the receptionist.

"…what mat?" said Ivysaur.

"The mat out there…" said the receptionist.

They spotted the pit stop.

"RUN!" screamed Diddy Kong.

_Ribbon Resort_

Dramatic camera angles of Diddy Kong and Ivysaur running out of reception were shown.

Luigi and Peach's, and Lucas and Yoshi's taxi pulled up 40 yards in front of them.

_Luigi and Peach_

"Run! Run!" screamed Luigi, dragging Peach along.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"Come on, buddy! For our friendship!" said Lucas, running along.

Cheesy 80's music played.

_Diddy Kong and Ivysaur_

"Nooo!" screamed Diddy Kong, trailing behind.

_Pit Stop_

Dramatic camera angles.

Lucas, followed by Luigi, Yoshi, Diddy Kong, Peach and Ivysaur ran onto the mat.

Everyone waited in anticipation.

"Lucas and Yoshi, you're team number nine!" said Master Hand.

"We made it," said Yoshi.

"Luigi and Peach, you're team number ten," said Master Hand.

"Yay!1" said Peach.

"Diddy Kong and Ivysaur, you are the last team to arrive," said Master Hand.

…

"And I'm sorry to tell you," said Master Hand. "You have been eliminated from the race."

…

"We don't care," said Diddy Kong.

"Oh yeah? We don't care…" said Master Hand, "…about you!"

Diddy Kong cried.

**Finish Times:**

Kirby and Pikachu: 11:22 AM

Fox and Falcon: 11:26 AM

Toon Link and King Dedede: 11:55 AM

Wolf and Samus: 12:37 PM

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf: 12:42 PM

Marth and Squirtle: 12:50 PM

Wario and Mr. Resetti: 1:36 PM

Roy and Zelda: 2:20 PM

Lucas and Yoshi: 2:54 PM

Luigi and Peach: 2:55 PM

**Diddy Kong and Ivysaur: 2:56 PM- Eliminated**

**Author's Note: **Well, The Smashy Amazing Race is back for a fourth season! This was a double length episode, so every chapter won't be as bulky as this one.

All of your reviews are read and appreciated! Point out any mistakes.

Review telling who your favourite teams are, and who your least favourite teams are, suggestions for locations/tasks etc!

Also, vote on the 'Favourite Character Poll' on my profile!

Thanks for reading!

"_Next time on The Smashy Amazing Race,_" said Master Hand, "The frats get down and dirty!"

"_Why is there so much mud??" screamed Fox._

"Zelda breaks down… again!"

"_MY MOOSE IS BROKEN!" screamed Zelda._

"And Jigglypuff and Ganondorf get a serving from Luigi!"

"_You are the most rude, disgusting people I have ever come across!" said Luigi angrily._

"_I'M BLOCKING YOU!!" said Jigglypuff angrily._


	2. You Fat, Sassy Penguin

"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Eleven teams set off from Toad Town, Mushroom Kingdom to Saffron City, Kanto!"

_A shot of the teams running from the starting line played._

"Dating teams Marth and Squirtle, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, Wolf and Samus and Roy and Zelda signed up for the first flight going out!"

"_Oh, that footrace was worth it, we made the first flight!" said Wolf, excited, holding up the tickets._

"_Oh yes, we're excited!" laughed Samus, nibbling on Wolf's ear._

"…but their flight was delayed!"

"_It's really good to be on the first flight," said Samus, sitting on a four-seat row next to Wolf and Jigglypuff._

"_We're experiencing some delays,__" said a voice over the intercom. "__Our flight will depart approximately 45 minutes later…__"_

"_LOL Looks Like You wERE wRONG SaMUssss" laughed Jigglypuff._

"And the teams on the second flight, Fox and Falcon, Wario and Mr. Resetti, Kirby and Pikachu and Toon Link and King Dedede, took the lead!"

"_Frats are out first!" said Fox, wheeling out a trolley of shoplifted beer from the duty-free section._

"Teams travelled to their first task… eating an entire bowl of crickets!" said Master Hand. "Best friends, Kirby and Pikachu finished the task very quickly!"

_Said Kirby, "Uh… like I was saying… I have very high standards for…"_

_Pikachu stuffed the bowl of crickets into Kirby's mouth._

"_Hey!" said Kirby angrily._

"Fraternity brothers Fox and Falcon persevered through the task," said Master Hand, "Landing themselves in the first departing group for the next day!"

"_Fratt… power!" said Fox, stuffing twenty crickets into Falcon's mouth._

_Falcon vomited._

"_Fraattt… powwweerrr!" said Fox, stuffing more crickets into Falcon's mouth._

"But other teams didn't find the task so easy!"

"_Come on, honey, do you want to be in this race?" said Roy, chewing on several crickets._

"_ROOY!" wailed Zelda, "I can't do this! And I can't believe you'd treat me like this!"_

"The next day, teams travelled to a Pokemon Contest Hall, where Kirby and Pikachu and Fox and Falcon battled it out over a detour!"

_The camera panned on Kirby, wearing a cowboy hat, performing the moves with his partner to absolute precision, displaying an aura of fun at the same time._

_The camera panned on Pikachu, who was being slapped mercilessly by the Wigglytuff, who appeared not at all interested in dancing._

"_Dude, we're almost done," said Fox, pouring a trail of beer towards the truck, which the Pokemon followed, sipping along excitedly._

"It was Fox and Falcon who finished first!" said Master Hand.

"_Dude, use your frat power!" said Fox proudly._

"But a costly navigational error caused them to lose costly time!" said Master Hand.

"_I know! We'll go underwater!" said Falcon smartly, pointing to a scuba diving shop. "All volcanoes are under the sea!"_

"_Awesome!" said Fox._

"_Fratttt powwweerrr!" said Falcon._

_They ran into the sea._

_And drowned._

"Kirby and Pikachu snuck into first, with the frats coming in just seconds behind!"

"_Kirby and Pikachu," said Master Hand excitedly, "You're team number one!"_

"_Cool!" said Kirby, hugging Pikachu._

"At the back of the pack, Roy and Zelda excelled on a dancing task!" said Master Hand, "But when Zelda had to walk one kilometre uphill…"

"_Rooy! This is so hard!" complained Zelda, barely halfway up the climb, "My feet are hurting!"_

"_You'll be fine," said Roy, slowly walking up._

"…she broke down!"

"_Roooy!" wailed Zelda._

"_Zelda, please…" said Roy._

"_Roooy!" wailed Zelda._

"In last and second last place, it looked like a battle between Lucas and Yoshi and Luigi and Peach to stay in the race!"

"_We're just beating them!" said Lucas, "We can do this, Yoshi!"_

"But evil twins Diddy Kong and Ivysaur made a huge navigational error at the pit stop…"

"_Let's find the pit stop!" said Diddy Kong, "It's got to be here somewhere!"_

_Shrieking orchestral music played, as the camera panned on the pit stop on the other side of the road._

"…and they came in last."

"_We don't care," said Diddy Kong._

"Ten teams remain, who will be eliminated… next?" said Master Hand.

**The Teams:**

Wolf and Samus (Newly Dating)

Roy and Zelda (Engaged)

Marth and Squirtle (Dating Six Years)

Toon Link and King Dedede (Coal Miners)

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf (Dating Twelve Days)

Lucas and Yoshi (Roommates)

Fox and Falcon (Fraternity Brothers)

Luigi and Peach (Dating)

Wario and Mr. Resetti (Fire Fighters)

Kirby and Pikachu (Best Friends)

"After arriving at the first pit stop, all teams have to undertake a mandatory rest period where they can sleep, eat, and mingle with the other teams!" said Master Hand.

_A shot of Fox and Falcon lecturing the other teams about responsible drinking appeared on the screen._

"Can Kirby and Pikachu cope with the competitiveness of the field and the hostility from other teams and stay at the top of the pack in first place?" said Master Hand, "Can Zelda overcome the physical and mental barriers of the race and keep her team in the race?"

"Kirby and Pikachu, who were the first to arrive at 11:22 AM, will depart at 11:22 PM!" said Master Hand.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
1__st__ to depart: 11:22 PM_

Kirby ripped open the clue. "Fly to Isle Delfino and find your next clue at the airport carpark!"

"Teams must now fly over 700 kilometres to Isle Delfino!" said Master Hand, "This tropical obviously not-recycled race destination is a honeymooner's paradise, and is most famous for its appearance in the Super Mario Sunshine game!"  
"Once teams arrive here, they will find their next clue on a marked car in the airport!"

"Let's go!" said Kirby, dragging along his tiny little purple backpack.

"Okay…" grumbled Pikachu, dragging along a gigantic picnic basket.

"Now Pikachu, why are you dragging along so much food?" said Kirby angrily.

"Because you told me to!" said Pikachu angrily. "In fact, I don't even know why I'm carrying this for you!"

Pikachu stared angrily at Kirby.

"You know what Pikachu, you really shouldn't eat that much," said Kirby, "Obesity is the cause of such problems as heart disease and-"

Pikachu dropped the picnic basket on the ground and walked along, luggage-less.

"Hey wait!" said Kirby, waving his arms, "Don't you want to keep on carrying your luggage? I'd be so sorry for you if you lost your luggage! Because I'm such a good friend!"

_Fox and Falcon  
2__nd__ to depart: 11:26 PM_

"Fly to Isle Delfino and find your next clue at the airport carpark!" read Fox, "You have thirteen dollars for this leg of the race."

"Let's go dude!" said Falcon, wheeling along a supermarket trolley full of beer.

"Dude, how do you get so much beer?" laughed Fox, slightly intoxicated, "We have like, not enough money to buy all of this booze!"

"Uh…" said Falcon, "I uh… have my ways…"

A police car on the other side of the road spotted them, and turned on its siren.

"I have my ways…" said Falcon.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Pikachu, wait!" said Kirby, panting, several metres behind Pikachu, "Oh gosh! It's an emergency!"

"What?" said Pikachu, turning around.

Kirby sat down, laid out the picnic mat, sat down and got out a jar of jam and a piece of bread.

"Kirby! We're fifteen metres away from the taxi rank! You can eat in there!" said Pikachu angrily.

"But I don't wanna!" fussed Kirby, kicking his legs.

Pikachu dragged Kirby by the ear towards the taxi rank.

"You are _so_ insensitive towards my weight!" said Kirby angrily.

_Fox and Falcon  
Frat Boys_

"Falcon and I are so glad to be in Dream Land and seeing all of the local Waddle Dees," said Falcon, sipping some beer.

"Dude, you must be so drunk…" said Fox, "We're obviously in Monaco! Gosh!"

Ba-doom tish.

Applause.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
3__rd__ to depart: 11:55 PM_

"Fly to Isle Delfino and find your next clue at the airport carpark!" read Toon Link, "You have thirteen dollars for this leg of the race."

…

"So… no joke, I guess?" said Toon Link, smirking.

"PIZZA! PIZZA! WHERE?!" screamed King Dedede, his eyes a healthy _evil_ **toxic lava green**.

"Where the hell were you last night!" shouted Toon Link, "What the hell did you take?"

"Why the hell was that a _**practical joke**_?" chortled King Dedede.

The filming crew laughed.

"Bloody hell!" said Toon Link angrily in a Harry Potter-esque style. "That's such a bad joke! Why did you do that?"

…

"And why are your eyes green?" said Toon Link angrily.

"Not drugs…" said King Dedede.

Toon Link laughed.

King Dedede shuffled his feet.

_Cinnabar Island Airport_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're first to the airporrrtt…" sang Kirby.

They walked up to the ticket desk.

"We'reee orrrderrriiinnnggg tiiiccckkkettss…" sang Kirby and Pikachu in unison.

"Shut up," said the person at the desk. "I have a minimum wage job and I'm not going to put up with your crappy musical theatre this early in the morning."

…

"Someone's a bit grumpy…" said Pikachu cutely.

"Yes, yes I am," said the ticket agent angrily.

She processed their tickets.

She handed them over angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
1__st__ on 8:00 AM Flight_

"Bye!" waved Kirby.

The ticket agent grunted.

"…heeelllooo!" sang Kirby, sliding across the ticket agent's desk.

The ticket agent started to cry.

"You arrreee crrryiinnngg…" sang Pikachu.

_Fox and Falcon  
Frat Boys_

"Sup dudes!" said Falcon, walking into the airport.

"Hey!" said Kirby.

Falcon, Fox, Kirby and Pikachu did their high-fives and thumb-twiddling handshakes.

"I am so wasted, man," said Fox, gulping down more beer.

Kirby and Pikachu stared, puzzled.

"Oh, don't worry, just responsible adult talk!" said Falcon.

Fox and Falcon laughed.

"I get it, because we're not responsible adults… so it's like a lie!" laughed Fox.

"Yeah, that was the joke, dude," said Falcon.

"I know," said Fox sexily.

_Fox and Falcon  
2__nd__ on 8:00 AM Flight_

"Hey ma'am, why are you crying?" said Fox, talking to the ticket agent, still upset.

"I know how to cheer you up!" said Falcon slyly, "Do you like Thai food? Because you're _**Thai-**_riffic!"

The ticket agent sulked.

"Show me your moves!" said Falcon, flexing.

The ticket agent sulked.

"Dude… it's not working…" said Falcon angrily.

"Show her your moves!" said Fox.

"Falcon…" said Falcon, "Punch!"

Falcon's fist rocketed into the table, sending wood splinters everywhere, including into the ticket agent's face.

"AAAH!" screamed the ticket agent, bleeding.

"I'm Falcon, by the way," said Falcon suavely.

"AAAH!" screamed the ticket agent, bleeding.

"And what am I doing wrong?" said Falcon angrily.

_King Dedede  
3__rd__ on 8:00 AM Flight_

"Hey," said King Dedede, walking suavely up to the ticket counter, wearing dark shades. "I need the uh… fastest tickets to Isle Delfino…"

The ticket lady (the one that wasn't bleeding) fluttered her eyelashes and handed over the tickets.

"Say…" said King Dedede, winking, "Do you like Thai food? Because you're _**Thai**_-riffic!"

"Oh hoh hoh!" laughed the lady, unbuttoning her dress, "Give me your number you fat, sassy penguin…"

King Dedede winked at the camera.

_Locked in the taxi_

Toon Link grunted.

_Ribbon Resort_

_Wolf and Samus  
4__th__ to depart: 12:37 AM_

"You have thirteen dollars for this leg of the race," read Wolf.

"Let's go," said Samus.

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

"I believe we're actually the only team that could win this race," said Wolf. "I don't thing a single other team has genuinely any other chance of beating us."

"Yo, yo!" said Samus, with a baseball cap on backwards, "That's because we're the best, home dogs!"

…

…

Master Hand stared at Samus.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
5__th__ to depart: 12:42 AM_

"YOU have thirteen dollars for THIS leg of the race," shouted Ganondorf. "HURRY jeeglypuff or we'll be late for the heiroplane"

"IM COMING SWEETIE" said Raichu.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Dating Twelve Days_

"Ganondorf and I met on the MSN," said Jigglypuff. "And I was like, OMG Ganondorf ur my sweetie pie"

"and I'm like whose this" said Ganondorf.

"and I'M like it's me ZELDA but I GOT THE PLASTIC SURGERY and change name to hied from Link so we can be backs together forever" said Jigglypuff.

"AND I AM SONIC the personal assistant in Ganondorf's magical backpack" said a blue hedgehog.

_Marth and Squirtle  
6__th__ to depart: 12:50 AM_

"Fly to Isle Delfino and find your next clue at the airport carpark!" read Marth.

"Honey, we're going to a tropical place!" cheered Squirtle.

_Marth and Squirtle_

"Worst part about the race so far…" said Marth to himself, "Hmm… probably having to travel with him!"

"Oh! You did just not go there!" said Squirtle, laughing.

"Oh! I went there!" said Marth.

"Oh! You did just not go there!" said Squirtle, laughing.

"Oh! I went there!" said Marth.

…

"Oh! You did just not go there!" said Squirtle, laughing.

_Cinnabar Island Airport_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Coal Miners_

"We made the first flight!" said Toon Link.

"We?" said King Dedede slyly.

"That's not even a pun!" said Toon Link, "What do you mean?"

"Well, the sound guy and the camera guy have their tickets…" said King Dedede.

The cameraman and sound guy waved to the camera.

"…and I have my ticket…" said King Dedede.

"And…" said Toon Link.

…

"Where's my ticket?" said Toon Link angrily.

"Here's your first clue!" said King Dedede, "Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!"

King Dedede handed Toon Link a piece of paper.

"_In order to board the plane, you will soon see,_" read Toon Link. "_That you'll have to solve clues from King Dedede! You'll get your ticket if you follow these clues, while Dedede by himself goes to buy shoes!_"

"You're making me go on a treasure hunt for my freaking airline ticket?!" screamed Toon Link.

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede, passing over his first clue.

Toon Link opened the envelope. "Clue One: Buy King Dedede a coffee with _your_ half of the money."

"WHAT?!" said Toon Link angrily, "This isn't even a riddle!"

"But there's one way to solve it!" laughed King Dedede.

Toon Link grunted.

_Ribbon Resort_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
7__th__ to depart: 1:36 AM_

"Fly to Isle Delfino and find your next clue at the airport carpark!" read Mr. Resetti.

"Isle Delfino?" said Mr. Resetti in his old rambling guy voice, "I haven't been to Isle Delfino for years! Why, the last time I was there-"

_Wario_

"My partner is very annoying," said Wario angrily. "I figure if he talks for long enough, he'll either shut up or have a seizure and die and something. If I put up with it, I'll win sooner or later."

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"You see, tadpoles those days weren't called tadpoles," said Mr. Resetti wisely, "They were called bitpoles! As you know, bit is the synonym of tad, but they standardized the two different words to-"

Wario's face turned slightly red.

_Roy and Zelda  
8__th__ to depart: 2:20 AM_

"Fly to Isle Delfino!" read Roy.

_Roy and Zelda_

"I love Roy because he's so rich!" said Zelda sweetly.

"Huh?" said Roy.

"…in character…" said Zelda.

"Oh! Zelda! You're funny!" said Roy sweetly.

_Roy_

"I think Zelda's just the sweetest girl I've ever met!" said Roy, "She was the girl to get in high school, and now I've got her! I just guess I've matured and developed some male charm, if you know what I mean."

"Uh…" said Master Hand, "Has it ever occurred to you that the reason why she wants to marry you is to-"

"I know _**exactly**_ what you're talking about!" laughed Roy, "I guess I developed some confidence in getting girls and look, it's paid off!"

"I meant that-"

"I know, and I've just developed this handsome kinda charm, really woos the ladies!" chuckled Roy, holding his arms together.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
9__th__ to depart: 2:54 AM_

"Fly to Isle Delfino and find your next clue at the airport carpark!" read Yoshi.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Roommates_

"Yeah, we're making an effort to become friends…" said Yoshi.

…

"Can we like, go now?" said Lucas angrily, "We've been in this interview room forever!"

"You just came in," said Master Hand.

…

"You guys are so mean!" sobbed Lucas, "And I'm trying so hard to be your friend!"

_Luigi and Peach  
Last to depart: 2:55 AM_

"You have thirteen dollars for this leg of the race," read Luigi.

"Let's go!" said Peach, dragging along a trolley.

"Peach, what are you doing with that trolley?" said Luigi.

"Silly!" laughed Peach, "Remember? After the _accident_ last night, we're going to drop this body at the morgue!"

"That's really funny, Peach!" laughed Luigi manically, "You have a… very creative mind!"

The corpse slid out of the body bag, plopping onto the ground.

"Well… have you… seen the… Ferris Wheel… over there?!" cackled Luigi manically, pointing the camera away from the body.

"There's no Ferris Wheel in town, silly!" laughed Peach.

"SHUT UP," screamed Luigi, shooting Peach.

Peach fell to the ground.

"Well… have you… seen the… Ferris Wheel… over there?!" cackled Luigi manically, pointing the camera away from the body.

The cameraman slowly stepped back.

_Cinnabar Island Airport_

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Clue number six…" said Toon Link, ripping open the envelope. "Give King Dedede a foot rub!"

"Is any of this actually going to be a puzzle or are you just making me bribe you for my airline pass?" said Toon Link angrily.

"Maybe… hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

"You know what? I'm stopping this little charade!" said Toon Link angrily, "I **know** you're going to give me this ticket, because you _want_ to win this race, and you don't want to get eliminated!"

King Dedede sat there, smiling.

"Ha! Outsmarted!" laughed Toon Link, "Now hand me back my ticket!"

King Dedede sat there, smiling.

"King Dedede?" said Toon Link, shaking King Dedede.

King Dedede sat there, smiling.

"King Dedede!" said Toon Link, shocked, taking the penguin's pulse.

"I'M HERE!!!!!!" screamed King Dedede, shaking Toon Link violently off him, "Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!"

Toon Link grunted.

_Ticket Counter_

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

"So, we have three teams at the same time booking tickets," said Wolf, "Our lady looks quick, so hopefully we'll get on the first flight."

_Marth and Squirtle  
4__th__ on 8:00 AM Flight_

"We made it on the first flight," said Squirtle, holding up the tickets.

_Wolf and Samus  
5__th__ on 8:00 AM Flight_

"I have a feeling everyone is going to make the flight…" said Wolf, taking the tickets.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
6__th__ on 8:00 AM Flight_

The ticket agent typed into her computer.

"CAN we have A free FIRST CLASS upgrade?" said Jigglypuff.

"yeah COS we're celebrities" said Ganondorf.

"No," said the ticket agent, smiling politely. "The flight is very full."

"CAN we have A free FIRST CLASS upgrade?" said Jigglypuff.

"yeah COS we're celebrities" said Ganondorf.

"Uh… I don't think you heard me the first time… I can't," said the ticket agent.

…

"yeah COS we're celebrities" said Ganondorf.

"OMG Ganondorf I didn't even say it that time! GOSH!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"mAYBE we haven'T gotten the UPGRADE we're supposed to GET because UR not as famous as me" said Ganondorf.

"OH YEAH?"

"YEAH like I've got my face ON all THE MOVIE posters" said Ganondorf, spitting onto the ticket lady.

Ganondorf pointed to a poster noting a warrant for his arrest.

"YOU win this TIME but I am the better HOCKEY player" said Jigglypuff, spitting on the lady.

"Can you stop spitting on me?" said the lady angrily.

"PARODN?" said Ganondorf and Jigglypuff at the same time, slopping their tongues onto the ticket agent's face.

The ticket agent pressed the security button.

"I HOPE YOU MADE LOTSA SPAGHETTI" said Jigglypuff.

Security dragged Jigglypuff away.

"I HOPE YOU MADE LOTSA SPAGHETTI" said Jigglypuff.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
7__th__ on 8:00 AM Flight_

"We made the first flight," said Wario. "And this guy still won't shut up…"

The camera panned on Mr. Resetti, rambling, "…the chicken coop in my childhood house doubled as an opium…"

"I swear, you could suffocate the guy and he wouldn't notice…" said Wario angrily.

"…the great English house bonfire of 1285…"

Wario started to suffocate Mr. Resetti.

Mr. Resetti continued to make talking actions and motions with his hands and mouth, but no sound came out.

Wario continued to suffocate Mr. Resetti.

"Uh… maybe you should stop…" said the cameraman.

Wario continued to suffocate Mr. Resetti.

_Roy and Zelda  
8__th__ on 8:00 AM Flight_

"We're glad to be equal with everyone… we really think we should be at the top of the pack," said Roy.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
9__th__ on 8:00 AM Flight_

"We're on the last flight!" said Lucas angrily, "You suck so bad at booking tickets!"

"We're on the first flight," said Yoshi angrily.

…

"You have such poor fashion sense!" said Lucas angrily, "Buy some new clothes!"

Yoshi pointed to Lucas's 80's disco hand-me-downs.

"Uh…" said Lucas, "You smell."

_Luigi and Peach  
Last on 8:00 AM Flight_

"Yay! We made the first flight!" said Peach, kissing Luigi.

"I don't want to be seen with you," said Luigi angrily.

"Yay!" said Peach, running off. "I'm free!"

"All teams are now on the same 8:00 AM flight to Isle Delfino, which lands at 1:20 PM, local time!" said Master Hand. "Once teams land here, they must make their way to the airport carpark, where they will find their next clue in a marked car!"

_Isle Delfino_

Various shots of the beach and tropical scenery appeared on screen.

_Isle Delfino International Airport_

_1__st__ Flight  
Landed at 1:23 PM_

_Wolf and Samus  
_"Run! Run!" said Samus, jogging along with Wolf from the gate.

_Fox and Falcon_

"Mad frat jogging skills!" said Falcon, sprinting along, a pair of briefs on his head.

"Dude… Why are you wearing underwear on your face?" said Fox, running along.

Falcon ran into a pole.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"Come on, Yoshi! Hurry up!" said Lucas angrily.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Roommates_

"I think you'll find that everyone is so impressed with my masculinity and male charm, as exemplified by this race," said Lucas.

…

_Luigi and Peach_

"Hurry Luigi!" said Peach, dragging Luigi out of the gate.

"But Peach! We need to grab as many free TV's as possible!" said Luigi desperately, lugging along an entertainment screen he stole from his plane.

"Uh… Luigi… I don't think you're supposed to take those…" said Peach, jogging along in her high-heels and dress.

"Peach… you're so naive!" laughed Luigi, proudly hugging his stolen screen.

"And I don't think that's going to work with your VCR…" said Peach, "It kinda has broken wires…"

"Nag! Nag! Nag!" said Luigi angrily, "And do you know why my last wife mysterious disappeared?"

…

"Under my car?" said Luigi angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"I can't believe they handed us those meals and toys!" said Pikachu angrily, "What do they take us for, a couple of kids?"

"Eeeow," said Kirby, waving his plane around. "Eeeeeeow."

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"oMG are you a local we needs the inside informationS!" said Jigglypuff, dragging along a crying child.

"I want my mummy!" cried the child.

"OMGS we got the cultural Advantage very smart" said Ganondorf.

"Why are you kidnapping me?" cried the child.

"Ice cream!" said Jigglypuff.

"Yay!" said the Ganondorf.

The child cried.

"Omg not for you the kid thinks he's not getting the ice creams!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Roy! How are we at the bottom at the pack? We're supposed to be equal!" said Zelda angrily.

_Marth and Squirtle_

"Oh my gosh, everyone is taking this so seriously," said Squirtle walking along, watching the other sprinting teams.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"This guy's been going since early this morning, the whole flight!" said Wario angrily.

"…and the cub kittens… or as we called them… cittens were actually little baby bears! And you see, this kite that we had there weren't call kilojoules… we used the metric system which equated to twelve imperial foot! You know what you could buy with a chicken foot? Seventeen gallons of human gallbladders! And my, that would be a very good starting hand in a rousing game of paintball! Say, my friend, did I ever tell you the time about when I was young in the coalmines and I met Will Shakespeare? Turns out the lass wanted to marry me…" rambled Mr. Resetti.

"It's rather annoying," said Wario angrily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Can you do anything but walk?" said Toon Link angrily to King Dedede, whose casual stroll was apace with Toon Link's vigorous sprint.

"Yes!" said King Dedede, stopping.

…

"I meant like, running or something!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Yes, but I'm doing something different than walking! Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" said King Dedede, chuckling.

Toon Link walked into the knife store.

"Don't _**stab**_ me with one, boy!" chuckled King Dedede.

Toon Link bought a knife.

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

_Airport Carpark_

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"First to the cars!" said Wolf, opening a clue.

"Drive to the Coconut Cafe!" read Wolf.

"Teams must now find out that the Coconut Cafe is a little known eatery in Delfino Plaza, the capital of Isle Delfino!" said Master Hand. "When teams get their bearing, they must drive forty-four kilometres from the airport to that cafe to get their next clue!"  
"However, the airport is several kilometres away from any major towns, and there is a sign pointing to a coconut vendor several miles in the opposite direction, which could be potentially time wasting!"

"That's the entire clue?" said Samus.

"Yeah," said Wolf.

"Hmm… let's try airport information," said Samus.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Drive to the Coconut Cafe!" read Fox.

"Dude, let's not waste any time!" said Falcon, jumping into the seat of the car.

"You sure, man?" said Fox, sipping a Long Island Iced tea. "We have no idea where this place is."

"Yeah man," said Falcon, starting the engine, "Let's just try and hit a town and look there!"

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Follow them!" shouted Lucas, hopping in the car.

"Don't we want to read the clue?" said Yoshi, reluctantly sitting in the driver's seat.

"We'll lose them! Come on! Let's win this leg!" said Lucas angrily.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Let's sneak around the back," said Wolf, tip-toeing behind the cars, "We don't want anyone else to try the info desk."

"I've got a disguise!" said Samus, putting on a moustache.

…

"Uh… yeah…" said Wolf, "Good work there…"

"No-one can recognise me!" whispered Samus loudly.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Drive to the Coconut Cafe!" read Luigi.

"Hey! They have a local! Let's follow them!" said Peach excitedly.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"omg ur so nice offering us around the city" said Jigglypuff sweetly.

"You said I had to or you'd hurt my family!" cried the kid.

"omg he's such a cutie wutie!" said Ganondorf.

"MY SON'S OVER THERE! AND HE'S BEEN KIDNAPPED!" screamed a voice from the other side of the carpark.

"LOL maybe we should go" said Ganondorf.

"ROFLMAO yes" said Jigglypuff, turning on the engine.

"HYARK HYARK gettit? I'm likes the king dedede" said Ganondorf.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"We have no idea where it is, though," said Kirby.

"Hey! We can try the info desk!" said Pikachu.

"Yeah! Let's go," said Kirby.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Guys! Where are you going?" said Roy to Kirby and Pikachu.

"The info desk!" said Kirby.

"I can't be bothered walking," said Zelda, polishing her nails, "Let's just wait here! You and me!"

"Aww, you're so cute!" said Roy.

_Information Desk_

_Wolf and Samus_

"Hi, we're looking how to get to the Coconut Cafe," said Wolf to the lady at the kiosk.

"I'm a spy!" said Samus, wearing her moustache and glasses with an attached nose piece.

…

"Uh… don't mind her…" said Wolf.

_Airport Carpark_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We're drivin… we're drivin…" said King Dedede.

King Dedede reversed the car violently, hitting several parked cars.

"Can you drive more… carefully?" said Toon Link.

"Nope! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"I'm so tired," said Squirtle, jumping into the passenger's seat.

"I know, let's just let someone else do the work for us," said Marth, "Follow these guys!"

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in Last Place_

"Golly gosh that was a big airplane. I'll say I haven't sat in such a big airplane since I was a wee little mole of five years old. My mam'd always say to me, 'Come on, Resetti Junior, ain't this a darned big plane?' Those were the days. I remember the little girl across the street - Jennifer was her name - sneaking across the old fences to go apple-picking with me. We'd sneak into old Mrs Crotchety's yard, kill her dog, and go have picnic with her apples. Those were the sweetest apples I've ever tasted, no doubt about that. We used to do it every day after school. One day she cottoned on, though. Noticed how her dogs kept dying or something. Don't know how," said Mr. Resetti.  
"Anyways, when lil' Jennifer and I - I was the taller of the two, born to a family of proud Resettis who were taller than their peers, so it was no surprise that I was taller than my peers, and make no mistake about it, Jennifer was a peer of mine, me bein' the same age as she - climbed over Mrs Crotchety's garden fence that day, she was waitin' for us with a flamethrower…"

Wario's face turned red.

_Information Desk_

_Wolf and Samus_

"Okay, the Coconut Cafe is located in Delfino Plaza on South Drive," said the lady at the information desk.

"Right, got it," said Wolf, scribbling down the details.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Hey! There's Wolf and Samus!" said Kirby excitedly.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Company," said Wolf, running towards the exit.

"Hey guys, are you looking for the info desk? Because it's right there!" said Samus, pointing to an arcade game on the other side of the room.

"Do you think we're stupid?" said Pikachu angrily. "The info desk is right behind you! Do you think we'd honestly fall for that?"

"Neeooowww!" said Kirby, jingly music and bright buzzing lights emitted from the other side of the room.

_Isle Delfino_

_Fox and Falcon  
Frat Boys_

"We're heading towards Isle Delfino, and we're just going to stop at the next town to find where the cafe's at," said Fox, driving the car.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Roommates_

"Well… we _**were**_ going to follow Fox and Falcon, before my incompetent roommate couldn't get out of first gear and now we're in last place!" said Yoshi angrily.

"I'd like to see you drive!" said Lucas angrily, stopping the car and hopping out.

Yoshi drove off.

"Hmmph!" said Lucas angrily, standing on the side of the road.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Dating 12 Days_

"oMG we're almost there thanks to tHE hope of our very kind local" said Jigglypuff.

"Will you let me go?!" cried the boy.

"OMG you're so sweet! How nice of you to be our TOUR guide for THE WHOLE raec!" cheered Ganondorf.

The boy cried.

"y is he crying?" said Ganondorf.

"He HASN'T GOT THE ENOUGH NUTRIENTS from all three food groups!1" said Jigglypuff.

_Luigi and Peach  
Dating_

"Right now we're just following Jigglypuff and Ganondorf," said Luigi, driving along.

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

"This is insane," said Wolf, steering through the windy coastal road, "We haven't seen anyone since leaving the airport… we could be in first… we could be last…"

_Marth and Squirtle  
Dating Six Years_

"Squirtle and I can't be stuffed navigating, so we're just following the two cars in front of us," said Marth.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Firefighters_

"We're putting the faith of our entire race on the car in front of us, King Dedede and Toon Link," said Wario.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Coal Miners_

"Do you have _**any**_ idea where we're going?" said Toon Link.

"Nope! Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" said King Dedede.

"Hey look! There's a coconut sign!" said Toon Link excitedly, "We should stop! The clue might be there!"

"Nope! Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" said King Dedede.

King Dedede did a sharp u-turn and drove off into the other direction.

_Coconut Vendor_

_Marth and Squirtle_

"Here it is!" said Marth, hopping out of the car.

"Why did Toon Link and King Dedede make a U-Turn?" said Squirtle.

"Maybe they're parking so that when they hop in the car, they're going the right way," said Marth, walking up to the vendor.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Hurry up! We have to follow them or we might miss the clue!" said Wario angrily, dragging Mr. Resetti out of the car.

_Isle Delfino_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Coal Miners_

"What the heck was that?" said Toon Link angrily, "We probably missed the clue!"

"No boy, you see, I used my photographic memory to memorise the map in several seconds as we got into the car!" said King Dedede.

_A black and white shot played on the screen, showing King Dedede hopping into the car._

"Now, I knew that there was a coconut vendor a few miles off course," said King Dedede, "So I led the navigationally reliant teams there and dropped them off there clueless… literally! Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!"

"That was genius!" said Toon Link, impressed. "We'll surely not get eliminated today!"

"Too bad we have no petrol!" laughed King Dedede.

The car stopped.

Toon Link grunted.

_Coconut Vendor_

_Marth and Squirtle_

"Let's get the clue quick!" said Marth, running from the carpark uphill towards the vendor.

They walked up to the vendor.

"Can we have our clue?" said Marth.

"What clue?" replied a man.

"Wait… is this the Coconut Cafe?" said Squirtle, pulling out the clue.

"No! No! That's a place in Delfino Plaza!" said the man. "You took the wrong turn from the airport! It's five miles that way!"

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Come on, let's see where the clue's at!" said Wario, slowly walking up the hill.

_Marth and Squirtle_

"Oh my gosh, we're in last place now!" said Squirtle, upset, running down the hill.

"Squirtle! Hold up the old clue! We'll trick them!" said Marth.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Damn it! They found the clue!" said Wario angrily, walking uphill.

_Marth and Squirtle_

"What a bad mistake," said Marth, reversing the car out onto the road, "Today is a real possibility that we'll get eliminated!"

_Isle Delfino_

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Kirby… is that team following us?" said Pikachu, pointing behind, "That car's been behind us since the airport!"

"I'll drive into this side street," said Kirby.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Why are they stopping?" said Zelda.

"I dunno, I'll stop the car," said Roy.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Now I should drive off!" said Kirby, putting his hand on the ignition key.

"Wait! Wait for them to get out of the car!" said Pikachu.

_Roy and Zelda_

Roy hopped out of the car.

The other car drove off.

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda.

"I'm sorry!" shouted Roy, clumsily running back towards his car.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Swindled!" laughed Kirby, giving Pikachu a high-five.

They stopped at a traffic light.

Roy and Zelda's car pulled up next to Kirby's car.

"Drat," said Kirby angrily.

_Delfino Plaza_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"oMG we made it thanks to the navigation of our very own son!!!" said Ganondorf, driving through the main drive of the tropical, beachside Delfino Plaza.

"I'm not your son!" cried the boy.

"oMG it's almost Christmas the SANTa claus is coming r u excited???!" said Jigglypuff.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We're here! We're here!" cheered Luigi.

"Yay!" cheered Peach, wearing a yellow dress, "Can I change my clothes now? I want to look more like a beach lady!"

Peach did a twirl.

"NO, damn it! Now shut up and keep looking like my ex-wife!" said Luigi angrily.

…

"Daisy," said Luigi.

"I'm not Daisy, silly!" laughed Peach.

"I'll make you Daisy!" said Luigi angrily, taking out a knife.

"Oh Luigi! You're so romantic!" said Peach admiringly.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Dude, we are so in paradise right now," said Fox, looking at the beach, "Look how many babes there are!"

"Maybe we can get our first girlfriend!" said Falcon.

Fox and Falcon cried.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Look at this gorgeous beach!" said Wolf, peering through the window at the beach, "I'm gonna get me a suntan afterwards!"

"Suntan… more like… wolf-tan…" said Samus.

…

_Coconut Cafe_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Detour!" read Jigglypuff, "Climb A Wall or VoLLeyball?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A Detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour, teams must choose between two popular beach activities… Climb a Wall… or Volleyball!"  
"In Climb a Wall, teams must scale this 55 metre beach tower using a rope ladder! Once both teams reach the top, they will look from the observation deck down to see gigantic scattered letters in red that will reveal to them their next destination. When a team guesses their destination right, they will be handed their next clue."  
"When teams are finished, they must take this long, winding water slide down the fifty-five metre tower!"  
"This task requires racers to have a combination of both physical strength and observation, so teams who can stay focused after a physical task will finish quickly!"  
"In Volleyball, both team members must take centre court and play a two on two against a duo of local beach volleyball champions!"  
"When teams have won a total of three points, they will receive their next clue. However, if there are other teams waiting, teams who lose a point must go to the back of the line and wait for their turn. This task is highly technical and the wait may appear frustrating, however, the task is not horribly strenuous! Any teams who find themselves not breaking their own bones and breaking serve might fight themselves breaking into the lead!"

"Let us do the Volleyballs! I am highly skilled at the computer games so I will be the bEst at this" said Ganondorf.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Let's do volleyball!" said Peach.

"I just realised! I can go to the beach! …I'm not a registered sex offender in this country!" cheered Luigi. "Yahoo!"

Everyone stared at Luigi.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We shall unlock our frat powers and play volleyball!" declared Falcon.

"Unlocking… FRRRATTT POWERS!" said Falcon and Fox in unison, interlocking arms.

They ran around in circles for about four minutes.

"Oh god! I'm so dizzy!" screamed Falcon.

Fox vomited into Falcon's mouth.

"…thank you?" said Falcon.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We should climb the wall," said Samus.

"And I'll climb on you later tonight," said Wolf slyly.

…

"Why?" said Samus.

…

_Isle Delfino_

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Roommates_

"We've lost the car we were following… so we have no idea where we are…" said Lucas.

"Maybe because you can't drive!" said Yoshi angrily, the car having been stationary for the last ten minutes, "And why are you still in the driver's seat? We're going to come last and it's all your fault!"

Lucas cried.

"Oh, come on!" said Yoshi angrily.

"You're so mean to me!" sobbed Lucas, "What have I ever done to you!"

"You called me a dog and put me on a leash!" said Yoshi angrily.

…

"…uh… besides that?" said Lucas.

"You tried to sell me!" said Yoshi angrily.

"So?" said Lucas angrily.

"To the recycling company!" said Yoshi angrily.

…

"I'm such a good friend to you!" said Lucas angrily, "I can't believe how unbelievably mean you've been to me this trip!"

_Marth and Squirtle  
Dating Six Years_

"We are completely lost…" said Marth.

"I wanna go to the beach!" complained Squirtle, "I don't want to sit here all day in this stupid car!"

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Fire Fighters_

"Mr. Resetti is completely delusional, he's been talking since six this morning," said Wario angrily, "And we haven't found the clue… this sucks."

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Coal Miners_

Toon Link and King Dedede sat there, sipping their drinks and digesting their food.

"WHY are we getting burgers?!" screamed Toon Link angrily. "We're in a race! I don't want to eat burgers!"

"Okay! You don't have to!" said King Dedede.

King Dedede inhaled everything on Toon Link's side of the table, including his burger, his hat, his sword and his beloved childhood toys.

"Hey!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Hay!" said King Dedede, pointing to a farm next door.

Toon Link grunted.

_Coconut Cafe_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Let's climb the wall," said Kirby.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Let's do volleyball!" said Roy.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"LETSH go to NEPAL" said Ganondorf.

"Hurry up and get on the freaking court," said the cameraman angrily.

_Delfino Beach_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
On Volleyball_

"oMG welcomes to the first delfino beech volleyball championship games tournament" said Jigglypuff.

"the Underdogs Ganondorf and Jigglypuff are gOing to try an beat the resident champions" said Ganondorf.

Some buff, stern, tall Koopas stared down Jigglypuff and Ganondorf on the other side.

"I'LL SERVE FIRST" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff threw up the ball.

Jigglypuff waved her arm to hit the ball, but missed.

The ball fell on the ground.

"You're out!" said the ref.

"OMG how could you???!" said Ganondorf.

"OMG I'm trying really hard I'm really sorry" sobbed Jigglypuff.

"IT'S OKAY I LOVE YOU" said Ganondorf.

"NYUM NYUM NYUM" said Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, slopping their tongues on each other's face.

Security removed them from the court.

_Luigi and Peach  
Points Won: 0_

"Let's-a go!" said Luigi, serving the ball over the net.

The ball dropped just over the other side of the net, making one of the opposition players dive for the ball, digging it up.

"Isn't that one of Mario's catch phrases?" giggled Peach.

The other Koopa set the ball, thrusting it up in the air for the other Koopa to hit.

"Mario! Mario! Mario!" said Luigi angrily, "It's always about Mario! Look at me! I'm Luigi! I'm not good enough to be Mario! Well…"

The Koopa smashed the ball towards Luigi.

"…could Mario do _**this?!**_" said Luigi angrily.

The ball hit Luigi in the face, knocking him out.

"No!" giggled Peach.

Everyone laughed heartily.

_Fox and Falcon  
Points Won: 0_

"Dude!" laughed Fox, sipping his last bit of beer and throwing it outside of the court, "We are so going to psyche these guys out!"

"FRAT BOY MOON!" declared Falcon.

They ran up to the net and mooned the opposition.

One of the Koopas hit the ball over Fox and Falcon.

They lost the point.

"Damn it!" said Falcon angrily.

"…I can't get my pants back up," said Fox, pointing to his broken belt.

A police car pulled up on the side of the road.

"Hey ladies…" said Fox sexily, without pants.

_Climbing Wall_

_Wolf and Samus  
On Climb A Wall_

"This is a cinch, Samus!" chuckled Wolf, briskly making his way up his ladder.

"We got company," said Samus, pointing down.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
On Climb A Wall_

"Hi guys!" shouted Kirby, getting his harness put on.

_Wolf and Samus_

"We are _not_ getting upstaged by these guys," said Wolf angrily.

"Yeah! Go quicker!" said Samus angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"La la la," hummed Kirby, abusing his unlimited jumps, puffing up and carrying Pikachu up the side of the wall.

_Wolf and Samus_

"I can't believe they're cheating!" said Samus angrily, "Why aren't we cheating? **I **want to cheat! Why are they cheating? Why can't we cheating! I can't believe we're not cheating!"

"Calm down…" said Wolf.

"AIFUEIWFUEBWIFU" screamed Samus, hyperventilating.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"La la la," hummed Kirby, catching up to Wolf and Samus.

_Wolf and Samus_

"When they come near us, knock one of them off," said Wolf.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"La la la," hummed Kirby, now equal with Wolf and Samus.

"Rawr!" screamed Wolf, scratching Kirby in the arm.

"Woah!" said Kirby, loosening his grip of Pikachu.

"Rawr!" screamed Wolf, scratching Kirby in the other arm.

Pikachu fell down.

"Wolfs don't say roar," mocked Kirby.

Pikachu was falling to his death.

"Shut up," said Wolf angrily.

"AAH!" screamed Pikachu.

Pikachu grabbed onto the ladder, several metres above the ground.

"I'll wait up the top, Pikachu!" said Kirby, floating all the way to the top.

_Delfino Beach_

_Roy and Zelda  
Points Won: 0_

"I got it!" said Zelda.

Zelda clumsily tapped the ball up with her fist.

"Smash this one!" said Roy, setting the ball up above the net.

"Hiya!" screamed Zelda.

Zelda missed the ball and hit Roy in the face.

"Ow!" screamed Roy, bleeding.

"Haha! What a horrible accident!" giggled Zelda blushing.

"Call a paramedic!" screamed Roy, bleeding.

"Oh Roy, you cutie!" chuckled Zelda.

"Aaah!" screamed Roy.

_Coconut Cafe_

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"There's still other clues left!" said Yoshi excitedly.

"Let's climb," said Lucas.

_Climbing Wall Observation Tower_

_Kirby  
Solving Puzzle_

"I made it up here first, and I'm trying to solve the clue, so when we get up here, we can go straight down," said Kirby.

_Wolf and Samus  
Climbing Wall_

"We're gonna kick Kirby's butt once we get up there," said Samus, the top of the wall in sight.

_Kirby  
Solving Puzzle_

"Okay! I've got some!" said Kirby, pointing to a large mat on the beach from the observation deck. "L… H… and T…"

_Wolf and Samus  
Finished Climbing_

"Okay! Let's get this puzzle!" said Samus, wiping the sweat off her forehead.

_Pikachu  
Climbing Wall_

"I hope Kirby gets this," said Pikachu, quickly making his way up the ladder.

_Delfino Beach_

_Fox and Falcon  
Points Won: 0_

The Koopa smashed the ball towards the ground. Fox acrobatically dived and kicked up the ball with the back of his heel.

Falcon blindly whacked the ball upwards. Fox regained his footing, eyed down the ball and smashed it into the back corner of the court.

"Point to the challengers!" said the ref.

_Fox and Falcon  
Points Won: 1_

"Frat Power!" cheered Fox and Falcon in unison.

_Climbing Wall Observation Tower_

_Kirby  
Solving Puzzle_

"I'm coming!" shouted Pikachu from the side of the wall.

"L, H, U, T, R, E…" read Kirby on a piece of paper. "Rel Hut?"

_Wolf and Samus  
Solving Puzzled_

"N, L, A…" said Wolf, peering off the tower.

_Pikachu  
Climbing Wall_

"Almost there!" said Pikachu.

Pikachu grabbed onto the top of the wall.

"Well done!" cheered Kirby.

"Let's do this!" said Pikachu, scampering over towards Kirby.

_Coconut Cafe_

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We made it…" said Marth, "Detour! Climb a Wall or Volleyball?"

"Volleyball," said Squirtle.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Volleyball," said Wario.

_Isle Delfino_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"I can't believe you made so many stops!" said Toon Link angrily, "It's been like, forever and we're not even there yet!"

"It could get worse!" chuckled King Dedede.

"It _**is**_ worse!" said Toon Link angrily.

"_Memorriees…_" sung King Dedede hideously.

"AAAAHHH!" screamed Toon Link.

_Volleyball Court_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Points Won: 1_

"GANONDORF I HAVE THE INGENIOUS plan" said Jigglypuff. "I Shall be the ball and we will have this stuffed toy version of me, filling in as me!1"

"omg jeeglypuff ur so SMART" said Ganondorf.

"Uh… we know you're trying to cheat," said the Koopa on the other side of the net.

"**quote** Uh… we know you're trying to cheat **unquote**" said Ganondorf angrily "omg IF WE'RE REALLY CHEATING then y don't u ban US? HUH?"

_At Back of The Line…_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"I'M LEAVING THIS FORUM 4EVR!" said Ganondorf angrily.

_Volleyball Court_

_Luigi and Peach  
Points Won: 1_

Luigi set the ball. "Now hit it Peach! Hit it like I'd hit Mario if he didn't put that restraining order against me because I did some embarrassing things to his tennis trophies!" screamed Luigi.

Everyone stared at Luigi.

"HAHA! Just kidding!" laughed Luigi hysterically.

Peach hit the ball into Luigi's face. It ricocheted and flipped over the net, landing them a point.

"We won!" cheered Peach, jumping up and down. "We won!"

Luigi angrily picked up a crowbar.

"We won!" cheered Peach, jumping up and down. "We won!"

_Climbing Wall Observation Tower_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Solving Puzzle_

"R… T… A… E… H… N… U… T… L…" read Kirby and Pikachu quietly.

"Something hut?" said Pikachu.

_Wolf and Samus  
Solving Puzzle_

"Retal… Rental…" read Wolf.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Solving Puzzle_

"Rental hut!" said Kirby excitedly.

"Gogogo!" said Kirby, running up to the arbiter. "Rental hut?"

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Finished Detour_

Kirby was handed the clue.

"Now we get to go down on the water slide!" cheered Pikachu.

They excitedly ran up to the water slide.

"Can we go in a train?" said Pikachu excitedly.

"Yeah! Can we?" said Kirby.

"Sorry, one at a time," replied the teenage slide supervisor.

Kirby and Pikachu pouted.

_Wolf and Samus  
Finished Detour_

"Rental Hut?" said Wolf.

Wolf took the clue.

_Wolf Slide_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Please! Please! Please!" said Kirby and Pikachu in unison.

"One at a time!" said the supervisor, facing a utilitarian ethical dilemma.

Wolf and Samus walked up behind Kirby and Pikachu.

"We're going to lose unless we go in a train!" cried Kirby.

"Fine! You can go as a train!" said the supervisor angrily.

"Ooh!" said Kirby, looking at Samus. "Can we go as a train of four?"

"Two at a time!" said the supervisor angrily.

Kirby and Pikachu pouted.

Samus pouted.

"Why are you pouting?" said Wolf.

"I wanna go as a four!" cried Samus, kicking her arms and legs.

_Volleyball Court_

_Fox and Falcon  
Points Won: 2_

"Come on, use our frat power to win the point!" said Fox.

Falcon hit the ball over the net.

Fox climbed under the net, punched both Koopas in the face and watched the ball drop to the ground.

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

"Illegal!" said the ref angrily, "I am now going to-"

Falcon punched the ref in the face.

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

A clue fell out of the ref's mouth.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Make your way to the Surfboard Rental Hut!" read Fox, "Warning! U-Turn Ahead!"

"Teams must now make their way on foot 100 metres across sand to this Surfboard Rental Hut!" said Master Hand. "Here, teams will find their next clue!"  
"When teams arrive here, they will be met with a U-Turn, the first of five on the race!" said Master Hand. "A U-Turn comes at the end of every detour, and teams who use their U-Turn power can force another team to complete the _**other**_ side of the detour that they did not complete!"  
"Teams may only use their U-Turn power once, so they must decide when it is most applicable to use their U-Turn!"

"Let's go dude! We don't want to get U-Turned!" said Fox.

_Water Slide_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Wolf and Samus_

"Whee!" said Kirby, Pikachu and Samus in a train.

Wolf sighed.

"Come on! Get into it!" cheered Samus childishly, "This is awesome fun!"

They landed into the pool at the bottom of the slide.

"Come on, Wolf!" cheered Samus, "Let's get out!"

"I'm drowning!" screamed Wolf.

"Ice cream!" cheered Samus, Pikachu and Kirby, leaving Wolf behind in the pool.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Make your way to the Surfboard Rental Hut!" read Pikachu.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Warning! U-Turn ahead!" read Wolf.

_Volleyball Court_

_Marth and Squirtle  
Points Won: 0_

"Mmph!" grunted Marth, the ball landing in front of him.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Points Won: 0_

"And back in the Old South, every Sunday morning Jem and I would go to the ol' church and-"

The ball landed next to Mr. Resetti.

_Roy and Zelda  
Points Won: 0_

Zelda screamed, hitting the ball into the net.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Pants Won: 2_

Ganondorf hit the ball into Jigglypuff's face.

"OOPS I think u meant to hit it on the other side jajaja" laughed Jigglypuff.

"I HAET YOU" said Ganondorf, kicking Jigglypuff in the face.

_Luigi and Peach  
Points Won: 2_

"Come on, Peach! We can get ahead if we work together!" said Luigi motivationally. "And then we'll win the million dollars! And then we can open Luigi's Male Lingerie Factory!"

Everyone stared at Luigi.

The Koopa hit a ball into his face.

Everyone applauded.

"Mine!" screamed Peach, stomping her high heels onto Luigi's face, tipping the ball over the net.

They won the point.

"Yay!1" cheered Peach.

"Oh God I'm bleeding!" screamed Luigi.

"I can make it bleed even more!" chuckled Peach.

Peach repeatedly stomped in Luigi's face.

Luigi died.

A police car pulled up next to them.

"Um…" said Peach.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the Surfboard Rental Hut!" read Peach.

Luigi was still dead.

The officers put cuffs on Peach.

"Um…" said Peach.

_Surfboard Rental Hut_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Fratt boyys got to the U-Turn!" said Fox.

"We choose not to U-Turn," said Falcon.

Fox grabbed a clue. "Road Block! Who has a good sense of balance?"

"Road Block! A Road Block is a task that only one person can complete! In this Road Block, that person must master a local beach sport: balance boarding!" said Master Hand.  
"That team member must balance on this board standing up, and using this paddle, stroke their way thirty metres through shallow water towards this buoy! Once that team member reaches the buoy, they will be handed their next clue, and will be able to travel back in whatever wet way they like!"  
"If a team member falls over, they must run back out and start again!"

"Dude, I'll do it," said Falcon.

"Awesome! Let's get you your judgement enhancing drugs!" laughed Fox, holding up a six-pack of beer.

"Dude… alcohol is for losers," mocked Falcon. "I mean-"

_One minute later…_

"Chug! Chug! Chug!" said Fox, watching Falcon skull down the beer.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We don't U-Turn," said Samus, taking a clue. "Road Block! Who has a good sense of balance?"

"I'll do it," said Samus.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"You can do it!" said Kirby.

"But- but I'm petrified of water!" whimpered Pikachu.

"You can do it!" laughed Kirby.

"But-"

"Pikachu's doing it!" said Kirby to the camera.

"But-"

Kirby gave Pikachu the board and the paddle.

"But-"

"Look Pikachu," said Kirby, inspirational music playing in the background, "I'm only doing it because _you_ have a fear of water, and you need to overcome this fear! The only way is to confront your fear, and this is the perfect way!"

Kirby smiled. "I believe in you, Pikachu, I believe in you."

"Really?" said Pikachu, smiling. "Thanks, Kir-"

Kirby ran to a taco outlet ten metres away.

Pikachu grunted.

_Delfino Plaza_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

Toon Link grunted. "I can't believe it took us _**four hours**_ to get here!"

"You said fore! Where's the ball? Where's the ball?" said King Dedede, ducking.

"That's not funny… in fact… that's not even a pun!" said Toon Link angrily, "It's like the worst play on words I've ever heard!"

King Dedede threw a golf ball at Toon Link's skull from point blank range.

"AAAH!" screamed Toon Link, bleeding.

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

Toon Link kept on bleeding.

"Detour!" read King Dedede, "Climb a-"

Toon Link bled on the clue.

"Climb a volleyball?" said King Dedede, "Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!"

Toon Link bled on King Dedede's foot.

"Now that son, is just disgusting!" scolded King Dedede.

Toon Link bled to death.

"What do you say for yourself, boy?" said King Dedede angrily.

_Volleyball Court_

_Marth and Squirtle_

"We're switching tasks," said Marth, "This is way too hard."

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"We're going to change tasks too," said Wario, "The wait's too long and we'll get the other one done real quick!"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Points Won: 2_

The ball was lobbed over Jigglypuff and Ganondorf's side.

Jigglypuff kicked the ball over the other side, at least several hundred metres into the air.

The ball started to fall down.

And fell.

And fell.

The ball was now very close to the ground.

"OMG look a PLANE" said Ganondorf.

"Haha," mocked a Koopa, "Who do you think we are, idiots?"

A light plane crashed into the other side of the court, seriously wounding the two Koopa players.

The ball landed on the other side of the court.

"YAYAY" said Jigglypuff and Ganondorf.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Go to the CHOCOLATE factory and meet STEVE JOBS" read Jigglypouff.

"STEVE JOBS I thought he sold the macaintoshes?!" said Ganondorf.

"NOW STEVEN jobs is my very personal friend and I am correct!!!!!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Climbing Wall_

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"Hurry up, Yoshi! You suck so much at climbing!" said Lucas angrily.

"I've been waiting here for the last ten minutes for you to catch up! That's the only reason you're in front!" said Yoshi angrily.

The camera panned down the wall.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"I think we're in eighth place at the moment," said Toon Link, "We have to keep in front of these two teams to stay in the race."

"Did you say, stay?" said King Dedede, stopping his climb.

"No!" said Toon Link, "Hurry up and climb!"

King Dedede stood still.

Toon Link grunted.

The camera panned down to the bottom of the wall.

_Marth and Squirtle_

"This is hurting my hands so much," said Squirtle, gripping onto the wall.

"We can do this, honey!" cheered Marth.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"I'm really fat, do you know if I'll break the wall?" said Wario to the safety guy.

"Probably," he replied.

_Volleyball Court_

_Roy and Zelda  
Points Won: 1_

"Everyone just left!" said Roy, "We're the only one on the court now, so even though we're not very good, we have unlimited tries."

_Surfboard Rental Hut_

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"Come on, Pikachu!" cheered Kirby, sitting on a beach chair, ordering a cocktail.

"I'm trying!" said Pikachu, nervously paddling through the current.

…

"How did you get those cocktails?" said Pikachu angrily.

"I'm charging them to my room," said Kirby, pointing to a nearby hotel.

"We're not even staying at a hotel!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Shh," said Kirby.

_Samus  
On Road Block_

"Come on, Samus!" cheered Wolf.

"Thanks!" said Samus, unsteadily stroking through the water.

Samus's board flipped over. Samus fell in. A cymbal sound played.

"Come on! Try again!" said Wolf.

_Falcon  
On Road Block_

"Dude! You have to do a lot better than that!" said Fox angrily, applying suntan lotion to some random girls. "You can't even stand on the board without it turning over!"

Falcon fell in the water.

"I've got seawater in my mouth!" cried Falcon.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"I'll do it!" said Luigi, "I was an Olympic gymnast!"

…

"Seriously, stop trying," said Peach.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Dating 12 Days_

"WE CHOOSE TO YIELD JIGGLYPUFF AND GANONDORF" said Jigglypuff.

"no we shouldn't do it what if we want to use our U-turns later???!" said Ganondorf.

"good poinT" said Jigglypuff.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"I'll do it I'll use MY mad WII FIT skillz" said Ganondorf.

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"Slow and steady," said Pikachu, slowly paddling towards the buoy.

_Ganondorf  
On Road Block_

"IF EVERYBODY HAD AN OCEAN…" sang Ganondorf, violently paddling through the water, knocking Falcon and Samus off with his paddle.

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"You're almost there…" said Pikachu, paddling slowly.

_Ganondorf  
On Road Block_

"ACROSS THE USA…" sang Ganondorf, clubbing a seal.

_Luigi  
On Road Block_

"Look Peach! No arms!" cheered Luigi.

"I'm not impressed," said Peach.

"I'll lock you up in the basement tonight if you don't start looking interested!" screamed Luigi.

Everyone stared at Luigi.

"Just kidding!" chuckled Luigi madly.

"No you're not!" said Peach angrily.

"I know," sobbed Luigi.

_Ganondorf  
On Road Block_

Ganondorf (singing):THEN EVERYBODY'D BE SURFING

_Pikachu  
On Road Block_

"You're almost there…" said Pikachu, reaching across for the buoy.

_Ganondorf  
Surfing USA_

"LIKE CALIFORNI-A" said Ganondorf.

_Pikachu  
Finished Road Block_

"Got it!" said Pikachu excitedly, grabbing the clue.

_Ganondorf  
Finished Road Block_

Ganondorf kicked Pikachu's board over. "YOU'D SEE THEM WEARING THEIR BAGGIES-"

Pikachu zapped Ganondorf in the face.

"…HUARACHE SANDLES TOO" sung Ganondorf, drowning.

Ganondorf ceased to exist.

"BUSHY BUSHY BLONDE HAIRDOOS" sung Ganondorf.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Come on, Pikachu! Swim back!" shouted Kirby.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Dating 12 Days_

"Come on, Gannie! Let's beat these jerks!" said Jigglypuff, pointing to Kirby and Pikachu, "What kind of moron would go on a team with them?"

_Luigi  
Finished Road Block_

"I got it!" said Luigi.

_Falcon  
Finished Road Block_

"Yeah! Me too!" said Falcon uncertainly, quickly swimming to get the clue when the camera was pointed away.

_Samus  
Finished Road Block_

"Done!" cheered Samus, reaching over and grabbing the clue.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Hurry! Hurry!" screamed Pikachu, ripping open the clue, a shot of Ganondorf getting out of the water appearing in the background.

"Make your way on foot through the marked path across the sand to the pit stop!" read Pikachu.

"Teams must now make their way on foot 120 metre to Cook's Point, a popular five-star beachside resort in the heart of Delfino Plaza!" said Master Hand, "This is the second pit stop in a race around the world! Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive… …_**may**_ be eliminated."

"Run!" said Pikachu, jogging across the sand.

_Ganondorf and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Hurry Ganondorf!" said Ganondorf.

"I'll give you a piggyback, Ganondorf!" said Ganondorf.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Come on, run!" said Luigi, dragging Peach along.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Frat sprinting powers!" screamed Fox, following the mad rush of teams.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Let's go!" said Wolf.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Kirby and Pikachu, several metres in front, slowed as they approached the small uphill climb to the pit stop. Trailing behind in a large pack was Jigglypuff, Ganondorf, Fox, Falcon, Luigi, Peach, Wolf and Samus.

"Come on, Pikachu!" said Kirby, taking Pikachu's hand up the sandy ascent.

Luigi made a break, grabbing Peach and bolting out of the pack.

Kirby, struggling to get up the hill, kicked sand into Luigi's face from the back of his heels, causing Luigi to fall over.

Falcon and Fox attempted to valiantly jump over Luigi and Peach, but missed, and both landed on Luigi, breaking his spine.

Kirby got up the top of the hill, the pit stop ten yards in front of him. He turned around, trying to help Pikachu up the sand hill.

Wolf and Samus climbed calmly over the bodies, but Kirby kicked sand into their faces, causing them to fall backwards.

Kirby turned to sprint to the pit stop, but Jigglypuff bit the back of his leg, whose own leg was being bitten by Ganondorf.

"Get off me!" screamed Kirby angrily.

Pikachu scampered across the small patch of grass onto the pit stop.

Ganondorf did a forward flip and landed onto the grassy straight.

Kirby sucker punched Ganondorf in the lip, causing him to fall backwards.

Jigglypuff bit Kirby in the back of the neck.

Kirby fell backwards. Jigglypuff ran onto the mat, got a chair and broke it over Pikachu's back.

"What the hell?" said Pikachu angrily.

"You'll pay!" screamed Ganondorf, "WARLOOCCKKK…"

Kirby side stepped.

"…PUNCH!"

Ganondorf splashed sand into Kirby's eyes.

Ganondorf did a disco dance and walked towards the pit stop.

Kirby grabbed a chair and broke Ganondorf's back with it.

Kirby strolled onto the pit stop.

"Kirby and Pikachu, you are team number one!" said Master Hand.

"Yes!" said Kirby, giving Pikachu a high-five.

"And for winning this leg of the race, you've both won a four wheel motor vehicle!" said Master Hand.

"Isn't that a car?" said Kirby.

"Maybe it's a four-wheel drive!" said Master Hand angrily.

"That's still a car," said Kirby.

"Maybe it's a scooter," said Master Hand angrily.

"That has two wheels," said Kirby.

…

Ganondorf walked onto the pit stop.

"I'M GANONDORF AND I GO TO THE GYM so I'm strong" said Ganondorf.

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, you're team number two!" said Master Hand.

"NOMNOMNOM" said Jigglypuff.

"Fox and Falcon, you're team number three!" said Master Hand.

"Awesome," said Fox.

"Wolf and Samus, you're team number four!" said Master Hand.

"Lucky four," said Wolf.

"Luigi and Peach, you're team number five!" said Master Hand.

"THAT SUCKS!" said Luigi angrily. "We could have won!"

"Luigi, this is actually your best result ever!" cheered Peach, "You've actually never placed better than eighth!"

…

"Shut up!" said Luigi angrily.

"So, you guys had some physical altercations before the pit stop," said Master Hand, "Are you teams happy that Kirby and Pikachu won two legs in a row?"

"No," said Luigi angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"You know, maybe because we won two legs out of two, we have a big target on the back of our heads," said Kirby.

"But we can't help it that we're awesome," said Pikachu, smiling.

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

"Kicking sand into our faces?" said Wolf angrily.

"If we get a chance to use our U-Turn, we'll definitely use it on Kirby and Pikachu," said Wolf.

_Luigi and Peach  
Dating_

"Kirby and Pikachu are **meat**," said Luigi angrily.

…

Peach waved at the camera.

_Climbing Wall_

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Solving Puzzle_

"We've been stuck on this puzzle for hours," said Lucas.

"It's rental hut," said Yoshi.

"Obviously I'm doing a lot better at solving the puzzle than Yoshi," said Lucas.

"It's rental hut," said Yoshi, solving the puzzle.

"He's got a mental handicap…"

"It's rental hut," said Yoshi.

"…and he's an inferior, unintelligent person compared to me…"

"It's rental hut!" said Yoshi angrily.

"I've got it! It's rental hut!" cheered Lucas. "I'm so smart!"

Yoshi dragged Lucas to the arbiter.

"I'm so smart!" cheered Lucas.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Climbing Wall_

"Let's have a pedicure break!" said Marth.

"Oh my gosh! Yes!" said Squirtle.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Gay_

"As the only gay couple on the race," said Marth, "We look to break any stereotypes about gay people. That we're hopeless, that we're weak, that we're-"

"Stop the tape!" said Squirtle dramatically, "I broke a nail! I broke a nail!"

_Marth and Squirtle  
Climbing a Wall_

"Oh, you're so beautiful," said Marth, applying makeup to Squirtle.

"Oh, you're so beautiful," said Squirtle, applying makeup to Marth.

"Oh, you're so beautiful," said Marth, applying makeup to Squirtle.

"Oh, you're so beautiful," said Squirtle, applying makeup to Marth.

"SOME PEOPLE ARE BELOW YOU!" screamed Wario angrily.

"Oh, you're so beautiful," said Marth, applying makeup to Squirtle.

"Oh, you're so beautiful," said Squirtle, applying makeup to Marth.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Climbing a Wall_

"Oh, you're so beautiful," said Mr. Resetti.

Wario stared at Mr. Resetti.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Climbing a Wall_

"Climbing a wall…" muttered Toon Link.

"Toon Link's gonna fall," sung King Dedede, putting a knife next to Toon Link's rope ladder.

_Volleyball Court_

_Roy and Zelda  
Points Won: 2_

"Rooy!" said Zelda, "There's sand on my hands!"

"Zel, we're on a beach!" laughed Roy.

"Rooy!" said Zelda angrily, "We've been here for an hour!"

"And we're almost done! Come on!" said Roy.

"Okay!" said Zelda, "I'll do it for you!"

_Zelda  
Interview after leg_

"You know, I'm starting to get to know Roy not for his money," said Zelda, "And he's actually a really nice money guy."

"…a really nice money guy?" said Master Hand.

"Haha, oops," laughed Zelda, "He's a great money."

…

"Great guy!" said Zelda angrily.

_Water Slide_

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"This is so fun!" cheered Yoshi, going down the slide.

"This is so boring," said Lucas angrily.

They landed in the water.

"I wanna go again! I wanna go again!" cried Lucas.

_Climbing Tower_

_Marth and Squirtle  
Solving Puzzle_

"Hut?" said Squirtle, jotting down on a piece of paper.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Solving Puzzle_

"Can you stop being an old guy talking about his life and _**solve the freaking puzzle?**_" said Wario angrily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Solving Puzzle  
_"If we lose because you took _two extra hours_ to get to this frickin' place, I'm going to kill you," said Toon Link angrily.

"Aww, how sweet," said King Dedede, hugging Toon Link.

"Let go of me!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede, his penguin flab choking Toon Link.

_Volleyball Court_

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Warning! U-Turn ahead!" read Roy.

"Oh no, I hope no-one U-Turns us," said Zelda. "I want to stay in!"

_Surfboard Rental Hut_

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"We're not in last place right now, I'm sure," said Lucas, "But we need to U-Turn someone behind us to stay in…"

"I can't even remember who was with us," said Yoshi, "Should we use our U-Turn?"

"Look at the next task," said Lucas, "None of us can swim, we have to use our U-Turn."

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Oh no! Oh no!" said Zelda, pointing to the board in the distance.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Okay, we're going to really suck at that task, whatever it is," said Yoshi, "So you're right, we should U-Turn."

"Hey! That's a team!" said Lucas, pointing in the distance. "U-Turn them!"

"You sure?" said Yoshi.

"Come on!" said Lucas angrily, taking the sheet out of the U-Turn box.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Somebody's U-Turning us!" cried Zelda.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Using U-Turn_

"We choose to U-Turn Roy and Zelda!" said Lucas.

"Okay!" said Yoshi, pasting their photo on the board.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

They ran up to the sign.

"I can't believe it!" cried Zelda.

"Oh no!" said Roy.

"I hate this! I hate this!" cried Zelda.

Dramatic pre ad-break music played.

_Advertisement_

"Have too much hair?" said King Dedede. "Try my super hair removal system for only 999 dollars!"

_A picture of a hairy guy appeared on the screen._

"Look cool! Look sexy! Look hairless!" said King Dedede.

"_Thank you King Dedede!" said some random guy._

"Get the girls, like me!" said King Dedede.

"_AAAH!" screamed a woman, being inhaled by the penguin._

"For only 999 dollars! Order today!" said King Dedede.

_A clip of King Dedede drunkenly escorting several ladies appeared on the screen._

"It's not just a razor!" said King Dedede. "It's a King Dedede-razor! Which means we needed to inflate the price by 979 dollars!"

_A picture of a shaving man appeared on screen._

"No longer will you be hairy! In fact, you'll be completely bald!" said King Dedede. "I'll shave your head off!"

_A picture of a screaming guy appeared on the screen._

"Literally!" said King Dedede, holding up a disembodied head. "And it's free!"

"_AAAH!" screamed a woman, being inhaled by the penguin._

"For only 999 dollars! Order today!" said King Dedede.

"_Thank you King Dedede!" said some random guy._

"Buying this product is a felony in only 46 states!" said King Dedede.

_A picture of the morgue appeared._

"But not Arkansas!" said King Dedede.

"_AAAH!" screamed a woman, being inhaled by the penguin._

"For only 999 dollars! Order today!" said King Dedede.

"_AAAH!" screamed a woman, being inhaled by the penguin._

"Stop showing this clip or they won't buy the product!" said King Dedede.

"_AAAH!" screamed a woman, being inhaled by the penguin._

"For only 999 dollars! Order today!" said King Dedede.

"_AAAH!" screamed a woman, being inhaled by the penguin_

_The Smashy Amazing Race_

_Roy and Zelda  
U-Turned_

"Come on, Zel! We can still do this! We'll show them that we're not a weak team!" said a sad Roy.

"Okay!" sobbed Zelda, running back.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Road Block!" said Lucas, "I'll do it!"

_Climbing Wall_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Solving Puzzle_

"It's getting dark, and we can't find all of the letters," said Wario, pointing to the sunset.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Solving Puzzle_

"Now we have to unscramble the words!" said Squirtle, "It's like a puzzle!"

"Oh! I love puzzles!" said Marth, "I do the Sudoku every morning!"

Marth stared at the piece of paper. "Where are the numbers?"

"Honey, this isn't a sudoku," said Squirtle.

"OMG!" chuckled Marth, "I didn't mean to be OTP, and IANAL, but IAC, I had no idea that wasn't a sudoku!"

"YCMU!" laughed Squirtle, "AAF, AAR you'll be confusing the ADMINR to the AOM!"

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Solving Puzzle_

"I got all the letters!" said Toon Link excitedly, "But now we have to unscramble them!"

"Gee! That's gonna be a bit hard, the yolk's already mushed up!" chuckled King Dedede, holding up a pan.

…

Toon Link grunted.

_Roy and Zelda  
U-Turned_

"Come on, Zel! We can still do this!" said Roy. "There's still teams up there!"

"I really hope so!" said Zelda anxiously, running towards the wall in the dark.

_Surfboard Rental Hut_

_Lucas  
5__th__ Attempt_

Lucas clumsily paddled through the water.

Lucas fell into the water.

"You suck at this!" said Yoshi angrily.

"I'm trying really hard! You're such an unsupportive dad!" said Lucas angrily.

_Climbing Wall_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Solving Puzzle_

"I think I got it!" said Toon Link.

"Let's go then!" said King Dedede, running over to the arbiter.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Solving Puzzle_

"I think we got it!" said Marth excitedly.

"Let's go! Let's go!" cheered Squirtle.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Solving Puzzle_

"They **all** solved it and we didn't because you're not helping!" said Wario angrily.

Mr. Resetti was lying on the ground because he had a seizure.

_Water Slide_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Finished Detour_

"Oh my gosh!" said Toon Link excitedly, "I've never been on a water slide before!"

King Dedede ate Toon Link.

"Don't worry! You won't have to!" laughed King Dedede. "Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!"

Toon Link grunted.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Finished Detour_

"This is so close…" said Marth, taking the clue. "There's only one team behind us!"

_Climbing Wall_

_Roy and Zelda  
On Wall_

"We're doing good, Zel!" said Roy, climbing up the rope ladder.

_Water Slide_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
On Water Slide_

"Wheee!" cheered Toon Link and King Dedede at the same time.

_Marth and Squirtle  
On Water Slide_

"This is so awesome!" cheered Marth, the water splashing onto his shirt.

_Surfboard Rental Hut_

_Lucas  
9__th__ Attempt_

Lucas fell over.

_Climbing Wall_

_Roy and Zelda  
On Wall_

"I hear someone up the top! You're doing great!" cheered Roy, scaling the wall in pitch black.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Solving Puzzle_

"Come on Wario, think! Think!" said Wario.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the Surfboard Rental Hut!" read Toon Link.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Warning! U-Turn ahead!" said Marth.

_Roy and Zelda  
On Wall_

"I don't want to get eliminated…" said Zelda, slowly ascending the wall.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Solving Puzzle_

"Rental hut!" said Wario angrily. "Rental hut!"

Wario ran up to the arbiter and took the clue.

_Surfboard Rental Hut_

_Lucas  
18__th__ Attempt_

"It's so dark!" cried Lucas, the water barely lit, "I can't do this!"

"Just do it slowly!" said Yoshi angrily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Road Block!" said King Dedede.

"I'll do it," said Toon Link.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"I'll do it, hun," said Marth.

_Water Slide_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
On Water Slide_

"Whee!" said Wario.

"And back in the 1920's, the crab meat was called-"

"Shut up!" said Wario angrily.

_Climbing Wall_

_Roy and Zelda  
On Wall_

"We're almost there!" said Roy inspirationally, "Come on, honey!"

"We have to try," said Zelda, sobbing.

_Surfboard Rental Hut_

_Lucas  
27__th__ Attempt_

"It is complete dark," said Lucas to the camera, standing on the shore of the beach, "The water is freezing cold, and I'm not sure if we're going to be allowed out here."

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Wario.

_Lucas  
28__th__ Attempt_

"The pressure's on now!" said Lucas, standing on his board and taking his paddle.

_Toon Link  
1__st__ Attempt_

"You do realised no-one's going to believe this?" said Toon Link angrily, pretending to paddle as King Dedede walked through the water, holding him up.

_Wario  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Damn it!" said Wario angrily, his weight pushing the board underwater.

_Toon Link  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Come on, Toon Link!" cheered King Dedede, "Go faster!"

"I'm trying!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Haha! Come on! Go faster!" said King Dedede, throwing Waddle Dees, baseball bats and Gordos at Toon Link.

"AAAAH!" screamed Toon Link, a Gordo piercing his back.

_Marth  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Aah!" screamed Marth, falling over backwards.

_Toon Link  
Finished Road Block_

"Got it!" said Toon Link, reaching over for the buoy and taking the clue.

_Lucas  
35__th__ Attempt_

"Damn it!" said Lucas angrily, falling over.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place_

"Make your way to the Surfboard Rental Hut! Warning! U-Turn ahead!" said Zelda angrily.

_Wario  
2__nd__ Attempt_

"GAAAH!" screamed Wario, drowning.

_Roy and Zelda_

"I see other teams!" screamed Zelda, running towards the clue box.

_Marth  
3__rd__ Attempt_

"AAAH!" screamed Marth, falling into the water. "My sword is wet!"

"Both of your swords are wet!" said Squirtle.  
They giggled.

_Pit Stop_

Toon Link and King Dedede jogged onto the mat.

"Toon Link and King Dedede, you're team number six!" said Master Hand.

"That's alright," said Toon Link.

"Why are you feeling disappointed?" said Master Hand.

"_Maybe_ if my team mate didn't slow us down three hours we might have come first!" said Toon Link angrily.

_Surfboard Rental Hut_

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place_

"Road Block!" read Roy.

"I'll do it!" said Zelda.

_Lucas  
38__th__ Attempt_

"I can't do this!" sobbed Lucas.

"Try using the paddle!" said Yoshi angrily.

"You mean it _**wasn't**_ for show?" screamed Lucas angrily.

_Wario  
8__th__ Attempt_

"GAAAH!" screamed Wario, still drowning.

_Zelda  
1__st__ Attempt_

"This is really hard!" said Zelda clumsily, wobbling the board as she skimmed through the water.

_Lucas  
41__st__ Attempt_

"Paddling… paddling…" said Lucas, slowly paddling towards the buoy.

_Zelda  
5__th__ Attempt_

"Aaah!" screamed Zelda, falling backwards.

_Lucas  
Finished Road Block_

"I got it!" cried Lucas, "I got it!"

"Now swim back!" said Yoshi angrily.

"That wasn't part of the clue! I refuse!" said Lucas angrily, remaining motionless.

_Wario  
14__th__ Attempt_

"Mr. Resetti! Can I have some inspiration?" sobbed Wario.

"An old farmer used to say," said Mr. Resetti, "Mr. Resetti! You're the best boy at spelling and maths in the village!"

"That doesn't help!" screamed Wario, drowning.

_Marth  
7__th__ Attempt_

"I should have taken off my coat before doing this task! I'm so wet!" said Marth, taking off your clothes.

"Don't take off too much!" giggled Squirtle, "That might be illegal!"

_Lucas  
Finished Road Block_

"Hurry, Lucas!" said Yoshi angrily. "Or we'll freaking come last!"

"Or **you'll** come freaking last!" said Lucas angrily.

"You too!" said Yoshi angrily.

_Zelda  
6__th__ Attempt_

"I can't do it!" sobbed Zelda, hugging Roy.

"Zelda!" said Roy inspirationally, "I know you can do it! Just stand on the board as high as you can, balance and ride the waves towards the buoy!"

"Okay!" said Zelda cheerfully. "I believe in myself!"

Zelda broke her ankle on a crab.

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda.

_Lucas  
Finished Road Block_

"Don't make me come and get you!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Not if I drown first!" said Lucas angrily.

Lucas dived underwater.

…

"That's pretty funny, Lucas," said Yoshi.

…

"LUCAS?" screamed Yoshi.

_Wario  
17__th__ Attempt_

"You know!" said Mr. Resetti, Wario being eaten by crabs in the distance, "My ol' grandpa used to say to me, Mr. Resetti! Go fetch me some firewood! Too bad we were living in the Sahara desert! There was no wood in sight! Luckily, when we moved to Mount Everest it was like there was air conditioning there 24/7! Too bad everyone died from frostbite."

"AAAAH!" screamed Wario, being eaten alive.

_Marth  
11__th__ Attempt_

"This might be it for us," said Marth, sitting in the water, "It's too dark, it's too cold and I can't do this!"

"It's okay, honey!" said Squirtle, "Try your best! We're just having fun!"

_Zelda  
9__th__ Attempt_

"Come on, Zelda!" said Roy, walking alongside the water with Zelda. "You can do this!"

"I'm doing it!" said Zelda, clumsily paddling through the water in the dark.

_Lucas  
Finished Road Block_

"Come on!" screamed Yoshi angrily, grabbing Lucas.

"I'm staying!" said Lucas angrily.

"WHY?" said Yoshi angrily.

_Zelda  
Finished Road Block_

"You did it!" cheered Roy, Zelda grabbing the clue.

_Lucas  
Finished Road Block_

"You're such a lousy friend!" said Lucas angrily. "Why should I help _**you**_ win the race?"

"Because we're best friends!" said Yoshi cheerfully.

"Really?" said Lucas.

"Yes, Lucas!" said Yoshi, teary-eyed.

"Oh! Yoshi!" said Lucas, hugging Yoshi. "I'm not going to hire a contract killer now!"

"Uh… how nice of you Lucas…" said Yoshi nervously.

_Wario  
29__th__ Attempt_

"Oh god! My legs! My legs!" screamed Wario, his entire lower body being consumed by crabs, small rodents and Mr. Resetti.

"Why! I haven't eaten such great crab meat since the great Crab Fire of '57!" said Mr. Resetti, chuckling.

"YOU'RE EATING ME!" screamed Wario angrily.

_Marth  
15__th__ Attempt_

"I'm hating this so much!" sobbed Marth.

"You wanna quit, honey?" said Squirtle.

"It's so cold and wet! I don't want to do this!" sobbed Marth.

"Okay! Honey! I'm here!" said Squirtle, hugging Marth.

_Marth and Squirtle  
Quit Road Block_

"Make your way on foot," said Marth, towels clutched around his body.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"…on foot through the marked path…" read Roy.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"…across the sand to the pit stop!" read Lucas.

_Wario  
89__th__ Attempt_

"AAAH!" screamed Wario's upper body, paddling on the board to escape from the rodents and Mr. Resetti, bleeding.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Come on! Let's beat those meanies who U-Turned us!" said Zelda, running through the sand behind Roy.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"Hurry!" said Yoshi, dragging Lucas along.

"I'm so tired! I was out there for hours!" moaned Lucas.

_Roy and Zelda_

"AAaH!" screamed Zelda, falling on the sand, "Ankle cramp!"

_Pit Stop_

_Marth and Squirtle_

"Marth and Squirtle, you are the seventh team to arrive," said Master Hand. "However, you chose to quit the Road Block, so you will incur a four-hour penalty."

_Marth and Squirtle  
Time Remaining: 3:59_

"It's okay, honey," said Squirtle, hugging Marth, "This race isn't our thing anyway!"

_Wario  
95__th__ Attempt_

"Oh God!" screamed Wario, his legs having magically re-appeared, small rodents, piranhas and Mr. Resetti nibbling on his legs as he paddled along.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Come on, honey! There's twenty more metres!" said Roy, pointing to the pit stop.

"ROOY!" moaned Zelda.

"But-"

"ROOY!" moaned Zelda.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"I'm so exhausted!" said Lucas, panting.

"The pit stop is _**right there!**_" said Yoshi angrily.

"I can't do it!" screamed Lucas.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in Last Place_

"Make your way on foot…" read Wario.

Mr. Resetti was still nibbling on Wario's leg.

"Stop eating me!" screamed Wario angrily.

_Pit Stop_

_Marth and Squirtle  
Time Remaining: 3:24_

"The most demoralising thing is that it's taking them more than half an hour to walk a hundred metres," said Marth, sipping on a cocktail, sitting on the beach.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

Wario and Mr. Resetti strolled past a moaning Zelda and Lucas and walked onto the mat.

"Wario and Mr. Resetti, you're team number seven!" said Master Hand.

"This is so freaking stupid!" said Wario angrily. "We should be in last place, damnit! I can't stand this freaking guy! This whole race is so freaking stupid!"

_Marth and Squirtle_

Dramatic music played.

"Oh my gosh, Squirtle! This is so close!" said Marth.

"We still have **thre-**"

The camera cut away conveniently to hold the suspense.

_Roy and Zelda_

"I can see the pit stop!" said Roy excitedly. "Sprint! Sprint!"

"I BROKE MY ANKLE!" screamed Zelda, lying on the ground.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"I don't want to get eliminated!" moaned Lucas.

"Then freaking get up and walk to the pit stop! It's ten metres away!" said Yoshi angrily.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Lucas and Yoshi walked onto the mat.

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Roy and Zelda walked onto the mat.

"WHAT an exciting footrace!" screamed Master Hand. "Who knew it would be so close?"

"We had a _**four**__ hour_ penalty," said Squirtle angrily.

"Who knew it could have been so close?!" screamed Master Hand.

"Why didn't you do that when there actually was a footrace before?" said the cameraman angrily.

…

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Arrived 8__th_

"Lucas and Yoshi, you're team number eight!" said Master Hand. "Wow! How exciting is it that you're _**still**_ in the amazing, Amazing Race!"

…

"Can we sleep now?" said Lucas.

_Zelda and Roy  
Arrived 9__th_

"Zelda and Roy, you're team number nine!" said Master Hand.

Zelda stared at Master Hand.

_Marth and Squirtle_

"Marth and Squirtle…" said Master Hand.

"Yes?" said Marth angrily.

"…after such a…" said Master Hand dramatically, "…dramatic footrace…"

"We had _**three hours **_left! It was not close!" said Marth angrily.

"I'm sorry but… you are…" said Master Hand.

Marth and Squirtle grabbed their bags, and walked off towards a taxi.

"…the last team to arrive…" said Master Hand.

The taxi left.

"…and…" said Master Hand dramatically.

Zelda, Roy, Lucas and Yoshi left.

"…I'm sorry to tell you…"

A Koopa turned off the floodlights.  
"…you have been…"

The cameraman turned off the camera.

**Finish Times: **

Kirby and Pikachu: 5:44 PM

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf: 5:44 PM

Fox and Falcon: 5:45 PM

Wolf and Samus: 5:46 PM

Luigi and Peach: 5:46 PM

Toon Link and King Dedede: 9:22 PM

Wario and Mr. Resetti: 10:15 PM

Lucas and Yoshi: 10:23 PM

Roy and Zelda: 10:23 PM

**Marth and Squirtle: Quit and Eliminated**

Thanks for supporting the new season everyone! Review, and vote in my profile poll!


	3. The Real Damn Hospital!

"Previously on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Ten teams raced from Saffron City, Kanto to Tropical Isle Delfino!"

"Before arriving at any of the tasks, Best Friends Kirby and Pikachu managed to anger both airport workers…"

"_We'reee orrrderrriiinnnggg tiiiccckkkettss…" sang Kirby and Pikachu in unison._

"_Shut up," said the person at the desk._

"…and other teams!"

"_Kirby… is that team following us?" said Pikachu._

_Roy hopped out of the car._

_The other car drove off._

"_Swindled!" laughed Kirby, giving Pikachu a high-five._

"Teams landed in Isle Delfino, where they were given only vague instructions to their next clue!" said Master Hand. "Some teams treated the task systematically!"

"_Hmm… let's try airport information," said Samus._

"_omg ur so nice offering us around the city" said Jigglypuff sweetly._

"_You said I had to or you'd hurt my family!" cried the kid._

"Whilst some teams went without a plan…"

"_I know, let's just let someone else do the work for us," said Marth, "Follow these guys!"_

"…and got lost!"

"_We've lost the car we were following… so we have no idea where we are…" said Lucas._

"_Do you have __**any**__ idea where we're going?" said Toon Link._

"_Nope! Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" said King Dedede._

"At Delfino Plaza, the race was neck-and-neck at the top of the pack! Teams raced to finish the detour first between two, hard tasks!"

"_AIFUEIWFUEBWIFU" screamed Samus, hyperventilating._

_Zelda clumsily tapped the ball up with her fist._

"_Smash this one!" said Roy, setting the ball up above the net._

"_Hiya!" screamed Zelda._

_Zelda missed the ball and hit Roy in the face._

"_Ow!" screamed Roy, bleeding._

"Teams Kirby and Pikachu, Fox and Falcon, Wolf and Samus, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf and Luigi and Peach were only minutes apart going into the Road Block!"

"_Chug! Chug! Chug!" said Fox, watching Falcon skull down the beer._

"…and whilst latecomer Ganondorf excelled at the task…"

"_IF EVERYBODY HAD AN OCEAN…" sang Ganondorf, violently paddling through the water, knocking Falcon and Samus off with his paddle._

"…it came down to a _**five-way**_ footrace!"

"_Hurry Ganondorf!" said Ganondorf._

"_I'll give you a piggyback, Ganondorf!" said Ganondorf._

"_Frat sprinting powers!" screamed Fox, following the mad rush of teams._

"…but Kirby and Pikachu, playing dirty against the other teams…"

_Kirby, struggling to get up the hill, kicked sand into Luigi's face from the back of his heels, causing Luigi to fall over._

"…prevailed and arrived first!"

"_Kirby and Pikachu, you are team number one!" said Master Hand._

"_Yes!" said Kirby, giving Pikachu a high-five._

"But with a price!"

"_You know, maybe because we won two legs out of two, we have a big target on the back of our heads," said Kirby._

"_Kirby and Pikachu are __**meat**__," said Luigi angrily._

"_Kicking sand into our faces?" said Wolf angrily._

"_If we get a chance to use our U-Turn, we'll definitely use it on Kirby and Pikachu," said Wolf._

"At the back of the pack, the remaining teams struggled with the tasks as it became dark!" said Master Hand.

"_We've been stuck on this puzzle for hours," said Lucas._

"_Can you stop being an old guy talking about his life and __**solve the freaking puzzle?**__" said Wario angrily._

"At the U-Turn, Lucas predicted a bad outcome at the Road Block!"

"_Look at the next task," said Lucas, "None of us can swim, we have to use our U-Turn."_

"So Lucas and Yoshi yielded the next arriving team!" said Master Hand.

"_We choose to U-Turn Roy and Zelda!" said Lucas._

"_Okay!" said Yoshi, pasting their photo on the board._

"…much to the frustration of Zelda!"

_They ran up to the sign._

"_I can't believe it!" cried Zelda._

"_Oh no!" said Roy._

"_I hate this! I hate this!" cried Zelda._

"But at the final Road Block, it was a battle of perseverance in the pitch black!"

"_I'm doing it!" said Zelda, clumsily paddling through the water in the dark._

"And in the end, Marth cracked under the pressure!"

"_I'm hating this so much!" sobbed Marth._

"_You wanna quit, honey?" said Squirtle._

"_It's so cold and wet! I don't want to do this!" sobbed Marth._

"And they were eliminated," said Master Hand.

"_You are the last team to arrive."_

"Nine teams remain, who will be eliminated… next?" said Master Hand.

**The Teams: **(with supplied Puns by Ganondorf)

Wolf and Samus (NUEEly Dating)

Roy and Zelda (EnGAYged)

Toon Link and King Dedede (CoLD Miners)

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf (Not Dating… WAIT NO NO WE'RE DATING)

Lucas and Yoshi (RoomHATes)

Fox and Falcon (HI SAMUS REMEMBER ME we're ur OLD TEEAAAMMMATES)

Luigi and Peach (I'D DATE PEACH if I wasn't dating Jeeglypuff but don't tell her)

Wario and Mr. Resetti (WATER Fighters hyark hyark I'm like the King Dedede)

Kirby and Pikachu (…OMG wait for it… WORST Friends)

"After arriving at the first pit stop, all teams have to undertake a mandatory rest period where they can sleep, eat, and mingle with the other teams!" said Master Hand.

"_CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" screamed Fox and Falcon to the infant._

"Can Kirby and Pikachu, having come in 1st place for the first two legs keep their momentum going? Will the other teams' dislike of them affect their racing? And can Zelda and Roy overcome their physical and mental limitations and get out of last place?"

"Kirby and Pikachu, who were the first team to arrive at 5:44 PM, will depart at 5:44 AM!" said Master Hand.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
1__st__ to depart: 5:44 AM_

Kirby ripped open the clue. "Drive to Ricco Harbour and find the Terminal!"

"Teams must now drive 18 kilometres to Ricco Harbour, the trading centre of Isle Delfino!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive here, they must find the Harbour Terminal, where they will find their next clue!"

"You have no money for this leg of the race," read Kirby.

"Come on, let's go!" said Pikachu, sprinting towards the cars.

"We don't want anyone to follow us," said Kirby, waddling off, flailing his arms in the air.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"We've come first place twice in a row," said Pikachu to the camera. "And we think we've worked really hard to get there, so we deserve the prizes!"

"You kidding?" scoffed Kirby, "We have absolutely no competition!"

Everyone was on the other side of the room, staring at them angrily.

"Except for all the teams that have beaten us," said Kirby.

Everyone stared at Kirby angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Go! Go! Go!" said Kirby, driving off.

"We want to get away as quick as possible," said Pikachu, "We're starting to get on everyone's nerves."

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
2__nd__ to depart: 5:45 AM_

"Drive to Ricco Harbour and find the Terminal! You HAVE nO money for this Leg of tHe race" said Ganondorf.

"OMG where's the money???" said Ganondorf, shaking the envelope.

"oMG can't you READ?!1" said Ganondorf angrily.

"FINE I'm sorry I didn't get a college education like u ganondorf" said Ganondorf.

"OKAY fine" said Ganondorf angrily. "GANON**DORK**"

"omg!!!!!" said Ganondorf angrily.

"no SORRY u can't say that marf and squirtle copyrighte dthe phrase" said Ganondorf.

_Fox and Falcon  
3__rd__ to depart: 5:46 AM_

"Drive to Ricco Harbour and find the Terminal! You have no money for this leg of the race," read Fox.

"Let's go, dude," said Falcon.

_Fox and Falcon  
Frat Boys_

"You know, everyone tells us drinking is bad, it ruins lives," said Fox confidently, crossing his arms, "But we are the healthiest guys on the race!"

Falcon vomited out his liver.

…

"OH GOD," screamed Falcon, noticing the organ on his shirt.

"Hey! That's where my watch went!" said Fox, grasping the liver with his hand.

"And… there!" said Fox happily, sticking the liver onto his arm.

_Wolf and Samus  
4__th__ to depart: 5:47 AM_

"You have no money for this leg of the race," read Wolf.

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

"We've come fourth place twice in a row, and we're looking to move up…" said Wolf.

"But at the same time, we're happy that we're not the team to beat right now," said Samus, "All eyes are on the kids and everyone's not going to notice us."

_Luigi and Peach  
5__th__ to depart: 5:48 AM_

"I'm so proud of Luigi!" said Peach condescendingly, "This is the first time he hasn't been in the bottom three! Ever!"

"Shut up and open the clue," said Luigi angrily. "Before I hit you."

"I've become so used to the beatings that I don't feel it anymore!" said Peach, lifting up her shirt to reveal one giant scab.

"Okay, when we get back I am _definitely_ calling the authorities," said the cameraman.

"No! Don't call child protective services!" sobbed Luigi.

"Uh… I'm pretty sure Peach is an adult," said the sound guy.

"What?! You're not 12?!" screamed Luigi.

Everyone stared at Luigi.

"IOFEINOINE" screamed Luigi.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Oh man, we got company," said Pikachu, holding up the mat.

_Fox and Falcon  
Frat Boys_

"Yes! We're catching up!" said Falcon, pointing to the car in front of them.

"I can feel the frat boy momentum shift coming!" said Fox.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Doggone it," said Kirby, his car being passed.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"One of our challenges in this race is our inexperience in driving," said Pikachu, "We've only been on the road since-"

"Since the race started," laughed Kirby.

Pikachu shook his head.

"I mean… uh… we've been driving for a long time…" said Kirby.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

They drove along in third gear.

"Do you even know how to get into the next gear?" said Pikachu angrily.

"Yep," said Kirby.

…

"Why are we still in third gear then?" said Pikachu angrily.

"Yep," said Kirby.

…

Another team passed them.

"Yep," said Kirby.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"oMG gannie ur such a good driver" said Jigglypuff.

"Thank u I am on my L plates for twelve years but don't tell master hand shh" said Ganondorf.

"OMG I can hear u" said Master Hand in the back seat.

"LOL no wai just kidding jajaja" said Ganondorf.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Who are we passing?" said Wolf, driving along.

"The kids," said Samus.

"She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes… yeeha!" sung Wolf.

Samus stared at Wolf.

"I do have my… country heritage…" said Wolf sexily.

Samus stared at Wolf.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"What the hell?" screamed Luigi, downing his whisky, "Why are we on such low fuel?"

"Remember silly?" laughed Peach, "You sold our fuel for alcohol moneys! Hehehe!"

The car broke down.

"DAMN IT!" said Luigi angrily.

_Ricco Harbour_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're here, dudes!" said Falcon, jumping out of the window.

"Awesome," said Fox, jogging down to the terminal.

They noticed a sign on the door.

"Opens at 9:00 Saturdays?" said Fox angrily. "Damnit!"

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Oh… great…" said Samus angrily, walking up to the door, "Just when we thought we had a lead…"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"HI GUYS isn't it so exciting to be ON the amazing race my name is Jigglypuff, Jigglypuff JONES!" said Jigglypuff, putting out her hand.

"You've already met us," said Samus angrily.

"THEN we can MEAT you again!!!!" said Ganondorf.

"HYARK HYARK HYARK" said Jigglypuff.

"HEY that's my joke don't steal IT!" said Ganondorf angrily, Falcon punching Jigglypuff, "It's IMMORAL to steal ideas or attacks… or movesets…"

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Equal first! Awesome!" said Luigi.

_8:30 AM_

A shot of the sun coming out appeared.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Oh my gosh! Other teams!" said Kirby excitedly.

"We're still in this!" cheered Pikachu.

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

"I think the biggest salt in the wounds when we were waiting was when…" said Samus.

"Hehe! W- w- w…" laughed Wolf.

Samus shot Wolf.

"Wolf!" said Samus. "Hehe! Any! The biggest punch in the gut was when we were waiting for the place to open, and Kirby and Pikachu just rock up! And they've taking two and a half hours to drive 20 kilometres! It's just infuriating how we're being beaten by these kids!"

Samus kissed Wolf.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"We've been really lucky when it comes to cars," said Kirby, laughing, "We don't know how to use a shift stick very well…"

"At all," said Pikachu.

"Anyway, luck's on our side, whenever we use a shift stick, there's always an equalizer, and everyone's always so happy to see us!" said Kirby.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Tied for 1__st__ Place_

"Hey guys!" said Kirby happily, munching on some fast food, "Pretty lucky that after our one hour food break that the place didn't open until later?"

"Yes. Ha, ha," said Samus angrily.

Samus stared at Kirby angrily.

Kirby waved.

Samus stared at Kirby angrily.

Kirby waved.

_9:00 AM  
Terminal Opens_

The Terminal Door opened.

All of the teams ran in.

_Luigi and Peach_

"Run! Run!" said Luigi, sprinting in.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Psst! It's here!" said Fox, pointing next to the door.

Fox took a clue and ripped it open.

"Fast Forward!" read Fox.

"Fast Forward!" said Master Hand. "This is only one of four fast forwards in the entire race! In a Fast Forward, teams may skip all tasks and go directly to the pit stop!"  
"In this Fast Forward, teams must go to the Ricco Tower Cafe and eat **1 kilo** of giant squid each! The first team to have both team members finishing this large portion of seafood will claim the Fast Forward!"

"Dudes, lets do it," said Fox.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Fast Forward," read Pikachu, "Go to Ricco Tower Cafe and eat a local delicacy!"

"Are you hungry?" said Kirby.

"Probably not," said Pikachu.

"Hey! I can eat your portion! Come on! Let's try!" said Kirby.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"OMG I AM THE world HAMBURG eating champion so IF we have to eat HAMBURGS we will do very well" said Ganondorf

"I AM the world EATING LINT and small insects CHAMPION" said Jigglpyuff.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Let's try it," said Peach.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Oh! There it is!" said Wolf, running towards the clue. "Fast Forward! Go to Ricco Tower Cafe and eat a local delicacy!"

"We suck at eating crickets, I doubt we'll be good at this," said Samus.

"Besides, we're going to beat the people who lose out!" said Wolf.

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

"We made a very good tactical decision today," said Wolf.

"We know that only one person can get the Fast Forward," said Samus, "So we didn't take a gamble and by doing that, we'll be ahead of three other teams! We can't get eliminated!"

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Detour!" said Samus, opening the clue. "Scrub A Boat or Crumb A Fish?"

"Detour! A detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour…" said Master Hand, "Scrub a Boat… or Crumb A Fish!"  
"In Scrub A Boat, teams must search inside the terminal for cleaning supplies! Once they find their supplies, they will go down to the dock, and scrub clean a very dirty motorboat! Once the owner approves of the cleaning, they will be handed their next clue!"  
"This task is highly physical, but teams with a good sense of work ethic should finish quickly!"  
"In Crumb A Fish, teams must go to this local Fish and Chips shop, and crumb 1kg worth of fish! Once they are done with the fish, they must go out and sell seven dishes of fish and chips at or above a recommended price! Once teams have sold all of their fish, they will exchange the money for their clue!"  
"This task is not very physical or technical, but selling the fish, especially in the morning might be challenging!"

"There is no way we can cook and sell fish this early," said Wolf, looking at the clue.

"Scrub A Boat it is," said Samus.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
6__th__ to depart: 9:22 AM_

"Drive to Ricco Harbour and find the Terminal! You have no money for this leg of the race," read Toon Link.

"Let's-a go!" said King Dedede, with a moustache.

"Oh, cut the crap," said Toon Link angrily, jerking violently on King Dedede's moustache.

"AAAH!" screamed King Dedede, bleeding.

"Oh God! Oh God!" screamed Toon Link.

"Joke blood!" laughed King Dedede, licking up the strawberry paste.

Toon Link grunted.

_Toon Link  
_"Although King Dedede's my best friend," said Toon Link, "He actually does not care at all about doing well in the race."

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

King Dedede drove along.

"Hey… you're going the wrong way!" said Toon Link, pointing to the signs pointing to 'Ricco Harbour' behind them.

King Dedede continued to drive.

"Did you hear me?" said Toon Link angrily. "We're going the wrong way!"

"And I'm desperately hungry, boy!" chuckled King Dedede, pulling into a pancake restaurant.

"Don't… you… dare…" said Toon Link angrily.

King Dedede waddled out happily.

King Dedede ran back in. "Do you have any money?"

King Dedede snatched 50 dollars from Toon Link. "Bye!"

Toon Link grunted.

_Toon Link_

"It's annoying! He takes this race too light heartedly!" said Toon Link, "We'll get eliminated because he's holding the team back!"

King Dedede picked up Toon Link.  
"Ha, ha," said Toon Link.

_Ricco Tower Cafe_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
At Fast Forward_

"Here's the place!" said Kirby, opening the door of the top floor.

"What is it?" said Pikachu, walking up to the table.

A shot of squid appeared on the screen. A loud, shrieking sound played.

"Squid!" said Pikachu, "I don't think I can do this!"

"Wanna quit?" said Kirby.

"Yeah, okay," said Pikachu, running out.

_Fox and Falcon  
At Fast Forward_

"Dudes? You quitting?" said Falcon, walking up the stairs.

"It's squid!" said Pikachu. "Raw squid!"

"Awwweesomme…" said Falcon.

"Let's do this!" said Fox, pumping his fist in the air.

_Luigi and Peach_

"What is it?" said Peach.

"Squid," said Kirby, walking down the stairs.

"We can do this, come on!" said Luigi.

"I don't wanna!" cried Peach.

"Come on! I feed you canned peaches and sewage every day! This should be easy!" said Luigi angrily.

Everyone stared at Luigi.

Luigi ran off.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
At Fast Forward_

"We are going to YIELD toon-"

"omg this is ur fast forward lols" said Jigglypuff.

"We will beat the FRATS with our YIELD" said Ganondorf.

"omg there's no yield dumb dumb" said Jigglypuff.

_Fox and Falcon  
Attempting Fast Forward_

"Dude… eating squid is as easy as kissing chicks…" said Falcon, "Their tongues are slimy… sticking them down your throat is slimy and no-one in their right mind would ever want to touch them!"

Fox stared at Falcon.

"I'm not gay," said Falcon.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
At Fast Forward_

"NYOM NYOM NYOM" said Jigglypuff, scarfing down the food.

"NYUM NYUM NYUM" said Ganondorf, scarfing down Jigglypuff.

"NYOM NYOM NYOM" said Jigglypuff, scarfing down the half-eaten squid in Ganondorf's throat.

_Ricco Harbour_

_Wolf and Samus  
On Scrub A Boat_

"We're getting down and dirty, just like I like it," said Wolf, wagging his tail, scrubbing the boat quickly.

"I like being clean," said Samus, scrubbing the boat, "I take a shower every day."

Wolf sighed.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
On Scrub A Boat_

"Heyy guys!" said Kirby, squirting soap onto Pikachu, "It's like we're always doing the same tasks!"

"Except we're doing better than you and winning!" said Pikachu, sticking his tongue out.

_Wolf and Samus  
On Scrub A Boat_

"I swear…" said Samus angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
On Scrub A Boat_

"We'll choose the boat that's right next to yours!" said Kirby.

"Yeah!" said Pikachu.

"Scrub, scrub, scrub," sang Kirby, scrubbing the boat.

Samus twitched angrily.

"Scrub, scrub, scrub," sang Pikachu, scrubbing the boat.

Samus twitched angrily.

"Scrub, scrub, scrub," sang Kirby, scrubbing the boat.

_Ricco Fish and Chippery_

_Luigi and Peach  
On Crumb A Fish_

"Cooking and selling this stuff is going to be _so _easy!" said Luigi.

_Luigi and Peach  
Dating_

"I knew we were going to blitz this task," said Luigi, smiling, "I was in advertising for six years and I was a commercial chef for four years!"

…

"No you weren't!" said Peach. "You're a crack dealer!"

…

_Luigi and Peach  
On Crumb A Fish_

"Okay Peach, make a sign saying 'Free Crack Inside This Fish'," said Luigi, putting the fish in the oil, "The little kids will think they're doing drugs and we'll get the money!"

"That's really smart!" said Peach.

"Unlike you!" said Luigi angrily.

"Waah! Waah!" cried Peach.

_Ricco Tower Cafe_

_Fox and Falcon  
On Fast Forward_

"Dude, we cannot lose to these guys," said Fox, tackling the fish.

"Dude, I don't think they're really doing that well anyway," said Falcon, pointing to Jigglypuff and Ganondorf.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
On Fast Forward_

"NYUM NYUM NYUM" said Jigglypuff, not eating the food.

"NYUM NYUM NYUM," said Ganondorf, not eating the food.

_Ricco Fish and Chippery_

_Luigi and Peach  
On Crumb A Fish_

"Okay! We're done! That took like… five minutes!" said Luigi excitedly, holding up seven fish and chips boxes. "Let's sell this stuff!"

They walked up to the local middle school.

"FREE CRACK!" said Peach, "Hidden inside these fish and chips! Which you have to pay for!"

Fifty bucks was thrown onto Luigi and the kids stole the plates.

"Success!" said Luigi, taking the money, and running back to the store.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Oh my god! We're in first place!" said Luigi, hugging Peach, "Let's do this crap!"

Luigi handed over the money and took the clue.

"Drive to Bianco Hills and find the Old Windmill!" said Luigi.

"Teams must drive 35 kilometres to Bianco Hills, the only country village in this otherwise tropical island!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive here, they must find this windmill, where they will find their next clue!"

"Awesome!" said Luigi, sprinting off to the car, "Let's do this!"

_Luigi and Peach_

"I think we worked really well together on this task," said Luigi, a vague smile coming through his evil moustache.

_Diner_

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Oh my gosh! You've taken _**soo**_ freaking long!" said Toon Link angrily, "The other teams might leave soon!"

"I need my daily sugar intake!" chuckled King Dedede, inhaling a whole plate of sugar-coated pancakes. "And ooh! What's this? Chocolate?"

"We're going to run out of money!" said Toon Link angrily, "We'll go into debt! We'll get eliminated!"

"Okay, I'm done!" said King Dedede, "Gimme the wallet!"

Toon Link reluctantly tossed King Dedede the wallet, who was walking over to the cashier.

"Ninety-two dollars and forty-seven cents!" said King Dedede, "Hyuk! Hyuk! That's actually _**exactly**_ how much money we have in total! Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!"

King Dedede emptied the wallet onto the table.

"You used _**all**_ of our money!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Not all of it!" said King Dedede.

King Dedede got fifty-three cents in change. "See?" said King Dedede.

"I see your _**dead body**_," said Toon Link angrily.

"Good one! Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

Toon Link went to the shotgun store next door.

"You don't have any money to buy one! Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

Toon Link grunted really loudly.

_Ricco Tower Cafe_

_Fox and Falcon  
On Fast Forward_

"FRRAT EATING POWERS!" said Fox, stuffing squid up his mouth.

"This is revolting, dude," said Falcon, slopping mustard and soy sauce into his mouth to digest the squid.

"Frrevolting!" laughed Fox and Falcon in unison.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
On Fast Forward_

"OMG I've been eating for the last half a day and its like I've EATING NOTHING" said Ganondorf.

"omg you ate ur plate that's y!!!!!" said Jigglypuff laughing.

"OMG I HATE THIS RACE" said Ganondorf, "COME ON, HONEY, LET'S MOVE"

Ganondorf and Jigglypuff got on Ganondorf's black motorbike, accelerated and broke through the window.

_Fox and Falcon  
On Fast Forward_

"They just quit, we got this in the bag!" said Fox.

_Ricco Fish and Chippery_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
On Scrub A Boat_

"We're scrubbing, we're scrubbing, we're scrubbing ahoy!" sang Kirby and Pikachu. "We're scrubbing, we're scrubbing, we're scrubbing ahoy!"

_Wolf and Samus  
On Scrub A Boat_

"There! We're done!" said Wolf, rubbing some finish onto the boat.

"Awesome," said Samus, kissing Wolf, "Let's get away from these creeps."

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

A clue magically appeared into the shot. "Drive to Bianco Hills and find the Old Windmill!" read Wolf.

"Bye guys! Have fun scrubbing!" said Samus angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
On Scrub A Boat_

"Ah, Wolf and Samus, I think we're gonna be good friends after this race ends!" said Kirby happily.

_Ricco Harbour Terminal_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
On Scrub A Boat_

"OMG I'm seriously FREAKING OUT I can't find the cleaning equipment and WER gonna get ELIMINATED unless WE FIND IT" screamed Ganondorf.

Jigglypuff smiled, holding up all of the equipment.

"OMG I CAN'T FIND THE BUCKET who is in possession of MY BUCKET" screamed Ganondorf.

Jigglypuff smiled, holding up all of the equipment.

_Ricco Tower Cafe_

_Fox and Falcon  
On Fast Forward_

"Dudes! We're almost done! I can almost smell the piss!" said Falcon excitedly.

…

"…what?!" said Fox.

_One tedious explanation later…_

_Fox and Falcon  
Finished Fast Forward_

"Dude! We're done!" said Falcon, "Frat belly rub!"

They rubbed their tummies together.

"Frat high-five!" said Falcon.

They gave each other a high-five.

"Frat kiss!" said Falcon.

…

"…what?!" said Fox.

_One tedious explanation later…_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Drive to the pit stop, the Sirena Beach Hotel!" said Fox.

"Having completed the Fast Forward, Fox and Falcon may now skip all tasks and go directly to the pit stop!" said Master Hand.

"Let's do this dude!" said Fox, chugging down a beer.

"Frat get to the car!" announced Falcon.

"Yeah!" said Fox.

…

"Dude! We're drunk! And we have to walk down stairs!" said Fox, shrieking.

Dramatic pre ad-break music played.

_Advertisement_

"HI MY NAME IS GANONDORF AND I PLAY YUGIOH" said Ganondorf.

_The Smashy Amazing Race_

_Fox and Falcon  
Finished Fast Forward_

"Aaah! This is so scary!" screamed Falcon, walking down a step.

"I don't think I'll survive!" screamed Fox, walking down a step.

"We're going to die!" screamed Falcon, walking down a step.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
7__th__ to depart: 10:15 AM_

"Drive to Ricco Harbour and find the Terminal!" read Wario.

"Let's go!" said Wario.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"I think our team personality is very sad and almost depressing…" said Wario, "I represent the schizophrenic loner who has no company because my team mate is completely detached from reality and rambles on about depressing anecdotes and awful puns… Mr. Resetti represents a crazy man… if you see him… he's… he's not normal at all! And he never stops talking!"

Mr. Resetti walked in, wearing a novelty frog hat.

"What monster has my teammate become!" screamed Wario angrily. "My teammate is the _**worst**_ possible excuse for a teammate! I damn swear, you take him for a whole day and he's-"

"DON'T YOU BE BAGGING ON MY FROG HAT!" screamed Mr. Resetti, shaking Wario. "You know how much this cost me! Pennies! Eight hundred and twenty nine point five pennies! So much money I had to use my debit card! And I never use my debit card! I couldn't find my debit card because of my deep, deep pockets in these overalls!"

"Shut up! What is this?" said Wario angrily, "Stop talking! Stop talking so much! All you seem to do is talk! You're a complete, non-stop _**machine**_ of nonsense garbage! You have words spouting out of your mouth like a water mouth spouting water!"

"Say, did I ever talk about my water collectin' days livin on the ranch?" said Mr. Resetti.

Said Wario angrily, "I'm going to nifula-"

_Lucas and Yoshi  
8__th__ to depart: 10:23 AM_

"You have no money for this leg of the race," read Yoshi.

"Let's do this," said Lucas.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Roommates_

"Statistically, we're the equal weakest team," said Yoshi, "But at the end of the day, the _only_ thing that counts is that we survive every leg and win the last one."

"But why are you guys doing so badly?" said Master Hand.

"Maybe we're doing so badly because you're an idiot," said Lucas angrily.

"You're an idiot! You failed the second grade! That means you're an idiot! You're an idiot for failing the second grade! What kind of idiot _**flunks**_ the second grade?" said Yoshi angrily.

The catering lady looked angrily at Yoshi.

"Can I have a pastry?" said Yoshi sweetly.

The catering lady looked angrily at Yoshi.

"Fine," said Yoshi angrily.

The catering lady coughed out a hairball.

_Roy and Zelda  
Last to depart:10:24 AM_

"Drive to Ricco Harbour and find the Terminal!" read Zelda.

"Let's go, honey," said Roy.

_Roy and Zelda  
Engaged_

"I think Roy is sweet, cute," said Zelda sweetly, "And I'm marrying him because he has a lot of money and I plan to take advantage of that!"

Zelda looked to her right.

"Oh God! He heard!" screamed Zelda.

"Actually, that's our production assistant, Marcia," said Master Hand.

"…you look like Roy!" said Zelda.

"Marcia is of African-American descent and one foot taller than Roy. Roy is a male, Marcia is not," said Master Hand.

"Oh," said Zelda.

…

"Where's Roy anyway?" said Master Hand.

Zelda smiled menacingly, blood on her teeth.

_Bianco Hills_

_Luigi and Peach  
Dating_

"Wow, Peach! This is so beautiful!" said Luigi, driving along. "I love you!"

"We're out of beeer!" sung Peach. "So you're going to have to deal with me sooober!"

"WFIOUENFOIEW!" screamed Luigi, shaking the car from side to side, bashing his head on the steering wheel.

_Bianco Hills Windmill_

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Road Block!" said Peach, after ripping open the clue, "Who wants to be a sheep dog?"

"Road Block! A Road Block is a task that only one person may complete! In this Road Block, that person must literally... become a sheepdog!" said Master Hand. "That person must transport 30 sheep from one of these pens outside the gate into another pen! Once 30, and only 30 sheep are transported out, then teams will receive their next clue!"

"A crummy pantomime sheepdog costume has been provided! However, what teams don't know is this probably doesn't help!"

"Ooh! I can be a dog! You always call me a bitch!" said Peach.

Applause.

_Ricco Harbour_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Drive to Bianco Hills and find the Old Windmill!" read Kirby.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
On Scrub A Boat_

"WE'RE CLEANING A BOAT" sung Ganondorf, hitting the boat with a crowbar.

"WE'RE CLEANING A BOAT" sung Jigglypuff, hitting Ganondorf with a crowbar.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"I can't believe you took so long!" said Toon Link angrily, ripping open the clue. "Detour! Scrub A Boat or Crumb A Fish?"

"Let's scrub," said King Dedede.

"Alright!" said Toon Link.

King Dedede stood there, smiling.

"So… we should go…" said Toon Link.

"Yes," said King Dedede.

"Otherwise we'll fall behind!" said Toon Link.

"Yes," said King Dedede.

…

"You're right, Toon Link," said King Dedede honestly, "This charade that I've been playing this whole time has been nothing but immature, and-"

"OH MY GOD I'VE GOT A COUPON WITH THAT STORE" screamed King Dedede, running across the road towards a barber shop.

King Dedede got hit by a car.

"You… really… do… run me over…" moaned King Dedede, bleeding.

Toon Link chuckled.

"CALL THE HOSPITAL DAMNIT" said King Dedede, bleeding.

"The pun hospital?" laughed Toon Link.

"THE REAL DAMN HOSPITAL" screamed King Dedede, bleeding to his death.

_Sirena Beach_

_Fox and Falcon  
Frat Boys_

The frat car drove in through the compounds of the resort, triumphant music played in the background.

"Dude! We got this!" said Falcon, picking up his pack and running towards the mat.

"FRRAT POWER," screamed Fox.

Fox and Falcon ran onto the mat.

"Fox and Falcon, you are team number **one!**" said Master Hand.

"Yess!" said Fox, pumping his fist in the air.

"Come on!" said Falcon.

"And you've both won a trip to sunny Fakenameslovakia!" said Master Hand.

"Yess!" said Fox, pumping his fist in the air.

"Come on!" said Falcon.

"So, how do you feel now that you've knocked Kirby and Pikachu out of the top spot?" said Master Hand.

"Elegant, quite, quite," said Falcon.

"Yes, yes, exquisite," said Fox. "I'm actually feeling quite ubiquitous! You see, my omnipotence is letting off rays of abstinence in an elegant portrayal of obstinacy!"

"Stop it," said Master Hand, "We all know you guys go to the cheapest college."

"And I'm in the first broomball team!" said Fox angrily.

_Bianco Hills Windmill_

_Peach  
Sheep Transported: 0_

"Come on, sheep! Here's the food! Here's the food!" said Peach, laying a trail of lamb meat towards the other pen.

Luigi smacked his head against a wall.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Road Block!" said Samus, "Who wants to be a sheep dog?"

"Rawr, I'll be a dog," said Wolf sexily. "And I'll be a dog tonight too!"

Samus stared at Wolf.

"I'll do it," said Wolf, pointing to the crude pantomime costumes, "Then I can finally be a Wolf in Sheep's clothing!"

Samus stared at Wolf.

Wolf started to put on the costume. "You know, because… I'm a Wolf…"

"Oh! I get it!" said Samus, "Because your nickname's wolf, Kieran!"

"What?! My name is Wolf!" said Wolf angrily.

"Well that's okay… because…" said Samus, "I have to go and see… the… health doctor…"

Samus ran over to a sheep and started to cry on it.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Finished Detour_

"LOOK sir we CLEANED YOUR BOAT" said Jigglypuff.

"What the hell happened to my boat?!" screamed the man.

"WE BLEW it up NOW IT CAN NEVER GET dirty AGAIN" said Ganondorf.

The man stared angrily at Ganondorf.

"AND AGAIN…" said Ganondorf.

…

"AND AGAIN…" said Ganondorf.

…

The man punched Ganondorf in the jaw.

"THEN EVERYBODY'D BE SURFING…" sung Ganondorf.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
On Scrub A Boat_

"Hurry up and help!" said Toon Link angrily, scrubbing the boat with a sponge, "The other teams are coming!"

"I'm offering moral support, boy!" said King Dedede, throwing a bucket of mud onto the boat.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU MAKE THE BOAT DIRTIER?!" screamed Toon Link angrily. "THAT'S NOT EVEN MORAL SUPPORT JUST… INSANITY!"

Toon Link grunted.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Open the clue! Hurry! Open the clue!" screamed Wario. "We're going to be late and lose if you don't open the clue! We'll all lose! We're all going to lose!"

"Stop hurrying me!" said Mr. Resetti, "I haven't seen anyone as persistent as this since the great Oil Fire of 1954! We were hanging by a thread, going to a bed, gaining some street cred-"

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Detour! Scrub A Boat or Crumb A Fish?" said Lucas.

"It's lunchtime! Let's cook," said Yoshi.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place_

"Let's sell," said Zelda.

_Bianco Hills Windmill_

_Wolf  
Sheep Transported: 8_

"Come on… sheep! Follow the sheep dog!" said Wolf, wearing the crude pantomime costume.

A rabid sheep started to maul on Wolf's leg.

"Good sheep," said Wolf, patting the sheep.

_Peach  
Sheep Transported: 0_

"Peach! I'm gonna put you in the oven unless you frickin start moving now!" screamed Luigi angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Road Block! Who wants to be a sheep dog?" said Kirby.

"Oh! I'll do it!" said Kirby excitedly.

_Wolf  
Sheep Transported: 14_

"Hurry, Wolf! We got Kirby on our hands here!" said Samus angrily.

"MMFF!" screamed Wolf, being mauled alive by rabid sheep.

_Kirby  
Sheep Transported: 0_

"La, la, la," sang Kirby, inhaling a sheep.

_Peach  
Sheep Transported: 0_

"HURRY UP!" screamed Luigi, shooting at Peach.

A bullet hit Peach in the hip.

"OW!" screamed Peach, "How was that supposed to help?"

Luigi kept on shooting at Peach.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"ROAD BLOCK" said Ganondorf, "DO YOU WANT TO DO IT JIGGLYPuFF"

"yES" said Jigglypuff, a four-wheel drive impaled in the back of her skull, "BUT FIRST we must go TO the HOPSITAL hyuk hyuk"

_Kirby  
Sheep Transported: 1_

Kirby spat the sheep out into the pen.

_Wolf  
Sheep Transported: 14_

"We are not going to lose to these kids again! Hurry up!" said Samus.

"I'm trying!" screamed Wolf, seven or eight sheep biting onto his disintegrating costume, dragging them into the pen.

_Kirby  
Sheep Transported: 1_

"Kirby, do several at a time!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Come on Kirby! We're going to lose unless you hurry up!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily.

"You're not on his team!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Oops, sorry Pikie!" said Jigglypuff, patting Pikachu on the head.

_Ricco Fish and Chips Shop_

_Lucas and Yoshi  
On Crumb A Fish_

"Watch him!" said Lucas, "Come on! You're not doing it right! Cook the fish faster!"

Yoshi stood in silence, frying the fish.

"No-one's going to buy that! Who would want to buy your food? It's awful!" said Lucas angrily, "A total disaster!"

Yoshi stood in silence.

"You know what?" said Lucas angrily, "I do _**not**_ have to put up with _**any**_ of your criticism! You're dragging the team down and frankly, I hate this!"

…

"I hate you, and I hate this team!" screamed Lucas.

Lucas ran out crying.

_Roy and Zelda  
On Crumb A Fish_

"Ow, Roy! This oil burns!" said Zelda, crying.

"That's because you're not supposed to put your hands in it, honey," said Roy, smiling.

"Why didn't you tell me this?!" screamed Zelda, "You're such a bad husband!"

"I'm not your husband yet," said Roy.

"Oh yeah! Well when I marry you for your money, you'll be such a sweet husband," said Zelda.

"Aww," said Roy. "When I marry you for _my honey_, how sweet!"

Roy kissed Zelda.

_Ricco Harbour_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
On Scrub A Boat_

"You are so selfish…" said Toon Link, crying, "I can't believe you'd dirty our boat… it's not even funny…"

"Should I add more?" said King Dedede, holding up a bucket of mud.

Toon Link sobbed.

"Ta-da!" said King Dedede, pouring mud onto the boat.

Toon Link sobbed.

"Ta-da!" said King Dedede, pouring mud onto Toon Link.

Toon Link sobbed.

A van drove past.

"ICE CREAM" screamed King Dedede, running to the ice cream van, kicking Toon Link in the face as he ran past.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
On Scrub A Boat_

"Scrubbing a boat…" said Wario, scrubbing the boat with a sponge.

"You know, the last time I had to scrub a boat was back in my childhood days," said Mr. Resetti, "You see, Toadstools were called Toads back then and so were the chimpanzees! You'd get a dollar for any pennynickle for-"

"No!" screamed Wario, "I don't want to hear your damn endless anecdotes about your childhood farms, or your childhood dreams, or your childhood hobbies, or your childhood illnesses! Enough! Just stop talking! I swear! I'd get less noise from a screaming lady who had her tonsils removed without anaesthetic! I'd get less noise from-"

_Bianco Hills Windmill_

_Wolf  
Sheep Transported: 22_

"Come on, Wolf! You're getting there!" said Samus.

"They're attracted to my flesh! I've probably got a disease now!" said Wolf angrily, several sheep biting onto his kneecap.

_Kirby  
Sheep Transported: 15_

"Wow, abusing my inhaling ability is so easy!" laughed Kirby, transporting three sheep in his mouth at a time.

_Peach  
Sheep Transported: 0_

"We need to fast track the process somehow…" said Luigi.

…

A light bulb appeared over Luigi's head. "Aha!"

Luigi dropped a packet of sugar into Peach's pen. "FREE CRACK!" he screamed.

Eighty sheep rushed into the pen.

_Peach  
Sheep Transported: 80 (50 too many)_

"Great, now we have too many," said Luigi angrily.

"I think some of them are cannibals…" said Peach, pointing to the sheep who were eating the other sheep who had eaten the fake crack.

_Jigglypuff  
Sheep Transported: 0_

"JIGGLYPUFF USE your MUSCLES do the dumbbell chest flies like we DID in THE GYM" said Ganondorf, drooling manically from the rabies he got from the sheep. "DO TWENTY CHIN-UPS and then the TREADMILL bicycle ab crunches"

_Ricco Fish and Chips Shop_

_Lucas and Yoshi  
On Crumb A Fish_

"Okay Lucas, we're done!" said Yoshi, pouring the chips into the cardboard boxes, "Let's go and sell!"

_Roy and Zelda  
On Crumb A Fish_

"Come on, Roy! Hurry up!" moaned Zelda, "We're falling behind! Hurry up!"

"Zel, cooking the fish takes time," said Roy.

"MAKE IT GO FASTER!" screamed Zelda.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Roommates_

"Working next to Roy and Zelda… a very… odd experience," laughed Yoshi to the camera.

"Not as odd as when… when… you take twenty minutes to shower and I don't get any hot water!" said Lucas angrily.

Lucas sobbed.

_Ricco Harbour_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
On Scrub A Boat_

"I hate this…" sobbed Toon Link, scrubbing onto the completely brown boat. "I hate my freaking partner… I don't want to get eliminated!"

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
On Scrub A Boat_

"Look! We're freaking done! Whoop dee freaking doo! Look! We're done! We're done!" said Wario angrily, taking the envelope.

"Hey! I wanna open the envelope!" said Mr. Resetti angrily. "I was the professional envelope opener for the Sharks back in '87…"

Wario clumsily tried to open the envelope.

"…and I think I'd do a much better job at opening envelopes than you!" said Mr. Resetti, "I've had twenty years' experience!"

Mr. Resetti flexed his muscles.

Wario continued to try and open the envelope, "Don't be freaking ridiculous! It's just a freaking clue!"

_Bianco Hills Windmill_

_Wolf  
Sheep Transported: 28_

"You are so close, Wolf!" said Samus desperately, "We do not want to lose out to the kids again!"

_Kirby  
Sheep Transported: 27_

"Last mouthful! Let's do this!" said Pikachu, Kirby inhaling three sheep.

_Wolf  
Sheep Transported: 28_

"Last two! Come on!" said Samus to Wolf, who was dragging the sheep along.

_Peach  
Sheep Transported: 42 (12 too many)_

"Come on, Peach!" said Luigi angrily, "Just push the sheep out!"

_Jigglypuff  
Sheep Transported: 9_

"COME ON jeeglypuff u kneed to be QUICKER" said Ganondorf

"CAN you support me GOSH IMTRYING VERY HARRD" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Ganondorf (sarcastically): COME ON jeeglypuff ur doing a VERY GOOD jOB

"OMG I KNOW that was sarcastic!!!" said Jigglypfuf angrily.

"OMG HOW?" said Ganondorf.

_Wolf  
Sheep Transported: 29_

"This sheep won't budge, Samus!" said Wolf angrily, pulling a sheep with all his might.

_Kirby  
Sheep Transported: 27_

Kirby calmly walked over to the pen and spat them out.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We're good!" said Kirby, giving Pikachu a high-five.

Pikachu opened the clue. "Drive to Bianco Winery and drink two cups of grape juice for your next clue!"

"Teams must now drive five kilometres to this winery, Isle Delfino's single biggest producer of alcohol!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive here, they must go into one of these vats and stomp on grapes with their bare feet to produce two glasses of grape juice!"  
"Once teams have consumed these two glasses of juice, they will receive their next clue!"

"Let's do this!" said Kirby, waddling off to the car.

_Wolf  
Sheep Transported: 30_

"I cannot believe this," said Wolf angrily, dragging the last sheep into the pen. "Outdone by the kids again!"

Samus ripped open the clue. "Drive to Bianco Winery and drink two cups of grape juice for your next clue! You must make your grape juice from the grapes in a provided vat."

"Let's catch these kids!" said Wolf, sprinting towards the car.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"We have no idea where this winery is," said Kirby, driving along.

"Hey! Look! How did they catch up?" said Pikachu, shocked, Wolf and Samus's car pulling up behind them.

"They probably know how to get into the second gear," said Kirby, chugging along very slowly.

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

"Oh my gosh! Hurry up!" said Samus angrily, honking the horn.

"Calm down honey," said Wolf, "They're kids, they don't know how to drive."

"HURRY UP!" screamed Samus, lodging her teeth into the steering wheel.

"Remember those stress exercises we did?" said Wolf calmly.

"GUOEGNOI!" screamed Samus, breaking the side window with her skull.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Actually, this is kind of fun," said Kirby, driving slowly along the narrow exit out of the farm.

"Hi guys!" said Pikachu, waving from the back seat.

_Ricco Fish and Chips Shop_

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Finished Detour_

"We did it!" said Lucas happily, ripping open the clue, "Drive to Bianco Hills and find the Old Windmill!"

"Let's go!" said Yoshi, running towards the car.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"I'm sorry I keep on shouting at you," said Lucas, sobbing, "Can we be friends now?"

"Yeah," said Yoshi, hugging Lucas.

"I'm just jealous of you sometimes… I'm not good at anything!" said Lucas.

"That's not true!" said Yoshi angrily. "You're really good at…"

…

"Uh… you're very… uh…" said Yoshi.

…

"You're really… uh…" said Yoshi.

Lucas grunted.

_Roy and Zelda  
Fish and Chips Sold: 2/7_

"I can't believe they're done!" said Zelda angrily.

"Come on, honey! Just focus on the task!" said Roy.

_Ricco Harbour_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Drive to Bianco Hills and find the Old Windmill!" said Wario.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
On Scrub A Boat_

King Dedede walked back to the harbour, licking an ice cream.

"I hate you," said Toon Link sobbing. "We're going to get eliminated!"

"What? There's eliminations?!" said King Dedede.

"Do you even know anything about the rules?" said Toon Link angrily, "If we get eliminated, you won't get anymore free money to spend on food and we'll be stuck in some random island together!"

"Yaay!" said King Dedede, hugging Toon Link.

"That's not supposed to be an incentive," said Toon Link angrily, "It's a freaking race! If you come last, you're out!"

King Dedede nodded.

"Do you have _**any clue **_what we're doing?!" screamed Toon Link.

"Uh… since you told me about a minute ago…" said King Dedede.

Toon Link stared angrily at King Dedede.

"What? I thought it was like some travel tour thing and we were doing all of the activities together!" said King Dedede.

"We're on a **game show!**" said Toon Link angrily.

"Ooh! So… the people with the cameras there… are… filming us…" said King Dedede.

"YES!" said Toon Link angrily.

"And Master Hand was telling us what place we came in for a reason…" said King Dedede. "I thought he was just weird or something…"

"YES!" said Toon Link angrily.

"So… we're not supposed to dirty the boat?" said King Dedede.

"YES!" said Toon Link angrily.

"…and… we're supposed to clean it?" said King Dedede, smiling sheepishly.

"YES!" said Toon Link angrily.

…

King Dedede took a tiny paint brush, and started very slowly, stroke by stroke wiping the mud off the boat.

"THAT'S NOT HELPING!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" said King Dedede, continuing to slowly wipe the paint off.

"THAT'S IT!" screamed Toon Link, walking off to the pistol shop.

"We don't have any money!" laughed King Dedede.

"FIUBEFIONOFIWEOFINEFFEWIEOFIEEFTHISPARAGRAPHHASGONEONEXCESSIVELYLONG" screamed Toon Link.

…

Toon Link grunted.

_Bianco Hills Windmill_

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We're done! We're done!" screamed Luigi excitedly, opening the clue. "Drive to Bianco Winery and drink two cups of grape juice for your next clue!"

"Yay! Luigi's funny when he's drunk!" laughed Peach.

…

Peach frowned. "Wait! No he's not!" screamed Peach.

Peach broke down in tears.

_Jigglypuff  
Sheep Transported: 14_

"EVERYONE'S GONE BUT I STILL LOVE YOU" said Ganondorf.

"Gee thanks!!!" said Jigglypuff.

"YOU KNOW TODAY IS OUR TWO WEEK ANNAverseuury!" said Ganondorf excitedly.

"We can go and get the POPCORN CHICKEN as a CELEBRATION!" said Jigglypuff, slowly leading the apathetic sheep towards the pen.

"I'LL TELL EVERYONE I LOVE YOU AS MY MSN NAME" said Ganondorf, "AND I'LL tell LINK MAYBE TOO although he MIGHT've blocked me AFTER I TRIED to have him killed OLOL"

…

"I HAVE 200 MSN FRIENDS IT'S TRUE" said Ganondorf.

…

"DON'T ADD SEXYBABE3487943857" said Ganondorf, "IT'S A virus THAT DELETES YOUR COMPUTER"

…

"HI SMARTERCHILD" said Ganondorf.

The windmill fell on Ganondorf.

_Wolf and Samus_

"We've overtaken Kirby and Pikachu and we are making damn well sure we're going to beat them today," said Wolf, zooming ahead of Kirby and Pikachu.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Wait!" said Kirby excitedly, pulling into third gear, "I'm working the gears!"

_Luigi and Peach_

"Hey, that's another car ahead!" said Luigi, driving along.

_Ricco Harbour_

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Drive to Bianco Hills and find the Old Windmill!" read Roy.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
On Scrub A Boat_

"So if we're on a race boy, we better start moving!" chuckled King Dedede.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you for the whole of **last week!**" screamed Toon Link.

_Ricco Winery_

_Wolf and Samus_

"Come on! Let's move!" said Samus, jumping out of the car.

They sprinted towards the vat.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Run! Run!" said Kirby, puffing, running towards the winery building from the carpark.

_Luigi and Peach_

"Come on, Peach!" said Luigi, dragging Peach out of the car.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Let's get down and dirty…" said Wolf, taking off his shoes.

"Oh, I like that…" said Samus sexily.

"Actually, that was the first time today that wasn't innuendo," said Wolf.

"Oh," said Samus.

"Actually, it was innuendo, I was just wanting to see your reaction," said Wolf.

"Oh," said Samus.

"Let's get down and dirty…" said Wolf sexily.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Get in the vat!" said Kirby, jumping into the gigantic tub of grapes.

"Stomp! Stomp!" said Pikachu, jumping on the grapes.

_Wolf and Samus_

"How did they beat us in?" said Samus angrily, jumping in, starting to furiously stomp on the grapes.

"Let's just work on beating them," said Wolf, jumping in.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"We'll race you there!" giggled Kirby, happily stomping up and down.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Stomp as damn hard as you can," said Wolf, jumping up and down quickly on the grapes, "We're not going to lose to these guys!"

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Whee!" said Kirby and Pikachu, jumping up and down happily.

_Luigi and Peach_

Peach hopped in the vat.

"It's sticky!" said Peach.

"They're grapes! What do you expect?" said Luigi.

"…talking about sticky…" said Luigi sexily.

Peach shoved Luigi into the vat of grapes.

"MMMF! MMF! MMF!" screamed Luigi angrily, covered in grapes.

_Wolf and Samus_

"We're halfway!" said Wolf, checking the tub the juice was being pumped into.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"We're doing really good!" said Kirby.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Stomp like you've never done before!" screamed Samus, punching the grapes.

"I don't… think that's gonna help…"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Samus, head butting the grapes with her forehead.

_Luigi and Peach_

"Shut up and start stomping!" said Luigi.

"I'm doing breaststroke!" said Peach, swimming in the grapes.

"You'll be doing _**no**_-stroke after I kill you!" screamed Luigi angrily.

Everyone stared at Luigi.

"Shut up!" said Luigi angrily, getting drunk on the grapes.

_Wolf and Samus  
Finished Stomping_

"We're done!" screamed Wolf excitedly, hopping out.

Samus grabbed the tub, poured out two glasses, checked it with the arbiter and gulped hers down. Wolf wolfed his juice down and then took the clue.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop, Sirena Beach Hotel!" said Wolf.

"Teams must now drive 20 kilometres to this five-star hotel, Sirena Beach Hotel!" said Master Hand, "This luxurious, isolated resort is the third pit stop on a race around the world! Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive… _may_ be eliminated."

"Warning! The last team to check in may be eliminated!" said Wolf.

"We totally owned that task," said Samus, running barefoot towards the car.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop, Sirena Beach Hotel! Warning! The last team to check in may be eliminated!" read Kirby.

_Bianco Hills Windmill_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Drive to BIANCO Winery AND drink two cups of GRAEP juice for your next clue!" read Jigglypuff.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Road Block!" said Yoshi, "Who wants to be a sheep dog?"

Lucas stared at Yoshi, smiling.

"I am _**not**_ affirming any of the crap that you put me through in the first leg, okay?" said Yoshi angrily, "In fact-"

_Yoshi  
On Road Block_

"You're doing good, Dogshi!" said Lucas.

"Do I have to wear this costume?!" screamed Yoshi angrily, wearing a dog suit.

"Uh… yeah… yeah you do… in the clue…" said Lucas nervously.

"AAAH!" screamed Yoshi, a sheep mauling Yoshi alive.

"Hey!" said Lucas weakly, "Uh… stop that, sheep! Stop now, I say! Yes!"

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Who wants to be a sheep dog?" said Wario.

"I'll do it!" said Mr. Resetti happily, "I've done a lot of farming in my time."

…

"Milking the cows," said Mr. Resetti, "Gee, that sure was an experience. I remember our farm on 12 Lillyson Grove back in the old south, you see my pa bought himself a big property out there to pass on to the little kiddies when he died! Turns out he's still alive today, still making the money on the cows, still milking the cows everyday! You know, one time, I went over to a cow and I tried to tip it! You see, this is very funny! I tipped it… and it fell over! This was a popular pastime of ours! It's even televised now! On the news! All of the news bulletins in the old West keep on talking about the cow tipping! You know, one cow tipped over here, one cow over there! It shouldn't be the News, it should be the Cows!"

Wario fell asleep.

Dramatic pre ad-break music played.

_Advertisement_

"HI I'M GANONDORF AND I ENDORSE THE NET SAFETY" said Ganondorf, "if YOU SEE THE ILLEGAL warez or the INAPPROPRIATE adult content JUST WALK AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER and then COME BACK WHEN NO-ONE'S AROUND TO LOOK AT IT"

"Uh… we're firing you from our net safety campaign," said some guy off screen.

Security grabbed Ganondorf, wheeling him out.

"I HOPE YOU MADE LOTSA SPAGHETTI" said Ganondorf.

They sedated Ganondorf.

"I HOPE YOU MADE LOTSA SPAGHETTI" said Ganondorf.

_The Smashy Amazing Race_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Cows, synonymous with bovine! Did you know that?" said Mr. Resetti, "Cows, pretty big news back then!"

The camera panned in on Wario, fast asleep.

Dramatic music played.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Road Block! Who wants to be a sheep dog?" said Roy.

"I think you should," said Zelda.

"Me? Okay!" laughed Roy.

_Ricco Harbour_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
On Scrub A Boat_

"I'm sorry, I didn't know this was a race!" chuckled King Dedede in his anime-style Texan accent. "But gosh, I'll try everything I can to stay in, don't you worry!"

_Sirena Beach_

_Wolf and Samus_

"I think we got this in the bag," said Wolf, driving the car, "The kids, they don't know how to-"

"They're right behind us!" said Samus, noticing another car pulling up at the traffic light.

"What? But how?" screamed Wolf.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

Kirby honked the horn. Kirby and Pikachu waved, smiling.

"I don't think they realised that we left a minute after them!" said Kirby, waving.

_Wolf and Samus_

"I do not believe this," said Wolf angrily.

"We'll beat them in a footrace! Come on!" said Samus, tying up her shoes as Wolf accelerated.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Sirena Beach Hotel, next turn!" said Kirby excitedly.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Okay, left turn here," said Wolf, slowing down the car.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Go go go!" screamed Pikachu.

Kirby accelerated up the curb in front of the entrance and cut in front of Wolf and Samus's car, just as they were about to turn in.

"Yes!" said Kirby, driving over to the parking lot.

_Wolf and Samus_

"I cannot believe this!" screamed Samus, unbuckling her belt.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Park here! Park here!" said Pikachu.

Kirby parked the car horizontally across two spots, blocking Wolf and Samus's car. Kirby and Pikachu jumped out, and spotted the pit stop across the grass of the entrance of the resort.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Beat these kids!" growled Wolf, violently parking the car and getting out.

_Pit Stop_

Pikachu sprinted ahead towards the pit stop mat, Kirby jogging and running behind. Samus and Wolf sprinted at full speed, gaining ground every second. The gap started to close and Pikachu ran up the hill just before the pit stop. He ran onto the mat. Kirby was metres from the pit stop, but Wolf and Samus lunged in front of him at the last moment, getting to the pit stop first.

"Wolf and Samus, you're team number two!" said Master Hand.

"Yes!" said Samus, giving Kirby and Pikachu a dirty look.

"Kirby and Pikachu, you're team number three," said Master Hand.

"That's good," said Kirby, hugging Pikachu.

"Good work, guys!" said Kirby happily, sticking out his hand.

Samus and Wolf stared angrily at Kirby.

"I sense some tension between you guys," said Master Hand.

"Yeah, we kept on beating them everywhere," said Kirby, "We beat them the first two legs and we've practically always been ahead of them."

Kirby looked at Samus and Wolf, "We have to step aside and give some other guys a go though!"

Samus and Wolf stared angrily at Kirby.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Well, what can I say?" said Kirby, sipping on a glass of juice, "They're competitive people, and today we've been edging in front of them."

"Literally too," said Pikachu, laughing.

"Yeah, so I think they might not like us so much because we keep on beating them," said Kirby.

_Wolf and Samus_

"This is the first leg in the momentum shift," said Wolf, "Kirby and Pikachu after the first two legs were in first place, and it looked like no-one could beat them."

"But we beat them, and the frats beat them," said Samus, "So you'll find they're going to start slowly trickling away from the top now that their confidence is down."

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"Drive to Bianco Hills and find the Old Windmill!" said King Dedede in a New York accent.

"We are so far behind," said Toon Link angrily, walking towards the car.

"You never know!" said King Dedede optimistically.

"We're the last ones here!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Think positive!" said King Dedede, "When you're positive you know, there are places you can go!"

A drum section played in the background.

"Being positive is the best!" sang King Dedede, putting his foot on Toon Link's shoulder, crushing his spine. "Being positive! Yes! Yes! Yes!"

King Dedede stomped up and down to the background music, Toon Link's bleeding carcass starting to rot.

"Hey Toon Link why are you so blue?" said King Dedede in a rapping voice, "Has pessimism got to you?"

"Why pessimism is quite bad!" said King Dedede, magically in drag, wearing thick lipstick, "Pessimism makes you sad!"

A chorus of singers appeared behind King Dedede. "Being positive is the best!" they sang, "Being Positive, yes! Yes! Yes!"

"Solo time, Toon Link!" announced King Dedede.

King Dedede picked up Toon Link's carcass and mimicked a drum solo with his rotting arms.

"Trumpet solo!" said King Dedede.

King Dedede shoved a trumpet down Toon Link's throat.

A chorus of singers appeared behind King Dedede. "Being positive is the best!" they sang, "Being Positive, yes! Yes! Yes!"

Sung King Dedede in falsetto, slow music playing in the background, "I wass noott possitiive-"

_Bianco Winery_

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop, Sirena Beach Hotel!" read Luigi.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Stomping On Grapes_

"WE aRE MAKING GRAAAAAPE JUICE" sung Ganondorf.

"WE aRE MAKING GRAAAAAPE JUICE" sung Jigglypuff, shoving a grape into her eye.

_Bianco Windmill_

_Roy  
Sheep Transported: 12_

"Good job, Roy!" cheered Zelda, Roy pulling along a sheep very slowly.

_Yoshi  
Sheep Transported: 2_

"You're doing such a bad job, doggy!" said Lucas angrily.

"For the billionth time, I am NOT A DOG!" screamed Yoshi angrily.

"But _**I**_ want to be the dog!" cried Lucas.

Lucas ran off, crying.

_Mr. Resetti  
Sheep Transported: 0_

Wario woke up.

"…tin can man, tin man can, tin can named Jan," said Mr. Resetti, his mouth frothing, indicating he had being talking for more than half an hour.

"Oh my gosh! I fell asleep! Why didn't you start?!" screamed Wario.

"Jan is my best friend Sam…" said Mr. Resetti, almost unconscious in his ramblings.

"Hurry up and do the task!" screamed Wario, shaking Mr. Resetti.

"Jan likes jam," muttered Mr. Resetti, "Green eggs and ham, Sam I am."

"HURRY!" screamed Wario, shaking Mr. Resetti.

_Bianco Winery_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"YO YO DAWGZ Ganon's in the house I'M FREESTYLIN" said Ganondorf, holding up his grape juice, "THIS GRAPE JUICE IS WHACK, now EXCUSE me while I'M BUYING food FOOD FOOD TO SUPPORT MY HOUSE"

"MY bEST frIEND'S NAME IS LARRY and HE IS a MOUSE" said Jigglypuff.

"OMG STOP TRYING ur obviously NO GOOD AT THE WRAPPING!!!" said Ganondorf angrily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"I can't believe how far behind we are!" said Toon Link angrily. "Are we even going the right way?"

"Nope!" said King Dedede, pulling into a drive-through.

"NO! NO! NO!" screamed Toon Link, grabbing control of the steering wheel, pulling the car back out onto the road, "We are concentrating on the race! No food!"

"But I'm hungry!" said King Dedede.

"Find your own food!" said Toon Link angrily.

King Dedede ate Toon Link. "Yep! I feel better now!" chuckled King Dedede.

Toon Link grunted.

_Pit Stop_

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Stop walking so slowly! You make me look bad on TV!" said Luigi angrily, as they walked towards the pit stop.

"Luigi and Peach… you are team number four!" said Master Hand.

"Haha! Yay!" cheered Peach.

"We should be number two!" said Luigi angrily, "I can't believe _**someone**_ took so long on the Road Block so that we lost!"

Luigi stared at Peach angrily.

"Uh… maybe you should be nicer to your girlfriend," said Master Hand.

"Actually, we've been married one year!" said Peach, doing a twirl.

"Shut up! You're my first girlfriend! I'm still young, naive and eccentric!" screamed Luigi angrily.

Luigi ran off, crying.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Arrived 5__th_

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, you're team number five!" said Master Hand.

"MASTER hand PRONOUNCES the announcement to us," rapped Ganondorf, with a hat on backwards, "WE are TEAM NUMBER FIVE now let's CATCH THE BUS, to THE FREESTYLE shop where I CAN GET some rhymes BECAUSE YOU know that BUSTING MOVES and rapping aIN'T A CRIME"

…

"Thank you," said Master Hand.

"THANK YOU is WHAT master HAND said to me," said Ganondorf, "THE OTHER DAY I WATCHED the MOVIE DIE HARD 3…"

Master Hand called security.

"I'M being TAKEN 'way by THE SECURITY," rapped Ganondorf, "bUT THEY CAN'T SHUT ME UP, cos I'm black YOU SEE-"

Security sedated Ganondorf.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"We finally found the directions to the windmill, so we're just hoping someone got really held up…" said Toon Link.

_Roy  
Sheep Transported: 24_

"AAH!" screamed Roy, being kicked in the back by a sheep.

_Mr. Resetti  
Sheep Transported: 0_

Said Mr. Resetti, "Now, as you see, the milk that we used-"

"All of the sheep are either asleep or dead from boredom! Hurry up and move them!" screamed Wario angrily.

_Yoshi  
Sheep Transported: 16_

"You're doing good, Yoshi!" said Lucas. "Where good means completely crap and you're doing really awful!"

Yoshi punched Lucas in the face.

"Teacher! Teacher!" screamed Lucas, running off.

Lucas ran into a fence.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"Welcome to Bianco Hills! We made it! We made it!" cheered Toon Link, looking at the sign.

They heard a large popping noise.

An orchestral shrieking sound played.

"Oh no, oh no," said Toon Link, as the car slowed down, "We have a flat! We don't want a flat! I don't want to have a flat!"

"We have a flat!" said King Dedede happily, stopping the car.

"That's a bad thing!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"WE HAVE A FLAT?!" screamed King Dedede.

_Roy  
Sheep Transported: 28_

"You're doing really good, Roy!" cheered Zelda, watching Roy, drag along the last two sheep.

_Roy_

"Zelda was so supportive through this leg of the race, I'm starting to really, really, love her," said Roy sweetly.

_Roy  
Finished Road Block_

"You did it, Roy!" cheered Zelda happily, taking the clue.

Zelda got a paper cut.

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda.

Roy opened the clue.

"Drive to Bianco Winery and drink two cups of grape juice for your next clue!" read Roy.

"How are you so accident prone, Zelda?" laughed Roy.

"GAAH!" screamed Zelda, being zapped by the electric fence.

"AIIIEE!" screamed Zelda, the back of her dress being caught on the windmill.

_Mr. Resetti  
Sheep Transported: 5_

"Come on, Mr. Resetti! Just drag those damn sheep!" said Wario angrily. "They're all motionless! You don't need to talk to them!"

_Yoshi  
Sheep Transported: 20_

"Hurry, Yoshi!" said Lucas angrily.

"Can you be a bit supportive?" said Yoshi angrily.

"Hurry, Yoshi!" said Lucas supportively.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

King Dedede picked up the car with one hand, took off the tyre with the other and held the spare in his mouth.

"We are so screwed…" said Toon Link, scratching his head.

_Roy and Zelda  
Engaged_

"Roy, that's another team!" said Zelda excitedly, "Who is it?"

"I think it's Toon Link and King Dedede!" said Roy, slowing down, "We didn't see them at all today!"

"They must've got lost, hold up!" said Zelda.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

Roy and Zelda's car pulled up from the opposite direction.

"You guys got a flat?" said Roy.

"Yeah, we're so far behind!" said Toon Link angrily, King Dedede adding the finishing touches to the flat.

"You guys haven't done the Road Block yet, have you?" asked Roy.

"Nah," said Toon Link.

"There's still two teams there!" said Zelda, "You guys can beat them if you hurry!"

"Come on! Come on!" screamed Toon Link, jumping into the car.

_Bianco Winery_

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"That means we're in sixth place!" said Zelda, squealing excitedly. "As much as I want to see those guys in, it means we won't get eliminated today!"

"Okay, we're here, let's do this task real quick!" said Roy, hopping out.

_Bianco Hills Windmill_

_Yoshi  
Sheep Transported: 25_

"Come on, Yoshi! You're almost done!" shouted Lucas.

_Mr. Resetti  
Sheep Transported: 13_

"One at a time! Just keep on picking 'em up!" said Wario.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"We still have the tiniest chance at staying in," said Toon Link, "We're just hoping we can do the Road Block real quick."

_Yoshi  
Sheep Transported: 28_

"These stupid sheep aren't moving!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Get another one then!" said Lucas angrily.

_Mr. Resetti  
Sheep Transported: 15_

"Old… maannn… rivverrr…" sang Mr. Resetti.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Wario angrily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"We just have to keep on going, we don't know what's ahead," said Toon Link.

_Bianco Winery_

_Roy and Zelda  
Stomping On Grapes_

"THIS IS SO MUSHY!" screamed Zelda.

"Zel, they're grapes!" laughed Roy.

_Bianco Hills Windmill_

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Drive to Bianco Winery and drink two cups of grape juice for your next clue!" said Lucas.

_Mr. Resetti  
Sheep Transported: 18_

"Doonn't bee crruuuel…" sang Mr. Resetti.

Wario hurled a sheep at Mr. Resetti.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're here! We're here!" screamed Toon Link excitedly, "Park! Park!"

Toon Link sprinted over to the clue box, and opened the clue. "Road Block! Who wants to be a sheep dog!"

"I'll do it! I'll do it real fast!" said King Dedede.

"You better!" said Toon Link angrily.

_Bianco Winery_

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Drive to the pit stop, the Sirena Beach Hotel!" read Zelda.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Stomping On Grapes_

"Come on, Yoshi! Let's do this!" cheered Lucas.

They hopped into the grape vat.

Lucas stomped up and down with all of his might for about thirty seconds.

Several millilitres of grape juice came out.

"Are you kidding me?" said Lucas angrily.

_Roy and Zelda_

"I think the kids might struggle with the juice making… they're too light," said Roy.

"Are you calling me FAT?" said Zelda angrily.

_Bianco Hills Windmill_

_King Dedede  
Sheep Transported: 0_

"Pick up five sheep at a time with your mouth!" said Toon Link anxiously.

"Okay!" said King Dedede, inhaling five sheep.

King Dedede swallowed.

"DON'T EAT THEM!" screamed Toon Link, tearing his hair out.

_Mr. Resetti  
Sheep Transported: 21_

"We got company, finish the job off!" said Wario angrily, "We're almost good!"

_King Dedede  
Sheep Transported: 5_

"Look! That only took ten seconds! We're gonna do this really quickly!" cheered Toon Link, jumping up and down.

_Bianco Winery_

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Stomping On Grapes_

"We've been jumping on this for a while, and maybe we've made half a glass," said Lucas angrily, "I really hope we're done before it's over."

_Sirena Beach Hotel_

_  
Roy and Zelda_

"Let's go!" said Roy, taking Zelda by the hand, running towards the pit stop mat.

They ran onto the mat together.

"Roy and Zelda, you are… team number six!" said Master Hand.

"That's so great!" said Roy excitedly, kissing Zelda.

_Bianco Hills Windmill_

_King Dedede  
Sheep Transported: 15_

"Come on, King Dedede!" said Toon Link nervously, "You're catching up!"

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Sheep Transported: 27_

"Hurry up, fatty!" said Wario angrily.

Mr. Resetti dragged the last three sheep into the pen.

"Let's do this!" screamed Wario, taking the clue. "Drive to Bianco Winery and drink two cups of grape juice for your next clue!"

_Bianco Winery_

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Stomping On Grapes_

"You know what, Yoshi? I've been so mean to you throughout this entire trip!" said Lucas angrily, "And I've realised what a great friend you've been!"

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"So I'm only going to say positive things to you!" said Lucas, smiling excessively, "Because I've always looked up to you! And I've always been jealous of you so that's why I've been mean to you!"

Yoshi hopped into the car.

"Wow! Good driving Yoshi! Go Yoshi!" cheered Lucas. "I'm your number one fan, you know! The reason why I wanted a room with you is so I could be close to you! And I think it's really cute when you're angry and I love it when you punch me in the face can you punch me in the face again?"

Yoshi laughed nervously. "Very funny, Lucas," said Yoshi.

"What? Haha, you're the funny one! This is what I'm really like! I'm sick of pretending to hate you! I'm your number one fan!" said Lucas, "Go Yoshi!"

"Cut it out," said Yoshi.

"I love you Yoshi! In a platonic sense although I also wish it was in an unconditional sense so I forged the papers and now you're my brother!" said Lucas, "Do you know when you die you're going to give me all of your eggs? Isn't that so cool?"

"CUT IT OUT!" screamed Yoshi angrily.

"I've cut out my fake personality, Yoshi!" said Lucas, smiling, "This is the real me! The last three years I've known you everything was fake! I'm your number one fan!"

Yoshi bashed his head against the steering wheel.

"Don't kill yourself Yoshi! Or you won't see your number one fan tomorrow!" said Lucas excitedly.

_Bianco Hills Windmill_

_  
Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"Drive to Bianco Winery and drink two cups of grape juice for your next clue!" read Toon Link.

_Bianco Winery_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Stomping On Grapes_

"Come on, use your weight, fatty! Let's do this!" said Wario, stomping on the grapes with his heavy mass.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"You must make your grape juice from the grapes in a provided vat," read Toon Link as King Dedede drove along.

"I'm not sure we can beat these guys," said Toon Link, "They're pretty heavy people."

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Stomping on Grapes_

"We're done! We're done!" said Wario excitedly, hopping out.

Wario jumped out of the vat. "Get out, Mr. Resetti!"

"The grapes remind me of my family!" cried Mr. Resetti, "I don't want to leave them! Come back to me, papa!"

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Driving To Pit Stop_

"Oh no! It looks like we have a flat!" said Lucas.

Yoshi stopped the car.

"Gee, I wonder who caused the flat?" said Lucas, smiling, "Well, think about it in a positive manner! I slashed the tyres to spend more time with you because I'm your number one fan!"

"WHY DID YOU SLASH THE TYRES?" screamed Yoshi angrily.

"I'm you're number one fan! This is the real reason why I've been friends with you for the last three years! To get close to you! To go through your car! To spend time with you!" said Lucas, smiling creepily.

"What's WRONG WITH YOU?!" screamed Yoshi angrily, punching Lucas in the face.

"That's the fifth time you've punched me!" said Lucas, scribbling fanatically into his diary, "I've been keeping count! Isn't that so cool?"

"Get me AWAY FROM THIS GUY!" screamed Yoshi angrily.

_Bianco Winery_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Stomping On Grapes_

"Papa! What are you doing?!" said Mr. Resetti, delusional, rolling in the grape vat, "I'm makin' grapes, son! That's what I always have been doing! Makin' grapes!"

"GET OUT!" screamed Wario, jumping into the vat.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"Winery, next turn," said Toon Link.

"But I don't wanna go there!" whined King Dedede.

King Dedede nudged Toon Link, "Get it? Get it?"

Toon Link grunted.

_Lucas and Yoshi  
Driving To Pit Stop_

"You know why I slashed the tyres?" said Lucas, smiling manically, "Because I'm your best friend! And I also have the opportunity to read this acrostic poem that I made for you! It took me five hours! FIVE HOURS! Just for you Yoshi! Isn't that great?"

"Araarrraara…" screamed Yoshi.

"Yoshi is Lucas's best friend," said Lucas, "Oh, we are the best of friends, Still Yoshi is Lucas's best friend forever and ever, Hi, I'm Lucas! Yoshi and I are the best of friends!"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" screamed Yoshi, shaking Lucas.

_Bianco Winery_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Stomping On Grapes_

King Dedede jumped into the vat, raised his mallet and bashed the crap out of the grapes.

A lot of grape juice flowed into the tub, overflowing.

"That was quick," said King Dedede.

"Why can't you be this quick normally?" said Toon Link angrily.

"OOH ICE CREAM" said King Dedede, running off.

King Dedede stopped, turned around and chuckled, "Just kidding, Toon Link!"

Toon Link stared angrily.

King Dedede opened the clue.

"Drive to the pit stop, the Sirena Beach Hotel!" read King Dedede.

"We are _**so**_ eliminated today," said Toon Link angrily.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
_"I'm not sure we're going the right way," said Wario, "Are we going the right way on the map?"

"It's a looong rooaaad…" sang Mr. Resetti, "To Tipperary…"

"STOP SINGING YOUR COUNTRY CRAP!" screamed Wario angrily.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"KNOCK OUT OF IT!" screamed Yoshi angrily, shaking Lucas on the side of the road.

"This is really me!" said Lucas, smiling happily, "I'm you're number one fan!"

"No!" screamed Yoshi angrily head butting Lucas.

"You're!" screamed Yoshi angrily head butting Lucas.

"Not!" screamed Yoshi angrily head butting Lucas.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"We just have to hope we only left about one minute after some other people…" said Toon Link to the camera.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"We should concentrate on the race!" said Lucas happily, "I'll be besties with you forever on the rest of the race! And forever for the rest of our lives! Forever and ever!"

"NOOOOO!" screamed Yoshi.

"Come on!" said Lucas angrily, dragging Yoshi into the car, "We want to be best friends forever!"

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"I wonda' what this button does!" said Mr. Resetti, opening the car door as they drove down the highway.

"You opened the door! Close it! Close it!" screamed Wario.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic angles. A shot of the camera walking from the car to the pit stop without the teams in view played.

Wario and Mr. Resetti dropped their bags and walked onto the mat.

"Wario and Mr. Resetti, you're team number seven!" said Master Hand.

"Lucky seven," said Wario, dropping on the mat from exhaustion.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

A shot played of the skyline becoming dark.

"Here we are, bestie!" said Lucas happily, Yoshi shaking in the backseat, "We're almost at the pit stop! Imagine how many fun, fun adventures we're going to have! You and your number one fan!"

Yoshi grunted.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"You know King Dedede, I forgive you," said Toon Link, "I took this race so seriously when all you were trying to do was be a good friend."

"Aww," said the cameraman and sound guy.

Toon Link stared angrily at them.

_Pit Stop_

_Lucas and Yoshi  
_"Come on, bestie! Let's get out, bestie! Let's run to the pit stop!" said Lucas enthusiastically, doing a jig as he got out of the car.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
_"Welcome to Sirena Beach!" read King Dedede off a sign.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"The pit stop's right ahead!" said Lucas, running enthusiastically.

Yoshi groaned, walking towards the mat.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"I have no idea what side of the road this place is on," said King Dedede, driving along.

"Wait! Wait! It's over there!" said Toon Link, pointing to a turn-off on the left.

_Pit Stop_

Dramatic camera angles.

Lucas ran onto the mat. "Come on, buddy! We're going to stay in and have lots of fun, fun adventures together!"

"I don't like this Lucas! Are you insane? Is this manic fanboy thing a joke?! I don't want to spend another leg with you if this is the real you!" said Yoshi angrily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

King Dedede drove into the hotel compounds, "Ooh! Ice cream!" said King Dedede, stopping the car.

"OH NO YOU-"

"Relax! I'm kidding, boy! Sheesh!" said King Dedede angrily.

_Pit Stop_

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"Let's have fun adventures together! I made a song about you! Do you want me to sing it?" said Lucas happily, jumping up and down, standing on the pit stop mat.

"NO!" screamed Yoshi angrily, twenty metres from the mat.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"There's another team! Be quiet!" said Toon Link, jogging from the car.

_Lucas and Yoshi_

"Please tell me this is a ploy!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Okay! Fine!" said Lucas angrily, ripping up his piece of paper, "I did this to piss you off! Okay? It really worked! Haha! I really had you there, huh?"

"I can't believe you'd risk **my** mental sanity to do your little trick!" said Yoshi, upset.

"Oh no! Another team!" screamed Lucas, standing on the mat.

Toon Link ran onto the mat.

King Dedede waddled behind, doing his bird call taunt.

"HURRY UP!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"Come on, Yoshi!" said Lucas angrily.

Yoshi started to sprint.

King Dedede did his Up B attack, which involved being launched into the air very quickly and travelling a large horizontal distance at the same time.

"Run!" screamed Lucas.

Yoshi neared the mat.

King Dedede hovered through the air, smiling.

Yoshi was in reach of the mat.

King Dedede landed on Yoshi's back, breaking his spine.

"OW!" screamed Yoshi, bleeding, "OH GOD IT HURTS SO MUCH!"

King Dedede strolled onto the mat.

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" said King Dedede, doing a twirl with his mallet.

"Toon Link and King Dedede, you are team number eight!" said Master Hand, "Lucas and Yoshi, you are the last team to arrive."

"I can't believe you!" said Yoshi angrily, "Your fake fanboy thing cost us the race!"

"I was trying to be _**nice**_ to you!" said Lucas angrily.

"However!" said Master Hand.

Lucas and Yoshi grinned.

"You've been eliminated."

Lucas and Yoshi glared angrily.

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk! That was a good one!" said King Dedede in his typical Texan accent.

"Good one… more like… good two!" said Toon Link.

Everyone stared at Toon Link.

Toon Link grunted.

"IT APPEARS THAT tOON lINK MADE A BAD JOKE" said Ganondorf, wearing his rap uniform, "aS THE OTHERS LAUGH AT HIM he APPEAES to CHOKE, he's COMMITTED socialising's ever NUMBER ONE SIN: don't MAKE bad JOKES, or your REP'S IN THE BIN"

**Finish Times:**

Fox and Falcon: 11:34 AM

Wolf and Samus: 12:57 PM

Kirby and Pikachu: 12:57 PM

Luigi and Peach: 1:41 PM

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf: 2:02 PM

Roy and Zelda: 3:51 PM

Wario and Mr. Resetti: 5:02 PM

Toon Link and King Dedede: 5:11 PM

**Lucas and Yoshi: 5:11 PM - Eliminated**

Thanks for your reviews and votes everyone! The new poll should be up and running, so vote for your favourite team!

Please point out any errors! These are 5-digit length chapters so there's bound to be continuity, spelling and grammatical errors and simply sentences that don't make sense! For example, in the last chapter where Ike and Diddy Kong were eliminated!


	4. Nuke Them!

"Previously on The Smashy Amazing Race, nine teams departed from Delfino Plaza to the inland of Isle Delfino!"

"Teams drove to Ricco Harbour, where teams were tied for equal first due to an opening time, aggravating Samus!"

"_Hey guys!" said Kirby happily, munching on some fast food, "Pretty lucky that after our one hour food break that the place didn't open until later?"_

"_Yes. Ha, ha," said Samus angrily._

_Samus stared at Kirby angrily._

_Kirby waved._

_Samus stared at Kirby angrily._

_Kirby waved._

"The harbour terminal opened, and Jigglypuff and Ganondorf and Fox and Falcon duelled off for the Fast Forward!"

"_Dude… eating squid is as easy as kissing chicks…" said Falcon._

"_NYOM NYOM NYOM" said Jigglypuff, scarfing down the food._

"_NYUM NYUM NYUM" said Ganondorf, scarfing down Jigglypuff._

"After a tense battle, Fox and Falcon prevailed! They skipped all tasks, and came in first!"

"_Yess!" said Fox, pumping his fist in the air._

"_Come on!" said Falcon._

"At the back of the pack, King Dedede delayed his team by making stops, much to Toon Link's frustration!"

"_Did you hear me?" said Toon Link angrily. "We're going the wrong way!"_

"_And I'm desperately hungry, boy!" chuckled King Dedede, pulling into a pancake restaurant._

"_Don't… you… dare…" said Toon Link angrily._

_King Dedede waddled out happily._

"_Hurry up and help!" said Toon Link angrily, scrubbing the boat with a sponge, "The other teams are coming!"_

"_I'm offering moral support, boy!" said King Dedede, throwing a bucket of mud onto the boat._

"Driving to the Road Block in last place, they were given a splinter of hope!"

"_Yeah, we're so far behind!" said Toon Link angrily, King Dedede adding the finishing touches to the flat._

"_There's still two teams there!" said Zelda, "You guys can beat them if you hurry!"_

"King Dedede and Mr. Resetti battled it out in the Road Block for what they thought was avoiding elimination!"

"_Pick up five sheep at a time with your mouth!" said Toon Link anxiously._

"_Okay!" said King Dedede, inhaling five sheep._

"But Lucas and Yoshi encountered their own communication problems…"

"Oh no! It looks like we have a flat!" said Lucas.

Yoshi stopped the car.

"_Gee, I wonder who caused the flat?" said Lucas, smiling, "Well, think about it in a positive manner! I slashed the tyres to spend more time with you because I'm your number one fan!"_

"_WHY DID YOU SLASH THE TYRES?" screamed Yoshi angrily._

"At the Pit Stop, it became a foot race between Lucas and Yoshi and Toon Link and King Dedede!"

_King Dedede waddled behind, doing his bird call taunt._

"_HURRY UP!" screamed Toon Link angrily._

_Yoshi neared the mat._

_King Dedede hovered through the air, smiling._

_Yoshi was in reach of the mat._

_King Dedede landed on Yoshi's back, breaking his spine._

"_OW!" screamed Yoshi, bleeding, "OH GOD IT HURTS SO MUCH!"_

"Toon Link and King Dedede survived by just seconds!" said Master Hand.

_King Dedede strolled onto the mat._

"_Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" said King Dedede, doing a twirl with his mallet._

"_Toon Link and King Dedede, you are team number eight!" said Master Hand,_

"Whilst Lucas and Yoshi were eliminated!"

"_However!" said Master Hand._

_Lucas and Yoshi grinned._

"_You've been eliminated."_

"Eight teams remain, who will be eliminated… …next?"

**The Teams:**

Wolf and Samus (Newly Dating)

Roy and Zelda (Engaged)

Toon Link and King Dedede (Coal Miners)

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf (Dating Twelve Days)

Fox and Falcon (Frat Boys)

Luigi and Peach (Married)

Wario and Mr. Resetti (Fire Fighters)

Kirby and Pikachu (Best Friends)

"This is Sirena Beach Hotel, one of Isle Delfino's most exclusive five-star hotels!" said Master Hand, "This luxurious hideout was the third pit stop in a race around the world!"

"Teams arrived here at the pit stop for a mandatory rest period where teams can eat, sleep and mingle with the other teams!"

_King Dedede pushed Zelda into the pool._

"_I CAN'T SWIM!" she screamed, drowning.  
Everyone chuckled._

"Can Frats Fox and Falcon take advantage of their newfound hour and a half lead? And can Toon Link and King Dedede, dropping ever since their third place in the first leg, sort out their communication problems and get out of last place?"

"Fox and Falcon, who arrived first at 11:34 AM, will depart at 11:34 PM!"

_Fox and Falcon  
1__st__ to depart: 11:34 PM_

Fox ripped open the clue with his teeth. "Fly to Dream Land and find the Green Greens Post Office!"

"Teams must now fly to the cool planet of Dream Land, famous for its appearance in the Kirby series!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive here, they must make their way to this post office, where they will find their next clue!"

"Let's go!" said Fox, running to flag a taxi.

"We're just here to party, get free booze and maybe win the race," said Fox to the camera, running along.

"And make out with hot chicks!" said Falcon. "Because I'm straight!"

…

_Fox and Falcon  
Frat Boys_

"You know, a lot of people say, 'Fox and Falcon! They're just some drunk dumb kids'!" said Falcon, "But we got into like this, Ivy League college, so you know, we're really smart! Otherwise we wouldn't be in college!"

"Our daddies bribed the dean!" said Fox excitedly.

"Haha, very funny," said Falcon angrily, hitting Fox in the leg, "Point is, we're smarter than everyone thinks."

"Our daddies bribed the dean!" said Fox excitedly.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Do you know where the airport is?" said Fox.

"No! I don't know where the airport is!" said the taxi driver angrily, "I've only been driving cabs for what, 25 years?"

"Get out!" whispered Fox loudly, "I don't think he knows where he's going!"

"Okay!" whispered Falcon loudly.

_Wolf and Samus  
2__nd__ to depart: 12:57 AM_

"Fly to Dream Land and find the Green Greens Post Office!" read Wolf, "You have one hundred and seventy-four dollars for this leg of the race!"

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

"I think last leg was very crucial to our race campaign," said Samus.

"We helped overthrow Kirby and Pikachu," said Wolf, "Which means they're not a threat anymore and you'll find them starting to fall behind!"

_Wolf and Samus_

"It's a full moon," said Wolf sexily, "You know what a full moon means?"

"No," said Samus.

"The wolves come out to play," said Wolf, doing a scratching motion with his claw.

Samus stared blankly at Wolf.

"Because uh… I'm a… Wolf…" said Wolf.

…

_Kirby and Pikachu  
3__rd__ to depart: 12:58 AM_

"Fly to Dream Land and find the Green Greens Post Office!" read Pikachu.

"Let's go!" said Kirby, wheeling his bag towards the taxi rank.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"We're not that fussed that we didn't come in 1st again," said Kirby, "We needed to step aside and give some other people ago because… we're charitable people."

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Yoohoo!" screamed Kirby really loudly, "Wait up, Wolf and Samus!"

"_And you know," said Kirby in a voiceover, "I think we're starting to become really good friends with Wolf and Samus!"_

"We're coming, best buddies!" screamed Pikachu, running towards the taxi rank.

"Hi guys! Bad luck you couldn't get a cab!" laughed Kirby.

"Guess you're just going to have to spend more time with us!" said Pikachu enthusiastically.

Samus shook violently.

"Relax, we'll be away from them once we get a taxi," said Wolf angrily.

A giant van-sized taxi pulled up.

"Heh, I guess because there's premium fares we have to split the cost!" said Kirby excitedly.

"Yay! We're going to share!" said Pikachu happily, "Let's spend some time together, _**team**_ buddies!"

"Listen freaks!" said Wolf angrily, "We are _**not**_-"

Wolf looked at Kirby and Pikachu, who were sobbing and pouting at him.

"Aww," said Wolf, "Come on! They're pouting! Let's go together with them! They're so cute!"

Samus shook violently.

"Okay, honey?" said Wolf.

Samus shook violently.

"Is it alright?" said Wolf.

Samus shook violently.

"Honey?" said Wolf.

_Delfino Airport_

_Fox and Falcon_

"There's currently only one flight leaving today, at noon," said the sales agent.

"Okay, we'll take that," said Fox.

_Fox and Falcon  
1__st__ on 12:00 Flight_

"We're very certain that we're all going to be equal on this first flight," said Fox.

_Luigi and Peach  
4__th__ to depart: 1:41 AM_

"You have one hundred and seventy-four dollars for this leg of the race!" read Peach.

"Let's go!" said Peach, picking up her bag.

_Luigi and Peach  
Married_

"I think through this race, I've learnt how to be nicer to Peach," said Luigi.

…

"Why did you take away my meds?!" screamed Peach, "I might die!"

"SHUT UP!" said Luigi angrily, frothing at the mouth.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We need to find bicycles so that we can go to the airport!" said Luigi, clearly drunk.

"Silly Luigi!" said Peach, "We don't need bicycles, dumb dumb!"

Peach giggled.

"But I wanted to ride a bicycle!" cried Luigi.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
5__th__ to depart: 2:02 AM_

"Fly to Dream Land and find the Green Greens Post Office!" read Jigglypuff.

"hEADIN' OFF TO DREAMLAND, kirby's home TOWN, we're going to green greens and not browns brown," rapped Ganondorf.

"oMG can YOU STOP WITH THE wrappin' it's getting SO OLD and LAME JUST LIKE YOU" said Jigglypuff.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Dating Twelve Days_

"iF I WIN THE MILLion dollars mY oCCUPATION WILL BE MILLIONAIRE otherwise I will BE a SUCCessful freestyle wrappa" said Ganondorf.

"AND I WILL BE AN EXOTIC DANCER" said Jigglypuff.

"u CAN'T EVEN WHERE clothes!" said Ganondorf.

"Waah waah waah" screamed Jigglypuff, running off.

"Waah waah" cried Jigglypuff in the corner, "Oh no, as I am crying this clearly demonstrates that I am sad waah waah"

_Delfino Airport_

_Wolf and Samus  
2__nd__ on 12:00 PM Flight_

"That two hour taxi ride with Kirby and Pikachu was torturous," said Wolf, straightening out their boarding passes.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
3__rd__ on 12:00 PM Flight_

"Can we have seats next to Wolf and Samus?" said Kirby, "They're our best friends!"

"No we're not!" said Wolf angrily.

Kirby and Pikachu pouted.

"Okay… okay… you are!" said Wolf, grinning guiltily.

"I can't believe you'd betray me like this!" screamed Samus violently.

"Relax honey! It's just a bit of fun!" said Wolf cutely.

"I like fun," said Samus sexily.

"But I don't like fun involving those stupid kids!" screamed Samus angrily.

Samus shook violently.

_Roy and Zelda  
6__th__ to depart: 3:51 AM_

"Fly to Dream Land and find the Green Greens Post Office! You have one hundred and seventy-four dollars for this leg of the race!" read Zelda.

_Roy and Zelda  
Engaged_

"To be honest, I'm not sure that we were pacing ourselves when Zelda proposed after a week," said Roy, "The same week that unfortunately my uncle passed away in, rest in peace Jim, but I think so far that this race has shown that we were supposed to be together!"

Zelda grinned evilly, her eyes widening and her mouth making a scarily tight U-shaped smile.

"I like Roy because he's sexy," said Zelda, patting Roy on the head, "I love the uh… glasses and the greased hair and the uh… pocket protector… sexy… yeah…"

_Delfino Airport_

_Luigi and Peach  
4__th__ on 12:00 Flight_

"Ooh! There's a coffee shop over there! Maybe we can get a coffee!" said Peach excitedly.

"Maybe _**I'll**_ get a coffee," said Luigi angrily.

"Okay, thanks!" said Peach excitedly, "Luigi, you're the best!"

"I don't think you heard me correct," said Luigi angrily, "Maybe _**I'll**_ get a coffee."

Luigi walked off. He walked back with one coffee in his hand. He drank the coffee.

"Wow! That's a great coffee!" said Peach excitedly, "But where's my coffee?"

Luigi continued to drink the coffee.

"Luigi?!" said Peach.

Luigi continued to drink the coffee.

"Silly! Where are you hiding my coffee?" giggled Peach.

Luigi continued to drink the coffee.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
5__th__ on 12:00 Flight_

"cAN WE HAVE FREE FIRST CLASS UPGRADE???" said Ganondorf.

"Sorry," said the airline agent, "First Class is full."

"cAN WE HAVE FREE FIRST CLASS UPGRADE???" said Ganondorf.

"Sorry," said the airline agent.

"I WILL DO A SEXY DANCE IF YOU DO" said Ganondorf.

The airline agent called security.

"DO YOU LIKE THIS?" said Ganondorf, taking off his shirt to reveal his hairy 65 year-old man boobs.

"I AM VERY SEXY" said Ganondorf, being dragged away.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
7__th__ to depart: 5:02 PM_

"Fly to Dream Land and find the Green Greens Post Office!" read Wario.

"Hello darling!" said Mr. Resetti sexily, in a bikini. "I need to apply some…"

Mr. Resetti squirted some sun lotion onto his hand lustfully.

"…sunscreen onto myself…" said Mr. Resetti sexily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Last to depart: 5:11 PM_

"You have one hundred and seventy-four dollars for this leg of the race!" read Toon Link.

"Going to the homelllaaannndd…" sung King Dedede. "Gonna sit back on my throne…"

"Wait… you're_** the**_ King Dedede? Ruler of Dream Land?" said Toon Link, shocked, "I thought you were just a lookalike penguin with the same name! You kidnapped my uncle and put him into slavery! How could you?"

"Now, we call that an _unpaid internship!_" said King Dedede, smiling. "Where you can never leave!"

"I can't believe you kidnapped him!" screamed Toon Link angrily, "We spent half our savings trying to get him back and-"

"Now, I didn't **kidnap** him boy," laughed King Dedede, "He came here on his own free will!"

"Oh, shut up!" said Toon Link, "As if you'd possess the verbal prowess to-"

"Do you want a **free working holiday **to **Dream Land?!**" said King Dedede excitedly.

"Yes! Oh goodie!" said Toon Link happily.

…

Toon Link grunted.

_Delfino Airport_

_Roy and Zelda  
6__th__ on 12:00 Flight_

"Can I have a free first-class upgrade?" said Zelda seductively.

The airline agent shook, having a seizure.

"They call me a VIP…" said Zelda seductively.

The airline agent shook, having a seizure.

"Very important… princess…" said Zelda seductively.

The airline agent shook, having a seizure.

Zelda walked around and processed the upgrade.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
7__th__ on 12:00 Flight_

"Look mah boy, Wario!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly, holding up a kid's costume he just shoplifted, "I'm gonna be an astronaut!"

Security walked up to Mr. Resetti and took the costume back.

"Hey boy! What 'choo doin' with my space rocket!" screamed Mr. Resetti angrily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Last on 12:00 Flight_

"Everyone's equal," said Toon Link happily.

"All teams are now on their way to Dream Land via a 12:00 PM flight, which lands at 6:00 AM, local time!" said Master Hand.

_Dream Land_

Shots of village Waddle Dees carrying food and bouncing Cappies played on the screen.

_Dream Land International Airport_

The whole group of racers ran out of the gate in a pack.

_Fox and Falcon_

"Come on, find us a cab!" screamed Fox, sprinting through the terminal.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Keep up with the frats!" said Samus, jogging along.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Hi guys!" shouted Kirby, running along, behind Samus.

_Luigi and Peach_

"Come on, Peach! Wheel me faster!" said Luigi angrily, sitting on his suitcase.

"There's no wheels on this suitcase, silly!" laughed Peach.

"Damn it! I got the wrong bag!!!" screamed Luigi angrily.

"No silly! It's your bag! It never had wheels!" laughed Peach.

"Make it have wheels!" said Luigi angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"OMG DUTY FREE SHOPPING" said Jigglypuff, running through the airport.

"LOL So we DON'T HAVE TO PAY NO DUTY?! OLOL" said Ganondorf.

"ACTUALLY YES" screamed Jigglypuff, running through the terminal.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Zel, maybe you should wear your sneakers to the plane so we can run when we're in the terminal," said Roy politely.

"I want to look pretty!" screamed Zelda.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"And then Harry and Hagrid go to Gringotts, where they discover that Harry has a-"

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Coming through!" screamed King Dedede, stomping across the travelator violently, knocking women and children over.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Wolf and Samus scrambled into a taxi. "Take us to the Green Greens Post Office!"

"I am so glad we're away from those stupid freaking kids," said Samus angrily as the taxi pulled onto the road, "They are so annoying!"

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Follow that taxi!" said Kirby.

"Yeah! Make sure we're right behind them the entire time!" said Pikachu.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We've already got company," said Samus, peering out of the back of the taxi.

"Hey! It's Kirby and Pikachu!" said Wolf, looking behind.

Kirby and Pikachu waved cutely.

"They're like succulent leeches!" said Samus angrily. "How did they catch up? I hate them so much!"

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"I'm gonna marry Samus…" said Kirby, drawing a picture.

"No! I'm marrying her first!" said Pikachu angrily.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"I'm gonna do a Frat Boy Dream Land rap," said Falcon, wearing a cap on backwards. "Start the beat boxing!"

Fox was choking, making coughing noises.

"That's… really crappy beatboxing dude," said Falcon, "It's not even in time."

"OH GOD I'M GOING TO DIE" screamed Fox, choking.

"Dude! That's not even beatboxing! It's like that emo crap!" said Falcon angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"dONT YOU WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME" sung Ganondorf.

"BUT I'M THE girlfriend!!!" said Jigglypuff, infuriated.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Those kids are **so** annoying!" screamed Samus, trying to look away from Kirby and Pikachu's incessant, hypnotic waving. "This could not get any worse!"

Fox and Falcon pulled up on the left. "Hi Samus!" said Falcon sexily, "We're your old team mates! Remember us?"

"NO!" screamed Samus.

Samus closed the curtains on her left, shielding herself from the frats. Samus closed her right curtains, shielding herself from Kirby and Pikachu.

"Phew, now I'm finally safe and sane!" said Samus.

Ganondorf and Jigglypuff climbed through the back.

"HELLO SAMUS I AM ALSO SAMUS AND I COME FROM METROID PRIME 3" said Ganondorf.

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET INTO OUR TAXI?!" screamed Samus, in utter shock. "IT WAS LOCKED!"

"dONT YOU WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME" sung Ganondorf, taking off his shirt in front of Wolf's face.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Wow King Dedede! You've finally returned!" said the Waddle Dee taxi driver.

"Thank you, young man," said King Dedede, patting his stomach.

"Wow! You're like a celebrity here!" said Toon Link, looking outside at the waving Waddle Dees.

"I am king!" said King Dedede suavely.

"You should so abuse your king powers to get us in first place this leg!" laughed Toon Link.

"Haha, good one!" chortled King Dedede.

…

"Arrest them all…" said King Dedede evilly into a walkie-talkie.

Dramatic orchestral music played.

…

"Uh…" said Toon Link, "What did you just say?"

"Nothing!" said King Dedede, cackling evilly.

"And why are you cackling evilly?" said Toon Link angrily.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"This is so crap! We're in third last place! I want to come first, damnit!" said Luigi angrily.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We're at the back again," moaned Zelda, "I hate being in the bottom of the pack."

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in Last Place_

"Look at me boy!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly, "I'm a pelican!"

Mr. Resetti did his pelican impression.

"You look like an old mole on crack," said Wario angrily. "Like you always do!"

"Meow!" screamed Mr. Resetti, biting Wario.

"You bit me!" said Wario angrily, "Why did you bite me?"

…

"Pelicans don't go 'meow'!" said Wario angrily.

"What would make you say that, boy?" laughed Mr. Resetti, "You're a crazy loon! That's why! Haha, these kids with their socks and their Atari 3000s and their Nintendo 64's!"

"Shut up, old guy!" said Wario angrily.

"Oooold… maaaan… riiiivvveeerrr…" sung Mr. Resetti.

"Shut up!" screamed Wario.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're about half a kilometre from the post office, so we'll arrive anytime soon," said Wolf to the camera, zipping up his bag.

"We're going to get to the clue first," said Samus, "And we-"

A police car, sirens on pulled up behind them.

"Oh great!" said Wolf angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

Two police cars pulled up behind them, sirens on.

"Police!" screamed Kirby, "Hide! Hide!"

Pikachu ran into Kirby's mouth.

"Aaah!" said Kirby, jumping into the glove compartment.

"We know you're in there," said a police officer.

…

…

"…ssshhh…" said Kirby.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

A police car pulled up behind them.

"Well I'm glad _**I'm**_ not driving now!" laughed Fox, holding up his beer.

…

"Because uh… it's illegal to drive under the influence," said Fox.

"It is?!" said Falcon, shocked.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"THE POLICE ARE HEAR OMG" said Ganondorf.

"EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE" said Jigglypuff.

"NO NOT THOSE POLICE (olol) THE REAL POLICE" said Ganondorf, panicking.

"OMG" said Ganondorf.

"OMG" said Jigglypuff.

"OMGNOMNOM" said Ganondorf and Jigglypuff, hiding in each other's faces.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

King Dedede drove past Jigglypuff's taxi, waving.

"Huh, they must've been pulled over," said Toon Link, peering out of the window.

They passed Fox and Falcon's car.

"Weird… two teams?!" said Toon Link.

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" said King Dedede evilly.

"Oh no! You didn't…" said Toon Link.

"Well, you said to race competitively, and this is racing competitively!" said King Dedede angrily.

King Dedede smiled evilly. "And you did say, 'You should so abuse your king powers to get us in first place this leg!'"

"That was a joke!" said Toon Link angrily.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

King Dedede's taxi drove past, the penguin waving.

"Oh my gosh, it's that freaking bird that did this," said Samus angrily.

"Why are there so many stupid crazy people on this race?" said Wolf angrily.

"We need some ID!" said the Waddle Dee police officer angrily.

"Look, did King Dedede set this up?" said Wolf angrily.

"…uh…" said the police officer.

"Okay, get back in," said Wolf angrily to the taxi driver.

The police officer took off his cap and stepped into the taxi.

"Wait… you were the taxi driver _**and**_ the police officer?!" said Wolf.

"You have to make a living somehow…" said the Waddle Dee.

Canned laughter.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"This car has been reported as stolen," said the Waddle Dee police officer, "And we might have to-"

Kirby ate the police officer. "Get eaten?"

…

"Huh? Wasn't that funny, huh?" laughed Kirby.

…

Kirby sulked and walked into the car.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Dude, Waddle Dees are like the easiest enemies to beat in a game ever," said Falcon, snickering.

"Let's try this!" said Fox, laughing.

Fox poked the Waddle Dee with a piece of gum.

It died.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"WE HAVE TO DEFEND OURSELVES FROM THE EVIL NINJAS" said Jigglypuff, shocked.

"Calm down, miss," said the police officer, "This is just a routine check and-"

"GO AWAY NINJA!" screamed Ganondorf, stomping on the Waddle Dee with his sharp heels, killing it.

"DIE NINJAS WE WILL PROTECT JAPAN FROM THE NINJAE" said Jigglypuff, covering the Waddle Dee's body in petrol.

"NINJAS" said Ganondorf.

"NINJAE!!!!" said Jigglypuff.

_Green Greens Post Office_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Was that even allowed in the rules?" said Toon Link angrily, walking up to the clue box.

"Well!" laughed King Dedede, "We're not exactly going to have a bunch of happy campers!"

"Drive by jeep to Ripple Field!" said Toon Link.

"Teams must now take one of these jeeps and travel 28 kilometres through road and jungle to Ripple Field!" said Master Hand, "Once here, teams will find their next clue in this boat shed!"  
"Only a quarter of their route is clearly signed! After this, teams must rely on using maps to navigate or their communication with locals!"

"Do you know how crazy everyone else in this race is?" said Toon Link angrily, running towards the car, "We could get shot!"

_Downtown Cappy Town_

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Ha! Luckily I wasn't driving!" cheered Luigi drunkenly, their car having been pulled over by a police car, "They can't arrest me! Yippee!"

Luigi did a celebratory drunken dance.

Laughed Luigi, "And those stupid police officers don't even know I imported twenty-five kilograms of-"

A Waddle Dee police officer stared at Luigi.

"…uh…" said Luigi.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"What are we even arrested for?" said Wario angrily.

"…uh…" said the police officer. "Many… things…"

"As a young boy, you know Young Cletus, he held the county record for the most arrests!" said Mr. Resetti, chuckling in his old man voice, "He had 272 arrests, one charge for arson, one charge for archery, one charge for aardvark-"

"The last two aren't even crimes!" screamed Wario angrily.

"I'M TRYING TO TELL MAH STORY BOY!" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place_

"Roy! We're in last!" said Zelda angrily.

"I swear, someone's responsible for this!" said Roy angrily, "Look! Half of the teams have been pulled over!"

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"I really don't think that was a good idea," said Toon Link, sitting in the jeep, "I mean, we're in first place but now we're going to have a gigantic target on the back of our heads! And I don't like that!"

"How will they know it's us?" laughed King Dedede, "I made sure I was very subtle!"

"We're the only team that's got a clue and you waved at all of the teams that we drove by and you're in charge of the freaking police force in the entire country!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"I was veeery subtle…" said King Dedede suavely.

King Dedede did a tap dance.

"See? Now it's all better!" laughed King Dedede.

"No it's not!!!!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

_Green Greens Post Office_

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Drive by jeep to Ripple Field!" read Wolf.

"Let's catch up to that stupid freaking penguin," said Samus angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Drive by jeep to Ripple Field!" read Kirby. "Use the provided maps to navigate as you will be taken off the main road."

"Oh great," said Pikachu.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"We don't like any driving tasks," said Kirby, "Mainly because I can't change gear and when you're in a jeep, you kinda need two of us to work both the pedal, the gears and the steering wheel, it's a bit chaotic."

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Guys! We'll follow you!" said Kirby excitedly, running towards his jeep.

"No!" said Samus angrily.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Oh my gosh, why do I hate everyone in this race?" said Samus angrily, buckling up, "There's the stupid kids, the stupid frats, the new enemy, that fat freaking penguin, the dumb creepy dating old guy and Pokemon, Roy's stupid beyond belief and so is Zelda and then there's the freaking old mole dude!"

"You've got me…" said Wolf.

"Aww Wolf, you're the best!" said Samus.

…

"When Wolf said that comment," said Samus to the camera, "I began to recall my commencing resentment for the lupine creature. His hygiene is second rate, and-"

"I can hear what you're saying," said Wolf angrily.

"Ha ha what a funny joke!" said Samus uncomfortably enthusiastically.

…

"Next time don't play what I'm saying out loud, okay?" whispered Samus loudly to the camera.

"I heard that too," said Wolf angrily.

"Sure, Kieran!" said Samus.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" said Wolf angrily.

"He's onto something!" said Samus, whispering loudly.

Wolf growled.

"Stop it, you sound like some kind of Wolf or something," said Samus angrily.

"I am a Wolf!" said Wolf angrily.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Drive by jeep to Ripple Field! Use the provided maps to navigate as you will be taken off the main road," said Fox.

"Awesome, it's going to be another frat road trip!" said Falcon drunkenly.

Falcon stroked Fox. "Just you and me…" he said.

"Why are you patting me like that?!" said Fox innocently.

"I'll show you my moves…" said Falcon.

"I'm Fox! Pleasure to be acquainted with you!" said Fox innocently.

"Rawr," said Falcon.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"DRIVE BY JEEP TO THE RIPPLE FIELD" said Ganondorf.

"OMG WHERE is the ICE CREAM WE have to EAT ICE CREAM at the POST OFFICE before WE READ our CLUE omg OLOL" said Jigglypuff.

"OMG SERIOUSLY?!" quizzed Ganondorf.

"NO NO IT WAS A JOKE AS INDICATED by the OLOL" said Jigglypuff.

"well IT'S NOT VERY FUNNY BITCH" said Ganondorf angrily.

"Waah waah waah" cried Jigglypuff, levitating.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Use the provided maps to navigate as you will be taken off the main road," read Peach.

"We have to dig for our next clue!" screamed Luigi, drunkenly, trying to dig through the tiles with a shovel.

"You're so silly Luigi!" giggled Peach.

"Hurry up or we'll come last!" screamed Luigi angrily.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Drive by jeep to Ripple Field!" read Roy.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in Last Place_

"Drive by jeep to Ripple Field!" read Wario.

"I'll drive and navigate!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly, "Moles are multi-talented!"

"The only talent you have is being a big, fat, dirty old mole," said Wario, "Now shut-"

"Shut up and let the lady speak, boy!" snapped Mr. Resetti angrily.

…

"…there's… no lady there… Mr. Resetti…" said Wario.

…

…

Mr. Resetti applied lipstick and put on a bikini. "Yoohoo!" said Mr. Resetti seductively.

…

"That's really scary," said Wario.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"We should ask for directions," said Pikachu, stopping the car.

"Hey, it's my old friend Whispy Woods!" said Kirby, pointing to a nearby tree.

Kirby ran over to the tree. "Hey, Whispy!"

"OH GOD HELP ME" screamed Whispy Woods, a logger starting his chainsaw.

"So I was trying to get to Ripple Field by car," said Kirby.

"AAAAH" screamed Whispy, the grinding saws pounding into his base. "KIRBY HELP ME"

"And we were taking this part of the track, and we're supposed to pass this tree," said Kirby examining the map.

"AAAH" screamed Whispy, crying, shaking apples onto the logger.

"Wait… you're the tree!" said Kirby happily, "So that means we're on our way!"

"TAKE THIS!" screamed Whispy, burying the logger alive with head-sized apples. "DIE, HAHA! I'LL EAT YOU ONCE YOU'RE DEAD!"

"Okay, thanks Whispy!" said Kirby, inspecting the map.

"AND KIRBY, THIS IS FOR KILLING ME ALL OF THESE TIMES!" screamed Whispy angrily, shaking his branches.

"Do you mind if I take an apple or two?" said Kirby, inspecting the gigantic apples hanging right above him.

"DIE!" screamed Whispy.

Whispy shook twenty or thirty gigantic apples down. They ricocheted off each other, all of them narrowly missing Kirby.

"Hey, thanks Whispy!" said Kirby, picking up an apple off the ground.

Whispy shook another apple, landing on Kirby.

"Hey! Watch it!" said Kirby angrily.

"Go after him, my children, Ethel and Ethan!" ordered Whispy Woods angrily. "Kill him! And we shall make him into puffball stew! Mwahaha! Take that Kirby!"

Kirby walked off.

"But pa, we can't move, we're apple trees too!" said another tree.

Kirby's jeep drove off.

"I'll make you move then!" screamed Whispy Woods.

"But pa, you couldn't make us move because you can't move either!" said another tree.

…

"Well then…" said Whispy.

_Fox and Falcon_

"Dude! We're almost out!" screamed Fox, looking at their beer stash.

"No way, dude! I thought we bought more at the airport!" screamed Falcon.

"We drank it on the way!" screamed Fox.

Falcon stopped the car. "There's gotta be petrol here somewhere!"

"Dude, I can't remember how to be sober!" screamed Fox.

"Don't worry!" said Falcon, unscrewing the cap to the petrol tank, "Petrol's an alcohol, right?"

"No," said Fox.

"Here we come, beer!" said Falcon, siphoning petrol out of the tank.

"There's no beer in the engine!" said Fox angrily.

"I never knew cars ran on booze!" laughed Falcon.

"They don't!" said Fox angrily.

"Come to papa!" said Falcon, holding up a vat of petrol to his lips.

"I really don't think," said Fox uncomfortably.

"Drinkin my beer…" sang Falcon, "Drinkin my beer…"

"But-"

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"This is on my home turf!" said King Dedede, driving the jeep quickly and unstably, zipping through the forest on what appeared to be no road, narrowly missing trees and rocks.

"You sure this is right?" screamed Toon Link, over the horrendously loud engine and bumps the car made, hitting things on the road.

"This is a short cut, son!" laughed King Dedede.

The car jumped over a twenty-metre long crevasse, landing on a cliff on the other side safely by just a couple of inches.

"You idiot! We almost died!" screamed Toon Link.

"The important thing is _**almost**_!" said King Dedede, laughing.

Their car crashed into a tree.

The airbags inflated. King Dedede and Toon Link got jolted around the car violently.

…

"What a _**tree**_-dicament!" laughed King Dedede.

"WE ALMOST DIE TWICE AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS MAKE A PUN?!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"_**Tree**_, guess that's all I can do! Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede, bleeding.

Toon Link grunted.

_Wolf and Samus_

"We're officially putting the hope of our entire race campaign into this little map right here," said Samus, sitting in the back seat.

"I think we're on track," said Wolf, driving, "And I expect to get to the clue first or second."

_Luigi and Peach_

"We have no idea where we're going, ask a local honey!" said Peach, stopping the car.

Luigi jumped out of the car, stumbling from his alcohol intake. "DONDA ES RIPPLE FIELD?" he screamed.

"Honey, they speak English!" giggled Peach.

"I'm trying to communicate with the inferiors in their native tongue!" screamed Luigi angrily.

Some villagers gave Luigi an angry look.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

Wario sat there angrily, steering the wheel with his knees, chomping on potato chips.

…

"ON TOP OF SPAGHETTI" screamed Mr. Resetti.

"Shut up, or I won't give you any chips!" said Wario angrily.

…

"Can I have a chip, boi?" asked Mr. Resetti.

Wario gave Mr. Resetti a chip. Mr. Resetti ate the chip.

"Can I have a glass of water, boi?" asked Mr. Resetti.

"We're in a car, we don't have glasses," said Wario.

"Oh," said Mr. Resetti.

…

Mr. Resetti died from dehydration.

_Roy and Zelda_

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda, driving.

"Yes?" said Roy.

"I love youuu!" said Zelda.

Zelda crashed the car.

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda.

Luigi's car drove past. "Women can't drive!" laughed Luigi.

Peach, who was driving the car, crashed into a tree.

"You stupid!" screamed Luigi angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"OMG GANNIe I dON't THINK it'S THE BEST iDEA fOR mE to DRIVE" said Jigglypuff.

"I THINK UR LAZY LAZY MRS. LITTLE MISS lazy!" said Ganondorf angrily.

"WELL IF I DRIEV I don't think where goignt o get very FAR!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily, moving the steering wheel back and forth and, not touching any of the pedals.

"GOOD JOB HONEY ur DOING WELL" screamed Jigglypuff.

"THANK YOU I AM TRAVELLING VERY FAST" said Jigglypuff graciously.

The car stood still.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Hey, I see a sign!" said Toon Link excitedly, their cross country trek reaching a highway, "Ripple Field, next left!"

_Wolf and Samus_

"Ripple Field, next left!" said Wolf excitedly.

"We made it," said Samus.

_Ripple Field_

A shot of happy villagers fishing in a river played. A shot of a jeep tearing through private property and knocking over cattle, fences and houses played.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Their car crashed into the middle of a school, splitting the walls into two. Eight schoolchildren stood there in shock, the bulky jeep coming to a halt inches away from their face.

"Hi kids!" said King Dedede excitedly, "It's me, King Dedede!"

The school kids stared at him.

"King Dedede!" said King Dedede excitedly.

The school kids stared at him.

"Okay, punish them," said King Dedede angrily to his bouncer.

"Got it," said some random gigantic tough monster thing, hauling the kids into the van.

"They're taking away the kids! Do something!" screamed Toon Link.

King Dedede waved.

The kids got taken away.

Toon Link stared in shock.

King Dedede opened a clue. "Detour! Paddle It or Saddle It! Warning! U-Turn ahead!"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A Detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour, teams must choose between two forms of transport towards their next clue: Paddle It, or Saddle It!"  
"In Paddle It, teams must drive three kilometres up stream to these Rapids! Teams must then white water raft their way through a treacherous and turbulent course to the end of the river, where they can find their next clue!"  
"If teams can master the physically demanding techniques of white water rafting, they could find themselves in front! However, teams that fall out of their boats… may also find themselves… falling behind! In the race."  
"In Saddle It, teams must saddle up and ride a horse along a significantly longer path to their next clue! Riding a horse a ten kilometre distance may be time consuming as learning how to ride a horse may need some practice! However, teams who can master this skill could find themselves galloping in front!"  
"Teams will have their jeeps transported to their next clue! At the end of this detour lies a U-Turn, the second of only five in the entire race! When teams use their U-Turn power, they can force another team behind them to complete the opposite side of the detour they did not complete! Teams must decide when it is most strategically viable to use their U-Turn, as they can only use it once throughout the entire race!"

"Uh… it's a question of which one will hold more weight… a raft or a horse?" said Toon Link. "I think the raft can take more."

…

"Hey, are you calling me fat?" said King Dedede angrily.

"Yes!" said Toon Link.

…

"Well stop!" whimpered Dedede.

_Wolf and Samus_

"We're cruising into the main road of Ripple Field, and I'm pretty confident we're in first or second," said Wolf.

Kirby and Pikachu's jeep pulled up next to their car.

"Hey guys!" screamed Kirby, waving.

"How did you guys catch up so quickly?" said Wolf angrily. "We only took two minutes to ask for directions!"

"We have our ways…" said Kirby.

Kirby paid five dollars to the Waddle Dee holding up a gigantic GPS tracker in Samus's car.

Samus grunted.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"WOW THIS IS A VERY EASY WAY TO NAVIGATE a new counTRY" screamed Ganondorf, holding up a gun to the local's head.

"yEAH IT'S So Kind OF HIM TO OFFER his **FREE** assistance to us sexy PEOPLE" said Jigglypuff, holding a glass of beer to the local's head.

"LOL HOW IS THAt going TO HELP us KIDNAP… I mean ASK FOR THE local's help?!" said Ganondorf.

"he will get the alcohol addiction and then **waste** hours of his life AT AA MWAHAHA" screamed Jigglypuff.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Detour! Paddle It or Saddle It! Warning! U-Turn ahead!" read Wolf.

"Let's do the rafting, it sounds quicker," said Samus, reading the clue.

"Oh, there's so many people we can U-Turn!" said Wolf, running back to the car.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Aww man, I see cars here already," said Kirby.

"Maybe we shouldn't take so many breaks," said Pikachu, parking the car.

Pikachu ran and took a clue.

"Detour! Paddle It or Saddle It! Warning! U-Turn ahead!" read Pikachu.

"Ooh! Let's raft!" said Kirby excitedly.

"I don't like water, remember?" said Pikachu.

"Aww, thanks Pikachu! You're the best!" said Kirby, hugging Pikachu.

"I… didn't agree to that," said Pikachu angrily.

"Let's get our gear on!" said Kirby excitedly, dragging Pikachu towards the stable.

"This is the stable," said Pikachu.

"Shut up! I know you're just trying to get out of it!" laughed Kirby.

"I mean… yeah… let's go rafting…" said Pikachu, hopping on a horse.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Driving to Paddle It  
_King Dedede turned on the radio.

"And welcome to King Dedede FM!" said an announcer, "Dream Land's only radio station! Now for our first song… King Dedede is great!"

"_King Dedede is great…_" sang a choir of apathetic kids.

"_Sing faster and with more feeling or I'll kill you!_" screamed an angry voice, that sounded remarkably familiar to King Dedede putting on a Russian accent.

"_King Dedede is great!_" sang the choir, laughing hysterically.

"_Hyuk hyuk-_"

King Dedede quickly changed the radio station.

"What was that?" said Toon Link angrily.

"What was what?" said King Dedede.

…

"That!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Oh, you silly boy, you're just growin' up!" said King Dedede, chuckling, patting Toon Link on the head.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

Ganondorf crashed into a tree a metre away from the clue box.

They rolled out of the burning wreckage. Ganondorf took a clue.

"deTOUR! PADDLE IT or SADDLE IT! WARninG! U-tURN aHEAD!" said Jigglypuff.

"WE will RIDE THE RAFT" said Ganondorf.

"LET'S go TO THE CAR" said Jigglypuff.

"okie" said Ganondorf.

"ME THREEE" said Sonic.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf and Sonic  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

Jigglypuff was driving the car… but naked!!!!!!!

The perfect girl walked into the vehicle with Sonic, she's very pretty and she has a lot of friends and she's cool.

"Hi guys, meet my friend Selena!" said Sonic, "She's 14, is the coolest girl in the school and _**everyone understands her**_ unlike the MEAN GIRLS at my school who don't like me just because I don't have an expensive designer handbag I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!"

Sonic cried.

_Fox and Falcon_

"Dudes… I think we're going the right place…" said Falcon, driving.

"I think we're going the wrong way!" said Fox angrily. "Let's stop and ask someone!"

"Oh yeah? Have you seen anyone, huh?" said Falcon angrily. "There's absolutely no-one here!"

"Look! That woman in front of us!" said Fox, pointing to a lady standing on the side of the road.

Falcon swerved. "Absolutely no-one here!" said Falcon angrily.

"Okay, you win!" screamed Fox, covering his eyes.

"Awesome," said Falcon.

The car kept on going straight towards the woman.

"Maybe you should uh… brake…" said Fox.

"What's a brake? What?" said Falcon, confused.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Impressions!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

Mr. Resetti made buckteeth.

"What?" said Wario angrily.

"A cow!" laughed Mr. Resetti.

Mr. Resetti giggled.

"How is that a cow?" said Wario angrily, driving.

"Impressions!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

Mr. Resetti made a hat with a piece of newspaper and put it over his mouth.

"What?" said Wario angrily.

"Honk! Honk!" said Mr. Resetti.

"A duck?" said Wario angrily.

"Cecelia Greebly!" said Mr. Resetti angrily. "Gosh boy, how stupid are ya, why don't you know who Cecelia Greebly is?"

"Who is she then?" said Wario angrily.

"She's mah next door neighbour!" said Mr. Resetti, "Who doesn't know mah next door neighbour?"

"ME, obviously!" said Wario angrily. "How would I know your next door neighbour?"

"She makes honey cos she owns bees!" said Mr. Resetti.

"WHY THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW THAT?!" screamed Wario angrily.

…

"Impressions!" said Wario angrily.

…

"I'm a big fat stupid mole!" screamed Wario angrily.

…

"…King… De…de…de?" said Mr. Resetti, scratching his head.

"Who doesn't shut up!" said Wario angrily.

Mr. Resetti anxiously pointed to Wario.

"No!" said Wario angrily.

Mr. Resetti cried, bucketing out tears. "Wah hah hah! I dunno boy! Tell me! Who is it? Is it Julia Harpley?"

…

"She's mah next door neighbour!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Rooy! The ride's too bumpy!" moaned Zelda, the car going through the off-road jungle.

"Sorry Zel, I can't help it!" said Roy.

"Make it better!" screamed Zelda.

"I'm sorry Zel, I can't!" said Roy.

"How dare you divorce me! I was going to marry you and get all that money!" screamed Zelda angrily.

"What?!" said Roy.

"I love you honey!" said Zelda.

"Aww," said Roy.

Zelda grinned evilly to the camera.

"Why do you keep on doing that?" said Roy.

_Luigi and Peach_

…

"HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!" screamed Luigi, pointing at their jeep, that was drowning to the bottom of the lake.

"You drove it there, silly!" laughed Peach.

…

"Shut up," said Luigi angrily.

_Ripple Ranch_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
On Saddle It_

Kirby and Pikachu's horses walked along the river bank.

"So uh… where are the rafts?" said Kirby, riding a horse.

Pikachu shrugged.

Wolf and Samus floated past on a raft.

Kirby stared.

…

"…wait a second!" said Kirby angrily.

_Ripple Rapids_

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"So all we have to do is get to the end without dying and we get a clue?" said Toon Link to the safety guy.

"Yep! You might get injured though," said the safety guy. "With you and your partner having extremely different weights, it is very likely that you will fall out or capsize."

"Hyuk hyuk hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

The safety guy stared at King Dedede.

"…oh," said King Dedede.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Come on, let's try and beat them into the water!" said Samus angrily.

"Do I look sexy in this gear?" said Wolf, putting on his safety helmet and life vest.

Samus stared at Wolf.

"Let's just… get in the raft…" said Wolf, walking into the raft.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"I've always wanted to go white water rafting!" said Toon Link excitedly.

King Dedede hopped in the front.

"Hey!" said Toon Link angrily. "I wanna sit in the front!"

The raft floated off.

"You idiot! We don't even have any oars!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede, holding onto a tree, "Just kiddin! Climb on!"

The tree being pulled by King Dedede's weight started to pull out from its roots.

"You idiot!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

Toon Link sprinted along the side of the river bank and then jumped into the raft.

"I can't see anything!" said Toon Link angrily.

"That's because I'm in the way, boy!" chuckled King Dedede.

…

"I know!" said Toon Link angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
On Paddle It_

"I'm still not comfortable with water!" said Pikachu, trembling, walking down to the raft.

"How about now?" laughed Kirby, splashing Pikachu with water.  
Pikachu stared angrily at Kirby.

_Wolf and Samus_

"We've both rafted before, so this should be easy," said Wolf, climbing into the raft.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"We're hopping in," said Kirby happily, hopping into the wet raft.

_Wolf and Samus  
On Paddle It_

"Paddle faster! Paddle faster!" screamed Wolf, paddling manically, "We don't want to get run over by that freaking penguin!"

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
On Paddle It_

"Who knew rafting was so easy?" laughed King Dedede, his own weight pushing through the rapids and catching up to Wolf's raft at an immensely fast speed.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
On Paddle It_

"LETsh GO RAFTING" said Jigglypuff, jumping onto the raft.

"You have to put on your gear first!" said an instructor angrily.

"WE'RE going rafting YAY" said Ganondorf, hitting the instructor over the head with a paddle repeatedly. "AM I WINNING?"

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
_"Hi guys!" said King Dedede waving, lying on his side, zooming past Wolf and Samus, who were paddling as fast as they could.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Here! We're hitting real rapids now!" said Wolf angrily, pointing to a waterfall ahead, with quick rapids and sharp rocks at the bottom.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Going over a cliff!" said King Dedede excitedly.

They went over the cliff. Triumphant music played.

"Whee!" said Toon Link.

They hit the rapids.

"AAAAH!" screamed Toon Link, the raft being pushed around violently.

Their boat took a jump off a rock and capsized.

"Guess we just… _**splash**_-sized!" laughed King Dedede.

"Shut up! That's not even a pun!" screamed Toon Link, being splashed around the river.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Bye guys!" said Wolf and Samus, athletically battling the rapids, squeezing through narrow rocks.

They went over the same jump Toon Link and King Dedede did, weaving their way around the tree and continuing down the rapids.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"We need to get back on the raft!" screamed Toon Link, the violent tide pushing him down the river, narrowly missing rocks and branches underwater.

"Nope, you do!" laughed King Dedede, sitting on his raft comfortably.

"Help me up!" screamed Toon Link.

"Sorry, what was that?" said King Dedede, his raft floating past Toon Link.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"WE'RE RAFTING WE'RE RAFINTGggg" screamed Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, their raft resting on a motorboat, that was speeding through the rapids.

"WHERE is the in flight entertainment I CAN'T BELIEVE I PAID FOR ALL of this AND THERE'S NOT EVEN A SCREEN" said Jigglypuff angrily. "BAD SELLER would NEVER BUY FROM AGAIN"

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"You know Kirby, I don't think I'm afraid of water anymore!" said Pikachu happily.

"Yay!" cheered Kirby.

Pikachu stared at the waterfall and the sharp rocks in front of him.

Pikachu gulped.

Their raft kicked up on a rock, and instead of going over a waterfall, rocketed over the next fifty metres of water through the air.

"AAAH!" screamed Kirby and Pikachu.

_Wolf and Samus_

"We completely ripped this task," said Wolf happily. "We're in front of everyone now!"

"Yeah, we blew the whole field away," said Samus, pushing her way through the challenging terrain.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf on a raft on a motorboat, sped past them.

"HI SAMUS REMEMBER ME I WAS YOUR PARTNER" said Ganondorf, "OH WAIT NO I WASN'T that was the frats lulz"

Samus grunted.

"How did they beat us there?!" said Samus angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

Kirby and Pikachu's raft landed five metres behind Wolf and Samus's raft.

"Hi guys!" said Kirby, waving, "We're next to you again! Lucky of us again, huh?"

"And HOW DID THEY CATCH UP?!" screamed Samus angrily.

"Calm down honey," said Wolf.

Samus shook violently.

"Relaxxxx the shoullldeerrrs…" said Wolf calmly.

Samus shook violently.

"Breathe in and out…" said Wolf calmly.

Samus shook even more violently.

_Ripple Field_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Detour! Paddle It or Saddle It! Warning! U-Turn ahead!" read Fox.

"Let's raft dude!" said Falcon.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Detour!" read Wario, "Padd-"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Mr. Resetti.

…

"I'm a private investigator…" said Mr. Resetti, putting a magnifying glass over his eye.

…

Wario dragged Mr. Resetti off by the collar.

_Luigi and Peach_

"We are completely lost…" said Luigi, bashing his head against the steering wheel.

_Roy and Zelda_

"We have no idea where we're going…" said Roy, driving the jeep slowly through a dirt path.

_Ripple Camp Site_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf and Sonic and Amanda  
Finished Detour_

"Hey WE FINISHED THE TASK" cheered Jigglypuff excitedly, getting out of her raft.

"Thanks Amanda for you rnatural rowing abaility!" said Sonic happily.

"Why it's just me being a normal girl as I am so talented!!!!" said Amanda.

"MARRY ME AMANDA" said Sonic.

"OKAY" said Ganondorf, slopping Sonic on the face.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"U-TURN!" said Jigglypuff.

"WE CHOOSE NOT to U-TURN" said Ganondorf.

Jigglypuff opened the next clue. "DRIVE TO Mt. dEdEdE!"

"Teams must now take their jeeps and drive forty-five kilometres on main road back through Cappy Town towards this home of the ruler King Dedede, Mt. Dedede!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive here, they must find this popular ski resort and look for the reception, where they will find their next clue!"

"We're drivin TO mt. dee dee dee" said Ganondorf, rapping, "And there's probably a task where we have to ski, we're currently in the first first place so let's go to the freestyle shop and get some mace"

…

"YOUR wrapping is getting so old" sighed Jigglypuff.

"RAHPPING not wrapping NOOB" said Ganondorf angrily.

_Ripple Rapids_

Dramatic music played.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Paddle! Paddle!" screamed Samus, several boat lengths in front of Kirby and Pikachu's boat.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Hey guys!" sang Kirby, paddling along happily, his light weight being pushed along by the wind.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Hey look!" said King Dedede, in his returning Texan accent, six or seven boat lengths behind the others, "It's the other teams!"

"Paddle! We can beat these guys!" said Toon Link desperately.

_Wolf and Samus_

"It's a boat race!" screamed Wolf, paddling along.

"…yes! We know that!" said Samus angrily, paddling along angrily, "We are in boats and we are racing each other! Whoop dee freaking doo!"

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"La la la!" sang Pikachu and Kirby, catching up a raft length.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Okay, I'll put some muscle into it then!" said King Dedede.

King Dedede stroked with the paddle.

They zoomed through the rapids, catching up two or three boat lengths.

"Come on Dedede! You're doing great! We can beat them to the U-Turn!" said Toon Link.

_Wolf and Samus_

"We have to yield one of these morons!" screamed Samus angrily, paddling along.

The wind blew Kirby and Pikachu along to the side of them, almost passing their boat.

"Oh no you don't!" growled Wolf.

"Hey guys!" said Kirby, waving.

King Dedede's raft bashed through the middle of the two rafts, the fat penguin's weight pushing both rafts to the side.

"Hey! We're near the end!" said King Dedede, pointing to the U-Turn sign fifty metres in front.

King Dedede's raft started to pass the other two teams.

"Oh no you don't!" screamed Samus, stabbing a knife in King Dedede's raft, deflating it.

The air seeping out of the back of the raft gave King Dedede a speed boost in the final stretch.

"Oh no you don't!" screamed Samus, clinging onto the raft.

King Dedede's raft slowed down.

Kirby and Pikachu's raft went in front of the other two rafts.

"Oh no you don't!" screamed Wolf, clinging onto Kirby and Pikachu's raft.

"Hey!" said Kirby angrily.

Kirby poured water into Wolf's eyes.

"Gaah!" screamed Wolf, letting go of the boat.

King Dedede bit Samus in the face.

"Ow! You stupid bird!" screamed Samus, letting go of the boat. "I'm going to fu"

A signal error briefly appeared on the screen.

King Dedede and Pikachu's raft raced down the last twenty metre straight.

"Okay! Let's get out!" said Kirby, jumping onto the bank with Pikachu.

"Let's get out!" said King Dedede.

King Dedede jumped from the boat into the bank. The weight imbalance caused Toon Link to capsize. Toon Link grunted.

Toon Link climbed onto a bank, several metres from the U-Turn.

Kirby and Pikachu sprinted across a bridge to reach the U-Turn.

Wolf and Samus's raft reached the end of the course.

_U-Turn_

Dramatic camera angles.

King Dedede ran onto the U-Turn mat, followed by Toon Link, Kirby and Pikachu.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We still have three U-Turn opportunities left, so we're not going to use it now," said Toon Link.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Wolf and Samus are our best friends," said Kirby happily, "So we won't U-Turn them."

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"I can't freaking believe this! They didn't U-Turn us! Why didn't they U-Turn us?!" screamed Samus angrily, hyperventilating, "They should have U-Turned us! Why didn't they!"

"Deep breaths," said Wolf calmly.

Samus shook violently.

"Deep breaths," said Wolf calmly.

Samus shook even more violently.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Drive to Mt. Dedede!" said King Dedede excitedly, "Hyuk! Hyuk! That sounds familiar!"

"Hyuk," said Toon Link angrily, drenched in water.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Mt. Dedede?" said Samus angrily, "If we have to do any kind of task that relates to worshipping Dedede or doing nice stuff to Dedede, I'm out of this stupid race."

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Ooh! Mt. Dedede!" said Kirby excitedly, running through the car.

"What I've never gotten is how is King Dedede so evil in your games but he's like such a happy, funny innocent guy in real life," said Pikachu.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Nuke them!" said King Dedede evilly into a walkie talkie.

_Ripple Rapids_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
On Paddle It_

"Wow boy! This sure is fun!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly. "It's so bumpy and it's such an adrenaline rush!"

"We're not even in the raft yet!" said Wario angrily.

"Of course we are boi!" said Mr. Resetti angrily, standing not in the boat, "What choo talking about, boi?"

"You're not in the boat," said Wario angrily. "You're standing on a platform, putting on your safety gear! So there's no way that you can actually be in a raft, okay? So don't keep on saying to me, '_What choo talking about_', OKAY?!"

…

"Wow boy! This sure is fun!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly. "It's so bumpy and it's such an adrenaline rush!"

_Fox and Falcon  
On Paddle It_

"Wow dude, this raft is so cool!" said Falcon excitedly, "There's no one around! We could go rafting naked!"

…

"Why would you even suggest that dude?" said Fox angrily.

_Roy and Zelda  
Engaged_

"We finally hit a patch of main road," said Roy happily, looking at the tarmac in front of him, "I think we're almost here!"

"Is that a team ahead?" said Zelda excitedly, "Oh boy! We still might be able to stay in!"

_Luigi and Peach  
Married_

"Hmm," said Luigi, sitting in the still car, inspecting a sign, "I see the sign, but there's nothing saying Ripple Field!"

"Yes there is, silly! Look! Ripple Field, next left!" said Peach excitedly.

"I'm sorry, I thought I heard an _**idiot**_ speaking there before," said Luigi angrily.

"You're so cute, flirting with me!" said Peach happily, "But seriously Luigi, it's on the left."

"I don't listen to women!" said Luigi angrily, turning right.

"Hey, you were the one that dragged me to this race, it's not like I care!" said Peach angrily.

"Shut up, you ugly woman!" said Luigi angrily.

"Oh Luigi!" chuckled Peach, "You have such a way with words!"

Peach sighed happily.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Why are they going right? The sign says to go left!" said Zelda.

"Let's go left then!" said Roy.

"But what if the sign's wrong?" moaned Zelda.

"It's one kilometre Zel," said Roy, turning left.

"But what if you're wrong! And then it'll be my fault for not telling you to the other way!" moaned Zelda. "Although you are going the direction the sign points I think we're wrong Roy, wrrroooong!"

…

"You're being very irrational!" screamed Zelda.

_Mt. Dedede Road_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"WHAT HOW did everyone catch up" said Ganondorf angrily.

"I DUNNO MAYBE IT WAS WHEN we were like hey let's wait for everyone to catch up when we were at the clue bOX!!!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"ur so cute when ur angry" said Ganondorf.

Jigglypuff sliced opened Ganondorf's head with the glove compartment.

_Wolf and Samus_

"So we have four teams clumped together," said Wolf, "I thought we did good at that task, but we need to do well at the Road Block if we want to win."

"More importantly," said Samus, "There are three teams that I hate there! Gaah! Beat them all! Hiya!"

…

"Use them ol' karate moves! Hiya! Hiya!" said Samus.

…

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"So we're all neck and neck, and we're in the top four teams!" said Kirby excitedly.

"I just realised… we didn't pack any snow clothes!" said Pikachu.

"Don't worry, it's not like we're going to catch pneumonia!" laughed Kirby.

They caught pneumonia.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes…" sang King Dedede, lying back, eyes closed, strumming a guitar.

"Stop it!" screamed Toon Link.

"Don't you have an appreciation for the arts, boy?" laughed King Dedede.

"No!" said Toon Link angrily, "It's mainly because you're supposed to be driving and you're holding a guitar and we're heading towards a sharp turn that has no barrier so that if you don't stop playing the guitar we're all going to die!"

…

"She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes…" sang King Dedede, lying back, eyes closed, strumming a guitar.

"AAAAHHHH!" screamed Toon Link.

They fell off.

Toon Link grunted.

_Ripple Field_

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Detour! Paddle It or Saddle It! Warning! U-Turn ahead!" read Roy.

"Oh, let's do rafting! It sounds so fun!" said Zelda excitedly in her Colonial British high-class voice.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Are you sure we're going the right way?" said Peach, "There was a sign that said 'Ripple Field' was behind us!"

"Oh, nonsense lady!" scoffed Luigi in his period accent, "The lady is making a joke and pretending to be of similar intelligence to men! I laugh, ho! Ho!"

"Oh Luigi! You're such a flirt!" said Peach happily, "But seriously-"

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" said Luigi angrily.

_Ripple Rapids_

_Roy and Zelda  
On Paddle It_

Zelda took off her high heels and climbed into the raft, which had some water at the base.

"Roy! It's wet!" moaned Zelda, in her dress and nice makeup.

"Zel," laughed Roy, "You sure don't want to change into your swim clothes?"

"Oh, you're just trying to make a fool of me, aren't you Roy?" said Zelda angrily.

"We're going to get wet," said Roy.

…

"You mean we're rafting… down a river?" screamed Zelda in shock.

"How else are we supposed to raft?" laughed Roy.

"Rooy!" moaned Zelda, "You're so insensitive! I'd break up with you but I think you're really rich… in character! I mean, you're so mean Roy!"

_Fox and Falcon  
On Paddle It_

"Would you rather… make out with a woman with a horse body and a human head, or make out with a woman with a human body with a horse head?" laughed Falcon, drinking.

"Gee, I dunno!" laughed Fox, their raft slowly floating down the rapids.

"Or make out with me?" said Falcon sexily.

…

"Why would you even say that?" said Fox angrily.

"Hey! I know where you're from!" said Falcon, trying to change the topic. "…Star Fox!"

…

"Yeah, I kinda know that…" said Fox.

"Well hi!" said Falcon, waving.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
On Paddle It_

"Let's make hand shadow puppets!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

Mr. Resetti made a fist. "This is a bird!"

…

"It's clearly a fist," said Wario angrily.

…

"…nooo…" said Mr. Resetti shiftily.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Excuse me, where is Ripple Field?" said Luigi politely to a bystander out of his car window.

"Twenty minutes in the opposite direction," said the man.

"Why didn't you tell me, you stupid woman?" said Luigi angrily, "This is all your fault!"

…

"…clearly I was telling you for the last twenty minutes we were going the wrong way!" said Peach angrily.

"SHUT UP BEFORE I BURY YOU IN THE BACKYARD LIKE YOUR SISTER!" screamed Luigi angrily.

Everyone stared at Luigi.

"Shut up and drive, woman," said Luigi angrily.

"But you're driving!" giggled Peach.

Luigi grunted.

_Ripple Rapids_

_Roy and Zelda_

They started the course.

Zelda got splashed a tiny bit.

"Rooy!" screamed Zelda, "I got wet!"

"Zel, this is a rafting task, you're gonna get wet!" laughed Roy, "But once we start hitting the rapids, we're going to have to-"

"Rapids!?" said Zelda.

"Yeah uh… really turbulent, rocky and dangerous parts of the river…" said Roy.

"Dangerous?!" screamed Zelda.

"Relax!" laughed Roy, his back turned to the waterfall behind him, "It's not going to be-"

"WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!!" screamed Zelda.

They fell over the cliff and zoomed down the quick, rocky rapids.

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda, holding onto the raft.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"A sailor went to sea sea sea," sang Mr. Resetti.

Wario panted, steering as hard as he could to avoid trees, logs and giant rocks. "SHUT UP AND PADDLE!" screamed Wario angrily.

_Fox and Falcon_

"Dude, this is so awesome cool!" laughed Falcon.

"Is the blood part of it?" laughed Fox, a branch impaled through his head.

"…uh…" said Falcon, taking out the clue, "Let me check…"

_Ripple Field_

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Detour!" said Luigi, "Saddle It or Paddle It? U-Turn Ahead!"

"Ooh! Let's do rafting!" said Peach happily.

"So I can drown you!" cackled Luigi evilly.

"We're here, we're witnesses," said the cameraman.

…

"Oh," said Luigi.

_Mt. Dedede Road_

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"What we have behind us is a mad overtaking competition," said Wolf. "And this is especially crazy because we're going up a mountain with cliffs on the side of the road, and people are weaving oncoming cars to overtake."

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"DIE BIRDIE DIEEE" screamed Ganondorf, steering into the side of King Dedede's car, trying to push him off the side.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

King Dedede rolled down his windows, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf beside them on the opposite of the road. "Hyuk hyuk hyuk! A bit of friendly banter, eh?"

"Banter this!" chuckled King Dedede, smashing his mallet into Ganondorf's tyres.

"CONVERT INTO flying MODE" said Ganondorf.

Their tyres started to deflate.

"wHAT KIND of car is this if there's NO FLYING MODE?" said Ganondorf angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

About six or seven cars swerved in front of Kirby, almost falling off the cliff.

"What side of the road do they drive on here?" said Kirby.

"For the twentieth time, THE LEFT!" screamed Pikachu, covering his eyes.

"Oh!" laughed Kirby, "Oops!"

_Ripple Rapids_

_Fox and Falcon_

"Dude, that was awesome!" said Fox, hopping out of the raft.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We're pretty sure we're nowhere near last, so we choose not to U-Turn," said Fox.

_Luigi and Peach  
On Paddle It_

"Hurry up, woman!" screamed Luigi angrily.

"Luigi, I'm trying to put on my safety gear unlike some people!" said Peach angrily.

"Fine! I'll go by myself!" said Luigi angrily.

Luigi started paddling down the river.

"You need your teammate," said the cameraman angrily.

"Damn it!" screamed Luigi angrily, fighting the rapids and paddling up the river.

_Roy and Zelda  
On Paddle It_

"Whee! This is actually kinda fun!" laughed Zelda, being rocked around in the raft.

They ran into a rock.

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda, falling into the river.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
On Paddle It_

"That was so fun, buddy!" laughed Wario, "Oh boy, what an experience-"

Wario looked behind.

Mr. Resetti was fifty metres behind him, rambling on about his childhood experiences.

"Mr. Resetti, get over here!" screamed Wario angrily.

_Roy and Zelda  
On Paddle It_

"Come on, Zel! Get in! Get in!" said Roy, panicking, grabbing Zelda from the raft, "I don't want you to swim the rest of the way!"

_Roy and Zelda  
Engaged_

"Roy actually saved me today!" said Zelda, "I'm actually starting to fall in love with this man!"

"I thought you were in love with me!" said Roy sweetly.

"Uh… more…" said Zelda shiftily.

"I love you honey!" said Zelda.

_Roy and Zelda  
On Paddle It_

"Help!" screamed Zelda, wearing her floating device, choking on some water.

"I got you!" said Roy, picking up Zelda into the raft.  
Triumphant music played.

"Thank you Roy!" said Zelda, panting, going into the raft.

_Mt. Dedede_

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Car park!" said Wolf, accelerating and crookedly parking the car.

"Let's do this!" said Samus, shuffling quickly across the ice to the reception of the ski resort.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf hopped out of the car, the jeep still zooming along at fifty kilometres an hour on autopilot. It crashed into some other cars.

"WOW I've always wanted to go to the snow" said Jigglypuff.

"sexy SNOW DANCE" said Ganondorf, taking off his shirt.

Ganondorf's nipples froze.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"I've never been to a ski resort before!" said Pikachu excitedly.

"Yeah, me too!" said Kirby.

"You'll find the ski resort is actually twenty-nine million kilometres that way!" said a mysterious man with a moustache in a British accent, pointing in the opposite direction.

…

"I know that's you, King Dedede," said Kirby angrily.

"Or is it?!" said King Dedede in a British accent, putting on his eyepiece.

_Mt. Dedede Reception_

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Come on, we've got a lead," said Samus, jogging with Wolf into the reception.

Wolf found a clue and ripped it open. "Get fitted with ski gear, make you way up the Waddle Dee lift and ski down to the Cappy lift for your next clue!"

"Teams must go to this ski shop be fitted with ski boots, poles, ski clothes and skis!" said Master Hand. "Once they have done this, they must make their way over to this chair lift, where they will ski down this beginner's run, 'Waddle Dee Drive' and find this chairlift three quarters of the way down for their next clue!"

"Guess we gotta strip down…" said Wolf sexily.

Samus stared at Wolf.

"To uh… get changed…" said Wolf.

Samus stared at Wolf.

"Right, let's just leave," said Wolf, walking off.

_Ripple Camp Site_

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"U-Turn!" said Roy, "Do you want to use it?"

"Roy, I don't want to leave today, and I certainly don't want to leave because we didn't U-Turn!" said Zelda, "We're probably only a couple minutes on them!"

"Yeah, okay," said Roy, taking two stickers out of the box, "We choose to U-Turn Luigi and Peach!"

"You're right, we have to do it," said Roy glumly, "As much as we love them they were in the top four and they could be right behind us!"

"Drive to Mt. Dedede!" said Zelda.

_Luigi and Peach  
On Paddle It_

"Peach! Where's my paddle?" said Luigi angrily, going through the soft section of the river.

"You threw it off when you littered all of your other beer cans!" said Peach, pointing to some choking seals behind them.

_Mt. Dedede Ski Shop_

_Wolf and Samus_

"I swear, half of this shop is just merchandise of King Dedede," said Samus angrily from her change room.

"The guy has an ego problem, I swear," said Wolf angrily.

_King Dedede_

"You big fat sassy penguin," said King Dedede sexily, looking at his thighs in the mirror.

_Toon Link_

"How am I supposed to wear this?" said Toon Link angrily, pointing to a jacket that had four holes which seemed to be designed for a dog.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Remind me again… can we actually put on clothes?" said Kirby to the fitter.

"Uh…" replied the member of staff.

"Okay, just get us our boots!" said Pikachu excitedly.

"I love getting in front of people with no effort!" laughed Kirby, walking past Samus's change room.

Samus grunted.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"don't you wISH YOUR girlfriend wAS hot like ME" sung Ganondorf, stripping in the shop.

Security escorted Ganondorf out.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

Kirby and Pikachu took two boots and two skis each.

"Bye guys!" said Kirby, running out happily.

_Wolf and Samus_

"I cannot believe them," said Samus angrily, wearing five layers of jackets.

"Well… they'll get punished for having their bare skin out when they ski," laughed Wolf, pointing to the blizzard going on outside.

The sun came out.

Wolf grunted.

_Mt. Dedede Road_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We are completely isolated," narrated Fox dramatically to the camera, "Whether we are first or last we have no idea, as we have had no contact with other teams."

"Toodoloo!" sung Mr. Resetti from the car behind.

"Oh crap, we're with them?!" screamed Fox, "We're like, last!"

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Do I smell curry? I smell curry!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

"There hasn't been a restaurant or any food for about forty-five minutes, you old loon!" said Wario angrily.

"Oh wait! It was just me mole snacks!" laughed Mr. Resetti, holding up four kilos of raw meat.

"Nyom! Nyom! Nyom!" said Mr. Resetti, scarfing down raw meat, putting a dash of curry powder into his mouth.

"Won't you get like… food poisoning?" said Wario, shocked.

…

Mr. Resetti frowned.

_Ripple Camp Site_

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

Roy and Zelda climbed into the car.

"Rooy!" said Zelda, shocked, "Do you think Luigi will be angry if he gets U-Turned?"

"Sure Zelda, but it's a game, and we want to stay in!" said Roy, "We had to do it!"

Roy started the engine. It stalled.

"No! No!" said Roy, shocked.

"What is it, hun?" said Zelda.

"The engine's not working!" said Roy.

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda.

_Luigi and Peach  
On Paddle It_

"Whee!" said Peach happily, riding down the quick and wet rapids, barely holding onto the raft as they turned corner and weaved, missing trees.

"Whee! This is so fun!" said Luigi happily.

"Does this mean you'll be nice to me now?" said Peach happily.

"NO!" screamed Luigi, eating Peach.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Nothing's working! We're going to have to call a replacement!" said Roy, shocked.

"_In the event that a team's car does not work for any reason, they will be provided with a replacement car!" said Master Hand, "However, teams will not be given any time credit for this unfortunate situation!"_

"Rooy!" sulked Zelda, "I don't want to go out because of this!"

"Zel, we used the U-Turn! Hopefully that will buy us enough time! All we can do is wait!" said Roy.

_Mt. Dedede_

A shot of kids learning how to ski on a little slope played.

_Waddle Dee Lift_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay, take my hand!" said Kirby, pulling Pikachu along on his skis.

"Woah, it's a bit hard to balance!" said Pikachu, clumsily skating through the lift line.

They sat on a chair.

"Woah, we're going a bit high," said Pikachu, "Is there a safety bar or something?"

"Safety bars are for wusses," said Kirby, laughing.

The lift stopped. They were thirty metres above the ground, suspended above a building with a sharp spire, rocking back and forth.

"Put it down! Put it down!" screamed Kirby.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"I think this is going to be an epic skiing battle to the Road Block," said Samus, sitting down on a chair, "We're both athletic and good skiers, but we're just hoping that the fatso bird isn't going to use his gigantic weight to beat us because well… that's annoying."

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

The fat penguin sat on the chair. The seat bumped the back of Toon Link's unstable legs, sitting him down.

As the chair pulled more and more above the ground, several nails fell next to Toon Link.

"Wait… are you weighing the lift down?!" screamed Toon Link.

"Yep!" laughed King Dedede, "But don't worry!"

"Why? Is it safe?" said Toon Link, clutching onto the bar.

"Nope!" laughed King Dedede.

Half of the chair collapsed and fell off.

_Ski Shop_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"cAN we please GO??? It's a race!!!" said Jigglpyuff an girly.

"BUT I NEED TO see if my BOYFRIEND IS RIGHT FOR ME" said Ganondorf, reading a girly magazine.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Get fitted with ski gear, make you way up…"

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

Read Mr. Resetti, "…the Cappy lift for your next clue!"

_Waddle Dee Run_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay, we're going down a nice and easy run, so just do the snowplough that I showed you if you want to slow down," said Kirby, skiing alongside Pikachu.

_Pikachu  
Interview after leg_

"Kirby helped me learn how to ski and even though he didn't really have to, and that's what a true friend is!" said Pikachu.

"Aww," said the audience.

_Waddle Dee Lift_

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

"I swear, we have to beat those stupid kids and that stupid bird, so ski as fast as you can down this green," said Wolf, fastening his boots.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Coal Miners_

Toon Link and King Dedede clutched on very tightly to one piece of metal connected to the cable, hovering forty metres above the ground.

_Waddle Dee Run_

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Hey! You're getting it!" said Kirby, skiing down with Pikachu.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Okay! We're off! Get down! Get down!" screamed Samus, jumping off the chair onto the run.

"Let's catch these kids!" said Wolf eagerly.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

They jumped off the lift. Toon Link clumsily skied over to a pole next to the run.

"Okay, so this one's a pretty easy one so just go straight and make a V with your skis to brake," said King Dedede.

"Okay, so do I-"

King Dedede skied off, doing a 360 off a tiny ramp and going down 'Death Alleyway Chute Cliff', a black run.

"King Dedede!" screamed Toon Link. "I've never skied before!"

Toon Link was already skiing towards the black run.

"AAAAAHHHH!" screamed Toon Link.

Toon Link jumped up on a mogul, a little bump in the ground and flew mid-air twenty seconds before thudding face first into a soft pile of snow at the bottom.

King Dedede slalomed down quickly, meeting Toon Link at the bottom. "Wow, Toon Link! You're a natural!"

"Ow…" said Toon Link, bleeding.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"We got some company," said Kirby, looking up the hill as he skied down.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Going to number one!" said Wolf excitedly, zooming down the hill.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Okay, so what we just did is we went down there," said King Dedede, pointing to a cliff, "Which is on the side of this, the main run…"

"Did I just do that?!" screamed Toon Link, hyperventilating.

"I think you're better than you think!" laughed King Dedede. "Okay, back on the main run!"

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Okay, let's get some speed here!" said Kirby, holding out a pole for Pikachu to grab onto, skating with his skis.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Hey Kirby!" said Wolf excitedly, zooming past Kirby.

"We'll beat you later!" said Kirby enthusiastically, being passed by Samus.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"I still don't even know how to ski!" said Toon Link angrily, "How do you expect us to catch up to everyone when-"

King Dedede inhaled Toon Link.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Yes, we passed those stupid kids," said Samus, giving Wolf a high-five.

King Dedede, building up speed from his massive weight, zoomed down past Wolf and Samus.

Samus mumbled profanities.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Ah!" said King Dedede, skiing over to a box. "Road Block! Who wants to jump off a … that's you!" said King Dedede excitedly.

"NOOO!" screamed Toon Link.

"Nah, just kidding," laughed King Dedede. "Who can ski quick?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person can perform! In this Road Block, that person must face off against a champion and participate in a ski race!"

"That team member must go up this chairlift and find this racing course! One they arrive here, they must race against a local ski expert down a hill and beat them to the line! The expert must go down a slalom course, which will slow them down, so they must try and build as much speed when they reach the end!"  
"If teams do not beat the expert, they must try again, however, they will be given three extra seconds every re-attempt!"

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Who can ski quick?" read Wolf.

"I'll do it," said Samus.

"This is for first place!" said Wolf, skiing over to the finish line.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Who can ski quick?" read Kirby, "I'll do it!"

"Come on, Kirby!" cheered Pikachu.

_Race Course Lift_

King Dedede calmly strolled through the lift line.

Samus and Kirby, making a mad dash for the same chair, grabbed onto Dedede's coat, skidded to the waiting point and got on the same lift.

_King Dedede  
Samus  
Kirby  
On Road Block_

"Hey, so we're all on the same lift together!" said Kirby excitedly, "Especially me, with my best friend Samus!"

"Shut up," said Samus angrily.

"Hey now, be nice fellas," said King Dedede, chuckling.

"When we get up there you guys are going to let me do my race first!" said Kirby excitedly.

"I don't think so!" said Samus angrily. "Five time women's world champion!"

"Dream Land Junior Puffball Champion," said Kirby proudly.

"I'm fat so I go faster than you guys!" said King Dedede.

They reached the end of the lift.

King Dedede smacked the other two in the face. "Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!"

King Dedede skied off.

Samus growled.

_Mt. Dedede Race Course_

_King Dedede  
1__st__ to Road Block_

"I'm here first!" said King Dedede excitedly.

"Actually," said the race course manager, "We can take all you three, we start the race every five minutes and we can have multiple people skiing."

Kirby and Samus skied up, staring angrily at King Dedede.

"I'm going to beat you, you stupid penguin," said Samus angrily, "For getting us arrested and smacking me in the face!"

"I'm going to beat you Samus because you're my best friend!" said Kirby affectionately.

"I'm going to beat you, you stupid puffball," said Samus angrily, "For being annoying and… annoying!"

"I'm fat so I'm going to beat you two!" laughed King Dedede.

"The race is starting soon!" announced some guy. "You have to beat the skier who goes through the flags, you guys can go straight down!"

_Race Start_

Samus stabbed King Dedede in the face with her pole. Kirby got a head start, going into race position, going straight down the course. Samus pushed off King Dedede, who was lying on the ground and accelerated down the hill.

Kirby, picking up speed looked behind, noticing Samus, catching up to him, trying to take him out with her poles. Kirby reversed his skis and inhaled. Samus gasped and stopped just out of Kirby's range.

The club champion on the slalom course skidded past Kirby and Samus. King Dedede zoomed past, his weight picking up speed on the course.

Samus latched onto King Dedede. Kirby grabbed onto Samus's leg with his mouth. They passed the club champion.

King Dedede noticed and started to shake Kirby and Samus off. They all lost balance, and fell off.

The club champion passed the three. King Dedede inhaled Samus. Kirby inhaled King Dedede. Samus inhaled- wait…

The collective three built up speed from their overall fat. The club champion went through his last two flags and went for the last fifteen metre straight. Kirby, having inhaled the other two racers, unable to move from the big mass in his mouth, caught up five metres a second. The once gigantic gap closed.

They neared the line.

Kirby spat out King Dedede and Samus into the club racer. The racer fell down, and so did King Dedede and Samus.

Kirby crossed the line.

Samus kicked the racer several times and waddled to the finish line.

King Dedede repeatedly hit the racer with a mallet.

"You don't have to hit him, idiot!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

King Dedede crossed the line.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Go up the Penguin Express and ski the entire Home Trail to the pit stop!" read Kirby.

"Teams must now go up the Penguin Express, Dream Land's longest chairlift and ski down the longest run, the green run 'Home Trail' to the pit stop!" said Master Hand, "They must hurry, as the last team to arrive, may be eliminated!"

"It's going to be a ski race, Pikachu!" said Kirby excitedly, picking up Pikachu and quickly skiing to the lift.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Go up the Penguin Express and ski the entire Home Trail to the pit stop!" read Samus, "Warning! The last team to arrive may be eliminated!"

"This is for number one!" said Wolf, skating with his skis towards the lift.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Warning! The last team to arrive may be eliminated!" read King Dedede.

_Penguin Express_

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"We got these lift passes so we get to skip the entire line!" said Kirby happily, "Hi guys!" Kirby waved to the hundreds of people lining up.

Kirby looked up. "Drat, the lift is stuck."

An uncoordinated Waddle Dee was hanging upside down from the chairlift several chairs from the line.

"Now everyone catches up," said Pikachu.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Hey guys! Oh! The lift is stuck?" said Samus, grinning evilly, "Too bad! Guess you lost your two minute advantage!"

"Oh, that's okay!" said Kirby happily, "We'll get to sit next to you the **entire **way!"

Samus grunted.

"Us too!" said King Dedede, getting uncomfortably close to Samus.

Samus grunted.

_Ripple Camp Site_

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We got into the new jeep just as Luigi and Peach finished the task, so hopefully they didn't see us," said Roy, putting on his seatbelt.

_Luigi and Peach  
U-Turned_

"WHAT?! How could they U-Turn us?!" screamed Luigi angrily. "I'm such a popular guy!"

"You called Zelda a horse!" said Peach.

"Nonsense! I'm so nice to women!" said Luigi angrily.

"You called me a horse!" said Peach angrily.

_Penguin Express_

Dramatic music played. Shots played of Kirby and Pikachu, Wolf and Samus and Toon Link and King Dedede, giving tense glances to each other.

All six racers got on the same chairlift.

"Wow, this is going to be close," said Kirby, closing the lid of the chair.

_Ganondorf  
On Road Block_

"I AM such A GOOD SKIER" said Ganondorf announcingly.

"NO YOU are NOT you are A LIAR" said Jigglypuff shoutingly.

The race started.

"yOU cannot sKI BECAUSE of MY MIND RAYS" said Ganondorf, throwing a spear at the racer.

It hit him in the shoulder, causing him to collapse to the ground.

Ganondorf crossed the line.

"WOW that WAS a VERY tense battle" said Jigglypuff, cheering, taking the clue.

The police arrived.

"IT IS not ME Ganondorf, it is his blonde cousin CAPTAIN jack harkness" said Ganondorf, putting on a wig.

"We're going to have to arrest you sir for assault," said a policeman.

"MAKE THAT… two ASSAULTS!" said Ganondorf wittily.

"…but you've only committed one assault," said the policeman.

"MAKE THAT… two ASSAULTS!" said Ganondorf wittily.

…

"Are you threatening to assault me?" said the police officer angrily.

"Don't worry, I'll make this go away…" said Jigglypuff sexily.

_Penguin Express_

_Wolf and Samus_

"So it's going to be a ski race to the pit stop," said Wolf, "Hopefully we get out the fastest."

"Wait… Jigglypuff and Ganondorf are already lining up!" said Samus angrily.

"HI GUYS" said Jigglypuff, waving from ten chairs back.

_Home Trail_

Dramatic camera angles.

They all got of the chairlift. King Dedede jabbed Samus in the face, knocking her over. Samus latched onto King Dedede's foot, making the fat penguin fall back and lose a ski. Kirby kneecapped Wolf.

Kirby and Pikachu skied off. The people on the next chair got off the lift and fell into the pile of Smashers.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Kirby and Pikachu skied down the narrow, gentle slope.

"Come on Pikachu!" said Kirby excitedly, "You don't need to snowplough now, just aim your skis and go down straight!"

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"It's King Dedede time!" said King Dedede, inhaling Toon Link, "Sorry boy, but if you want to win, this is the way to win!"

King Dedede skied off.

_Wolf and Samus_

"I can't believe this!" said Samus angrily, putting on her skis.

"It's a gigantic trail," said Wolf, "We'll catch them."

_Kirby and Pikachu_

Kirby skied down the gentle slope, Pikachu lagging a couple of metres behind.

"You're doing good!" cheered Kirby, looking behind.

A fat penguin zoomed down the hill in the distance.

"Uh oh," said Kirby.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Come on! Build up speed!" said Samus angrily, knocking over a couple of kids learning how to ski.

"Let's do this!" said Wolf, doing a skating motion with his skis.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Great! This is a flat section!" said Pikachu, annoyed.

"Come on! We're just going to have to walk it!" said Kirby, holding out a pole for Pikachu.

_King Dedede_

King Dedede skied down the hill.

"It's **really** uncomfortable down here, you know!" said Toon Link angrily inside.

"Uh… shut up!" said King Dedede, building up speed, putting on his grinning penguin face.

_Penguin Express_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"IF EVERYBODY HAD AN OCEAN…" sang Ganondorf, going down the hill.

"oMG WE'RE SKIING" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"HEY LOOK this IS a WAY that WE CAN SPEED UP…" said Ganondorf, pointing to a snowmobile next to them.

"yayyyy" said Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, grabbing on as it went past.

The snowmobile went very fast.

"This is snow patrol!" said a man angrily, who was sitting on the mobile.

"IF I LAY HERE…" sung Ganondorf.

"NO NOT SNOW PATROL THE BAND… _**the**_ snow patrol!!!!" said Jigglypuff.

"We're paramedics!" said the man angrily, "Someone's life is in danger! So let go!"

Jigglypuff wrestled the paramedics and the patient off the snowmobile, knocking them into the snow.

"YAAY" said Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, holding on to the speeding snowmobile.

The driver turned around. "What the hell are you doing?"

Ganondorf pointed a gun at the man. "WE'RE GOING to the pit stop… SO TAKE us there!"

"What pit stop! What the hell? Are you on crack?" screamed the guy.

_Home Trail_

A shot of the pit stop mat in the near distance played.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

King Dedede started to pass Pikachu.

"We're being overtaken!" said Pikachu, shocked. "Stop him!"

Kirby whacked King Dedede in the legs with his poles. Nothing happened.

"I can't! He's too fat!" said Kirby angrily.

"That's right!" laughed King Dedede, speeding up, "Which means I build up immense speeds and-"

King Dedede, building up immense speeds, forgot to turn a sharp corner and crashed into a fence.

…

"…ow…" said King Dedede.

_Wolf and Samus_

Wolf and Samus, who were gradually building up speed, overtook King Dedede and neared Kirby and Pikachu, who were slowly skidding down the mountain.

"Bye kids!" laughed Wolf evilly.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf zoomed past, holding onto a snowmobile, Ganondorf pointing a gun at the driver's head.

"What?!" screamed Samus angrily.

The snowmobile crashed into a tree.

Wolf and Samus skied past.

"Bye suckers!" laughed Wolf evilly.

King Dedede, his fatness building up speed, rocketed down the hill.

"Damn it!" said Wolf angrily.

They went into the final big hill before the pit stop.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic camera angles. A shot of the pit stop, sitting on the top of a small hill played.

King Dedede, who still had King Dedede in his mouth accelerated down the final hill and bulleted towards the pit stop mat. He hit the hill and almost got to the top, but missed and skied backwards down the hill.

Wolf, Jigglypuff, Samus, Ganondorf, Pikachu and Kirby went down the final drop.

King Dedede spat out Toon Link and started to climb the hill.

The other Smashers reached the bottom of the hill and took off their skis.

"No! They can't win!" screamed Samus angrily.

Samus threw other people's skis and snowboards at King Dedede. One nailed him in the back of the head, and he fell down the hill again.

Toon Link, Jigglypuff, Wolf, Samus and Ganondorf valiantly tried to climb the steep hill to the pit stop.

Kirby and Pikachu took the side flight of stairs.

Wolf and Samus, who were halfway up the climb, rolled over towards the staircase, which Kirby and Pikachu were waddling up.

King Dedede regained consciousness and walked up the hill calmly.

Toon Link reached the halfway point and continued to climb.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf tried to ride the snowmobile up the stairs to some limited success.

Lots more dramatic camera angles.

When Kirby and Pikachu reached near the top of the flight of stairs, Wolf and Samus cut a metre in front of them.

Kirby jumped to grab Wolf's leg, but missed. Samus dashed past Pikachu. Jigglypuff and Ganondorf accelerated the snowmobile up the steep hill.

Wolf and Samus neared the pit stop. Toon Link neared the top of the hill but got run over by Jigglypuff and Ganondorf in a snowmobile.

Wolf started to dive for the pit stop, but saw the snowmobile gliding towards the pit stop and stopped.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf jumped onto the pit stop in a cool biker pose. The snowmobile kept on going and almost hit some women and children behind them.

King Dedede ran up the stairs.

Wolf and Samus, followed by Kirby and Pikachu ran onto the pit stop.

"Come on, boy! It's a footrace!" screamed King Dedede manically, looking like he just had an injection of mad cow disease.

Toon Link laid flat on the ground, bleeding from the snowmobile accident.

King Dedede ran onto the pit stop. "Come on, boy! We can still beat the other teams!"

Everyone stared at King Dedede.

"Fine! I'm just _trying _to be enthusiastic!" said King Dedede angrily.

Toon Link, his injuries somehow now repaired, waddled onto the mat.

Master Hand stared, shocked. "Well… uh… that was uh… exciting… …especially that last battle with King Dedede and Toon Link, hoh boy, that's going to be a classic."

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, you are the first team to arrive," said Master Hand.

"YAAAY yayayayayayyaaaay" said Jigglypuff and Ganondorf. "NYOM NYOM NYOM"

"YAAAY yayayayayayyaaaay" said Jigglypuff and Ganondorf. "NYOM NYOM NYOM"

"YAAAY yayayayayayyaaaay" said Jigglypuff and Ganondorf. "NYOM NYOM NYOM"

"However… a problem did arise during your trip to the pit stop," said Master Hand.

"_YAAY" said Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, holding on to the speeding snowmobile._

_The driver turned around. "What the hell are you doing?"_

_Ganondorf pointed a gun at the man. "WE'RE GOING to the pit stop… SO TAKE us there!"_

"As you know, we are greatly concerned for other people's safety," said Master Hand. "As you know, you travelled by snowmobile. For approximately eight seconds of that trip, you were not on your skis, skiing, and instead, riding a snowmobile. Therefore-"

A producer whispered into Master Hand's ear.

"WHAT?! You threatened him with a gun?!" screamed Master Hand, "You have been penalised for four hours!"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Penalised 4 Hours_

"OMGGgg it's your loss!!!!!" said Ganondorf angrily, "the TWEEN and people with an IQ below 70 market share are going to be upset with this penalty!!!"

_Master Hand_

"Wolf and Samus," said Master Hand.

Wolf and Samus grinned. "Guess we win this time, guys!" laughed Wolf.

"You are the second team to arrive," said Master Hand.

"Which means?" said Samus, "That because of their penalty…"

"However, you will incur a time penalty for smoking!" said Master Hand.

"WHAT?!" said Samus angrily.

"These pictures were provided courtesy of King Dedede!" said Master Hand, showing some poorly photoshopped pictures.

"Yep, what a shame!" laughed King Dedede, "Guess you shouldn't smoke in front of me next time!"

Samus took the photos. "This is clearly of Fox and Falcon! How is this me?" Samus pointed to a photo of Captain Falcon.

Replied Master Hand, "Well, he's very masculine and you're-"

Samus punched Master Hand in the face.

"Okay, I'm kidding!" laughed Master Hand, "Wolf and Samus, because of Jigglypuff and Ganondorf's time penalty, you are team number one!"

"Ah, you're a kidder Master Hand," laughed Wolf.

"And for being the winners of this leg, you have both received one year's supply of unleaded petrol!" said Master Hand.

"Yeah," said Wolf happily.

"I can't believe you'd take away all of our money like that!" cried Samus. "I hate you Master Hand, I hate you!"

…

"Uh… no-one ever said that," said Wolf.

…

"Oh," said Samus.

…

"Nice puppy," said Samus, petting Master Hand.

"Kirby and Pikachu, Toon Link and King Dedede, you are teams number two and three!" said Master Hand.

Everyone did their side taunts. Or something.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Time Remaining: 3:58_

"wE'VE KIDNAPPED tortured and eATEN people before so HOW is a BIT OF THRatening breaking the rules huh?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Waddle Dee Run_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Look boi!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly, skiing, "…I'm skiing!"

…

"I'm skiin' boi, I'm skiin!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

They reached a corner.

"How do I turn a corner boi! How do I turn a corner?!" screamed Mr. Resetti panicking.

"You turn your skis to the place that you want to by-"

Mr. Resetti neared the double black run at the eerily fast pace of four kilometres an hour. "HELP ME BOI!"

"Just turn your skis," said Wario angrily, "And besides, there's a safety net that people have to unzip to get to the double black run and-"

Mr. Resetti broke through the safety net.

"Okay, there's a concrete wall before-"

Mr. Resetti broke through the wall.

"You stupid mole," said Wario angrily.

_Fox and Falcon_

"Heyy ladies," said Falcon sexily, skiing by a bunch of skiers.

"I'm pretty sure they're dudes," said Fox.

"'sif," laughed Falcon.

"And I'm pretty sure they're children," said Fox.

The police arrived.

_Mt. Dedede Carpark_

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Okay, come on, Zel!" said Roy, jumping out of the car, "We've got a race to run!"

"Rooy! It's cold!" screamed Zelda.

"It's the snow, honey," said Roy.

"Make it warmer!" said Zelda angrily.

_Pit Stop_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Penalised_

"WAAH Waah WAAH" cried Jigglypuff.

"sHUT UP UR NOT HELPING I think ur really ugly" said Ganondorf angrily.

"WAAH Waah WAAH" cried Jigglypuff, running off.

…

"WAIT HONEY I LOVE YOU" said Ganondorf sexily.

_Ripple Ranch_

_Luigi and Peach  
On Saddle It_

"Luigi… I think you should pick another horse," said Peach angrily.

"Shut up! It's a good horse!" said Luigi angrily, sitting on top of his dead horse.

"…I think it's dead," said Peach.

"Great! Now I can beat a dead horse!" laughed Luigi.

…

…

"Shut up," said Luigi angrily. "If we get eliminated I'm going to lock you up in the basement again."

"I'm going to divorce you," said Peach, "You had a net worth of 50 million dollars before we married. You didn't read the pre-nuptial agreement before signing so I'll own 100 percent of your assets once we're done with the paperwork so I think it's apt compensation for all of the abuse I've endured."

…

"My lovely!" said Luigi desperately.

_Race Course Lift_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Road Block! Who can ski quick?" said Wario.

"Ooh! I'll do it mah boy!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

"You fell down eleven times in five minutes," said Wario angrily.

Wario went to the ski lift.

"But I wanted to do it!" sobbed Mr. Resetti.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Road Block! Who can ski quick?" said Fox.

"You do it," said Falcon.

"Oh! You're so kind Falcon!" said Mr. Resetti, pinching Falcon affectionately in the cheeks.

Fox and Falcon stared at Mr. Resetti.

_Waddle Dee Lift_

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Woo hoo! This is so fast!" said Zelda excitedly, sitting on the lift.

"Zel, the lift's the slow part of skiing," chuckled Roy.

"It is?!" said Zelda.

_Ripple Campsite_

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"We choose to yield Kirby and Pikachu!" said Luigi drunkenly.

"Luigi, we're obviously in last place," said Peach.

_Pit Stop_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Penalised_

"THIS LEG was supposed to be ours WE CAME IN FIRST PLACE" said Ganondorf angrily to Master Hand.

"You did kinda…" said Master Hand, "Kidnap an ambulance and throw the patient off."

"BUT IT'S A RAEC" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Race Course_

_Fox  
On Road Block_

Fox fell over.

Wario fell over Fox.

A buzzing sound played.

_Waddle Dee Run_

_Roy and Zelda_

"You're doing great, Zel!" cheered Roy.

"I really hope Luigi and Peach are nowhere near us," said Zelda.

_Race Course_

_Fox  
On Road Block_

Fox fell over.

Wario fell over Fox.

A buzzing sound played.

"Wow what exciting new material!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"I still think we're not going to get eliminated today," said Luigi, driving along, "Someone was probably penalised… Toon Link and King Dedede…"

_A shot of Toon Link and King Dedede relaxing in the pit stop played._

"…they had to have gotten penalised for that taxi stunt," said Luigi angrily.

_Race Course Lift_

_Fox  
3__rd__ Attempt_

"Dude, I don't want to ski much longer," said Fox, sitting next to Wario on the lift, "We have to take the guy out or distract him or something."

"I've got an idea," said Wario.

Wario whispered into Fox's ear.

"Awesome idea!" cheered Fox.

Fox and Wario skied over to the club skier, sedated him with chloroform and skied down.

"That was simple," laughed Fox.

Fox fell over. Wario fell over Fox.

Epic music played.

"Come on, buddy! We have to make it!" screamed Fox.

They crawled the final twenty metres before the finish line.

Fifteen minutes passed. The club racer woke up.

"He's going to beat us!" screamed Wario. Dramatic music played.

The club racer put on his skis and his jacket.

"We might not make it!" screamed Wario, half a metre from the pit stop.

The club racer went down the course.

"You can stand up dude!" said Falcon angrily.

They stood up and crossed the line.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Fox and Falcon  
Tied for 5__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop!" read everyone.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda, falling over.

_Mt. Dedede Carpark_

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"All of the cars are here, come on, Peach!" said Luigi angrily, running along.

_Pit Stop_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Time Remaining: 1:37_

"OH NOES hear comes another team" said Ganondorf angrily.

"WAIT TWO TEAMS" said Jigglypuff.

"YAAAY" said Jigglypuff and Ganondorf.

"y are we cheering?" said Ganondorf angrily.

_Fox and Falcon  
Wario and Mr. Resetti_

They strolled onto the mat.

"Fox and Falcon, Wario and Mr. Resetti, as Jigglypuff and Ganondorf face a time penalty for breaking the law," said Master Hand, "You are teams number four and five!"

"Wow!" said Wario happily.

"Dude! Frrat power!" cheered Fox.

"You guys seem quite happy, even though you're in the middle of the pack," said Master Hand.

"Well, we really didn't know where everyone else was," said Fox, "But we thought we were lower in the pack than that!"

_Race Course Lift_

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Road Block, who can ski fast?" read Roy.

"I'll do it! I'll do it!" said Zelda excitedly.

"Zel, we're in a race, you sure you want to do this? You might have to do it ten times!" said Roy.

"It's okay, I'll try!" said Zelda excitedly.

"Okay, I love you!" said Roy, kissing Zelda.

_Ski Shop_

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Excuse me shopkeeper, you could at least be courteous enough not to give me **women's clothing!**" said Luigi angrily.

…

"…that's mine…" said Peach.

"Shut up," mumbled Luigi angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Penalised_

"I don't want to get eliminated!" cried Jigglypuff.

"Neither do I!" cried Ganondorf.

"NYOM NYOM NYOM!" cried Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, chewing on each other's face.

_Zelda  
1__st__ Attempt_

Zelda crossed the line. "Eighteen seconds after racer!" said an announcer.

"Come on, Zel!" cheered Roy, "You just have to do it five more times!"

"Okay!" said Zelda happily.

_Luigi and Peach  
On Waddle Dee Lift_

"Luckily we're both competent skiers," said Luigi optimistically, "And all of the teams at the bottom are crap, we were in fourth place, so we should be able to knock someone out."

_Zelda  
2__nd__ Attempt_

Zelda clumsily snowploughed down the hill.

"AAAAH!" screamed Zelda, tumbling over.

"Come on, Zelda! You're doing great!" cheered Roy.

"ROOY!" cried Zelda.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Penalised_

"One hour to go," said Master Hand.

"THIS IS so EXCITING and tense" said Ganondorf.

"Don't worry!" said Mike the Fox, "if anyone comes near I'll use my laser whip to fend them off! I can hold them for maybe five minutes!"

"Thanks MIKE!!!" said Jigglypuff.

"Oh mike," said Sonic sexily, "If I were gay I'd go out with you but I'm going out with Tails already."

Everyone laughed. "OOPS Awkward I meant Amy LOL!" said Sonic.

"I'll go out with you mike" said Tails.

"OMG TAILS Ur not part OF THIS SOTRY" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Tails cried.

_Luigi and Peach_

"Come on, Peach!" said Luigi, zooming down the mountain on his skis.

"Whee!" said Peach, weaving down the run.

_Zelda  
3__rd__ Attempt_

"Come on, Zel!" shouted Roy, "Just go straight down this time! I love you!"

"Straight down, straight down!" said Zelda nervously, pointing her skis down the hill.

Zelda built up speed and stayed in front of the slaloming skier.

"Come on, Zel! Just keep on going at that speed!" cheered Roy.

The skier weaved passed Zelda and crossed the line.

"Come on, Zelda! Nine seconds! You can do it!" cheered Roy.

Zelda screamed, stumbling metres before the line. She held her balance and went past the finish line.

"Six seconds after… you finished the task!" said the announcer.

"Yes! Yes! I love you, Zel!" said Roy happily.

Roy took the clue. "Go up the Penguin Express and ski the entire Home Trail to the pit stop!"

"Come on, Zelda! We can make this!" said Roy excitedly.

_Luigi and Peach  
Currently in Last Place_

"Road Block! Who can ski quick?" read Luigi.

"I'll do it," said Luigi.

_Home Trail_

_Roy and Zelda_

"You did so great!" said Roy, "I'm so proud of you!"

"I love you, Roy!" said Zelda happily.

"This is the easy part! Let's do this!" said Luigi happily.

_Pit Stop_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Time Remaining: 0:22_

"OH NO another team" cried Jigglypuff.

"We might come last" said Ganondorf, "But I've had a wonderful race around the world with MY BEST FRIEND!!!!"

"Aww," said Sonic, Celia, Amy and Tails and Mike.

_Roy and Zelda  
Engaged_

Triumphant music played. Roy and Zelda skied down the final hill, took off their skis and walked up the stairs onto the pit stop.

"Roy and Zelda…" said Master Hand happily, "…you're team number six!"

"Whooo!" cheered Zelda excitedly.

"Yes! That's great!" cheered Roy.

"Are you happy with your performance this leg?" said Master Hand.

"Well, we got a bit lost driving to the first task, but the reason we're still in is all Zelda," said Roy happily. "She is the love of my life."

"Aww," said Sonic, Celia, Amy and Tails and Mike.

…

"…who are they?" said Roy.

_Time Remaining: 0:25_

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, twenty-five minutes to go," said Master Hand, "Only Luigi and Peach are to check in now. If they make the mat before your time penalty is up, you will be the last team to arrive."

_Race Course_

_Luigi  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Come on, Luigi!" cheered Peach.

Luigi zoomed down the hill, overtaking the skier once they reached the flags. He rocketed down the hill through the finish line.

"Eight seconds in front! Best performance of today which did not involve assaulting out skier! You completed the task!" cheered the announcer.

"Come on, we have to do this!" said Luigi, ripping open the clue quickly. "Go up the Penguin Express and ski the entire Home Trail to the pit stop!"

_Pit Stop_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Time Remaining: 0:20_

"We're getting a report they're making their way up the lift now," said Master Hand. "Twenty minutes to go."

"It takes about fifteen minutes to get up the lift," said Kirby, sitting on a mat, drinking gin with Toon Link and King Dedede.

"Yeah, but it only took us about three to four minutes to get down the run," said Toon Link, "I think they're good skiers, this will be close!"

"But it took Roy and Zelda about fifteen minutes to get down the run," said Master Hand.

_Luigi and Peach  
On Penguin Express_

"We have to ski down as quick as we can," said Luigi, "We took literally two minutes to do that task, there's some new skiers and we can beat anyone."

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Time Remaining: 0:10_

"I don't want to get eliminated!" cried Jigglypuff.

"sORRY?" said Ganondorf.

"I DON'T wANT TO GET ELIMINATED" cried Jigglypuff.

"OH I COULDN'T hear yOU for a moment there" said Ganondorf.

_Luigi and Peach  
On Penguin Express_

"Hey! That's the pit stop!" said Peach, looking down the mountain on her binoculars.

"Gimme that!" said Luigi, looking down. "There's like, four teams there! Maybe they're penalised!"

"We're getting off, Al," said Peach.

"Who calls me Al?" said Luigi angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Time Remaining: 0:06_

"They're getting off the lift now," said Master Hand, talking into his walkie talkie.

"OH NO" said Jigglypuff.

"OH NO" said Ganondorf.

_Luigi and Peach_

"Sprint! Sprint! Sprint!" screamed Luigi.

"But we're skiing!" said Peach.

"Ski! Ski! Ski!" screamed Luigi.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Time Remaining: 5:22_

"OKAY Knuckles you lazer beam Luigi and Amy, you use your rocket hands to punch Peach," said Sonic.

"I will DO MY SEXY WARLOCK PUNCH" said Ganondorf.

"And I'll sing!" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff sang.

Everyone fell asleep.

_Luigi and Peach_

"Get out of the way!" screamed Luigi, knocking over schoolchildren and cripples.

"Get out of the way!" said Peach, skiing towards a pole.

"Move Peach!" said Luigi angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Time Remaining: 3:32_

"Oh I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE ELI MINTED" said Ganondorf.

"Eli Minted?" said Master Hand.

_Luigi and Peach_

"You're halfway there!" said Luigi, reading off a sign.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Time Remaining: 2:21_

"THIS IS TOO TENSE" said Ganondorf.

"OMG WHERE DID SONIC AND AMY AND TAILS AND MIKE GO???" screamed Jigglypuff.

"We're getting burgerz!" said Amy.

"But they might eliminate us!" cried Ganondorf.

"No interference from other people," said Master Hand.

"YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME EARLIER" cried Ganondorf.

_Luigi and Peach_

"We are going so fast," said Luigi, zooming down the hill.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Time Remaining: 1:22_

"I can SEE THEM IN THE DISTANCE EEK!" screamed Jigglypuff.

_Pit Stop_

_Time Remaining: 1:15_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Luigi and Peach skied down the last hill. They slowed down several dozen yards from the ski drop off zone, and they quickly walked over towards the pit stop.

"Come on! They might have a time penalty!" screamed Luigi.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf: 1:00 Remaining_

"One minute remaining," said Master Hand.

"Oh NOOO!" cried Jigglypuff.

_Time Remaining: 0:47_

Luigi and Peach reached the ski drop off area.

"Come on! Take off your skis!" screamed Luigi angrily.

Peach tried to take off her skis with her poles.

"They're too tight!" screamed Peach.

Luigi, his feet now loose, stomped on the back of Peach's skis.

"Whee!" said Peach.

"Come on, let's jog!" said Luigi.

_Time Remaining: 0:32_

"Run up the hill!" screamed Luigi, manically trying to sprint up the steep slope.

Peach walked up the stairs.

"You stupid!" said Luigi angrily.

_Time Remanning: 0:22_

Peach was on the tenth of twenty steps. Luigi ran over and went on the first one.

Peach walked up six more steps.

She slipped on the seventeenth.

"You idiot!" said Luigi angrily, running up to catch up with Peach.

_Time Remaining: 0:14_

"Come on! There's five more steps!" said Luigi angrily, helping Peach up.

They walked to the top of the flight of stairs.

_Time Remaining: 0:11_

They walked over to the pit stop.

"Can I interest you in a brochure?" said Ganondorf, wearing a moustache. "It's about uh…"

_Time Remaining: 0:09_

"Divorce… getting some of your money… thing…" said Ganondorf, holding up a blank piece of paper.

"Hey! They're trying to stop us! Get to the pit stop!" said Luigi angrily.

Luigi ran towards the pit stop.

Jigglypuff ran in the way.

Luigi stepped on Jigglypuff, and footstool jumped over the pit stop onto the other side.

"Damn it!" screamed Luigi.

_Time Remaining: 0:04_

"I can check you in, now, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf!" said Master Hand.

"They haven't been checked in yet!" screamed Luigi, dashing for the pit stop.

_Time Remaining: 0:03_

"We're going to win!" screamed Luigi, jumping towards the pit stop.

Ganondorf sucker punched Luigi in the face, breaking his teeth.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf stepped on the pit stop.

"YAAAAAYYYYY" screamed Jigglypuff and Ganondorf.

Peach walked onto the pit stop.

Ganondorf sucker punched Peach in the face, breaking her teeth.

"YAAAAAYYYYY" screamed Jigglypuff and Ganondorf.

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, you're team number seven!" said Master Hand.

"YAAAAAYYYYY" screamed Jigglypuff and Ganondorf.

"Luigi and Peach, you're the last team to arrive," said Master Hand. "And I'm… sorry to tell you, you have been eliminated from the race."

"My partner is a moron," said Luigi angrily.

"I was obviously acting like a moron to acquire all of your assets!" laughed Peach, "We're divorcing and now I'm a multimillionaire!"

"But… you're stupid! And dumb!" screamed Luigi.

"Remember last season? With Knuckle Joe? I'm a lawyer!" laughed Peach.

"That's right!" said Knuckle Joe, jumping out of Peach's chest, "And I'm Peach's divorce lawyer and you're going to lose everything!"

…

"Were you in her chest the whole time?" said Master Hand.

"Yep," said Knuckle Joe.

…

"Wow, I wish I was as small as you," laughed Master Hand.

…

Everyone stared.

"Uh…" said Master Hand.

…

"Snow way out of this one!" laughed King Dedede.

Everyone chuckled.

**Finish Times:**

Wolf and Samus: 11:27 AM

Kirby and Pikachu: 11:28 AM

Toon Link and King Dedede: 11:28 AM

Fox and Falcon: 1:50 PM

Wario and Mr. Resetti: 1:51 PM

Roy and Zelda: 3:07 PM

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf: 3:27 PM (Faced 4 Hour Time Penalty)

**Luigi and Peach: 3:27 PM - Eliminated**

Thanks for reading! Please vote in the poll and review telling who you like, what you liked about the leg and any errors or constructive criticism!

Your reviews are appreciated! Thanks everyone! This leg was a bit long, was it too long?


	5. We'll Lose Because They're Fat!

"Previously on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Eight teams of two travelled from Isle Delfino to Dream Land!"

"King Dedede abused his powers of ruler to hold up the other racers!"

_"You should so abuse your king powers to get us in first place this leg!" laughed Toon Link._

_"Arrest them all…" said King Dedede evilly into a walkie-talkie._

"Much to the disliking of other teams!"

_King Dedede's taxi drove past, the penguin waving. _

_"Oh my gosh, it's that freaking bird that did this," said Samus angrily._

"Teams drove cross country to Ripple Field, where some teams ran into navigation troubles!"

_"We are completely lost…" said Luigi, bashing his head against the steering wheel._

_"We have no idea where we're going…" said Roy, driving the jeep slowly through a dirt path._

"But teams Toon Link and King Dedede, Wolf and Samus, Kirby and Pikachu and Jigglypuff and Ganondorf successfully navigated off road, forming the front pack!"

_"You sure this is right?" screamed Toon Link, over the horrendously loud engine and bumps the car made, hitting things on the road._

_"This is a short cut, son!" laughed King Dedede._

_"I think we're on track," said Wolf, driving, "And I expect to get to the clue first or second."_

"At the detour, all teams chose to go white water rafting!"

_"WE'RE going rafting YAY" said Ganondorf, hitting the instructor over the head with a paddle repeatedly. "AM I WINNING?"_

_"Roy! It's wet!" moaned Zelda, in her dress and nice makeup._

_"Wow dude, this raft is so cool!" said Falcon excitedly._

"Teams then drove to Mt. Dedede, where they had to don skiing gear…"

_"don't you wISH YOUR girlfriend wAS hot like ME" sung Ganondorf, stripping in the shop._

_Security escorted Ganondorf out._

"…and ski to a skiing Road Block!"

_"I swear, we have to beat those stupid kids and that stupid bird, so ski as fast as you can down this green," said Wolf, fastening his boots._

"At the skiing Road Block, teams had to beat a skiing instructor in a race, however, Wolf, Kirby and King Dedede finished at the same time…"

_"It's going to be a ski race, Pikachu!" said Kirby excitedly, picking up Pikachu and quickly skiing to the lift._

"…resulting in a ski race to the pit stop! Wolf and Samus, Kirby and Pikachu and Toon Link and King Dedede battled it out in front…"

_"Come on! Build up speed!" said Samus angrily, knocking over a couple of kids learning how to ski._

"…but Jigglypuff and Ganondorf hatched a plan!"

_"HEY LOOK this IS a WAY that WE CAN SPEED UP…" said Ganondorf, pointing to a snowmobile next to them._

_Ganondorf pointed a gun at the man. "WE'RE GOING to the pit stop… SO TAKE us there!"_

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf inched out first, but were penalised for breaking the law!"

_"WHAT?! You threatened him with a gun?!" screamed Master Hand, "You have been penalised for four hours!"_

_"OMGGgg it's your loss!!!!!" said Ganondorf angrily, "the TWEEN and people with an IQ below 70 market share are going to be upset with this penalty!!!"_

"…giving Wolf and Samus their first, first place finish!"

_"I can't believe you'd take away all of our money like that!" cried Samus. "I hate you Master Hand, I hate you!"_

"Luigi and Peach ran into communication and navigational errors throughout the leg!"

_Luigi jumped out of the car, stumbling from his alcohol intake. "DONDA ES RIPPLE FIELD?" he screamed._

_"Honey, they speak English!" giggled Peach._

_"I'm trying to communicate with the inferiors in their native tongue!" screamed Luigi angrily._

"…and despite the four hour penalty, came in last."

_"That's right!" said Knuckle Joe, jumping out of Peach's chest, "And I'm Peach's divorce lawyer and you're going to lose everything!"_

"Seven teams remain, who will be eliminated… next?"

**The Teams:**

Wolf and Samus (Newly Dating)

Roy and Zelda (Engaged)

Toon Link and King Dedede (Coal Miners)

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf (Dating Twelve Days)

Fox and Falcon (Frat Boys)

Wario and Mr. Resetti (Fire Fighters)

Kirby and Pikachu (Best Friends)

"This is Penguin Lodge," said Master Hand, "This five-star cabinet in the heart of Mt. Dedede was also the fourth pit stop in a race around the world!"  
"Teams arrived here for a mandatory rest period, where teams can eat, sleep and mingle with other teams!"

_King Dedede pushed Zelda into the pool._

_"I CAN'T SWIM!" she screamed, drowning.  
Everyone chuckled._

_"AND IT'S FREEZING!" screamed Zelda._

…

_"ROOY!" screamed Zelda._

"During the pit stop, the presence of Wario and Mr. Resetti puzzled other teams!"

_Pit Stop_

"Hey guys!" said Wario, walking into the lodge, sitting on a couch and taking off his ski boots, "We came in fifth place!"

Kirby, Pikachu, Wolf, Samus, Toon Link and King Dedede stared at Wario.

"Uh… do we know these guys?" said Kirby.

"Wario!" said Toon Link, "Fancy seeing you here! We're in The Amazing Race! Did you know that?"

…

"Yes!" said Wario angrily.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"I honestly can't believe that nobody knew who we were!" said Wario angrily.

"Who are ya, boi?" said a mole.

"Oh, shut up Mr. Resetti!" said Wario angrily, punching the mole, knocking him stone cold to the ground.

Mr. Resetti walked in and returned to his seat.

_Master Hand_

"Can Wolf and Samus use their newfound first place and stay in the front of the pack? Will the racers' obliviousness to Wario and Mr. Resetti affect their racing? And can Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, having faced a four hour penalty, jumping from first to seventh, stop making crucial errors and climb out of last place?" said Master Hand. "Wolf and Samus, who were the first team to arrive at 11:27 AM, will depart at 11:27 PM!"

_Wolf and Samus  
1__st__ to depart: 11:27 PM_

"Let's do this!" said Wolf excitedly, ripping open the clue. "Fly to Corneria City and find the Monster Truck Stadium!"

"Teams must now fly over four thousand kilometres to Corneria!" said Master Hand, "Once they arrive in this space metropolis, they must make their way through the population epicentre of the planet, Corenria City and find this Monster Truck Stadium, where they will find their next clue!"

"Awesome babe, we're goin' back home," said Wolf, doing some disco moves.

"Those disco moves are so old, Wolfy," said Samus, yawning.

Wolf did the worm.

"Ooh," said Samus sexily. "New…"

_Kirby and Pikachu  
2__nd__ to depart: 11:28 PM_

Pikachu ripped open the clue. "Fly to Corneria City and find the Monster Truck Stadium!"

"Let's go!" said Kirby, running along in his protective beanie.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"You know, we're just besties with Wolf and Samus and we have to stand aside to give them the illusion they're in control," said Kirby confidently to the camera, rocking back on his chair.

"We belong at the top of the pack," said Pikachu, "This race is just… so easy, we're the numero uno team so far…"

"But we do have some competition around here," said Kirby evilly, "And what we want to do is have teams like the frats and Wolf and Samus butting heads, so we go to the next leg and they get caught up and get eliminated…"

"That's right," laughed Pikachu, "And we plan to take Roy and Zelda and Wario and Mr. Resetti to the top three and win by like, ten hours. Awesome."

"Everyone else sucks!" said Kirby, looking straight down the barrel of the camera.

…

"Uh… maybe you want to do your interview in not the main hall," said Wolf angrily, sitting with the other eleven racers.

…

"Uh…" said Kirby.

…

"Just kidding!" laughed Kirby.

Kirby blew his party whistle.

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

Wolf and Samus hopped in their jeep.

"We're residents of Corneria," said Wolf, fastening his seatbelt, "We've both lived in Corneria for a long time so we're totally rocking this leg!"

"It's a very, very, very populated city," said Samus, "And no-one's used to that so we've already got the upper hand."

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
3__rd__ to depart: 11:29 PM_

"Fly to Corneria City and find the Monster Truck Stadium!" read Toon Link.

"Mwahaha! And then I shall crush everyone! And everything!" screamed King Dedede evilly, "Haha! Death to everyone else!"

…

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Coal Miners_

"I wouldn't describe our team as… normal…" said Toon Link. "First moment we're…"

An Indian on horseback stormed into the room and speared King Dedede.

King Dedede fell on Toon Link's lap, bleeding.

…

"Uh… maybe we should uh… cut…" said Toon Link.

King Dedede bled.

…

A stereotypical gay guy with an overdone lisp ran into the room.

"You ruined the mattress!" he screamed.

…

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Woooaah big ol' jet airliiiner…" sang Wolf to the CD player.

"Dooon't carry me too far awwaaay…" sang Wolf.

Samus stared at Wolf.

Wolf changed to the next track.

"Abra… abracadabra…" sang Wolf, "I wanna reach out and…"

Samus stared at Wolf.

"…grab ya…" cried Wolf.

Samus stared at Wolf. Wolf changed to the next track.

"Some people call me the space cowboy…" sobbed Wolf.

Samus took out her gun. "Some people call me the gangsta of looove…" sobbed Wolf, hyperventilating.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"So now that we're the token super villains," said Kirby evilly, "What evil things shall we do?"

"Slashing tyres so we get in front!" said Kirby.

Kirby pulled up next to Wolf and Samus's jeep, slashed their front tyres and sped in front.

Wolf and Samus's jeep spun out of control, stopping perilously close to a cliff top.

"Yaay!" cheered Kirby and Pikachu cutely.

"Being evil is fun!" said Pikachu evilly.

_Wolf and Samus_

"They just slashed our tyres!" screamed Samus angrily.

"Are you sure?" said Wolf, "They're so cute! And innocent!"

Kirby and Pikachu's jeep reversed. Kirby got out, slashed their tyres, ran back into the car and drove off.

Wolf growled.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Boom! Pssh! Crash!" screamed King Dedede ecstatically, making onomatopoeic sounds as he ran over a Toon Link toy with a monster truck toy with a King Dedede toy inside.

"Okay, I'm very uncomfortable for several reasons," said Toon Link angrily, buttering a piece of bread, "First of all, it's very disturbing that you're simulating yourself killing me with a monster truck…"

"It's only a bit of fun, lass!" laughed King Dedede in his Scottish accent, spilling jam over Toon Link's toy corpse.

"Okay, that's it!" said Toon Link angrily.

Toon Link reached over and took the King Dedede toy out of the toy truck, bashed it against the windshield and smeared blood over his head and eyes.

"See how that feels?" said Toon Link angrily.

"OH GOD I SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU IT WAS A VOODOO DOLL" screamed King Dedede, bleeding out of his eyes.

"Oh King Dedede, you're a chuckler!" laughed Toon Link, hysterical.

"AAAAAHHHH!" screamed King Dedede, tornados forming, skeletons and zombies latching onto the side of the truck.

"What the hell?!" screamed Toon Link, hysterical, "What the hell?! What the hell?! What the hell?! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Toon Link opened the jeep door and bailed.

King Dedede switched the lights on. "Geez, that kid's got problems," scoffed King Dedede, "All I did was just pay a couple dozen people in the special effects industry a couple thousand dollars each to create a realistic simulation of the apocalypse and give him a little scare and he overreacts! I can't believe him!" said King Dedede angrily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

King Dedede reversed the jeep back towards Toon Link.

"Hey kiddo, why did you jump out?" said King Dedede, confused.  
"Z- z- ZOMBIES!" screamed Toon Link.

King Dedede stared at Toon Link.

"You were probably dreaming, kiddo," laughed King Dedede, opening the side door, "Hop in!"

Toon Link walked in, shivering. "It was juuust a dream…" he said to himself. "Just a dream…"

King Dedede started the engine.

A special effects guy wearing a zombie costume jumped onto the front windshield, chewing on a fake human corpse.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!" screamed Toon Link. "DIE! DIE! DIE!"

Toon Link grabbed his sword and stabbed the zombie.

Eight Waddle Dees fell out of the costume.

Toon Link stared in shock.

"You're such a wimp, Toon Link!" laughed King Dedede, chuckling.

"OH MY GOSH WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME???" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"I think you're overreacting a tiny bit," said King Dedede calmly, "Deep breaths and-"

"AAAAAHHHHH! DVWAUYDBUIWBDAAAARRRGGG! FEBWO FEUIBEU EDUIE SFXN WOEUHF JOPR!" screamed Toon Link, stabbing a tree repeatedly.

"…relax the shoulders," said King Dedede calmly.

"ASDFGHJK!" screamed Toon Link, setting the forest on fire.

"UFEIWIUNIEUFE!" screamed Toon Link, vomiting out lead paint.

"UYFUYFEBR!" screamed Toon Link,

Toon Link grunted.

…

"KFREBSFEWF!!!!!!!" screamed Toon Link, eating the tyres.

"You'll be fine boy!" laughed King Dedede.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"It's just you growin up, mah boy!" laughed King Dedede.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Toon Link, frothing at the mouth. "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"

…

"It's just you growin up, mah boy!" laughed King Dedede.

"FEIUB FWEHFO HKOPR OPTHH!!!!!" screamed Toon Link, vomiting out his liver.

_Dream Land International Airport_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Evil super villains… will cut in the queue!" said Kirby evilly.

They ran to the front of the line.

A tall security guard looked angrily at them.

Kirby and Pikachu grinned.

The guard picked them up by their collars and threw them to the back of the line.

"Drat," said Kirby angrily.

_Five minutes later…_

The security guard stood at the front of the queue.

Pikachu ran behind him and pantsed him.

Kirby and Pikachu ran to the front of the line.

The security guard, now pantsed, looked angrily at Kirby and Pikachu.

Kirby and Pikachu grinned.

The guard picked them up by their collars and threw them to the back of the line.

"Drat," said Kirby angrily.

_Five minutes later…_

The security guard stood at the front of the queue.

Kirby ran behind the guard.

Pikachu turned off the electricity.

The lights flickered on and off.

The lights came on again.

Kirby locked the cupboard. They ran to the front of the line.

"Yaay!" said Kirby and Pikachu.

Everyone in the line stared at Kirby and Pikachu.

"Uh…" said Kirby.

Kirby blew his party whistle.

Applause.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
1__st__ on 10:00 AM Flight_

"We got on a 10:00 Corneria Air flight," said Pikachu.

"Looks like everyone's going to make the flight again," said Kirby, rolling his eyes, "The only advantage we have are seats at the front of the plane."

"I am so glad we used our stealth techniques to get these tickets," said Pikachu evilly, "Our ingenious plan got our tickets in just minutes! Virtually effortless!"

Wolf and Samus walked in, walked behind the desk, processed their own tickets and walked off.

"Amateurs," scoffed Kirby in his British accent.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

King Dedede droved along.

"So…" said King Dedede, grinning slyly.

"Shut up," sobbed Toon Link, "I don't want to talk to you!"

"I'm still forcing you to, hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

Toon Link sobbed.

"Toughen up," laughed King Dedede, patting Toon Link violently on the back.

Toon Link cried harder.

"Baby," dismissed King Dedede, rolling his eyes.

_Wolf and Samus  
2__nd__ on 10:00 AM Flight_

"Looks like everyone's going to be on this one flight again," said Wolf.

"This is ridiculous," said Samus, "Every leg except the first one we've all been on the same flight."

_Fox and Falcon  
4__th__ to depart: 1:50 AM_

"Fly to Corneria City and find the Monster Truck Stadium!" read Fox, "You have 182 dollars for this leg of the race."

"Let's go dude," said Falcon.

_Fox and Falcon  
Frat Boys_

"We ran like, the worst leg yesterday," said Fox, chugging down a beer, "But we came in fourth… so it just shows that well… everyone here is really crap."

"Oh Fox, you're so feisty," said Falcon sexily, stroking Fox on the back.

Everyone stared at Falcon.

"Uh… that would be my impression of a gay guy," said Falcon.

"He does that almost all the time I'm with him!" announced Fox happily.

…

"Shh…" said Falcon.

...

"shh..." said Falcon. "...shhh..."

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
5__th__ to depart: 1:51 AM_

"You have 182 dollars for this leg of the race," read Wario.

"Wait up!" screamed Mr. Resetti, doing his ugly mole pout, "I have to take mah bag of complimentary food from the hotel dingaling thing!"

Mr. Resetti waddled along, dragging along a bag of rubbish.

"Mr. Resetti, that clearly isn't any food the hotel gave you," said Wario angrily, "You've obviously been going through the trash again. Only cats and raccoons do that. I'm pretty sure there's roadkill or something in there and the car's going to stink."

"ROADKILL?!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

Mr. Resetti jumped into the bag.

"Get out of there!" said Wario angrily, "There could be chemicals, or drugs or needles or-"

Mr. Resetti pulled his head out, his face covered in needles.

"YOU IDIOT!" said Wario angrily, "You could have like, ten different diseases! …of the unpleasant kind!"

"Guess I'll have to… spread 'em round…" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

Wario reached for the shotgun bag.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
3__rd__ on 10:00 AM Flight_

"Well, guess it's just you and me, buddy ol' pal sitting on the same flight!" said King Dedede in his weird overenthusiastic uncle-like manner. "We're best of pals, right?"

"I can't believe you'd create a fake voodoo doll and zombie invasion just to scare me!" said Toon Link angrily, "That's just going too far! I thought I was going to die!"

…

"…die laughing?" said King Dedede, doing his wide 'anticipating a laugh' grin.

"I hate you," said Toon Link angrily. "I demand an apology!"

"…sorry?" said King Dedede, doing his wide 'anticipating a laugh' grin.

"Come on! That's not a real apology!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Okay, now my face is frozen," said King Dedede, doing his wide 'anticipating a laugh' grin.

"Whatever," said Toon Link angrily.

"Really," said King Dedede, doing his wide 'anticipating a laugh' grin.

"Haha, actually, that's quite funny!" laughed Toon Link.

"Help," said King Dedede, doing his wide 'anticipating a laugh' grin.

Toon Link continued to laugh.

_Five minutes later…_

The paramedics carried King Dedede away in a body bag.

"Oh my god, King Dedede! I'm not falling for this one!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Sign these death papers, please," said the ambulance officer.

"I know that's you!" said Toon Link angrily, ripping off some facial hair that looked to be the edge of a mask.

"GAAH!" screamed the officer, losing his hair.

"…oops…" said Toon Link.

_Five minutes later…_

"I'm sorry, King Dedede!" cried Toon Link, laying next to the penguin. "I got really upset when you did that bad practical joke on me, and I wanted to expose you! But now you're actually hurt!"

"I'm so sorry!" sobbed Toon Link, rubbing on King Dedede's belly, "And if you get out of this alive, I want you to know, I completely forgive you-"

"I'M HERE!!!!!!!" screamed King Dedede, violently shaking everything inside the ambulance, causing it to tip over on the side and 45 kg of medical waste to fall on Toon Link. "Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!"

"UIFRE PTHK THOPR HRITNOHN!" screamed Toon Link, inhaling two gallons of pain killers and discarded skin.

Toon Link grunted.

_Fox and Falcon  
4__th__ on 10:00 AM Flight_

"Dudes, we are all totally on the same flight," said Falcon.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
5__th__ on 10:00 AM Flight_

"Look boi! I'm Batman!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly, holding up a magazine.

"That's cute Mr. Resetti," said Wario.

"Where's mah bat mobile, huh boy?" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

"Okay, just because the magazine says that you're batman, doesn't mean that you're actually Batman, okay?" said Wario, "It's a personality quiz, okay?"

…

Mr. Resetti whimpered. "But I wanted to be Batman so bad!" wailed Mr. Resetti, bucketing out tears.

Sad music played. "Why? Why? Why?" cried Mr. Resetti.

_Roy and Zelda  
6__th__ to depart: 3:07 AM_

Read Roy, "Fly to Corneria City and-"

"THEY HAVE LIKE EIGHTY-FIVE THOUSAND SHOPPING CENTRES THERE!" screamed Zelda violently, snatching the wallet from Roy's belt.

Zelda ran into the car and drove off.

"MWAHAHAHA!" laughed Zelda evilly.

_Zelda_

"You know, I was kind of in it for the money before," said Zelda, "But I think Roy's such a sweet sweet guy and I'm beginning to be in love with him!"

…

"Why are you driving the car without him then?" said the cameraman.

"Uh…" said Zelda.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Last to depart: 3:27 AM_

"FLY to CORneria cITY AND FIND THE MONSTER TRUCK STAIDUM" read Jigglypuff.

"LET'S GO" said Ganondorf, "WE SHALL RIDE OUR BOAT THERE"

"um… but how are we going to ryde a boat there???" said Jigglypuff.

"WE WILL SACRAFICE our cameraman to the God of BOAT TRAVEL" said Ganondorf, picking up a gigantic stone, "THE GOD of BOAT travel on Tarmac in mountain roads"

"Okay, seriously, do I have to keep on filming these guys?" said the cameraman to the producers through a walkie-talkie, "I've been injured six times since the start of this race! They're a danger to society!"

"THE ONLY DANGER WE FACE is the danger of having too much fun" said Jigglypuff.

Ganondorf beat the cameraman repeatedly with the stone.

"THE ONLY DANGER WE FACE is the danger of having too much fun" said Jigglypuff.

"GOSH HURRY up and drive the boat" said Ganondorf angrily.

Jigglypuff steered the stationary boat back and forth.

"YES I ALMOST SEE ANOTHER TEAM" said Ganondorf excitedly.

_Roy and Zelda  
6__th__ on 10:00 AM Flight_

"We're all equal again," said Roy.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Last on 10:00 AM Flight_

"THANK YOU KIND SIR FOR ALL YOUR FREE MERCHANDISE" said Ganondorf, taking a sack full of stolen goods from the newsagent outside.

"I never let you take that!" said the owner angrily.

Security took Ganondorf away.

"I HOPE SHE MADE LOTSA SPAGHETTI" said Ganondorf.

Security tasered Ganondorf.

"Owie," said Ganondorf.

"All teams are now on the same 10:00 AM Flight to Corneria City which lands at 5:00 PM local time!" said Master Hand.

_Corneria City_

Shots of a giant metropolis, jam packed full of people, cars and buildings played on the screen.

_Corneria Airways Flight  
Landed at 5:11 AM_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Frat sprinting powers!" declared Fox, running out.

"Yeah we kinda jumped customs so we should run faster," shouted Falcon, security guards with batons chasing them.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Supervillain power!" cheered Kirby and Pikachu, each giving each other a high-five.

"Wolf and Samus are now behind because of an anonymous tip-off about a certain drug bust," said Kirby, winking to the camera evilly.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"For the last time, we have no drugs!" said Wolf angrily.

"Oh… sure…" said the disembodied hand customs officer in a Welsh accent, "Then what's…"

He took a packet of weed from his pocket and poured it onto the table.

"…THIS?!" he said dramatically.

"Your weed," said Wolf angrily.

"Oh," said Crazy Hand.

Security dragged him away.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"RUNNING from THE AIRPORT, to go on a race," rapped Ganondorf, "IN DREAM land I got sprayed with some mace… the acids and the bases sprayed all OVA mah face… JIG and Ganon are right here to bust down this place…"

"Ganondorf's freestylin skills are on show," rapped Jigglypuff, "I'M an MC I just got me a mo…" Jigglypuff pointed to her fake moustache.

"WE'RE THE WRAPPIN MOTHERfreakers from Calgary" rapped Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, "SO OPEN UP YOUR wallets and give change to me"

"WE'RE broke cos I spent money on a beats machine," said Ganondorf, "so to you all as you can see my rappin' will be clean"

"WE NEED moneh for a taxi so we'll hitch a ride," rapped Jigglypuff.

"TO the freestyle shop where I can bust a rhyme," rapped Ganondorf.

"We'RE YO brothers, different mothers," rapped Jigglypuff and Ganondorf together, "WE'RE PUTTIN on a show"

"TO GET YO SPARE CHANGE CASH" rapped Sonic, "And clippers for her mo"

"DON'T BE HATIN or migratin' all away from the scene," rapped Ganondorf.

"WE'RE THE FREESTYLE brothers give some money to me" rapped Ganondorf and Jigglypuff.

"MOTHA" screamed Ganondorf. A call signal beeped on the screen.

"I LIKE TUCKA" screamed Ganondorf, "GIVE yer MONEY TO ME"

"WE'RE THE brothers give us monehs and just let us be" rapped Ganondorf and Jigglypuff.

The audience applauded and threw money at them.

"YAY NYOM NYOM NYOM" screamed Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, digesting the coins for later storage in the event they needed to pay for something and could aptly regurgitate the money as they pleased.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Dude, it's like all of the teams that could actually run have been eliminated," laughed Falcon, climbing into the taxi, "I dunno where Wolf and Samus were but we were like the only team that could run…"

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"I need a resuscitator!" screamed Mr. Resetti, panting as they continued their long fifty metre marathon to the carpark.

"We can make it!" screamed Wario, covered in sweat.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Hurry up, you're faster than this!" said Toon Link angrily next to the walking King Dedede.

"I know," said King Dedede, smiling, still walking.

…

"THEN WALK FASTER!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"Nope!" laughed King Dedede.

"I HATE YOU!" screamed Toon Link, "THIS IS THE WORST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER!"

Toon Link ran off crying.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Come on, Zel!" said Roy, walking along the travelator.

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda, "My feet are moving without me moving my muscles! I'm siiick!"

"It's a travelator," said Roy.

…

"Stop embarrassing me, Roy!" said Zelda angrily, "You're the worst boyfriend ever!"

Zelda remembered the money. "My looove!" shouted Zelda, hugging Roy.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in Last Place_

"I swear, that hold up was the work of another team," said Samus angrily, sprinting through the hall.

"Yeah, I think one of these teams are starting to become crafty and evil," said Wolf angrily.

"Maybe it's the kids," said Samus.

"Nah, they're too cute and innocent," laughed Wolf, "Samus, please! They're so cute and innocent! They couldn't possibly be the evil ones! Please Samus, them? The evil ones! Oh! Samus! You're so funny sometimes!"

Samus stared at Wolf.

"Oh Samus!" continued Wolf, laughing, "How could you possibly-"

_Downtown Corneria City_

_Fox and Falcon_

"Dude, everything is so crowded here," said Fox.

"I know… if we totally did it, like everyone would see us," said Falcon sexily.

…

"Why does your diction pertain to so much sexual undertone when I am clearly a person of the same sex as you?" inspected Fox, "Why, this kind of dubious behaviour could only relate to some kind of sexual attraction! And your suggestion of 'doing it' implies sexual fornication which means you are implying that you are a…"

1920's Horror Music played. "…A HOMOSEXUAL!" screamed Fox.

"Uh… jokes," said Falcon.

"Oh," said Fox.

"Jokes," said Falcon sexily.

"…A HOMOSEXUAL!" screamed Fox.

"Jokes," said Falcon seriously.

"Oh," said Fox.

"Jokes," said Falcon sexily.

"…A HOMOSEXUAL!" screamed Fox.

This continued for some time.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"What shall be our next super villain action?" said Kirby evilly.

"We SHALL POLLUTE THE ENVIRONMENT!" declared Pikachu evilly.

They threw a plastic bag out of the car.

"Mwahahahaha!" laughed Kirby and Pikachu evilly, "Mwahahahaha!"

…

"I feel really guilty about that," said Kirby glumly, "I never knew I'd have such a conscience about being a…"

Kirby grinned evilly, "…evil supervillain!"

"Mwahahahaha!" laughed Kirby and Pikachu evilly, "Mwahahahaha!"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN SO MANY COINS" said Jigglypuff, several dozen gold coins falling out of her mouth as she spoke.

"NONSENSE" said Ganondorf, coins falling out of his mouth as we spoke, "HOW ELSE COULD WE CARRY SO MUCH MONEY?"

…

"…we HAVE THIS WALLET!" said Jigglypuff happily, holding up a wallet.

"YOU mean I was eating these coins for all of these YEARS?! VERY CLEVER, JIGGLYPUFF" said Ganondorf. "I SHALL EMPTY MY LIFETIME'S SUPPLY OF COINS INTO HEAR"

Ganondorf leant over, and thousands upon thousands of coins poured into the small wallet.

"YAAAAY" said Jigglypuff and Ganondorf.

"BUT YOU must now carry it lady as you are the lady and I am the man and I do noithing" said Ganondorf angrily.

Jigglypuff attempted to lift the 50kg case of coins up.

"BUT GANNIE I CAN'T" said Jigglypuff, crying.

"SHUT UP I AM BIG AND STRONG and muscular and sexy AND I WILL LIFT IT UP" said Ganondorf.  
Ganondorf attempted to lift it up.

"NOO WHAT SHALL WE DO?!" said Jigglypuff.

…

"NYOM NYOM NYOM" said Ganondorf and Jigglypuff, eating the coins.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Wow boi, this is such a crazy hustlin' and bustlin' city," said Mr. Resetti, rambling on, "You better walk close to me or you could get lost… ol' Resetti will keep you safe from them mafia people and those crooks… ol Super Resetti and his ol' boxing skills…"

"Yeah Mr. Resetti, will do," said Wario.

_Wolf and Samus_

"All the other taxis are taking the main road, and our guy knows the side streets," said Wolf, peering out the window, "I think we'll be able to beat some people there."

_Roy and Zelda_

"ROOY! Make the traffic faster!" said Zelda angrily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"This is so embarrassing," said Toon Link, covering his head with his hands.

"And I am not fat!" said King Dedede angrily, his backside caught in the door of the taxi.

"We are so far behind!" said Toon Link angrily.

"I'm almost there!" said King Dedede, pulling himself into the taxi.

King Dedede pulled harder. "NGGGHHH!" he screamed.

Nothing happened.

"Oh God, what if I see someone I know?" said Toon Link, his eyes widening even more than normal.

"Nonsense!" laughed King Dedede.

King Dedede wiggled his buttocks back and forth in time with techno music in the background.

"Oh, Hi Toon Link!" said Tetra the spunky pirate, holding up a bag of designer clothing and shopping. "How's it…"

"Oh God... please don't notice…" muttered Toon Link.

King Dedede kept on wiggling.

"Don't notice what?" said Tetra, "Fancy seeing you here! What are you doing here?"

"Well uh… I was just on my way to…" said Toon Link.

"Hey big bro!" screamed Aryll, running from fifty metres away towards Toon Link, "Heard you were going on that show with your coal mining buddy and-"

"No! No!" said Toon Link, "I was uh…"

"What's that guy doing stuck in a taxi?" said Tetra, "That's disgusting!"

"Hi ladies!" said King Dedede sexily, "Call me Triple De… Dedede means love and sexiness… I'm Toon Link's friend!"

"Who's that guy?" said Tetra angrily, "What the hell? Are you part of this… butt wiggling dance thing? You are disgusting-"

"I swear! I don't know this guy!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Okay, I am seriously not your friend anymore," said Tetra, "Goodbye Toon Link."

"But-" said Toon Link.

"Uh… Toon Link? you were adopted," said Aryll, "I'm glad I'm not blood related to you. Goodbye."

"But!" said Toon Link.

Valoo the great big red dragon swooped into the taxi rank, settling next to Toon Link.

"Hey ol' pal!" said Valoo excitedly, "You just won the 'Coolest Sailor in the Great Sea Competition' and I'll just give you these two hundred thousand-"

Valoo saw King Dedede.

"This is your friend?!" said Valoo angrily.

Valoo flew off.

"YOU'VE RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE!" cried Toon Link. "I CAN NEVER RETURN TO MY HOMELAND AGAIN!"

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

"Goodbye, cruel world!" screamed Toon Link, raising his sword.

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

Blood.

"…oh," said King Dedede.

_Monster Truck Stadium_

Shots of Monster Trucks running over cars played.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Yes dude, Monster Trucks are going to be awesome!" said Falcon excitedly, running through the door into the arena, "Yes!"

"Let's do this!" said Fox excitedly.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Oh my gosh… I wish we can go on the monster trucks!" said Kirby excitedly, waddling in.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Damn, if only not for the hold-up we'd be here first," said Samus angrily, spotting the other teams.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Stroke! Stroke!" screamed Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, rowing through the main gates.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"First place, dude!" said Fox excitedly, grabbing the clue. "Road Block! Who wants to DEMOLISH SOME CARS?!"

"Road Block! A Road Block is a task that only one person can perform!" said Master Hand. "In this Road Block, that team member must don this protective race suit and climb into a monster truck! Then, they must complete three laps of this inner circuit which contains jumps, bumps and random explosions and fireworks!"  
"Once they have completed these laps, they must drive to the outer circuit and crush three remotely controlled environmentally friendly cars! Once they have completed this, they will be able to claim their next clue!"

"You're the F-Zero guy, you're the driver," said Fox suavely.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Fast Forward!" read Kirby.

"Fast Forward!" said Master Hand, "Upon completing a Fast Forward, one team can skip all tasks and go directly to the pit stop!"  
"To claim this Fast Forward, teams must risk their safety and do a motorcycle jump a terrifying distance of 20 metres! There will be a safety net underneath the jump, however, teams must both make the jump and then hold their balance on the other side until the finish line before their jump will be counted as legal! The first team to have both team members claim a legal jump will claim this Fast Forward!"

"Do a bike jump to claim this Fast Forward," read Kirby.

"I don't think I'll be able to do the jump, I can't ride a bike," said Pikachu.

"Okay, Road Block!" said Kirby, "Road Block! Who wants to DEMOLISH SOME CARS?!"

"I'll do it," said Kirby, grinning evilly.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Fast Forward," said Wolf. "We wanna do it?"

"Nah, let's wait until later when all the remaining teams have used it," said Samus.

"Road Block! Who wants to DEMOLISH SOME CARS?!" read Wolf.

"You should do it, my hunky hunky Wolf," said Samus, smiling suavely.

Wolf and Samus giggled.

"You never call me that," said Wolf suspiciously.

"Oh God! I should have told you!" cried Samus, "The hunters are coming! We've got to hide, baby! Hide in the cupboards! Here's twenty dollars, you go buy yourself a new abode in Maycomb and start yer life there! Take a pseudonym: Boo Radley, yer, Boo, and never come out of the house so them hunters can never touch yer Wolf skin, okay hun?"

"Okay!" sobbed Wolf.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

...

"...they're on to us," hissed Mr. Resetti.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"Road Block, who wants to demolish some cars?" said Jigglypuff sexily.

"I will," said Ganondorf.

...

"Do you want to... demolish me... later?" said Jigglypuff sexily.

Jigglypuff massaged Ganondorf. "Some people say... my foundations are very..."

"...unstable..." whispered Jigglypuff.

"I'M GOING TO DRIVE A VROOM VROOM CAR" said Ganondorf excitedly.

_Falcon  
On Road Block_

"Hi, I'm Mike, I'll be running you through the safety instructions today," said a technician, "The-"

"Yeah, whatever," laughed Falcon, "O'DOYLE FRATERNITY RULES!"

Falcon accelerated, shaking the guy out of the truck and accelerated.

Falcon went over the first hump, and the truck tipped on its side.

"…owie," said Falcon.

_Wolf  
On 1__st__ Lap_

"Woohoo!" cheered Wolf, going over the first hump.

"The key to driving this is just taking your time," explained Wolf to the camrera, "People who just put their foot down and think that they're going to-"

Ganondorf and Kirby sped past, driving like maniacs, jumping over the hump and making the first corner, mainly because they knocked over several barriers on the side to make the dodgy turn.

"Okay, this means war," said Wolf angrily.

_Ganondorf  
On 1__st__ Lap_

"LA LA LA LA LA LA" sung Ganondorf, having a complete disregard for his surroundings, running over maintenance trucks and ambulance stretchers, his random badly-planned steering wildly zooming through the course.

_Kirby  
On 1__st__ Lap_

"Not so fast Ganondorf, as I have… projectiles!" laughed Kirby evilly.

Kirby threw a tomato at Ganondorf's monster truck. It hit the back wheel.

"Yeah! Take that!" said Kirby angrily.

Wolf sped past.

"I'll red shell you if you're not careful!" said Kirby angrily.

_Wolf  
On 1__st__ Lap_

"On the other hand, the fun part of this is going full speed," said Wolf angrily, zooming towards Ganondorf, and ramming him in the back.

_Ganondorf  
On 1__st__ Lap_

Wolf pulled up next to Ganondorf's monster truck.

"HI YOU ARE AN AMATer and I am the pro so don't try and overtak me n00b LOL" said Ganondorf.

Wolf rammed into the side of Ganondorf's truck.

Ganondorf fell out, and took an eight metre plunge.

"AND EVERYBODY'D BE SURFING" sung Ganondorf.

_Falcon  
On 1__st__ Lap_

"Dude… I'm the only guy here who drives cars for a living! Why can't I steer this stupid vehicle?" said Falcon angrily, his truck being assisted up for the second time.

"Stop driving with your feet maybe?" said Fox angrily.

"Oh, shut up Dan! Stop trying to make all of the decisions for the team!" said Falcon angrily. "We're a team you know, okay?"

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"I'll do the monsta truck boi!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly, "I drove these things for twenty-five years!"

"No you didn't!" said Wario angrily, "You're a serial liar! You had a paper boy job and postie job and that's it!"

"I was a taekwondo instructor for thirty-two years boy," said Mr. Resetti angrily, "Watch what you're sayin' boi!"

"No you weren't!" said Wario angrily.

"I'm a human lie detector for the CIA! I've been at it for eighty-nine years!" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

"You're not even that old!" said Wario angrily.

"Well I get to go on the monster truck and you don't, so there!" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

Wario walked off towards the monster trucks.

"Wait boi! Wait boi!" cried Mr. Resetti, his head raised to a ninety-degree angle, bucketing out tears from the side of his eyes, "I want to be it sooo bad!"

Wario sighed. "You can go on it if you really want."

"Yippee! Guess I'm better than you boi, I get to go on the monster truck and you don't-"

"SHUT UP!" said Wario angrily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"I'll do it," said Toon Link angrily, "I have a bit of anger to take out."

Toon Link stared at King Dedede angrily.

"Now boy, you implying that I've caused some anger in yourself?" said King Dedede in his Foghorn Leghorn voice, "Nonsense, son!"

Toon Link walked off angrily.

"Pansy," scoffed King Dedede.

_Downtown Corneria City_

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place_

"Oh, we are so stuffed…" said Zelda, sobbing.

_Monster Truck Stadium_

_Wolf  
2__nd__ Lap_

"I'm leading the pack, just," said Wolf, accelerating over the first jump. "This is so freaking loud."

_Ganondorf  
2__nd__ Lap_

"WaIT UP WOLFY I'M GONNA GET YOU" said Ganondorf, holding up a machine gun.

"GANNIE NO" screamed Jigglypuff, "IF YOU kill wolf we might get a time penalty"

"OH YEAH that would be very bad" said Ganondorf, "THE PENALTY PART OLOL"

Wolf slowed down and as Ganondorf pulled up on the side of him, he hit Ganondorf with a wok, knocking him out of the truck.

Ganondorf fell out, and took an eight metre plunge.

"AND EVERYBODY'D BE SURFING" sung Ganondorf.

_Kirby  
2__nd__ Lap_

Kirby whizzed past Wolf.

"You snooze, you lose!" laughed Kirby.

Kirby reached the corner. He pressed hard on the break, tentatively made the turn and took another five seconds to straighten up again. Wolf passed him.

"I don't know how to steer, okay?" said Kirby angrily.

Wolf's car got hit by fireworks, slowing the car down. Kirby zoomed past.

"You snooze, you lose!" laughed Kirby.

_Falcon  
Finished 1__st __Lap_

"Done with the first lap!" said Falcon excitedly, accelerating through the finish line.

Falcon ran over a couple of spectators.

"FRAT POWER!" screamed Falcon.

"The boys back home are gonna be so proud of me," said Falcon, the camera panning in on the skull being crushed by one of his tyres.

_Toon Link  
1__st__ Lap_

"I… hate… that stupid… Dedede…" said Toon Link angrily, accelerating angrily.

"Hi Boy!" cheered King Dedede, waving to Toon Link.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

_Mr. Resetti  
1__st__ Lap_

"He is… so slow…" said Wario angrily to the camera.

"In the naavy…" sang Mr. Resetti patriotically, going over the first hump at about 20 miles an hour, "You can sail the seven seas…"

"Hurry up!" said Wario angrily.

Mr. Resetti sang faster.  
"The car, you idiot!" said Wario angrily.

"But boi!" chuckled Mr. Resetti, "You told me to hurry up… so I… hurried up mah singing!"

Mr. Resetti snorted and laughed.

Wario angrily flung a shoe at Mr. Resetti, knocking him out stone cold.

"AAARRRGHHH!" screamed Wario angrily.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place_

"No-one's tried the Fast Forward," said Roy, peering over to the motorcycle jump, "We're so far behind, it might be our only option…"

"But Rooy! I'm scared!" said Zelda.

"We might just have to try this one!" said Roy, "We're ages after these guys!"

_Wrecking Course_

_Wolf  
On Wrecking Course_

"Did my third lap!" said Wolf excitedly, driving towards the outer course, "This is where the destruction begins!"

_Kirby  
On Wrecking Course_

"This is where the misery begins…" said Kirby, rubbing his hands together evilly.

_Ganondorf  
On Wrecking Course_

"IT'S NOT CRUSHING" screamed Ganondorf, panicking.

"THAT'S BECAUSE ur trying to repeatedly ram into the concrete structure holding up the building" said Jigglypuff, "and not the cars"

"SILLY WOMAN… u don't know what you're talking about!!!" laughed Ganondorf.

"SHUT UP U RACIST" said Jigglypuff angrily, "IM gunna blok u 4evar if you keep this up! FROM MY E-MAIL TOO"

"I'M SORRY HONEY" said Ganondorf, ramming into the concrete structure, causing it to start to tear apart.

Jigglypuff: THAT's OKAY honey

Ganondorf: CAN WE BE bf/gf again yes?

"I LOVE YOU GANNIE" said Jigglypuff.

"I LOVE YOU JEEGS" said Ganondorf.

Ganondorf ran over Jigglypuff. "I LOVE YOU HONEY"

"THANK YOU but can YOU PLEASE GET THE 80 TONNES machine OF ME?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"I THINK It's OFF me not OF ME duh" said Ganondorf angrily.

"HELP" said Jigglypuff, dying.

"FIX UR GRAMMAR FIRST" said Ganondoarf angrily.

_Inner Course_

_Falcon  
3__rd__ Lap_

"Dudes, we're almost done!" said Falcon excitedly, veering around the last corner.

_Toon Link  
2__nd__ Lap_

"Everywhere I see it's like there's a constant reminder of him," said Toon Link angrily.

"Because I'm RIGHT HERE boy!" shouted King Dedede very loudly into Toon Link's ear.

"AAAAAHHHH!" screamed Toon Link, jumping into the roof of the car.

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

Toon Link, whose neck was stuck in the roof of the car, grunted.

_Mr. Resetti  
1__st__ Lap_

"Hurry… up!" sobbed Wario to Mr. Resetti, who hadn't completed the first corner yet.

"Y… MCA!" sung Mr. Resetti.

"You're going to spend eight years of rehabilitation there if you don't hurry up!" said Wario angrily. "In the pool and there's all of these unhealthy antioxidants and neurotoxins in there, and it will cause your skin to stop being moisturised!"

_Motorcycle Jump_

_Roy and Zelda  
On Fast Forward_

"Rooy, I don't know if I can do this!" said Zelda anxiously, putting on her bike helmet.

"Zel, I think this might be our only chance of getting through this leg!" said Roy, putting on his motorcycle suit.

_Wrecking Course_

_Wolf_

"Let's test this baby! Yeeha!" screamed Wolf over the roaring engine, "This is freaking awesome!"

_Kirby_

Kirby spotted a car in front of Wolf's monster truck.

"Dibs!" screamed Kirby.

Wolf ran over the car.

"Nobody breaks the rules of dibs when I'm around…" said Kirby angrily.

_Wolf  
1 Car Crushed_

"This course is the real deal, baby!" said Wolf to the camera, "The little course we just did is the baby stuff, but this course has twice the jumps and twice the danger!"

_Inner Course_

_Ganondorf_

"EXCUSE ME KIND LINK could YOU HELP ME UP I am the elderly" said Ganondorf.

Toon Link drove past.

"MR. MOLE CAN YOU HELP ME" said Ganondorf.

Mr. Resetti's monster truck drove along in neutral towards Ganondorf's truck. His car went over a hump and tipped on the side.

"I GUESS NOT BECAUSE ur tipped on the side" said Ganondorf, laughing.

"You're tipped on the side too, boi!" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

"…SHUT UP YOU" said Ganondorf angrily, "GRRRrrr"

_Wrecking Course_

_Kirby_

Another car entered the course.

"Dibs!" screamed Kirby.

Wolf accelerated and crushed the car.

_Wolf  
2 Cars Crushed_

"THIS… MEANS… WAR!!!!" screamed Kirby in his deep manly voice.

Kirby accelerated and started ramming Wolf's monster truck from the side.

"Oh, teehee Kirby! That's really cute!" laughed Wolf, "What are you, evil?"

"DIE DIE DIE" screamed Kirby, taking a crowbar and swinging it at Wolf's head.

Wolf reached down to grab his coffee, his head being missed by just inches. "Oh kiddo, you got yourself some imagination," laughed Wolf.

"This DOES NOT end here!" screamed Kirby dramatically.

Wolf turned on easy listening music in his super turbo-pumped destructo monster truck.

_Falcon  
1 Car Crushed_

Falcon accelerated his pulverising monster truck and crushed the car flat.

"Yes! This is awesome! I'm awesome!" said Falcon. "Only a skilled driver like me can do this! Yes! Awesome!"

Falcon did some breakdancing moves atop the moving truck.

_Motorcycle Jump_

_Roy and Zelda  
Attempting Fast Forward_

"Rooy! I'm scared!" said Zelda, sitting on her motorbike.

"Do you want to do some test jumps?" said Roy, "There's a smaller jump that's ten metres on the left, you can try that and get comfortable."

_Wrecking Course_

_Kirby  
0 Cars Crushed_

"I can't lose to this guy!" said Kirby angrily, "How do I get an edge on him?"

_Wolf  
2 Cars Crushed_

"Abra… abracadabra…" sung Wolf to the cassette player in his truck.

_Kirby  
0 Cars Crushed_

"A-ha!" said Kirby evilly.

Another car pulled out, about a quarter of a lap in front of them.

Kirby revved his engine and sped up next to Wolf. "I wanna reach out and grab ya…" sung Wolf to himself.

Kirby reached over, took Wolf's Steve Miller Band mix tape and threw it in front of Wolf's truck.

"AIIIEEE!" screamed Wolf like a girl, braking and sliding to avoid the tape.

Kirby accelerated towards the car.

"You'll pay, Kirby!" screamed Wolf angrily.

"I love you mixtapeywapey!" said Wolf cutely to the tape.

_Wolf  
2 Cars Crushed_

Wolf jumped out of the car, grabbed the cassette, took a grenade out of his pocket and hurled it at Kirby's truck.

Wolf jumped back into his truck.

"You're such a cute tape yes you are!" said Wolf in a condescending 'talking to a puppy' voice, nuzzling the tape.

_Kirby  
0 Cars Crushed_

Kirby accelerated to the car, just metres in front of him.

A grenade landed in the seat next to Kirby.

"AAAAHHH!" screamed Kirby, pressing the brake, causing the truck to spin in circles. Kirby picked up the grenade and threw it into the centre of the arena.

"You'll pay, Star Wolf!" screamed Kirby angrily.

Wolf zoomed past and crushed the car.

"Doggone it!" said Kirby angrily.

_Wolf  
Finished Road Block_

"Yeehaa!" screamed Wolf in his cowboy accent.

Wolf jumped out of the truck and took a clue.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Yes!" said Wolf, doing a headspin and doing a breakdancing pose.

Samus opened the clue. "Make your way to the Corneria Complex and find Cheeseburger Land!"

"Teams must now travel twenty-two kilometres to Corneria Complex, the planet's largest shopping complex!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive here, they must find this cheeseburger vendor to receive their next clue!"

"Let's go," said Smaus.

_Wrecking Course_

_Kirby  
0 Cars Crushed_

"Concentrate… super villain… powers…" said Kirby, meditating.

_Ganondorf  
0 Cars Crushed_

"SO I HAVE TO CRUSH THREE cars for MY CLUE?!??!?!" said Ganondorf to the supervisor.

"Yep," he replied.

"LA LA LA" said Ganondorf, accelerating off the course.

He rammed through the stands, crushing the entire structure, broke through a weakness in the wall and headed outside into traffic.

"LA LA LA" screamed Ganondorf, ramming the truck through peak-hour traffic, crushing dozens of cars, injuring many.

"We're going to get sued," said the supervisor, covering his eyes.

"You can stop now!" said the supervisor angrily.

"LA LA LA" screamed Ganondorf, running over nearby buildings and war memorials.

The police came and started shooting at Ganondorf.

"I HAVE THE CHEAT MODE ON SO I HAVE INVINCIBILITY" scoffed Ganondorf at the police's weapons.

Ganondorf got shot. "OW I MUST HAVE ENTERED THE code wrong"

_Ganondorf  
19 Cars Crushed_

"I GOT OUT on BAIL" said Ganondorf, running back to Jigglypuff, "somehow NOBODY DIED But I AM TECHNICALLY allowed to leave the country but I WILL anyway as my PSEUDONYM David TENnant JAJAJA"

Ganondorf took the clue.

"MaKE yOUr way to the CORNERIA complex and Find the cheeseburger land!" read Ganondorf.

_Kirby  
0 Cars Crushed_

About five or six cars made their way out on the course.

"Oh, so NOW they come!" said Kirby angrily.

Kirby crushed them all.

"Super villains are apathetic when it comes to enjoying obviously cool things," said Kirby to the camera seriously.

"Teehee! That was so fun! And awesome! Yes! Oh my gosh that was the best! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" cheered Kirby.

"Super villain… …out…" said Kirby dramatically in a deep, villainous voice.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Make your way to the Corneria Complex and find Cheeseburger Land!" read Kirby.

"How was that?" said Pikachu excitedly.

"Super villains do not disclose their feelings…" said Kirby dramatically.

"Oh come on! I'm sick of being a super villain anyway!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Only… an _**impostor**_ would dare say such a thing!" said Kirby angrily. "Are you the real Pikachu?"

"I don't wanna be a super villain anymore!" said Pikachu angrily.

"I don't think he is," narrated Kirby to the camera, "There's only one way to deal with this…"

_In the interrogation room_

Kirby poured a cup of water over Pikachu, who was tied up.

"Where's the real Pikachu?!" screamed Kirby angrily, slapping Pikachu on the face.

"Ow! Kirby! This is just taking it too far!" said Pikachu angrily.

"But would the _**real**_ Pikachu say that?!" said Kirby suspiciously.

"Yes!" said Pikachu angrily, "It's me! Pikachu!"

Pikachu stared at Kirby angrily.

Kirby grinned sheepishly. "…buddy?" chuckled Kirby nervously.

Pikachu stared at Kirby angrily.

_Motorcycle Jump_

_Roy and Zelda  
Attempting Fast Forward_

"People are just starting to leave," said Roy, "So I'm just hoping that there's heaps of tasks because, well, we might get this done slowly."

A shrieking sound played.

"Rooy!" screamed Zelda, falling onto the safety net of the smaller jump.

"You're doing good, honey!" said Roy.

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda, tangled in the net.

"You're doing semi-good..." muttered Roy.

"I HAATE YOU!" screamed Zelda angrily.

The motorbike started to eat up Zelda's leg.

"ROOOY!" screamed Zelda.

_Crushing Course_

_Toon Link  
0 Cars Crushed_

"Come on, boy!" cheered King Dedede, "Today, kid! Today!"

"I've like, never driven a car before! I think this is a great achievement!" said Toon Link angrily, "And I don't even want to talk to you! You've ruined my entire life!"

"Only the social one!" laughed King Dedede.

"Also… I kinda… sold your meds for some bird seed because I was really hungry…" said King Dedede.

"On the brighter side, guess I did ruin your entire life!" laughed King Dedede.

Toon Link had a seizure.

"Because if you're dead yer life is kinda ruined," explained King Dedede.

"OH GOD TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL" screamed Toon Link.

King Dedede looked up. "…I'm… …waiting!"

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"A job well done!" said Falcon, wiping his hands on a towel. "I think the spectators were very happy with my performance."  
A couple of bystanders were put on stretchers into the ambulance.

"Uh… dude… I don't think that was really cool what you just did…" said Fox, shocked.

"I can make it… hotter…" said Falcon sexily.

"No!" said Fox angrily. "You totally like, hurt some people!"

"...rawr..." said Falcon sexily.

"Shut up!" said Fox angrily.

"...rawr rawr..." said Falcon sexily.

...

"Are we done?" said Fox angrily.

"I don't know… are you done?" said Falcon sexily.

The police took Falcon away.

"Hi there… muscle men…" said Falcon sexily.

_Mr. Resetti  
0 Cars Crushed_

"We're going to get eliminated…" said Wario angrily, "You can't trusty this guy with anything! He can't operate a toaster by himself, let alone a gigantic truck!"

"I've operated a lotta trucks in mah life boy!" rambled Mr. Resetti, stuck in a ditch, "Look at me go boi! Look at me go! Whoopee! Hehe!"

"You're completely still," said Wario angrily.

"I'm gonna go back to mah home town and replace that clock that I broke as a kid which is the reason my pa doesn't talk to me!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

Mr. Resetti sobbed.

_Corneria City Highway_

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

"I swear… those kids are like… the spawn of Satan or something…" said Wolf, shivering. "I mean… first they try and ram us off a cliff in Dream Land, and then Kirby tried to destroy my Steve Miller Band cassette! They are so evil!"

"I'd consider the latter normal behaviour," said Samus.

…

"You have made a very grave enemy today," said Wolf angrily, holding his cassette tape protectively.

Wolf cradled the cassette tape in his hands, nuzzling it against his face, "Don't worry baby… everything will turn out alright…"

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"I think we should stop being super villains now," said Kirby, holding up a cake, "So I baked this 'I baked a cake… let's become friends again' cake to give to Wolf and Samus!"

"How could you possibly fit the equipment to bake a cake inside a small taxi?" said Pikachu angrily. "It's logistically impossible… I mean, first you'd need a couple of power sockets to-"

Kirby stared at Pikachu angrily.

"So you mean just because we're fictional depictions of video game characters; we're allowed to defy the laws of logic, continuity and gravity?" said Pikachu angrily.

"That's ridiculous!" said Pikachu angrily, wearing a moustache, floating in zero gravity in his Utahan accent.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Went to dance… looking for romance… saw Barbara Ann and I thought I'd take a chance… Bar-" sang Wolf.

"You two-timing scum!" screamed Samus, raising the crowbar.

"It's a song!" sobbed Wolf, "It's a song!"

_Kirby and Pikachu_

Kirby and Pikachu's taxi pulled up next to Wolf and Samus's.

"_There's their_ taxi where _they're _inspecting _their heirs _over _there_!" said Kirby excitedly.

"Wolf and Samus! We have a present for you!" cheered Pikachu, holding up a cake. "We're not evil anymore! Let's be friends forever!"

_Wolf and Samus_

"We're… (inaudible) evil… (inaudible) forever!" shouted Pikachu from the taxi across from them in the noisy tunnel.

"They're evil forever?!" screamed Samus.

"Those freaking kids are out of control! Someone has to put a stop to them!" said Wolf angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Roll down your windows!" shouted Kirby excitedly.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Roll… (inaudible) windows!" shouted Kirby excitedly.

"AAAAAHHHHH!" screamed Wolf and Samus, horrified.

"What does that even mean?" said Wolf.

"I dunno," said Samus.

"AAAAAHHHHH!" screamed Wolf and Samus, horrified.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Guess they didn't hear," said Kirby, rolling down his own window, holding the cake out, "We need for the cake to get inside!"

"Use this brick!" said Pikachu excitedly, finding a brick from inside his mouth.

_Wolf and Samus_

Pikachu threw a brick, smashing their window.

"Oh my God, they're going to kill us!" screamed Wolf, shrieking like a girl.

"We have a message for you!" said Kirby excitedly, holding up the 'I baked a cake… let's become friends again'.

Kirby threw the cake into Wolf and Samus's taxi. Due to a gust of wind, all of the letters except 'bomb' fell off into the air.

The cake in between Wolf and Samus.

"Do you like our message?" said Kirby excitedly.

Wolf and Samus read.

"BOMB?!" screamed Wolf and Samus.

"AAAAHHHBEIYFEWBUI!" screamed Wolf and Samus, breaking the cake apart to find the bomb.

Wolf took out a candle. "OH GOD THIS IS THE BOMB" screamed Wolf.

"SOMEONE SET US UP THE BOMB" screamed Samus.

"STOP REFERENCING OLD CRAP" screamed Wolf.

Wolf threw the candle back into Pikachu's taxi.

"Die! Die! DIE!" screamed Wolf.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Die! Die! DIE!" screamed Wolf.

A candle landed next to Kirby.

"Oo… kay…" said Kirby.

"Those guys are just really paranoid…" said Pikachu.

_Wolf and Samus_

"OH MY GOD THEY ARE SO EVVVILLL" screamed Wolf.

"I LOVE YOU JEEGLYPUFF" said Ganondorf.

"OOPS RONG TAXI BUT you GUYS have The SAME accent" said Ganondorf.

"OLOL" said Ganondorf.

"Okay, you can get out now," said Wolf angrily.

"HI SAMUS" said Ganondorf, lifting the bottom his pants to reveal his fat penguin thighs, "I'VE BEEN WORKING OUT AT THE GYM"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"HEY TAXI DRIVER I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW wear you r GOING" said Ganondorf.

"YES THAT IS Probably because YOU COVERING HIS EYES so he cannot see OLOL" said Jigglypuff.

"OOPS" said Ganondorf, letting go.

"AND YOU ALSO REMOVED HIS EYES From HIS EYES sockets because you proposed THAT YOU COULD SEE WITH FOUR EYES" said Jigglypuff.

"OOPS" said Ganondorf, putting the eyes back in.

"AND YOU also REMOVED HIS BRAIN SO HE CAN't process the images RECEIVED From the RETINAS" said Jigglypuff.

The taxi driver died.

_Fox and Falcon_

"Dude, this city is really unclean and dirty," said Fox, "And our taxi driver smells…"

"That's because he **projectile vomited **onto me after your little binge fest," said the taxi driver angrily.

"I'm calling the health department, that's just unsanitary!" said Falcon angrily.

_Monster Truck Stadium  
Wrecking Course_

_Toon Link  
1 Car Crushed_

Toon Link rolled over his first car.

"Good job, kid!" cheered King Dedede overenthusiastically, "You're doing well!"

"Shut up! I've been at this for fifteen minutes!" said Toon Link angrily.

"I'm so proud of you son," cheered King Dedede, "Even though you're a failure at life you're almost not a mistake!"

"Shut up! I hate you so much!" said Toon Link angrily. "You're not even my dad!"

King Dedede raised his eyebrows.

"Oh God this is the worst day of my life," said Toon Link.

_Driving Course_

_Mr. Resetti  
Finished Course_

"Oh my God, he's finally done! Yes! Yes!" cheered Wario, kissing the ground.

"I wouldn't kiss around there boi," said Mr. Resetti, "Mr. Resetti was doing his… y'know, business there…"

Syndicated children's programming laugh track.

_Fast Forward_

_Roy and Zelda  
1__st__ Attempt_

"Okay, we've done the practice jump a few times, and now we're going to try the main jump now," said Roy, putting on his safety helmet.

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda.

"Yes?" said Roy.

"This helmet is like, messing up my hair!" said Zelda angrily.

"…it's a helmet, Zel!" said Roy.

"Oh! Shut up! You're such a goodie goodie! Who needs helmets anyway?" said Zelda angrily.

_Five seconds later…_

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda, being carried off on a stretcher.

_Corneria Complex_

_Wolf and Samus_

"We're like, ten seconds in front of Kirby and Pikachu," said Wolf, peering behind the back of the taxi, "I hope we beat them to the lights because it's the next turn."

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Come on, speed up!" cheered Kirby to the taxi driver.

Wolf and Samus's car zoomed through the amber light. Kirby and Pikachu's taxi came to a halt.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Come on, we have to get there before the kids find us!" said Samus, jumping out of the taxi.

"We know where the shop is," said Wolf to the camera, "Samus eats a lot of cheeseburgers."

Samus pulled the safety on her gun.

"I was joking!" said Wolf angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Drat," said Kirby angrily.

The light changed.

"Yay for four second lights!" cheered Pikachu.

_Wolf and Samus_

Kirby and Pikachu's taxi pulled up next to the entrance.

"How- How did they get here so quick?!" screamed Wolf.

"Just beat the kids!" said Samus angrily.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf's taxi crashed through the front entrance, breaking the glass. It shattered, missing Wolf's face by just inched.

"EVERYONE HERE IS A FREAKING MORON" screamed Wolf.

"Run! Run!" screamed Samus.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"WAIT SAMUS I hAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU" said Ganondorf, holding up a lead pipe.

"ME TOO" said Jigglypuff, holding up a spear, "ALTHOUGH on SECOND THOUGHTS I Think I gOT THE ORDER WRONG, you see I WAS ORDERING A three-dimensional SPHERICAL object to GIB to you not a SPEAR OLOL"

"LA LA LA" sang Ganondorf, swinging the pipe, missing Wolf's neck by centimetres.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Drat! We can't lose them!" said Samus angrily.

Kirby and Pikachu sped past in the car that you won through the raffle table.

"Hiii!" cheered Kirby and Pikachu.

"We should have used the raffle car!" said Samus angrily.

_Cheeseburger Land_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Yess!" said Kirby and Pikachu excitedly, stepping out from the wreckage towards the clue box.

An angry security guard stood there.

"Uh…" said Kirby.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Come on! Come on!" said Wolf, running along.

"Yes! Foiled by security!" cheered Samus, watching Kirby and Pikachu being dragged off to an interview room.

"I'll foil you in more ways than one…" said Jigglypuff sexily.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Detour!" said Samus, "Sell A Lot or Buy A Little?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, floating past shoppers dramatically, "A Detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour, teams have to choose between two different tasks that employees at this gigantic shopping mall have to complete: Sell A Lot, or Buy A Little!"

"In Sell A Lot, teams must go to one of these table vendors and sell fifty dollars worth of their shoddy novelty merchandise! Practically no-one requires these items, such as fake stickers, stamps with the world 'fail' on them and glue that dries instantly!"  
"If teams can master the art of convincing drunk or mentally disabled shoppers to buy unnecessary items, they'll be... uh... selling? ...their way to the finish line? Who writes this crap?"  
"In Buy A Little, teams will have to go to this pet store, buy a poodle and then train them how to use the check out equipment at a supermarket! Once their poodle has served five customers and has been paid half the minimum wage, teams will be able to get their next clue! This seems easy, but teams may find themselves teaching a poodle who... doesn't know how to speak English!"

"What kind of idiot would try and teach a poodle how to become a cashier?" laughed Samus.

"YES OUR POODLE TASK" cheered Jigglypuff from four inches away.

"WE TRAINED FOR SIX MONTHS TRAINING THE POODLES in case there was a PooDLE TRAINING task on THE RACE yESS the TRAINING payed off!!!!!!!" cheered Ganondorf.

"YAY YA YAY" cheered Jigglypuff and Ganondorf.

They ran off.

"Okay, seriously, do the poodles! DO the poodles!" screamed Samus.

"But-" said Wolf.

"DO THE POODLES!" screamed Samus, her mouth enlarging eight times in an anime style.

_Security_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"This sucks!" said Kirby angrily, cuffed up.

"Now kiddies, you just caused a five dollar and sixty cent damage bill," said the head of security angrily. "What do you have to say for yourselves?"

…

"IT WAS HIM! I SWEAR!" screamed Kirby, crying, "This maniac! He-"

"Kirby! I'm on your team!" said Pikachu angrily, "I can't believe you'd even say such a thing!"

"You're going to have to do something very tricky to get out of this one," said the security guard angrily, "Something very tricky."

The security guard dangled the key to the cuffs in front of Kirby's face, "Something veeeeerrry tricky because it's going to be very hard to get out of this one," said the security guard, oblivious to his key waving.

"Something veeeeeerrrryyy tricky," said the security guard.

"Kirby," said Pikachu excitedly, "I think we have to-"

"I've got it covered," said Kirby confidently, smiling smugly.

"Oh please let us go!" sobbed Kirby, thumping his fists on the desk, "I'm so sorry! I don't want to go to jail! I'll pay the money! I swear! I'm so sorry!"

"Oh, there, there," said the security guard, leaning in.

"DIIEEEE!" screamed Kirby, choking the guard with his cuffs, "Grab the keys, Pikachu!"

"The keys have been in front of your face for the last five minutes," said Pikachu angrily.

Kirby looked up. He grabbed the keys, let the guard go, grinned sheepishly, undid their cuffs and ran out.

"Why, I'll get you!" said the guard angrily, vaudevillian music playing in the background.

Kirby ran in, cuffed the guard to the table and ran out.

"Or maybe not," sobbed the guard.

_Monster Truck Stadium_

_Toon Link  
1 Car Crushed_

"I am doing so badly…" said Toon Link angrily, bashing the horn of the monster truck. "I can't navigate or steer this stupid truck! I keep getting stuck! I haven't even been able to start this car for like fifteen minutes!"

Toon Link looked behind him, watching King Dedede and Wario play catch with a monster truck engine.

"Hey! Give it back!" said Toon Link angrily.

They kept on throwing it to each other.

Toon Link got out of the car. "That's just unfair! Now give it back! GIVE IT BACK!"

They kept on throwing it to each other.

Toon Link was too short.

Toon Link cried.

"Wimp," said King Dedede.

_Mr. Resetti  
0 Cars Crushed_

"Hey look ma, a car to crush!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

Mr. Resetti epically accelerated to 20 miles per hour.

Mr. Resetti ran over Wario.

"Oops, guess that was mah teammate mah boy! Oopsie daysie!" chuckled Mr. Resetti.

The police carried Mr. Resetti off.

"Where you takin' me, boi?" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

"Jail," said the police officer.

They drove off.

"A little help here?" moaned Wario.

_Motorcycle Jump_

_Roy  
7__th__ Attempt_

Roy spectacularly leapt over the jump on his bike, just clearing the twenty metre jump. His back wheel clipped the back of the landing ramp, but the speed of the bike pulled him up, putting him on the other side.

_Roy  
Cleared Jump_

"Yes!" cheered Roy.

"Woo! Go Roy!" cheered Zelda.

_Zelda  
8__th__ Attempt_

"I'm not sure if I can do this," said Zelda, pressing down the accelerator.

She valiantly leaped off the top ramp, gliding through the air six metres before landing nose-first into the safety net.

"ROOOY!" screamed Zelda, clipping her thigh against the bike.

A shrieking sound played.

"Zelda!" screamed Roy, running for Zelda. "Are you okay?"

"Rooy! I'm bruised! I'm hurt! I don't know if I can do this!" sobbed Zelda.

"We're done for!" said Roy.

Dramatic pre ad-break music played.

_Advertisement_

"HI I'M GANONDORF AND THIS STORE IS GIVING AWAY FREE STUFF" said Ganondorf, wheeling a trolley full of stolen motor oil and children's toys.

_The Smashy Amazing Race_

_Zelda  
Failed 8__th__ Attempt_

"Rooy! I'm bruised! I'm hurt! I don't know if I can do this!" sobbed Zelda.

"We're done for!" said Roy.

"…do you want to go for the Road Block? We can still do it, there's two teams left!" said Roy.

"Okay! Come on!" screamed Zelda, "We have to do this so quick! So quick!"

_Corneria Complex_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Detour!" said Pikachu, reading the clue. "Sell A Lot or Buy A Little?"

"Let's do the cute little poodles!" said Kirby cutely.

_Mel's Pet Store_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
On Buy A Little_

"wE HAVE TO FIND An INTELLIGENT poodle WHO CAN GET THE JOB DONE quickly" said Jigglypuff methodically.

"Pick me," said a poodle in a dramatic, deep Mexican accent, "I know the ways of the cashier… and if you buy me today, I will do the task as quickly as possible in exchange for… my freedom-"

"OH THIS LOOKs LiKE A SMARt ONE" said Ganondorf excitedly.

"HELLO I AM nintendog and I AM CUTE" said an poodle, "PICK me"

"YeS HE SPEAKS our native genius language hurrah" said Jigglypuff, "WE'LL BUY IT"

Jigglypuff put a plastic bag over its head.

"Y IS IT CHOKING" said Ganondorf.

Jigglypuff: LOL (takes bag off and puts it INTO a TROLLEY)

"Why does _**everyone**_ choose the frickin' idiot?" said the poodle angrily.

_Wolf and Samus  
On Buy A Little_

"There!" said Wolf excitedly, sprinting into the pet store.

"Quickly! Find a smart looking one!" said Samus.

"Pick me," said a poodle in a dramatic, deep Mexican accent, "I know the ways of the cashier… and if you buy me today, I will do the task as quickly as possible in exchange for… my freedom-"

"Yes! This kiddo looks smart," said Samus, "I-"

"HELLO I AM nintendog and I AM CUTE" said another poodle, "PICK me"

"Oh… he's so cute!" said Wolf admiringly.

"Is that Ganondorf and a poodle's illegitimate lovechild or something?" said Samus, slightly disturbed.

"But he's so cute!" said Wolf, nuzzling the poodle.

Samus looked at Wolf angrily. "Wolf! I'm very angry! Look at me! I'm very angry!"

Wolf nuzzled the poodle.

"STOP NUZZLING OR THE POODLE GETS IT" screamed Samus, taking her gun out.

"Okay! We'll take the intelligent one! Chillax!" screamed Wolf.

_Corneria Complex_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Detour!" said Fox. "Sell A Lot or Buy A Little?"

"Oh, we're so going to sell stuff… we'll just put on our… sexy frat charm…" said Falcon, stroking Fox.

"…uh… does that involve stroking me?" said Fox cutely, "Is this related to the race in any way?"

"Yes…" lied Falcon, stripping.

Mall security came.

_Mel's Pet Store_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
On Buy A Little_

Kirby and Pikachu ran in.

"We need to find a poodle!" said Kirby excitedly, reading the clue again.

"Wow! This is so exciting!" cheered Kirby, "I've always wanted a different pet than my rat!"

Pikachu stared at Kirby angrily.

"…I actually…. own a rat…" said Kirby.

"…oh," said Pikachu.

"Let's take this one!" said Kirby excitedly. "It's so cute!"

"That's a raccoon, and I highly doubt they're selling them," said Pikachu.

…

"…oh," said Kirby.

They took a poodle.

_BudgetMart_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
On Buy A Little_

"OKAY mr. POODLE this IS THE CaSH REGISTER" said Ganondorf, "IT IS VERY ImPORTANT to GIvE hiM THE iNcorrect CHANGe and POCKET the ReST and then iF they cOMPLAIN send ur mexicaN gang FRIENDS after them okay?"

"tHIS IS A CUSTOMEr" explained Jigglypuff, "HE IS the ONE thaT UR gOING TO Steel FROM"

The customer stared at Jigglypuff and Ganondorf angrily, then proceeded to go and talk to the manager.

"MEXICAN gang friends, ASSEMBLE!" announced Jigglypuff.

Nothing happened.

…

_Corneria Complex Market_

_Fox and Falcon  
On Sell A Lot_

"Sir, would you be interested in some of these novelty items?" said Fox, putting on his salesman charm. "You'll be the life of the party!"

"Not particularly," said the man.

"You'll be the life of my party," said Falcon sexily.

…

"I'LL BUY THEM ALL" screamed the man, his head enlarging in an excited anime-like style.

_Monster Truck Stadium_

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place_

"Road Block! Who wants to DEMOLISH SOME CARS?!" read Roy.

"I'll do it," said Roy.

"ROOY! This is so important!" said Zelda.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Son, even though you think you can't do it," said King Dedede, inspirational music playing in the background, "Believe in yourself. Believe in your heart and believe in your soul."

"I've been done for the last five minutes and you've just been playing pinball wasting VALUABLE RACE TIME!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"You're doing great!" said King Dedede, enabling 'lazer double ball' mode. "Awesome job, Toon Link!"

"I'M DONE!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"It's only a gaaame," said King Dedede dismissively, "You see, you put so much care into this game… I'd say it's at the point where you're not even aware of your surroundings!"

Toon Link angrily unplugged the pinball machine.

"I'll KILL YOU, you little prick!" screamed King Dedede, infuriated. King Dedede bludgeoned Toon Link to death.

The audience gasped.

…in a fun, family-friendly kind of way.

Applause.

_Mr. Resetti  
-1 Cars Crushed_

"I'vee been workin' on tha raiiilroooad…" sung Mr. Resetti heartily. "All… the diddle long ddaaaay…"

"SHUT UP AND START FREAKING DRIVING!" screamed Wario angrily, "I cannot actually stress to you how awful you're doing at this task! You're going to die from… senileness before you're done here! Not only that but you're the first person who has worked out how to actually be in a **deficit** in this freaking simple, stupid task! You somehow managed to steal a car off the street and donate it which means in fact you've given them one car so you have to destroy four to create a deficit of four in their car stock!"

"I'vee been workin' on tha raiiilroooad…" sung Mr. Resetti heartily. "All… the diddle long ddaaaay…"

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" screamed Wario, beating Mr. Resetti over the head with a shovel.

_Roy  
1__st__ Lap_

"I love you Rooy!" cheered Zelda excitedly. "Let's do this really quickly!"

"I'll try my best, Zel!" said Roy, hopping into the monster truck.

"Let's kick Wario and Mr. Resetti!" cheered Zelda.

_Corneria Complex Market_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Dude, that was like the quickest task-doing ever!" cheered Fox.

Falcon opened the clue, "Find the place 'where the fun never stops' and earn fifty tickets for your next clue!"

"Teams must now navigate the confusing eight-storey four square-mile shopping centre and find this entertainment centre!" said Master Hand, "Once they arrive here, they must follow the marked 'Amazing Race' flags to the cashier, where they will get an unlimited games swipe card! They must then use this swipe card to play arcade machines and win fifty tickets!"  
"Teams must then trade in their fifty tickets for a clue at the prize counter, but they must make sure that they don't get tempted by the seductive other prizes for fifty tickets such as… a lollipop or… a chocolate bar!"

"Let's use our frat navigation powers to find this arcade store!" announced Fox.

"Frat power! Boo-ya!" cheered Falcon excitedly.

…

"Where are we?" sobbed Falcon.

"We are so lost!" sobbed Fox.

_BudgetMart_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Customers Served: 0_

"OkAY POODLE NOW sTART STEELing from… I mean uh SERVING the CUSTOMER loills" laughed Ganondorf.

"nINTENDOG is SERVING THA customers" said the poodle.

A lady wheeled in a trolley.

"THAT WILL be NINE HUNDRED doaLLARS" said the poodle.

"I have four packets of crisps and a carton of milk, that's like, fifteen dollars okay?" said the woman angrily.

"YOOINK" said Ganondorf, taking five dollars out of the woman's wallet.

…

The woman walked out.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Customers Served: 1_

"WE short changed her HURRAH" said Ganondorf.

"HURRAH" said Jigglypuff.

_Wolf and Samus  
Customers Served: 0_

"So we have a really intelligent poodle and we've given him a rundown so he's ready to go," said Wolf, smiling.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Customers Served: 0_

"Go kill 'em, boy!" said Kirby, patting his poodle on the back.

"You're doing a good job, boy!" cheered Pikachu.

The poodle stood still.

"Great job, Mr. Poodle! Come on! Let's serve the customer!" cheered Kirby.

The poodle stood still.

_Downtown Corneria_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Wow! This shopping centre is the largest in the entire planet!" said King Dedede, impressed.

"Wow!" said Toon Link.

"I mean, it would be so easy for me to accidentally **get lost** and ruin your race chances, wouldn't it?" said King Dedede, grinning evilly.

"Come on! You wouldn't do that! You're my friend, okay?" said Toon Link desperately, "This race is really fun and we're going to have a fun time, okay?"

Toon Link hyperventilated.

"Better out than in, I say!" laughed King Dedede.

"What? Why are you saying that? I'm not vomiting!" said Toon Link angrily.

King Dedede patted Toon Link on the back violently.

"Stop making me vomit!" said Toon Link angrily. "How would you like it if I-"

Toon Link whacked King Dedede on the back, "…hit you on the back? How would-"

"BLLLEEEUUUUUUU…" screamed King Dedede, vomiting kilos upon kilos of half-eaten sandwiches, comic books from his childhood, Waddle Dees, Toon Link's friends and an alarmingly high amount of metal objects onto Toon Link.

"That's everything I've eaten in the last year!" announced King Dedede, the entire taxi full of regurgitated objects, obscuring the driver's vision.

…

They crashed.

Toon Link grunted.

_Monster Truck Stadium_

_Mr. Resetti  
1 Car Crushed_

Mr. Resetti crushed his first car.

"Hoorah! You finally freaking did it!" said Wario angrily, "Now do two more!"

"Mr. Resetti needs to take his nap time now!" said Mr. Resetti, yawning, stretching his arms. "I think I've been doin' a real great job so I'll just… do mah hibernating thing now…"

Mr. Resetti fell asleep on the horn.

"Wake up, you idiot!" said Wario angrily.

Nothing happened.

"…wake up… please?" said Wario, grinning sheepishly.

…

…

_Roy  
Finished Course_

"Rooy! You're doing really good!" said Zelda, congratulating Roy.

"Thanks Zel! I couldn't have done it without your support!" said Roy happily, sitting in his monster truck.

"NOW LET'S BEAT THESE BASTARDS!" screamed Zelda, loading her machine gun.

"Zel! Zel! Put the gun down!" screamed Roy.

"BAAAAAAHHHHHH" screamed Zelda, shooting the gun wildly across the stadium.

_Corneria Complex_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Oh noo!" sobbed Fox, leaning on the information desk, "We're so lost and we have no idea where we're supposed to go!"

"And we need someone to guide us in the proper direction so we can go to the appropriate destination!" sobbed Falcon, wiping his tears with a brochure from the information desk behind them.

"But there's no hoh hoh no-one to help us!" cried Fox, stroking the hair of the information desk lady.

The information desk lady cleared our throat.

"If only a kind person, perhaps someone who was employed by the shopping centre could help us navigate the play hay hayce!" cried Falcon.

"I'll help you!" said a midget man in a green suit.

"Hey! It's Tingle! He knows the way!" cheered Falcon.

"I'm employed by the shopping centre! You obviously need to consult me!" said the information desk lady angrily.

"But I shall charge a fee of only four hundred dollars!" said Tingle excitedly.

"Hmm… that's pretty cheap!" said Fox happily.

"I'm FREE!" said the lady angrily.

"Oh, but women aren't allowed to talk!" said Falcon in a British accent.

"Ho, ho, ho!" chortled Falcon, Fox and Tingle, wearing their business attire, eye-pieces and top hats.

_Budgetmart_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Customers Served: 2_

"Come on, doggy!" said Kirby, moving the dog's motionless body for him, completing the transactions himself.

Pikachu stood to the side of Kirby, grinning cutely so the official would not notice.

_Wolf and Samus  
Customers Served: 4_

"Okay, our smart poodle is just outdoing Jigglypuff and Ganondorf's dumb poodle," said Wolf.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Customers Served: 3_

"OMG HURRY UP NINTENDOG" said Ganondorf, bashing the poodle repeatedly.

"LOL GANNIE he's not going to hURRY up if you hit him" said Jigglypuff.

"LOL I Am GLADS to know THAt he is not actUALLy hitting me but someone else's dog lulz" said the poodle.

Security took the other dog away from Ganondorf and put cuffs on him, dragging him off.

"I HOPE shE MADE LOTSA spAGHETTI" said Ganondorf.

_Wolf and Samus  
Customers Served: 4_

"Come on, doggy!" cheered Wolf, the intelligent Mexican poodle stacking cans into a plastic bag.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Customers Served: 3_

"HURRY uP DOGGY hELP WOLF aND SAMUS let'S SHOW THEM" cackled Jigglypuff evilly, their dog helping process the receipt for Wolf and Samus.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Okay! We're good!" cheered Wolf.

"Awesome," said Samus, taking the clue and handing it to Wolf.

"Find the place 'where the fun never stops' and earn fifty tickets for your next clue!" read Wolf.

"Find an info desk," said Samus.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Customers Served: 3_

"I'm doing good!" cheered Kirby, moving the dog's arms and legs for him. "Wait… no… you're doing good!"

"But I want to do good!" sobbed Kirby.

_Monster Truck Stadium_

_Roy  
1 Car Crushed_

"Come on, Roy! We have to beat these fat idiots!" screamed Zelda.

"I'm two metres away from you lady," said Wario angrily.

"Come on, Roy! Wario says he's really fat!" screamed Zelda angrily.

Wario punched Zelda in the face.  
Zelda bled.

"Like… ow!" said Zelda angrily.

_Corneria Complex_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Hurry up!" said Toon Link, running through the main entrance of the mall. "We have to run so fast!"

King Dedede drove alongside Toon Link in a stolen golf cart.

"Uh… that doesn't belong to you, does it?" said Toon Link angrily.

Security surrounded the golf cart.

"Run away!" screamed King Dedede.

King Dedede waddled excruciatingly slowly away from the police officers.

"I think I'm beating them!" screamed King Dedede, gaining a metre.

The police officers started to walk towards him.

"Toon Link did it! I swear!" screamed King Dedede.

They arrested Toon Link.

"Bu- wha- but he- but I- but I didn't- but he- but I swear, he- bu- wha- bu- he- wha-" said Toon Link, hyperventilating.

Toon Link grunted.

_Jigglypuff and Ganonodorf_

"WHOSE WOODS THESE ARE I THINK I KNOW" said Ganondorf

"HIS HOUSE IS IN THE VILLAGE THOUGH" said Jigglypuff

"HE WILL NOT SEE ME STOPPING HERE" said Ganondorf

"TO WATCH HIS WOODS FILL UP WITH SNOW" said Jigglypuff.

_Funland Entertainment Centre_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay, all we have to do is beat these kiddy games and we'll be rocketing to first place!" cheered Falcon.

Fox took the swipe card.

"Okay, we have to find a machine that gives out lots of tickets!" said Fox.

"Ah! This looks like one that we're really good at: the sobriety test machine!" cheered Falcon.

…

"Dude," said Fox.

_Budgetmart_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Find the place 'where the fun never stops' and earn fifty tickets for your next clue!" read Kirby.

"Come on! We can catch up and get first again!" cheered Pikachu.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4rd Place_

"FIND the pLACE where the Magic is IN the HOLE" said Ganondorf.

"WrONG CLUE gannie" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"I THInK I HAD a Wrong CLUE whEN I ChOSE to be like ur boyfriend," said Ganondorf angrily.

"Oooooh…" said a bunch of interested eleven year-olds sitting nearby.

"wAAAH waah waah" cried Jigglypuff, "I am So SAD oh no oh no oh no oh no sssss"

Nintendog whimpered.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

Wolf and Samus stood in the elevator.

"We are totally in pole position now," said Wolf, picking his teeth in a suave, masculine manner.

The doors opened.

"Come on, I think it's there!" said Wolf, pointing to a sign.

_Funland Entertainment Centre_

_Fox and Falcon  
Tickets Earned: 6_

"Yes! I improved from 'infant' to 'little girl'!" cheered Falcon, playing the strength test game, an impressive one ticket coming out of the machine.

"Dudes, we have company," said Fox.

_Wolf and Samus  
Newly Dating_

Wolf and Samus walked in.

"WHAT?!" screamed Wolf, "How did **they** beat us here?"

"Come on! Let's beat them!" screamed Samus, expressing her frustration by picking up a Daytona racing machine with her manly biceps and throwing it onto a little child.

Twelve tickets came out of the machine.

Samus picked up the blood-soaked tickets and cradled them.

Everyone stared at Samus.

"They're just jealous…" whispered Samus angrily, "They're jealous that you have **me **as your motherly figure!"

The police cuffed Samus.

"I am an independent, strong willed female character!" screamed Samus, "EMPATHISE WITH ME!"

_Fox and Falcon  
Tickets Earned: 16_

"Come on, dudes! Let's beat that stupid Wolf and that dumb bitch," said Falcon really loudly.

Samus and Wolf were standing in front of Falcon.

Angrily.

_Elevator_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"We ARE SO SORRy NINTENDoG that we were arguing IN front of yOU we WeRE very angry but yOU do not deserve that our young child" said Ganondorf affectionately.

"Uh…" said Kirby, being cradled in Ganondorf's arms, "That would be really nice except I'm _not_ Nintendog."

"TAKE THIS KIRBY" screamed Jigglypuff, repeatedly bashing the poodle with another poodle carcass that was beaten to death by another poodle carcass that so happened to be the poodle that Jigglypuff was bashing's poodle father.

Jigglypuff shot the dog.

Pikachu uncomfortably took a step back.

_Funland Entertainment Centre_

_Wolf and Samus  
Tickets Earned: 27_

"Go Wolf! Apply that athleticism into your ability to hit the crocodiles as they come out!" cheered Samus madly.

"I'm over here," said Wolf, standing ten metres away.

…

"…you were not part of this conversation…" whispered Samus to the infant.

_Fox and Falcon  
Tickets Earned: 19_

"Hit the crocs! Hit the crocs!" cheered Fox to Falcon, who was playing the crocodile-squashing game.

Falcon started madly hitting Fox repeatedly.

"Ow! What the hell?" screamed Fox angrily.

"I thought you said hit the Fox!" said Falcon angrily.

"How you possibly confuse those two words?" screamed Fox angrily.

"…we could… make up…" said Falcon sexily.

"That's irrelevant," said Fox angrily.

"I'll make it… more relevant…" said Falcon sexily.

…

"Hello kiddies," said Falcon to some nearby kids.

The FBI-

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Tickets Earned: 0_

"I LOOOVE THE ARCADE" SCREAMED JIGGLYPUFF, "iT iS a fUN source oF ENTERTAINMENT"

"BUT we MUST gET THE TICKETS QUICK!" screamed Ganondorf.

"I HAVE AN idea!" said Jigglypuff evilly.

_Forty-Eight Seconds Later_

"LA LA LA" screamed Ganondorf, breaking open a machine with a sledgehammer.

"LA LA LA" sung Jigglypuff, breaking open Ganondorf's sledgehammer with a sledgehammer.

"What the hell are you doing?!" screamed the manager.

Ganondorf took a roll of tickets from the broken machine.

"WE aRE REDEEMING our tickets" said Ganondorf.

"I'm not accepting that!" said the manager angrily.

Jigglypuff gave the tickets to the trainee and took the clue.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"MAKE yOUR wAY to THE pIT stop of this leg, the sUMMIt" screamed Ganondorf.

"Teams must now make their way on foot five hundred to the pit stop of the leg, 'The Summit', a bar and grill located on the highest point of the shopping centre!" said Master Hands, "Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive may be eliminated!"

"worning the LAST team to ArRIVE may BE eliminated!!!!" screamed Jigglypuff.

"oMG hurry HURRY" screamed Ganondorf.

_Wolf and Samus  
Tickets Earned: 48_

"I can't believe those idiots broke the machine!" said Wolf angrily, taking the tickets from the bashed open machine.

"Why didn't we think of that first?" said Samus angrily, taking the pile of tickets from Wolf.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"WE ARE GOING tO THE SUMMIT" sung Jigglypuff, unsuccessfully walking up a wall.

"WE ARE GOING tO THE SUMMIT" sung Ganondorf, unsuccessfully walking up a wall.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Tickets Earned: 0_

"Okay, the quickest way to get tickets is to use the jackpot!" cheered Kirby, pointing to a button-pressing timer.

"Oh, come on!" said Pikachu angrily, "These machines are rigged so that they only give out the prize after a certain number of plays! The probability of winning the prize is the probability of winning a slot machine, or division 4 in the-"

Kirby hit jackpot.

"Wheee!" cheered Kirby and Pikachu.

Kirby took the tickets.

_Wolf and Samus  
Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in Equal 2__nd__ Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop," read Wolf, "The Summit!"

"Hurry! The last team to arrive may be eliminated!" said Kirby.

Kirby looked up and saw Wolf.

"Hey! It's us and you again racing to the pit stop! It's like you can never get rid of us!" laughed Kirby.

"Yes…" said Wolf angrily, "Yes it is."

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"WE ARE GOING TO THE SUMMIT" screamed Jigglypuff, punching the wall repeatedly.

"WE ARE GOING TO THE SUMMIT" screamed Ganondorf, punching Jigglypuff repeatedly.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Hurry! The last team to arrive may be eliminated!" said Fox.

_Wolf and Samus_

"I've been to this bar before," narrated Wolf to the camera, "But we have to try and lose these guys so I'll pretend I don't know where we're going!"

"Pardon?" said Kirby, sitting on Wolf's shoulder.

"AAAHHH!" screamed Wolf, falling backwards.

"Hehe! Did I surprise you?" said Kirby cutely.

Wolf moaned.

Pikachu took Wolf's wallet and medication. They scampered off.

Wolf grunted.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"LET's go JIGGLYPUFF" screamed Ganondorf, dragging a random woman across the floor.

The woman screamed.

"LOL STOP trying to FOOL ME JEEGS" said Ganondorf.

…

Ganondorf realised he was not dragging along Jigglypuff.

"jeeglypoff?" said Ganondorf.

_Fifty metres away…_

"I'm Jigglypuff, and I like long walks on the beach," said Jigglypuff sexily.

…

"…uh… where's my wife?" said the man.

"Where _is_ your wife?" said Jigglypuff sexily.

_Fox and Falcon_

"Dudes! Wolf and Samus ahead! Let's totally follow them!" said Falcon, on a skateboard. "Radical! Radical! Cool!"

"Stop trying," said Fox.

"Where _is _your wife?" said Falcon sexily.

"Wut?" said Fox.

_Wolf and Samus_

"That plan actually worked," said Wolf, grinning evilly, jogging into a stairwell, "They've run ahead and now they have no idea where we are!"

The camera panned on the outside of Wolf's bag.

"Shhh…" giggled Kirby.

"How are we supposed to get out?" said Pikachu angrily.

"What, honey?" said Wolf, running up the stairs.

"I didn't say anything," said Samus.

"_I love you, my dearie!_" said Samus in her Pikachu-like voice.

"That's a pretty good Pikachu impression, Samus," said Wolf.

"I… didn't say anything," said Samus.

"_Yes I did honey,_" said Samus in her Pikachu voice.

"Oh, okay!" laughed Wolf, "So you did say something."

"Didn't you hear me?" said Samus angrily.

"_I obviously said something!_" said Samus angrily in her squeaky Pokemon voice.

"_I'm just teasing you Samus_," said Wolf in a very non-deep voice, "_I am Wolf and I am… really uh… cool… yeah…_"

"_I love you Wolfy,_" said Samus.

Wolf and Samus realised they weren't talking. At all.

Wolf opened his bag, staring Kirby and Pikachu in the eyes.

Kirby and Pikachu slapped Wolf in the face, jumped out and ran up the stairs.

"Get them!" screamed Wolf.

_Fox and Falcon_

Fox and Falcon took the elevator next to the stairwell.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf were levitating upwards in the same style that the fizzy lifting drinks did.

"WOW NINTendog Thanks to you AS a CONVENIENT plot DEVICe we are NOW suddenly floating to the top floor without any explanation HOW nice" thanked Ganondorf.

They broke their heads on the glass roof.

_Pit Stop_

Dramatic camera angles.

The elevator opened. Fox and Falcon clumsily jogged towards the pit stop, about one hundred metres away. In front of them was a dining area full of glass tables, glass walls, diners and waiters holding up gigantic deep dishes.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf levitated through the glass roof on the side of the top floor dining area, crashing ten metres in front of Fox and Falcon.

Wolf and Samus, followed by Kirby and Pikachu ran from the top of the stairwell.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Damn it! Why didn't we take the elevator?" said Samus angrily, desperately trying to catch up.

"Yeah! Why didn't you?" said Kirby angrily, sitting with Pikachu on Samus's shoulder, "Now we're behind!"

"Get off! Get off!" screamed Samus, shaking them off.

_Fox and Falcon_

"Dude, we're like totally allowed to run in this restaurant!" said Fox, weaving around the diners and candlelit glass tables.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"LA LA LA LA LA" sung Jigglypuff, running straight through the glass tables, shards of flying glass stuck in her skin.

"LA LA LA LA LA" sung Ganondorf, running straight through the glass tables, shards of flying glass stuck in her skin.

They reached a glass partition which had an entrance to the right.

"LA LA LA LA LA" sung Ganondorf and Jigglypuff, running through, bleeding.

_Wolf and Samus_

"I can't believe it! Those idiots are risking their lives to beat us!" said Wolf angrily, hopping from table to table, overtaking Fox and Falcon.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Yay! We're small!" cheered Kirby, weaving with Pikachu along the ground under tables and people's legs.

_Wolf and Samus_

"We're catching up!" screamed Wolf, jumping as quickly as he could alongside Samus.

"Wolfie, be courteous! They're dining!" said Samus angrily, kicking several plates into people's faces as they jumped through, "Say sorry!"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"LA LA LA LA LA" said Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, rolling in the broken large shards of glass, even though nothing in the race required them to, and even though they were risking their blood to get to the pit stop first it was entirely unnecessary as they were not making any progress distance-wise trying to get to the pit stop.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Darn it!" said Kirby angrily, shards of glass in front of them.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"HIS LITTLE HORSE MUST THINK IT QUEER" said Ganondorf.

"TO ANALYSE THE PLAY KING LEAR" said Jigglypuff.

"AND MILES TO GO BEFORE I SLEEP" said Ganondorf.

_Fox and Falcon_

"Dude! This is so cool!" cheered Falcon, barefoot, running through the glass.

…

Fox walked around the glass.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic angles.

The camera panned on a weaving staircase that led to the kitchen, the pit stop mat on the highest point of the shopping centre. Glass walls were the obstacle that made the waiters zigzag through the staircase.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, now completely red and covered in glass, possibly about to die soon, ascended up the staircase.

Wolf and Samus were just a couple of feet behind, not being able to squeeze past the fat old man.

Falcon squeezed into a staircase a couple of feet behind, followed by Kirby, Pikachu and Fox.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Let's beat them!" screamed Samus.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, instead of weaving through the constantly turning staircase, jumped through the glass barriers and gained two metres.

"What? That's not allowed!" said Samus angrily, "They're not allowed to be that stupid!"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"THIS IS VERY FUN YES YES" said Ganondorf, jumping through the walls of glass every three metres, ascending directly up the staircase instead of around.

"GANNIE THIS HURTS" said Jigglypuff, now unrecognisable because she was a collection of blood, organs and her brain was sticking out where her ears used to be.

_Pit Stop_

More dramatic camera angles.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, soaked in blood, jumped onto the pit stop mat.

Wolf and Samus, who took the stairs properly, ran onto the map unscathed. Kirby and Pikachu narrowly edged out Fox and Falcon onto the mat.

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, you…" said Master Hand.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf's bleeding bodies smiled.

"…are team number one!" said Master Hand.

"YAY YAY YAY NYOM NYOM NYOM" cheered Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, eating each other's face.

"YAY YAY YAY NYOM NYOM NYOM" cheered Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, eating each other's face.

"YAY YAY YAY NYOM NYOM NYOM" cheered Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, eating each other's face.

"And I have some good news," said Master Hand, "You have both won a brand new, shiny scooter!"

"I ALREAdy Broke IT OLOL" said Ganondorf, pointing to a scooter that was destroyed by a sledgehammer.

…

"…we didn't give one to you yet…" said Master Hand.

…

…

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, I have some more good news for you," said Master Hand, "You are officially the _**stupidest**_ people ever to win a leg in the history of this race!"

"YAAAAAAY" said Jigglypuff.

"…Wolf and Samus, Kirby and Pikachu and Fox and Falcon," said Master Hand, "You're teams number two, three and four!"

"This is so freaking stupid!" said Samus angrily, "The only reason why we didn't win is because they were the only people stupid enough to think that running through glass and giving themselves permanent injuries is a sensible idea!"

Falcon, covered in glass, whistled.

"Well… that was certainly one of the highest damage bills we've had for a pit stop yet," commented Master Hand.

The camera panned on the on fire dining area, where everyone inside was bleeding or had tables impaled in their body.

_Wolf and Samus_

"This leg shows just how unintelligent our competition is," said Wolf.

"We're going to make them pay though!" said Samus angrily.

Dramatic music played.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Detour!" read Toon Link, "Sell A Lot or Buy A Little?"

"Let's look after the poodles," said King Dedede, holding up the bloodied chainsaw.

They walked into the store.

Chainsaw noises.

_Monster Truck Stadium_

"We've had a deadlock for a while," said Zelda, sitting on the side, "They've both been on two cars each for quite a bit."

"Yeah, none of them are going fast enough to reach the cars," said Roy.

_Mr. Resetti  
2 Cars Crushed_

Mr. Resetti and Roy's trucks were adjacent to each other, both trucks going at perilously slow speeds.

"She'll be coomin round the moountain when she coomes!" sung Mr. Resetti, out of tune, really loudly, spitting on Roy in the truck next to him.

"Stop spitting!" said Roy.

"Stop bein' so out of touch with da choo choos and the jimble jambles!" said Mr. Resetti in his loud Mr. T voice.

"Your English isn't making any sense," said Roy.

A single tiny environmentally friendly car pulled out in front of them.

"Sucker punch!" screamed Mr. Resetti.

Mr. Resetti swung wildly. Unfortunately Roy's truck was about five metres away from his.

"Doggone it!" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

Roy accelerated. He increased his lead by a couple of metres.

Mr. Resetti threw a shoe at Roy.

"Gaah!" screamed Roy.

Roy's truck stalled.

Mr. Resetti's truck inched in front by about a metre.

The driver of the car in front got bored and left.

Roy tried to turn on the engine again.

"Haha! This be my carr! Arrrrrr!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly, licking his lips.

The car was ten metres in front of Mr. Resetti's truck.

"Oh no you don't!" screamed Roy.

…

…

"Oh naaaw! Oh naaaw! Oh naaaaw!" cried Mr. Resetti, bucketing out tears.

"He didn't even try and stop you, you idiot!" said Wario angrily.

Mr. Resetti crushed the truck.

"Oh naaaaw!" cried Mr. Resetti.

"You finished the task, you moron!" said Wario angrily.

Wario took the clue.

"Oh naaaaw!" cried Mr. Resetti.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Wario.

"Oh naaaaw!" cried Mr. Resetti.

Wario did that attack where he eats them and pounds them against the ground with his teeth.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the Corneria Complex and find Cheeseburger Land!" read Wario.

_Roy  
2 Cars Crushed_

"Come on, Roy!" said Zelda angrily, "We're in last place!"

Roy crushed a car.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place_

"Make your way to the Corneria Complex and find Cheeseburger Land!" read Roy.

"We're in last place again! Hurry!" screamed Zelda.

_Mel's Pet Store_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
On Buy A Little_

"Okay, we need to find a poodle that will do really good!" said Toon Link.

Toon Link spotted a cute, white fluffy poodle.

"I like this one!" cheered Toon Link, with anime eyes.

King Dedede inhaled it.

"Haha, that's funny!" laughed Toon Link, "Can I have my poodle back?"

"Uh… son… once I eat something… uh…" said King Dedede.

"Oh my God you just killed that poodle!" screamed Toon Link, "You're a monster!"

"Yep! Hyuk, hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

"Oooh, I like this one too!" said King Dedede, opening a budgie cage.

Toon Link started in shock.

"Goldfish… more like… no-fish!" laughed King Dedede. King Dedede inhaled the entire fish tank.

Toon Link smacked his face.

"Lolcats… more like… …nocats!" laughed King Dedede. King Dedede ate all the other pets.

"Great! Now you've eaten everything!" said Toon Link angrily, "You just killed like thirty pets! You're a monster! How could you!"

"Shopkeeper…" said King Dedede, picking up the female attendant, "More like… _shocked_-keepe-"

"STOP!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"Fiiiine," said King Dedede angrily, tossing the shopkeeper backwards into the glass wall behind him.

"You are _**no**_ fun at all," said King Dedede angrily. "This is all just some harmless fun!"

King Dedede pointed to the blood, broken glass, human corpse and pet carcasses.

Laughter.

Applause.

King Dedede took a bow.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Fire Fighters_

"I think we're a couple of minutes in front of Roy and Zelda," said Wario.

"Oh naaaaw!" cried Mr. Resetti.

"You've been doing this for the last fifteen minutes, shut up already!" screamed Wario.

"Oh naaaaw!" cried Mr. Resetti.

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop!" screamed Wario.

"Oh naaaaw!" cried Mr. Resetti.

_Roy and Zelda  
Engaged_

"Rooy! Drive faster!" screamed Zelda, "We need to catch up!"

Zelda massaged the taxi driver's back.

"I'm here, Zel," said Roy, sitting to Zelda's side. "We're in a taxi… I'm not driving…"

"Oh my gosh, you think I'm so stupid, don't you?" said Zelda angrily, "Just like all women! You're so sexist, Roy! You think you're so good! You and your intellect and your money and your money and-"

Zelda grinned evilly, "…money and money and money and money and…"

"I will buy a small country and I will be ruler of the world!" screamed Zelda evilly.

…

…

"Oh Zelda, sometimes I forget that you're joking," laughed Roy.

"I want your money, schmuck," said Zelda angrily, pulling out her gun.

"Oh, stop it!" laughed Roy uncontrollably, like he was being tickled.

Zelda shot Roy.

"Teeheehee!" laughed Roy._  
_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
On Buy A Little_

Toon Link stood outside the interrogation room.

"Give us the pets back!" screamed the five-foot woman angrily. "I know they're inside you and still alive! I can see your stomach moving!"

"Nope!" laughed King Dedede.

"King Dedede, just give the pets back! We're in a race!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"Do you know what I'm capable of, you stupid bird?" said the woman angrily, putting her face in King Dedede's.

"What are you going to do?" mocked King Dedede.

She pulled out the whip. "They say I can produce the fastest whip in this country. Now, if you mess with me, you mess with the whip!"

King Dedede inhaled the whip.

"Hey! Give that back!" screamed the woman angrily.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Hey boi! Look, it's Roy and Zelda!" said Mr. Resetti cheerfully. "What a pleasant surprise!"

"That means that we could get eliminated!" said Wario angrily. "That's bad!"

_Roy and Zelda_

"Roy! Roy! That's another team! We're equal with another team!" cheered Zelda.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"We have to whip them at this next task or we're going home," said Wario.

_Interrogation Room_

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Okay, I'll give you one last chance… give the pets back or else!" screamed the tiny woman angrily.

"Okay… fiiine…" said King Dedede angrily.

King Dedede projectile regurgitated all of the pets from the store onto the woman. The dogs, cats and budgies, from years of undeserved, cruel treatment and imprisonment, got their revenge by only the greatest act of courage: mauling the pet shop owner alive. As her blood spewed all over the room, the other dogs stood on the side of the room in an accomplished, proud manner, a tear shedding from each one's eye as they had their first glimpse of their new life: freedom.

A poodle ran over and unlocked King Dedede's cuffs. "Thank you, Sir King Dedede! How shall we ever repay you?"

Toon Link burst in, triumphant music played in the background. "Let's _**serve these customers**_!"

A war-like roar came from the pets. Triumphant music played in the background.

They burst through the side room of the mall into the main corridor. In an army of hundreds, they ran in a stampede towards the supermarket, the human bystanders shocked at this unexpected revolution.

A change had taken place today like no other.

The pets convened around a cash register. The head animal, a poodle stood atop the register and declared, "Today shall be mark the first day for the freedom of pet kind!"

The animals applauded.

"But first…" the poodle declared dramatically, "We must repay our debt… animals… assemble! Help these five customers check out… that shall be the price for our freedom!"

Cheers.

A customer unloaded her shopping onto the conveyor belt in the check out aisle. The animals, using every wing, beak or paw they could lend quickly processed and packaged the shopping. The skill in the animals' co-operation far outshone the trainee in Aisle 4, or even the veteran manager.

In less than two minutes, all five customers were served. The task was done. The animals had assisted the transactions at such a speed that would never be replicated.

The task at hand was done. Without looking back, they escaped to their freedom.

"I told them to do that," said King Dedede, taking the clue.

"No you didn't!" said Toon Link angrily.

King Dedede inhaled Toon Link.

_Corneria Complex_

Dramatic music played.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Get out! Get out!" screamed Wario, pulling Mr. Resetti out of the taxi.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Run Roy, run!" screamed Zelda.

"You have to run too!" said Roy, standing outside of the taxi.

"Make me!1" screamed Zelda angrily.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"We have to sprint as fast as we can!" screamed Wario, sprinting.

"I can't take it much longer, kiddo! Go on without me!" screamed Mr. Resetti dramatically.

"Okay!" screamed Wario, running ahead.

Mr. Resetti went into the lingerie store.

Wario looked behind. "Mr. Resetti! You don't even need lingerie!"

"Rawr rawr," said Mr. Resetti sexily in drag, in a revealing corset.

Security cuffed Mr. Resetti.

"What'cha doin, boi?!" screamed Mr. Resetti, "Them takin' me away! Run fer yer lives, Scout!"

_Roy and Zelda_

"Roy! I can't believe you're making me sprint in these high heels!" sulked Zelda.

"Zel, this is the fifth leg in a row that I've told you that you can't race around the world in heels!" said Roy, annoyed.

"But they make me look pretty!" sulked Zelda, shuffling along.

Zelda rolled her ankle.

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

King Dedede was rolling the trolley through the department store.

"Let me out!" screamed Toon Link, from inside King Dedede.

"Reeelax," said King Dedede angrily, "I'm just giving you a rest… inside my mouth…"

"Well it's not very comfortable here!" said Toon Link angrily, "There's no space to move… and I'm not sure if what I'm sitting next to is digested food or one of those pets you ate before!"

…

"I'm hungry… I think I'm going to eat it!" said Toon Link.

Toon Link took the greasy object and took a bite.

The poodle whimpered.

…

_Cheeseburger Land_

Dramatic music played. The barely fit Roy led the pack, followed by a panting Wario, Mr. Resetti and a struggling Zelda in high heels.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Get to the clue! Get to the clue!" screamed Wario, pushing over several people to get to the clue box.

Mr. Resetti opened a clue, "Detour! Sell A Lot or Buy A Little?"

"We are totally selling," said Wario.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place_

Roy opened the clue.

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda, fifty metres behind, lying on the ground sobbing. "I broke my heels!"

_Complex Cinema_

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

King Dedede sat in the cinema watching the dance.

"Let me out!" screamed Toon Link. "Let me out!"

The other moviegoers stared at King Dedede angrily.

"It's my stomach, okay?" said King Dedede angrily, "Shut up, Toon Link!"

"I'm really starting to suspect that we're not actually travelling to the arcade," said Toon Link angrily.

"Shut up!" said a moviegoer, "I'm trying to watch the movie! We're not at the _arcade_, losers!"

"Why are you watching a movie?" said Toon Link angrily, "We're supposed to be at the arcade!"

"_It's an arcade game, silly,_" whispered King Dedede.

"Tell the guy in my mouth who I'm trying to trick that he's in an arcade centre! I'm not shouting out!" screamed King Dedede to the back of the cinema.

"I thought we were at the arcade!" said Toon Link angrily.

"This is part of the game! I'm supposed to pretend that I'm tricking you into thinking that we're in an arcade when we're actually in a cinema to win tickets!" said King Dedede angrily.

"Oh, my bad," said Toon Link.

The movie went on for another five minutes.

_Corneria Complex Market_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Merchandise Sold: 0 Dollars_

Wario examined the extremely spicy candy, fake fairy floss and the 'fail' stamps.

"Who the hell wants to buy this crap?" said Wario angrily.

"Come an' get Wario's cure all miracle potion! It made me a noooormal member of society!" announced Mr. Resetti excitedly.

Nobody showed the slightest sign of interest.

"He won't go away unless you pay!" screamed Wario angrily to the crowd.

"Now why would anyone want _**me**_ to go away?" said Mr. Resetti sexily.

…

Mr. Resetti pulled his thong out of his-

People started to come towards the table.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place_

"Detour! Sell A Lot or Buy A Little?" read Roy.

"Let's sell," said Zelda.

_Complex Cinema_

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

King Dedede sat at the movie, chuckling heartily.

"Okay King Dedede," said Toon Link angrily, "If you don't go to the arcade, I'm going to get really angry!"

"Okay," said King Dedede.

Nothing happened.

"Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!" screamed Toon Link, hyperventilating.

_Corneria Complex Market_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Merchandise Sold: 15 Dollars_

"We're selling this merchandise really quickly, and we just hope-" said Wario.

"Look boi!" screamed Mr. Resetti excitedly, "It's the free food samples cart!"

Mr. Resetti took a baby out of a pram.

…

_Roy and Zelda  
Merchandise Sold: 0_

"Oh my God, we have to beat them or we'll get eliminated!" screamed Zelda, pushing people out of the way to get to the merchandise cart.

Suggested Roy, "Zel, maybe you should be a bit less violent with-"

"Get OUT OF MY WAY, jerk!" screamed Zelda, kneeing Roy in the face.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Merchandise Soild: 18 Dollars_

"Dog for sale! Get yer dog!" said Mr. Resetti, holding up a baby.

"Mr. Resetti, put the baby down," said Wario angrily.

"Give me my baby back!" screamed a hysterical woman.

"Is the doggy hungry?" said Mr. Resetti cutely, opening up a bag of dog food.

"Okay Mr. Resetti, that's enough," said Wario angrily.

"NO! DON'T!" screamed the woman.

Mr. Resetti tipped the entire four kilogram bag into-

"MR. RESETTI!" screamed Wario angrily, taking the baby back.

_Roy and Zelda  
Merchandise Sold: 0 Dollars_

"Come on, get your lovely 'fail stamps'! Fail stamps! Only two dollars each!" said Roy in a loud, salesman-like manner.

"Give that to me jerk! You have to be persuasive!" screamed Zelda, stomping on Roy with her high heels.

"BUY THIS OR DIE" screamed Zelda to a nearby shopper.

"Aah! Aah! Aah!" screamed the man, throwing cash at Zelda.

_Roy and Zelda  
Merchandise Sold: 15 Dollars_

"I'm really not sure about this unethical marketing business…" said Roy to the camera.

_Complex Cinema_

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Okay King Dedede," threatened Toon Link, "I have a sword. Now, if you don't-"

King Dedede took the sword out of his mouth.

"Waaaaahhhh!" cried Toon Link.

"Shut up, baby!" screamed King Dedede, lodging his fist down his throat and punching several times.

_Corneria Complex Market_

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Merchandise Sold: 31 Dollars_

"Like the last four legs of the race, my partner is _**not**_ helping!" screamed Wario angrily.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH" screamed Mr. Resetti, going around the merry-go-round.

Mr. Resetti took a breath.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH" screamed Mr. Resetti, going around the merry-go-round.

_Roy and Zelda  
Merchandise Sold: 25 Dollars_

"Okay," said a man from mall security to Zelda, "You're going to have to stop threatening the shoppers or I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"You think that's going to work, huh?" said Zelda angrily.

The man threateningly held up a pair of scissors to Zelda's merry-go-round free re-entry bracelet.

"NOOO! I'll be good! Okay?!" screamed Zelda.

_Complex Cinema_

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"We're going to come last if you don't leave!" sobbed Toon Link. "I hate you so much!"

"But the race is supposed to be fun," said King Dedede, eating popcorn.

"But we won't have fun if we're eliminated!" sobbed Toon Link, hyperventilating.

…

"Just sit back and enjoy the movie," said King Dedede.

…

"…I can't see…" sobbed Toon Link.

The audience laughed.

"I didn't see the joke!" shrieked Toon Link, bucketing tears all over King Dedede's mouth. "I didn't see the joke!"

Toon Link cried.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Merchandise Sold: 45 Dollars_

"We're almost done! We're almost done!" said Wario excitedly, hurriedly making the last transaction.

Wario took the last five dollar bill, and handed over the sales money to the shop owner.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

Wario took the clue. "Find the place 'where the fun never stops' and earn fifty tickets for your next clue!"

_Roy and Zelda  
Merchandise Sold: 40 Dollars_

"Come on, Roy! We're like a minute behind!" screamed Zelda desperately, "Get that last sale in!"

"We've got a queue forming, we're almost done!" said Roy, quickly taking the money from several people.

"I don't want to get eliminated!" sobbed Zelda, "It's going to be a footrace!"

_Complex Cinema_

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

The credits rolled.

Toon Link was somehow now sitting to the right of King Dedede.

"Okay! The entire freaking movie is done! Are you happy?" screamed Toon Link angrily, "We're almost definitely last! I hate you!"

"Now hate is a very strong word," said King Dedede wisely in his wise owl voice.

"You like… don't care about this race at all!" sobbed Toon Link. "You don't care about me at all!"

"Yes I do Ness," said King Dedede.

"I'm Link! My name's Link!" sobbed Toon Link. "I hate you!"

King Dedede did a hearty belly laugh. "Oh Ness, you're so funny!"

Toon Link ran off crying.

…

"Ness has problems…" said King Dedede angrily.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place_

"They've got a minute on us and they're probably going to the pit stop!" cried Zelda, opening the clue. "We're going to be eliminated!"

"Come on Zel, run real hard," said Roy, taking the clue from Zelda. "Find the place 'where the fun never stops' and earn fifty tickets for your next clue!"

"Oh my God, there's another task!" squealed Zelda excitedly.

"Run Zelda! Run! And don't let anything distract you!" screamed Roy dramatically.

Zelda ran past a 'free handbag samples' stall.

Zelda stopped.

"No!" screamed Roy, dragging Zelda along, "We have to keep on going!"

"But I want a handbag!" cried a distraught Zelda, running along in her high heels. "And it's free!"

"But we want the million dollars, right?" said Roy, jogging along.

"Yess!" cried Zelda.

Zelda ran past a 'free doughnuts' stall.

Zelda stopped.

"No!" screamed Roy, dragging Zelda along, "We have to keep on going!"

"But it's free! I'm even allergic to the dough but I love free things! Why?! Why?!" screamed Zelda.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Oh my God, hurry up!" screamed Wario angrily, "Doing interpretive dance moves whilst you are jogging is not actually going to help you conserve energy! At all!"

"But I learnt these moves on the internet and pa's gonna be proud of me!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

Mr. Resetti fell over and broke his ribs.

"Oh naaaaw!" cried Mr. Resetti.

_Funland Entertainment Centre_

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

Toon Link, sprinting along and King Dedede, waddling alongside him, ran to a sign saying 'Funland Entertainment Centre, Next Right'.

"We made it! We made it!" cheered Toon Link. "Now don't stuff us up now, okay? Focus on the race!"

"Okay," said King Dedede, "I'm going to focus on the race. I'm going to- OH MY GOD IT'S A FAKE MOUSTACHE SHOP-" King Dedede smacked Toon Link in the face and ran off.

"Get back here!" screamed Toon Link, chasing after King Dedede.

Toon Link wasn't strong enough to open the door.

Toon Link grunted.

_Roy and Zelda  
Wario and Mr. Resetti_

The camera panned over to Wario and Mr. Resetti, who were being overtaken by Roy and Zelda as they neared the arcade.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"GET OUT KING DEDEDE! GET OUT NOW!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"Who's King Dedede?" said King Dedede suavely, wearing a moustache.

Toon Link grunted.

_Roy and Zelda  
5__th__ to Take Swipe Cards_

"Okay, come on Roy! This is so important!" screamed Zelda, "This is so important! We have to win!"

"Just find a machine and start pumping out as many tickets as you can!" said Roy, handing a card to Zelda.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
6__th__ to Take Swipe Cards_

"If we don't beat them, we're going to get eliminated!" screamed Wario.

"Oh naaaawww!" wailed Mr. Resetti.

"But it's not over yet! We need to play these arcade machines!" said Wario.

"What are those… are they like games? Like cow tippin'?" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

"Uh… sure…" said Wario, "…just stay still while I get tickets and don't break anything."

Mr. Resetti had already broken five machines.

Screamed Wario, "OH MY GOD YOU OLD, SENILE CU"

_Rofl Pony_

"…rry."

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Get out! Get out! Get out! GET OUT!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"I don't seem to know you," said King Dedede sexily from inside the shop in a Mexican accent, "Perhaps you were looking for someone… _without a moustache…_"

Toon Link broke a window, grabbed King Dedede and dragged him towards the arcade.

"Ayuda! Ayuda!" screamed King Dedede dramatically.

_Roy and Zelda  
Tickets Earned: 24_

"We're doing good, Zel!" cheered Roy, clumsily rolling balls into targets.

"I love this machine!" screamed Zelda crazily, punching children in their face and taking their tickets.

"Zelda, that's not a machine. Those are children," said Roy.

…

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Tickets Earned: 11_

"Look!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly, doing a headspin, "Look what I learnt, Wario! Aren't you proud of me?"

"Whatever it is," said Wario angrily, his back turned to Mr. Resetti, "Just shut up."

"Look! It's really exciting!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly, doing a backflip, "Look what I'm doing!"

"Mr. Resetti, your idea of exciting is being able to operate a microwave or open up the browser on a computer," said Wario angrily.

"But I promise it's good this time!" said Mr. Resetti, levitating.

"You say this every time!" said Wario angrily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Last To Take Swipe Cards_

"Look! Now we're last! These guys were ages behind!" said Toon Link angrily, grabbing the swipe cards.

_Roy and Zelda  
Tickets Earned: 35_

"Oh my God, Roy! Look! Look! Look!" cheered Zelda excitedly, "There's another team! We're still in this!"

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Tickets Earned: 18_

"Mr. Resetti, hurry up and whack the moles," said Wario angrily, swiping the card in Mr. Resetti's machine.

"But… I'm a mole!" said Mr. Resetti, teary-eyed.

"Shut up and do it!" screamed Wario angrily.

"Oh naaaaww!" cried Mr. Resetti, whacking the moles repeatedly. "Oh naaaaw!"

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Tickets Earned: 0_

"We need to find something that spits out tickets the fastest!" said Toon Link.

"Look! The strength test!" cheered King Dedede.

"Yeah! Let's do this one!" cheered Toon Link.

Toon Link ran over and swiped his card.

"Okay, whack it as hard as you can!" said Toon Link.

King Dedede whacked it as hard as he could.

The machine broke into pieces.

"YOU IDIOT!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

Two tickets came out.

"Whee," said Toon Link.

_Roy and Zelda  
Tickets Earned: 47_

"Good work, Zel!" cheered Roy, watching Zelda shoot basketballs clumsily into a net.

Roy took the last couple of tickets.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" cheered Zelda, taking the clue. "Make your way to the pit stop, The Summit!"

"I love you Zel," said Roy, kissing Zelda on the cheek.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Tickets Earned: 8_

"We are so close to elimination it's not funny," said Toon Link.

"Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede obnoxiously.

Toon Link stared at King Dedede angrily.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Tickets Earned: 25_

"Come on, Mr. Resetti, we have to beat them to stay in!" said Wario.

_Pit Stop_

Triumphant music played.

Roy and Zelda ran up the flight of stairs, walked across the windy observation deck, dropped their packs and ran onto the pit stop.

"Roy and Zelda, you're…" said Master Hand.

Roy and Zelda smiled.

"…team number five!" said Master Hand.

Roy and Zelda cheered.

"So you guys were in last place at one point and had to quit the fast forward…" said Master Hand, "How do you think you managed to stay in the race today?"

"I think the last task we just new it was do or die, and we got our best place yet!" said Roy.

Dramatic music played.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Tickets Earned: 24_

King Dedede grabbed ten tickets from the machine.

"Okay! Good!" cheered Toon Link. He explained to the camera, "King Dedede's managed to find the right strength to hit the machine without breaking it and getting as many tickets as possible."

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Tickets Earned: 42_

"Come on, Mr. Resetti!" screamed Wario.

"I'm burnin' carbs!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly, in a gym store opposite the arcade on a treadmill.

"What the hell are you doing?!" screamed Wario, "Get back here!"

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Tickets Earned: 34_

Another ten tickets came out of the machine.

"Come on! We're doing good!" cheered Toon Link.

"NYOM NYOM NYOM" screamed King Dedede, eating the tickets.

"What the hell are you doing?!" screamed Toon Link angrily, "Give them back!"

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Mr. Resetti! I'm done!" cheered Wario, taking the clue.

"OH GOD OH GOD" screamed Mr. Resetti, inside the popcorn machine.

"Daaah!" screamed Wario angrily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"Take the clue! Take the clue!" screamed Toon Link.

"But I'm too busy looking at this… sexy… sexy person…" said King Dedede, looking at his reflection lustfully.

Toon Link grunted.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Make your way to the pit stop, The Summit!" read Wario. "Warning, the la-"

"GET… HIM… NEUTERED!" screamed Mr. Resetti angrily, punching a dog.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"…ast team to arrive may be eliminated!" screamed Toon Link.

"HURRY! HURRY!" screamed Toon Link.

"WE ARE GOING TO THE SUMMIT" screamed King Dedede, punching the arcade machine repeatedly.

King Dedede's fists bled.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Run! Run!" screamed Wario, running out dragging Mr. Resetti along.

"But I'm a mermaiiiiiiddd!" cried Mr. Resetti, his legs duct taped together.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Whheeee!" cheered King Dedede, being dragged along very slowly by Toon Link.

"SHUT UP AND WALK YOURSELF" screamed Toon Link, vomiting out his spleen from the tension.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Look Pa! I'm not doin' 'ny effort and I'm movin'!" cheered Mr. Resetti.

"That's because I'm **dragging** you!" screamed Wario angrily.

The camera panned ten metres behind Mr. Resetti.

"Hurry up!" screamed Toon Link angrily, dragging King Dedede along.

"It's like a sledding race!" cheered King Dedede, "Except me and Mr. Resetti are doing work and you're doing all of the hard work!"

The camera panned back towards Wario and Mr. Resetti.

"Get up, doofus! The Summit's up this elevator!" said Wario angrily.

Wario pressed the button.

The camera panned back to Toon Link.

"Hurry! We have to make this elevator!" screamed Toon Link, dragging the old woman along.

"Help!" screamed the lady.

Mall police came.

"You've been punk'd!" chuckled King Dedede, "I was walking alongside you all along and you thought you were…"

Toon Link smacked King Dedede in the face.

…

"…ow!" said King Dedede angrily.

The camera panned five metres ahead, where Wario and Mr. Resetti were running into the elevator. The elevator doors started to close.

The camera panned back towards Toon Link and King Dedede.

"Make this elevator!" screamed Toon Link.

The elevator doors closed.

King Dedede threw his mallet towards the closing door. Triumphant music played. The mallet zoomed through the air. The doors closed.

…

The mallet fell through before the doors closed. The elevators went up.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Doggone it," said King Dedede.

"Doggone it? **Doggone it? **_**DOGGONE IT?!**_" screamed Toon Link angrily, "One and a half weeks of stuffing up this entire race and you can only suffice 'Doggone it' for one mistake? How about doggone it for ruining this entire race? I hate you! I hate you! You've ruined the entire race! We've lost! We've lost! I hate you!"

"We can still win…" said King Dedede.

"No we can't!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

They reached the top of the elevator.

Wario and Mr. Resetti strolled towards the pit stop, which was an entire restaurant and large winding stairwell away. The glass debris was somehow completely cleaned up.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

Toon Link stared angrily at King Dedede.

…

…

"Well… at least we've become good friends, right?" said King Dedede, smiling goofily.

"Don't talk to me," said Toon Link angrily.

…

King Dedede leaned in, grinning. He took a marker pen and started to draw a smile on Toon Link's fa-

"STOP IT!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

King Dedede drew a frowny face.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Run! Run!" screamed Wario.

They ran across the restaurant at a strolling pace.

"We're gonna make it! We're gunna make it!" screamed Mr. Resetti.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

The elevator opened.

Toon Link walked in.

King Dedede stood still, smiling.

"HURRY UP!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Sprint! Sprint!" screamed Mr. Resetti.

They continued to sprint across the restaurant at an insanely fast half metre a second.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"If we still have a chance… please sprint…" sobbed Toon Link.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Ooh! Free bread!" said Mr. Resetti, looking at a nearby table.

"No! Mr. Resetti! Stop!" screamed Wario angrily.

"I'm gunna do it! I'm gunna do it!" cried Mr. Resetti, "I need my proteins!"

"The pit stop is right there!" said Wario angrily, pointing to the staircase in front of them.

"I need it! Or I'm gonna break a bone! And that would be sooo badd! Oooh naaawww!" cried Mr. Resetti.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Prepare to run as fast as you can! They're slow, we can catch them!" said Toon Link angrily.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Okay! Just steal bread from those people's table! Just get it over and done with! Hurry!" screamed Wario angrily.

Mr. Resetti grabbed a woman's hair and-

"That's NOT food!" screamed Wario angrily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

The elevator doors opened.

"There they are!" screamed Toon Link, "Sprint! Please sprint!"

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Get off me!" screamed the woman angrily, hitting Mr. Resetti repeatedly with her handbag.

"You wouldn't hit… …a lady…" said Mr. Resetti sexily.

"You're a dude!" said Wario angrily.

The woman kept hitting Mr. Resetti.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Run! Run!" screamed Toon Link, sprinting his little legs along.

King Dedede, sprinting for the first time, started to jog along. Not watching his step, he knocked tables and people over as he ran.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Climb the stairs!" screamed Wario, running up two steps at a time..

"No! NO! One at a time!" screamed Mr. Resetti, "Or maybe you'll have a fall! If you have a fall that's no good at all! Climbing stairs just one at time! Being safe when climbing stairs will make you sublime!"

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"We're catching up!" screamed Toon Link, now fifteen metres behind the staircase.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Climbing stairs! Hold the rails! Hold the rails or you might just fail! Just climb the rail!" screamed Mr. Resetti.

"SHUT UP YOU DELUDED OLD MAN" screamed Wario.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Run! Run!" screamed Toon Link, running two steps at a time.

"No! NO! One at a time!" screamed King Dedede, "Or maybe you'll have a fall! If you have a-"

"SHUT. UP." screamed Toon Link.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

"Hurry up, and climb the stairs!" screamed Wario, the pit stop just two more flights and a ten metre stretch in front of him.

"But one at a time! You better be safe!" said Mr. Resetti, "Safe is good and safe is great!"

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"We're catching up!" screamed Toon Link, catching sight of Wario and Mr. Resetti.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

Screamed Wario, "Okay! Just come up the MOTHERFU"

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

They were now half a flight of stairs behind.

"How do we get in front? They're too fat! Oh God! We'll lose because they're fat!" screamed Toon Link.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

They reached the final flight of stairs.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Go Waddle Dees! Attack!" screamed King Dedede, throwing Waddle Dees at Wario and Mr. Resetti.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti_

A Waddle Dee hit Mr. Resetti in the back.

Mr. Resetti almost fell over.

"Luckily I was holding onto the rails! Because I was holding onto the rails, I didn't fail!" said Mr. Resetti. "Didn't fail-"

Wario punched Mr. Resetti.

_Pit Stop_

Dramatic camera angles.

Wario ran to the top of the stairs. He dashed across the straight towards the pit stop, before ten Waddle Dees hit him, and he fell over.

Wario was a metre from the pit stop. He stood up.

King Dedede threw another Waddle Dee.

Wario was hit, and fell over.

Mr. Resetti, followed by King Dedede and Toon Link, five metres behind neared the top of the stairs.

Wario walked onto the mat.

Mr. Resetti finished the flight of stairs and ran across the final stretch.

"Go Toon Link!" screamed King Dedede. He hurled Toon Link at Mr. Resetti.

Mr. Resetti fell over face first.

"Don't let him on the mat!" screamed King Dedede.

"Hurry, King Dedede! He's too strong!" screamed Toon Link.

"Get off me, boi!" screamed Mr. Resetti.

King Dedede reached the top of the stairs. He ran towards the mat.

Wario punched Toon Link off Mr. Resetti.

Mr. Resetti jumped towards the mat and dived face first. He la-

Toon Link impaled Mr. Resetti's entire body on his sword. He flung his sword backwards, causing Mr. Resetti to land on King Dedede.

Toon Link ran onto the mat.

Mr. Resetti, three metres in front of King Dedede, eyed the final seven metre dash to the mat.

He started to run.

"Noooooo!" cried Toon Link.

"_There's only one thing left I can do…_" muttered King Dedede heroically.

King Dedede started to inhale. Triumphant music played. No. Actually, the 'Circle of Life' music played.

Mr. Resetti was pulled back by the extreme forces of King Dedede's mouth. He fell into King Dedede's mouth.

"You did it! You did it!" cheered Toon Link.

"I did it! I did it!" cheered King Dedede.

Triumphant music played. Everything played in slow motion.

King Dedede cheered. As he cheered spat Mr. Resetti out towards the mat.

"YOU IDIOT" screamed Toon Link.

"NOOOOOOO" screamed King Dedede in slow motion.

Toon Link found a pretzel on the ground.

"Mr. Resetti!" shouted Toon Link.

He threw the pretzel behind Mr. Resetti.

Mid-flight, Mr. Resetti altered direction and flew towards the pretzel. "OH MY GOD I'M GETTING A PRETZEL" screamed Mr. Resetti excitedly.

"Oh no you don't!" screamed Wario.

Wario threw a bagel onto the mat.

Mid-flight, Mr. Resetti altered direction and flew towards the bagel. "OH MY GOD I'M GETTING A BAGEL" screamed Mr. Resetti excitedly.

"Oh no you don't!" screamed Toon Link

Toon Link picked up a disk of Old Timey music and threw it away from the mat.

Mid-flight, Mr. Resetti-

King Dedede, moving in real time, walked onto the mat.

…

"OH MY GOOOOOOOOD" screamed Toon Link.

"NINTENDO 64" screamed King Dedede.

…

"Toon Link and King Dedede, you're team number six!" said Master Hand.

"We made it! We made it!" cheered Toon Link.

"Wario and Mr. Resetti, you are the last team to arrive," said Master Hand.

Sad music played.

"And I'm…"

Piano and violin sad music played.

"…sorry to tell you, you have been eliminated from the race," said Master Hand.

"Oh naaaaw!" sobbed Mr. Resetti.

"There, there," said Wario, patting Mr. Resetti on the back.

"We had a lot of fun, and we had a million dollars worth of memories…" said Wario, a tear running down his cheek.

…

"Which would freaking be mine if my partner was actually someone who had the basic motor co-ordination of a three year-old!" screamed Wario angrily.

Wario choked Mr. Resetti.

_Wario and Mr. Resetti  
Fire Fighters_

"I think we made it a lot further than anyone expected us to…" said Wario, "We beat a lot of competitive teams…"

"Like Peach and Luigi!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

"Okay, maybe not them, but-"

"Or Marth and Squirtle!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

"Okay, we suck," said Wario angrily.

**Finish Times:**

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf: 1:23 PM

Wolf and Samus: 1:23 PM

Kirby and Pikachu: 1:23 PM

Fox and Falcon: 1:23 PM

Roy and Zelda: 3:04 PM

Toon Link and King Dedede: 3:44 PM

**Wario and Mr. Resetti: 3:45 PM – Eliminated**

Review, telling me who your favourite teams are! Don't forget to vote in the poll! Or point out any blaring errors… like Marth and Squirtle's appearances etc.

Visit the Smash Mansion! Sorry for the long update, I'm really busy for the next eight months or so… but yeah… hope you enjoyed! Give feedback!


	6. I Speak English!

"Previously on The Smashy Amazing Race…" said Master Hand.

_Shots of the teams ripping open clues appeared on the screen._

"…teams flew from Dream Land to Corneria!"

"Upon travelling to the airport, King Dedede's pranks on his partner fell out of hand!"

_A special effects guy wearing a zombie costume jumped onto the front windshield, chewing on a fake human corpse._

_"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!" screamed Toon Link. "DIE! DIE! DIE!"_

_Toon Link grabbed his sword and stabbed the zombie._

_Eight Waddle Dees fell out of the costume._

_Toon Link stared in shock._

_"You're such a wimp, Toon Link!" laughed King Dedede, chuckling._

_"OH MY GOSH WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME???" screamed Toon Link angrily._

"…resulting in a splinter in their relationship!"

_"I HATE YOU!" screamed Toon Link, "THIS IS THE WORST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER!"_

"Upon landing in Corneria City, teams had to complete a monster truck Road Block, where the competition heightened between Kirby and Wolf!"

_"THIS… MEANS… WAR!!!!" screamed Kirby in his deep manly voice._

_Kirby accelerated and started ramming Wolf's monster truck from the side._

_"Oh, teehee Kirby! That's really cute!" laughed Wolf, "What are you, evil?"_

_"DIE DIE DIE" screamed Kirby, taking a crowbar and swinging it at Wolf's head._

"Wolf and Samus, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, Kirby and Pikachu, Fox and Falcon and Toon Link and King Dedede quickly zoomed through the task…"

_"Yeehaa!" screamed Wolf in his cowboy accent._

"Leaving Wario and Mr. Resetti…"

_"We're going to get eliminated…" said Wario angrily, "You can't trusty this guy with anything! He can't operate a toaster by himself, let alone a gigantic truck!"_

_"I've operated a lotta trucks in mah life boy!" rambled Mr. Resetti, stuck in a ditch, "Look at me go boi! Look at me go! Whoopee! Hehe!"_

"…and Roy and Zelda battling to survive."

"_Come on, Roy! We have to beat these fat idiots!" screamed Zelda._

"In Corneria Complex, teams were equal at the last task: earning tickets from arcade games!"

"_LA LA LA" screamed Ganondorf, breaking open a machine with a sledgehammer._

"…leading to a four-way footrace!"

"_LA LA LA LA LA" sung Jigglypuff, running straight through the glass tables, shards of flying glass stuck in her skin._

"_I can't believe it! Those idiots are risking their lives to beat us!" said Wolf angrily, hopping from table to table, overtaking Fox and Falcon._

"_Yay! We're small!" cheered Kirby, weaving with Pikachu along the ground under tables and people's legs._

"But Jigglypuff and Ganondorf's complete disregard for their wellbeing…"

"_THIS IS VERY FUN YES YES" said Ganondorf, jumping through the walls of glass every three metres, ascending directly up the staircase instead of around._

"_GANNIE THIS HURTS" said Jigglypuff, now unrecognisable because she was a collection of blood, organs and her brain was sticking out where her ears used to be._

"…helped them land in first place!" said Master Hand.

"_You are officially the __**stupidest**__ people ever to win a leg in the history of this race!" said Master Hand._

"…much to Samus's frustration!"

"_This is so freaking stupid!" said Samus angrily, "The only reason why we didn't win is because they were the only people stupid enough to think that running through glass and giving themselves permanent injuries is a sensible idea!"_

_Falcon, covered in glass, whistled._

"Meanwhile, King Dedede went to see a movie, holding up the progress of his team!"

"_Shut up!" said a moviegoer, "I'm trying to watch the movie! We're not at the __arcade__, losers!"_

"_Why are you watching a movie?" said Toon Link angrily, "We're supposed to be at the arcade!"_

"_It's an arcade game, silly,__" whispered King Dedede._

"_Tell the guy in my mouth who I'm trying to trick that he's in an arcade centre! I'm not shouting out!" screamed King Dedede to the back of the cinema._

"…putting them in a footrace with Wario and Mr. Resetti to avoid elimination!"

_Toon Link and King Dedede were now half a flight of stairs behind Wario and Mr. Resetti._

"_How do we get in front? They're too fat! Oh God! We'll lose because they're fat!" screamed Toon Link._

"The Coal Miners slipped in by just seconds… leaving Wario and Mr. Resetti eliminated!"

"_Oh naaaaw!" sobbed Mr. Resetti._

"_We had a lot of fun, and we had a million dollars worth of memories…" said Wario, a tear running down his cheek._

…

"_Which would freaking be mine if my partner was actually someone who had the basic motor co-ordination of a three year-old!" screamed Wario angrily._

_Wario choked Mr. Resetti._

"Six teams remain… who will be eliminated… next?" said Master Hand.

**The Teams:**

Wolf and Samus (Newly Dating)

Roy and Zelda (Engaged)

Toon Link and King Dedede (Coal Miners)

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf (Dating Twelve Days)

Fox and Falcon (Frat Boys)

Kirby and Pikachu (Best Friends)

"This is Corneria Complex, the largest shopping centre in the entire of Corneria!" said Master Hand, "And I'm here at 'The Summit', a rooftop bar on the tallest point of the centre! This bar and grill was also the fifth pit stop in a race around the world!"

"Teams arrived here for a mandatory rest period, where teams can eat, sleep and mingle with other teams!"

"_Look Gannie! I'm balancing!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, balancing on a railing next to a fifty metre drop._

"_SHUT UP JIGGLYPUFF" screamed Ganondorf, throwing Zelda over the ledge._

"Due to lack of production funding, this pit stop lasted for **over eight months**! Teams were sent back to their home towns, where Fox and Falcon attended a real university!"

_Fox and Falcon_

"Now we don't have to pretend we're drunk!" cheered Fox in a giddy voice.

"I had one sip and now I have a hangover!" screamed Falcon, taking a sip of light beer.

A senior wearing a dark robe over his head walked into the room, wielding a paddle.

"My dad's paying fifty thousand dollars a year for this!" cheered Fox.

He swung.

"…oww…" whimpered Fox.

The senior walked up to Falcon.

"I like it when men play… dirty…" said Falcon sexily.

He whacked Falcon.

"Is that all you can do… pretty boy?" said Falcon sexily.

The senior whacked Falcon really hard.

"OH GOD" screamed Falcon, bleeding.

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf are currently in jail, and will be replaced with first season contestants Peach and Bowser!" said Master Hand.

_Peach and Bowser_

"Oh no! Looks as if I forgot to wear pantaloons or put any clothes on today!" chortled Peach.

Bowser lost his balance and toppled over, shell-first onto Peach.

"OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD" screamed Peach, bleeding to death.

"Peach and Bowser will be replaced with Bowser and Luigi!" said Master Hand.

_Bowser and Luigi_

"Being given a second chance on the race," said Luigi, "It's really a great-"

Bowser stroked Luigi, grinning menacingly.

"…uh…" said Luigi.

Bowser stroked Luigi, grinning menacingly.

"…"

"Kirby and Pikachu singlehandedly caused the Global Financial Crisis!" said Master Hand.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"How was I supposed to know that printing a couple hundred trillion dollars in fake notes was supposed to do anything else but get me lots of food?" said Kirby angrily, behind bars.

"And now that we have transitions reminiscent of the Bourne Ultimatum, we no longer have to show any of the footage in any sense of chronological order!" said Master Hand.

"_Shelley and Sonic, you are the last team to arrive," said Master Hand._

"_Detour!" said Master Hand, "Lose a Limb or Gain an Organ?"_

"_I'm… to sexy for my shirt…" said Wolf sexily._

"_YOU MUST USE THE ADVERB __**TOO **__INSTEAD OF THE PREPOSITION __**TO**__ FOR THIS SENTENCE TO BE GRAMATICALLY CORRECT" screamed Ganondorf, hacking Wolf's limbs off with a chainsaw._

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, who were the first team to arrive at 1:23 PM, will depart at 1:23 AM!" said Master Hand.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
1__st__ to depart: 1:23 AM _

"Fly to uh..." read Jigglypuff. "Uh... uh..."

_"Teams must now fly to Begnion, a Beorc theocracy dedicated to the goddess Ashera. Once teams arrive in this country, the largest in its continent, teams must drive over 56 kilometres in a four-wheel drive to this camel station in the North West! Once teams arrive here, they will receive their next clue!" said Master Hand. _

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf stared at the clue.

"…_it's a Fire Emblem location, in case you're wondering,_" said Master Hand on a voiceover.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf stared at the clue.

"…_like, Ike-land,_" said Master Hand.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf stared at the clue.

"_uh… you can go now,_" said Master Hand.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf stared at the clue.

"_The tape is pre-recorded… it doesn't matter if you give it voiceovers now, the footage has already been shot, and anything you say or do won't affect the outcome,_" whispered a Koopa producer to Master Hand.

"_That's not true! With the power of flash animation, I shall make them do whatever I want!_" declared Master Hand on the voiceover.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Hey Ganondorf, I'm Jigglypuff!" said a crudely-drawn Jigglypuff, in Master Hand's falsetto voice. "And the casting of my team was definitely **not** a liability to the future production of this show, making the boss Master Hand fork out **several hundred thousand dollars per leg** for the destruction we've caused!"

"GOD DAMNIT JUST ELIMINATEE THEM ALREADY" screamed Master Hand, bashing his hand on the computer and keyboard.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf stared at the clue.

_Wolf and Samus  
2__nd__ to depart: 1:24 AM_

Wolf and Samus walked up to the mat.

"Are they asleep or something?" laughed Wolf, taking the clue from the producer.

Jigglypuff woke up. "No!" said Jigglypuff angrily. Jigglypuff fell asleep.

"Pretty sure they are," said Wolf.

"They're clearly not, if Jigglypuff just woke up to tell us that they're not," said Samus angrily.

"I mean, besides from that! Look! They're currently asleep!" said Wolf.

"But how are they asleep if Jigglypuff just woke up to tell us that they're not asleep?" said Samus angrily.

"And then fell asleep again!" said Wolf angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
3__rd__ to depart: 1:25 AM_

Kirby and Pikachu walked up to the mat, seeing Wolf and Samus arguing.

"I think we can take the lead if we can get ourselves out of here," whispered Kirby to Pikachu. "…but we have to make sure that Jigglypuff and Ganondorf keep on sleeping and Wolf and Samus keep on arguing, so that we can sneak into the lead!"

"Good idea!" said Pikachu.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Look, they're obviously asleep!" said Samus angrily.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you all along!" said Wolf angrily.

"Stop trying to avoid the issue!" said Samus angrily, "You're just too stubborn Wolf! Too stubborn! A stubborn Wolf!"

"Don't bring my Wolfness into it!" said Wolf angrily, taking out a claw.

"How dare you call me a woman!" screamed Samus.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Okay… here's what we do!" said Kirby.

"_Psst psst psst psst psst psst psst,_" whispered Kirby.

…

"…I don't think there was even a comprehendible English word in that sentence…" said Pikachu, "All I heard you say was psst psst psst psst," said Pikachu, annoyed.

"Fine," said Kirby angrily. "_Psst psst __**psst**__, psst psst, psst psst!_" whispered Kirby.

"Pretty sure you still said psst psst," said Pikachu.

"Let's do it!" said Kirby grinning evilly, "And sneak into the lead! Subtly!"

"I'm not even sure I know what you want to do," said Pikachu.

"They won't even notice that we've stolen first place from them!" laughed Kirby evilly.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf slept, Wolf and Samus arguing next to them.

Kirby ran up with an airhorn and blew it into Jigglypuff and Ganondorf's ears. Pikachu ran up with two cream pies and splutted them into Wolf and Samus's faces.

…

"SUPER SECRET PLAN TO GET US INTO FIRST PLACE!" announced Kirby and Pikachu.

Wolf and Samus glared angrily at Kirby and Pikachu.

Pikachu quickly bowed, and waddled off into a nearby taxi with his child-sized backpack.

_Fox and Falcon  
4__th__ to depart: 1:26 AM_

Falcon opened the clue.

"Fly to-"

Kirby ran out of the taxi with a mallet, hit Fox in the kneecaps repeatedly and broke a bottle over Falcon's head. Kirby waddled back towards the taxi.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"I don't think they noticed a thing!" said Kirby, laughing evilly.

"Hooray!" cheered Pikachu.

The taxi stopped at a stop light. Wolf and Samus pulled up in the taxi next to them, glaring evilly.

"Nope… they don't suspect a thing!" said Kirby.

They continued to glare.

_Wolf and Samus_

"I can't believe they did this to us!" said Wolf angrily, "Let's keep on staring at them with our angry faces because that's how we display our anger, being characters in a series of well-known fighting games!"

They glared at Kirby and Pikachu angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"UFIW VSJKDR XSDUVC SHB VIFB" said Jigglypuff, now deaf.

"IDSF SOFUI REUIOHNV IFDORV" said Ganondorf, now deaf.

"UEWFIU EUIFHEUI FRE EFIN ESRFION, FCEioF EO WEFHN!" joked Jigglypuff.

They chuckled heartily.

_Fox and Falcon_

Fox lay on the ground, clutching his broken knees. "Duuude, did something just happen?"

"The only thing I know is that…" said Falcon, scratching the portion of exposed brain from the glassing, "…that was a wild-ass party!"

"Wooooo!" screamed Fox, bleeding on the ground.

A magpie flew in and started to peck on Falcon's exposed brain.

"Hey there bird…" said Falcon, "I've also got a biiiird too," said Falcon sexily.

"Like a pet?!" said Fox cutely.

…

"I can pet you… with my bird," said Falcon sexily.

The magpie bit out the 'sexual innuendo' part of Captain Falcon's brain.

"Please sex me," said Falcon, collapsing from blood loss.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"I think we're going to use this incident to our advantage," said Wolf, "If we can get everyone to hate Kirby and Pikachu, then when U-Turn season comes along they'll be the prime bait!"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currant-ly in 3__rd__ Place_

(I actually can't think up of anything to say for them. I just really liked the currant pun.)

_Roy and Zelda  
5__th__ to depart: 3:04 AM_

Roy took the clue.

"Rooy, let me open it!" demanded Zelda.

Roy passed the clue to Zelda.

Zelda clumsily tried to rip open the clue.

"It won't woooork!" wailed Zelda.

"Honey, you're opening it from the wrong-"

"I can do it myself!" said Zelda angrily.

Zelda started poking the clue.

"That's not how you-"

"ROOOOOY!" wailed Zelda.

_Roy_

"Sometimes Zelda's a bit…" said Roy, "…intense…"

"How could you say that about me?!?!" screamed Zelda, "ROOOOOOY! You are the worst boyfriend ever! THIS IS THE ULTIMATE ACT OF BETRAYAL! HOW DAAAARE YOU! ROOOOOOOOOY! I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU!"

Roy started to sob, "Zel, I didn't mean it in that way… too bad we're broken up… because now I can't…"

Roy took out his little velvet-covered box.

"I can't…" sobbed Roy.

"HAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING ROY" screamed Zelda obnoxiously loud, "YOU KNOW I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOUR MONEY"

…

"…and uh… you…" said Zelda.

"Aww," said Roy.

Zelda reached for the box in Roy's pants pocket.

"Zel!" said Roy, surprised, "Does that mean-"

"WHAT KIND OF GIRL DO YOU THINK I AM?!?!" screamed Zelda. "ROOOOOY!"

"I'm so sorry, Zel!" said Roy apologetically.

"That's okay, all is forgiven…" said Zelda.

King Dedede walked in wearing nothing but a black, revealing thong.

"Now… King Dedede and I were just going to inspect the uh…" said Zelda.

"The leak…" said King Dedede sexily, snapping the strap of his only item of clothing.

"Yes… the leak…" said Zelda, walking out of the room.

Zelda and King Dedede ran out of the room, giggling.

…

…

"What a sweetheart!" sighed Roy, smiling.

_Zelda and King Dedede  
At the pit stop_

"Plug in that leak, **you rough rough monster**!" shouted Zelda.

"I'm plugging it in!" screamed King Dedede, "All of that sewage is going to be punished!"

"**You're so strong!** **You strong, sexy bird!** Now there won't be a leak in our bathroom sink!" screamed Zelda.

"**It's in! It's in!**" screamed King Dedede.

"**Yes! Yes!** The water is no longer so flooding! **I'm so satisfied!**" screamed Zelda.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

Kirby and Pikachu sat in the next room, playing cards.

"**It's in! It's in!**" screamed King Dedede.

"**Yes! Yes!**" screamed Zelda.

…

"**I'm so satisfied!**" screamed Zelda.

Kirby and Pikachu stared at each other, in shock.

…

"**I'm doing the plumbing in a thong!**" screamed King Dedede.

Kirby and Pikachu continued to stare in shock.

"I can't believe you got a royal flush!" said Pikachu angrily to Toon Link, who just took in a pile of both Kirby and Pikachu's coins.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Last to depart: 3:44 AM_

"Fly to Begnion!" read Toon Link, "Once there, make your way to the Enrhein Camel Station!"

"Let's-a go!" said King Dedede, wearing a moustache.

"I swear you've made that joke before," said Toon Link angrily.

"OH YEAH?!" King Dedede took out a knife and screamed, "I SWEAR I'M GONNA TAKE THIS KNIFE AND CUT YOUR FU-"

Call station signal.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Last to depart: 3:44 AM_

"Fly to Begnion!" said Toon Link angrily, sitting in a wheelchair and wearing a leg cast.

"Gee, I hope we _**in-jure**_ this leg a lot!" laughed King Dedede, pointing at Toon Link's cast.

"I swear," said Toon Link angrily, "If we walk through a dark alleyway I'm going to use the bombs in my back-"

"Ate them already!" said King Dedede, licking his lips.

"I'll use my sword to-"

"Just ate it!" said King Dedede.

"My poisonous mushrooms-"

"Already did!" laughed King Dedede.

…

King Dedede's eyes went wide open, and he started to choke.

"Well… I guess that serves you right!" said Toon Link angrily.

King Dedede continued to choke.

"Who's got the upper hand now?!" laughed Toon Link.

"BLEEEEEUUUUGHHHH" screamed King Dedede, vomiting a sword onto Toon Link, which became impaled in his neck.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" screamed Toon Link.

"Aaaaahhh…" hummed King Dedede and his barbershop quartet of Waddle Dees in successive harmony.

…

Toon Link grunted.

_Corneria International Airport_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're on the first flight at 9, looks like all teams are going to be getting on," said Pikachu to the camera.

Kirby ran past, laughing evilly, holding up a roll of plastic wrap.

"Guess this means we'll all be equal again at the next flight."

Kirby dragged the candy shop owner past the camera, whose face was covered in plastic and looked… dead.  
"…and what are you doing?!" screamed Pikachu.

"Candy!" cheered Kirby.

"Yaaaaaay!" cheered Kirby and Pikachu, taking candy from the man's pockets.

"_All teams are now on the same flight from Corneria to Begnion!_" said Master Hand.

_Begnion_

Several shots of a baron, desert landscape appeared on the screen. A shot of wolf-men hacking other wolf-men up with swords appeared on the screen.

_1__st__ Flight  
Landed at 12:00 PM_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're in Fire Emblem land!" cheered Kirby.

"Yaaaay!" cheered Pikachu.

Pikachu picked up a strange orb out of his backpack. "Look what I got at the airport!"

"What is it?!" said Kirby excitedly.

Pikachu threw the orb at a window near the airport. It exploded into flames, incinerating several people and setting the building on fire.

Kirby and Pikachu stared.

"Wicked cool!" cheered Pikachu.

"Super fabulartabular awesome!" screamed Kirby, like in a kids' toy ad.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Wow, this place is sweet!" said Samus excitedly, "There's like animal-human things everywhere!"

"What about the last city we were in?" said Wolf, "Everyone there was some kind of animal."

"Look, there's a wolf!" said Samus, pointing at an untransformed laguz, who resembled a human but with several points of furriness, including a tail. "Isn't that so cuuute?"

Wolf looked at Samus, annoyed.  
"You should tell her that she's cute!" said Samus in a girly voice, "And then you guys can go out!"

"Hey, aren't I going out with you?" said Wolf angrily, pointing a claw at Samus.

Samus stared at Wolf.

"Because like… I'm a dude…" said Wolf.

Samus stared at Wolf.

"And you're not a dude…" said Wolf.

Samus stared at Wolf.

"And we hang out in a romantic way…" said Wolf.

Samus stared at Wolf.

"Like… dude to non-dude love…" said Wolf.

"Yes… I'm not a dude…" said Samus suspiciously.

Samus took out her diary. "Dear Diary," said Samus out loud, "Wolf is beginning to suspect my true-"

"I can hear you," said Wolf, ironically oblivious to what Samus actually said.

"How do I delete?! HOW DO I DELETE?!" screamed Samus, scrawling Ctrl + Z repeatedly across the page.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 3__rd __Place_

"ROOOY! It's hoooot!" screamed Zelda, wearing several layers of ski gear in the blistering sun.

"Why are you wearing all of that?" said Roy, concerned, "You'll boil to death! Take some of that off!"

"ROOOY!" sobbed Zelda, "What kind of girl do you think I am?!"

"I didn't mean it in…" said Roy.

"ROOOOOY!" screamed Zelda, "THIS IS THE WORST TRIP EVER!"

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"This desert heat is killing me," said Toon Link, perspiring heavily as he walked towards the carpark. "It's soooo hot…"

"Sure is," said King Dedede, being transported along by a team of Waddle Dees, holding him up on a big mat.

"Hey! That's not fair!" said Toon Link jealously. "You're not even doing anything! I want one to carry me!"

"Okay," said King Dedede reluctantly, ordering one Waddle Dee over to Toon Link with his finger.

The Waddle Dee walked over and held up Toon Link with ease, waddling along.

"Wheeee!" cheered Toon Link, happily riding along. "To the carpark!"

They walked past the cars.

"Hey! The cars are back there!" said Toon Link.

"The ice cream parlour's another hundred metres," said King Dedede.

"Hey!" said Toon Link angrily, "We're racing! We're racing! I'm not going to put up with it!"

Toon Link struggled in an attempt to loosen the Waddle Dee's grip, who was holding him over his head.

The Waddle Dee was stronger than Toon Link.

"Waaaah!" sobbed Toon Link.

Nobody responded.

Toon Link grunted.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Now that we're in a real fraternity," said Fox, applying aftershave to himself, "We have to maintain well groomed for the ladies."

"And girls just dig this deodorant," said Falcon, spraying weed killer all around himself.

"Dude, that's weed killer," said Fox.

"Weed killer… …or lust creator?" said Falcon romantically.

Plants around him started to die.

"Dude, it's weed killer, it's probably poisonous," said Fox.

"Nonsense!" laughed Falcon dismissively.

They walked along.

…

"…why are my nipples blue?!" screamed Captain Falcon, looking down his shirt.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"omg hurry" said Jigglypuff, running along.

"omg i said brb cos I was going to the bathroom" said Ganondorf angrily.

"but how could you write that if ur away?!?!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"OK I said it cos ur boring me!!!!!" said Ganondorf.

"how could you?!" sobbed Jigglypuff, "waah! Waah! Waah!"

Jigglypuff ran off crying.

…

"jeeglypoff?" said Ganondorf.

…

,"hunny?!" said Ganondorf.

…

…

Jigglypuff came back, smiling.

"…bitch," said Ganondorf.

"how could you?!" sobbed Jigglypuff, "waah! Waah! Waah!"

Jigglypuff ran off crying.

"jeeeglypoff!" cried Ganondorf.

Angst-ridden music.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

Kirby and Pikachu climbed into the car, Kirby into the driver's seat.

They looked at the controls excitedly.

"…automatic car!" they cheered.

…

…

"…car on…" said Kirby slyly.

"When it means an automatic," said Pikachu, "It means it automatically changes-"

"I know what I'm doing," interrupted Kirby in a scruff, action-hero voice.

Kirby turned back towards the steering wheel. "Car on."

The car turned on.

"A-ha!" announced Kirby proudly, "See? I do know what I'm doing!"

"Wow!" said Pikachu excitedly, clapping his hands in amazement.

"Car… drive forward!" said Kirby, sneakily throwing his hand underneath on the accelerator pedal.

Nothing happened.

"You have to put it into drive," said Pikachu, suddenly unimpressed.

"Ah…" said Kirby dramatically.

Kirby put the car into drive. "Car… drive forward!" screamed Kirby dramatically.

Kirby put his foot on the accelerator pedal and drove slowly forward. "See? It is an automatic car that does whatever you tell it to do! It's a technological marvel, a-"

"I know what you're doing," said Pikachu, uninpressed.

Kirby pouted.

_Wolf and Samus_

Wolf and Samus sprinted towards the four-wheel drive.

"We have to beat them!" screamed Samus, running towards the car.

"Cool, we've got a four-wheel drive!" screamed Wolf, wearing his patented cowboy had, jumping through the window heroically into the front seat.

"Hey, that was cool!" cheered Samus.

Samus shot a charge shot (one of those gigantic bullet thingies) towards the car, causing a giant dent in the car, causing the left side to crumple.

"What the hell, Samus! WHAT THE HELL?!" screamed Wolf, jumping out of the burning car.

"I know you like… heroic entrances…" said Samus nobly.

"…YOU ALMOST KILLED ME!" screamed Wolf.

…

"And my hat!" said Wolf, whimpering, clawing at the tiny chunk of his cowboy hat that was burned. "My really cool hat!"

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Can I drive for once?" said Toon Link to his feathered friend outside their car.

"Sure can!" said King Dedede.

"Oh goodie! Oh boy! Oh boy!" cheered Toon Link, running into driver's seat. "You're the greatest!"

King Dedede hopped into the passenger's seat, lowering the car four-wheel drive about a ruler length with his weight.

"This is the first fun thing you've let me do this entire race!" cheered Toon Link.

King Dedede adjusted his moustache in the mirror, disinterested.

"Oh boy! Me driving?! Oh boy! Oh boy!" cheered Toon Link.

Toon Link started the engine, gripping his hands tightly on the steering wheel.

"Don't forget to put on your seatbelt!" reminded King Dedede.

"Right!" cheered Toon Link, taking his hands off the steering wheel and-

King Dedede reached for a lever underneath Toon Link's seat, pushing him back a metre.

…

"Hey!" said Toon Link, shocked, his feet a good four feet away from the accelerator pedal.

"Hyuk, hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

"Very funny," said Toon Link angrily, struggling to move his seat back forward.

Toon Link continued to struggle. "We're in a race!" screamed Toon Link, "Just help me adjust my seat!"

"Okay," said King Dedede, grabbing onto Toon Link's chair.

"Move me forward!" screamed Toon Link, panicking.

King Dedede moved Toon Link's chair an inch forward.

"More! More!" screamed Toon Link.

King Dedede moved Toon Link's chair an inch forward.

"More! More!" screamed Toon Link.

King Dedede moved Toon Link's chair an inch forward.

"Push harder!" demanded Toon Link.

King Dedede, smiling, pushed Toon Link's seat forward with all his might, sending Toon Link flying out of the front windshield.

"ohsh-" said King Dedede, putting his hands to his cheeks in shock.

Some of Toon Link's blood dripped on King Dedede's good suit.

"…now WHAT was that for?!" said King Dedede angrily, "…that's… …annoying!"

_Roy and Zelda_

Roy and Zelda ran into the carpark.

"ROOOY! This car is on fire!" moaned Zelda, "We're gonna come laaasssst now! This is the woooorst trip ever!" screamed Zelda.

"Zel, that's just one four wheel drive," explained Roy, "There are six or so other four-wheel drives that we can use."

…

"…I don't like the colour!" moaned Zelda, looking for an excuse to mope.

"Zel, they're all the same colour," said Roy.

…

"ROOOOOYYYYY!" screamed Zelda. "IT'S TOOO HOOOOOOOOT!"

_Fox and Falcon_

"Zelda complaining is really getting under my skin," said Falcon angrily, running along.

They ran up to the car. Falcon bumped his finger on the car door. "My nails are ruined!" screamed Falcon, with a lisp.

…

"You just complained," said Fox.

"You are so insensitive to my feelings!" sobbed Falcon.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"OMG we finally made it it's our car!" screamed Jigglypuff, crawling along the ground at the end of the tumultuous 200 metre trek.

"IT'S really NOT that far to go BITCH" said Ganondorf, stepping out of the taxi he took from the entrance of the airport.

"OMG you took a taxi without telling me?! WAAH WAAH WAAH" screamed Jigglypuff, running back to the entrance of the airport.

…

"she'll come back" said Ganondorf.

Jigglypuff hopped out of a taxi next to Ganondorf, smiling.

"OMG U TOOK A TAXI ur such a weakling! ONLY a stupid girl and a bad girlfriend would do that" said Ganondorf, "UR THE WORST GIRLFRIEND I'VE EVER HAVE!!!!"

"Waah waah waah" screamed Jigglypuff, running off crying.

…

"bitch," said Ganondorf.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"I think Kirby and Pikachu are tailgating us," hypothesised Samus.

Kirby rammed his four wheel drive into the back of Wolf's vehicle, shaking everything inside.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" screamed Wolf.

"Calm down honey, deep breaths," said Samus.

"THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL US," screamed Wolf, "Despite what we've worked out with your therapist now is a time to panic!"

"AAAAHHHHH!" screamed Samus, panicking, hitting Wolf over the head with a crowbar.

"Try panicking without you hurting me!" screamed Wolf angrily.

"AAAAHHHHH!" screamed Samus, breaking the front windshield with a crowbar.

The shards of glass narrowly missed Wolf's face. "AAAAAHHHH!" screamed Wolf.

"Actually, I'm feeling a lot better now," said Samus.

"Good," screamed Wolf nervously.

A butterfly flew into the car, landing on Wolf's nose.

"KILL IT! KILL IT!" screamed Samus, picking up the crowbar and-

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

Kirby and Pikachu drove along, a slow country song playing in the background.

"I thought they said on the freeway to give two seconds' space," said Pikachu.

"I thought that was two inches!" said Kirby, pressing on the accelerator pedal, ramming into Wolf's car again.

"No! Two seconds!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Oh," said Kirby.

Kirby allowed a one metre gap between their cars.

"Kirby… that's no better… at all…" said Pikachu. "If Wolf's car in front of us were even to slow by a couple of kilometres we could find ourselves…"

Kirby turned up the radio.

"And welcome to… …Kids Radio!" cheered an announcer.

"Yaaay!" cheered Kirby and Pikachu, flailing their hands in the air which meant that Kirby took his hands off the steering wheel.

The four-wheel drive steered off the highway. Their car hit a rock, and the car flipped over. The camera turned to black.

Cliffhanger music.

_The Smashy Amazing Race_

_Kirby and Pikachu_

The four-wheel drive flipped over, skidding on its roof to a halt. Kirby and Pikachu were jerked around as the car hit rocks and bumps. The car halted several metres on the side of the highway.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Woah, did you see that?!" said Wolf, looking at his side mirror, "I think their car just flipped over!"

"Serves them right for trying to kill us!" said Samus angrily.

"I… I think they're hurt!" said Wolf.

"You are so soft," said Samus angrily, "They've tried to kill us dozens of times but when Kirby gets a boo boo because of a little car crash-"

"It's more than a _**little**_car crash," snarled Wolf.

"You like them, don't you?!" said Samus angrily.

"I think they're adorable and I wish I was cute as them!" sobbed Wolf.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Oh no!" screamed Kirby, climbing out of the car.

"Are you alright?" said Pikachu, shocked, crawling out of the car.

"Sorry Pikachu, I was so excited by the kids' radio hour that I lost track of the road!" said Kirby, in a daze.

"It's okay! As long as we're alright," said Pikachu, patting a rock.

"Pika, I'm here," said Kirby.

"You're my best friend," said Pikachu, hugging the rock.

"Are you concussed?" said Kirby.

"_No Kirby! I'm fine!" said the Pikachu-cactus in a deep voice._

"Oooohh!" laughed Kirby, "_**There**_ you are!"

Kirby hugged the cactus tightly.

_Wolf and Samus_

Wolf reversed the four-wheel drive against 60-mile-an-hour traffic back towards Kirby and Pikachu, somehow not getting hit by any oncoming cars.

"You guys okay?" said Wolf, parking his car.

"Yeah, we're fine!" said Pikachu, in a daze.

"No we're not Wolf! And you're going to stay here and be our best friends forever!" demanded Kirby angrily.

"Come on, Wolf!" said Samus, dragging Wolf off.

"But they're sooo cuuuuute!" sobbed Wolf.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"_In the case that a team's car breaks down, they must wait for a replacement, with no time credit for this unfortunate event!" said Master Hand._

_Roy and Zelda_

Roy stopped the car. Zelda jumped out, panicking.

"Kirby!" screamed Zelda, "Pikachu! Are you okay!"

Zelda ran over to Kirby and picked him up, hugging him. "Oh Kirby, are you okay?!" said Zelda.

"We're fine," said Kirby, "We just got into an accident but we're okay."

"Oh that's great!" said Zelda cheerfully.

Zelda picked up Pikachu, cradling him near her chest area, "Oh Pikachu! I'm so glad that you're okay! I was so worried about you for a moment there!"

"Oh, I'm doooing fine…" said Pikachu in a deep, sexy, masculine voice, still being cradled by Zelda.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"I think the Pokemon have been in an accident!" said Toon Link.

"I'm really sad to see their race _crashing and burning _like that," joked King Dedede.

"That is so out of line!" said Toon Link.

"You're right! That last joke was a _wreck!_" laughed King Dedede.

King Dedede drove past, chuckling to himself.

"You didn't stop?!" screamed Toon Link, "They might be hurt!"

"The only thing that hurts my heart is to see a young boy like that get so fat," said King Dedede, "It was probably his stomach that unbalanced the car and caused it to flip."

King Dedede grinned giddily, anticipating a laugh.

"Everything you have done in the last five minutes has just been wrong," said Toon Link angrily.

…

"And you're saying Kirby's fat?! You're fat!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Oh, like I didn't already know that!!!" laughed King Dedede with a lisp, flopping his wrist down.

…

"I'm not fat," sobbed King Dedede.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"That's King Dedede passing," said Kirby.

"I can't believe they passed without stopping!" said Roy, shocked, "There's so many heartless teams in this race!"

_Fox and Falcon_

Falcon stopped the car and peered out of the window.

"You okay, dudes?" said Falcon.

"We were in an accident," said Pikachu, being curdled by Zelda.

"Oooh… I'd like to get in an accident around Zelda," said Fox sexily, looking at Pikachu, being comforted by Zelda near her chest area.

…

"…why would you want to get in an accident?" said Falcon, "…you could get hurt!"

…

"Let's just… …go…" said Fox.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"LA LA LA" screamed Ganondorf, doing a handstand with his back facing the front windshield, operating the pedals with his head and steering with his thighs.

"OMG CAR CRASH" said Jigglypuff, shocked, pointing ahead.

"let us stop and help, LUCKILY we are very RESPONSIBLE drivers so that sorta stuff doesn't happen to us," said Ganondorf, repeatedly side-railing a Mini, causing it to spin out of control and narrowly miss another car.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"iN the case of emergency we have always carried around this first adi kit" said Jigglypuff, holding up a vat of sulphuric acid.

"Also, I HAVE A KNIfe and SaLT so that I can cut you open and then heal the wounds" said Ganondorf, holding up a knife threateningly.

"Gee! Thanks guys!" cheered Kirby.

"Uh… Kirby? Are you sure about this?" said Pikachu.

"…yep! And I'm so confident I'm volunteering you to go first!" said Kirby enthusiastically.

Kirby pushed Pikachu in front of Ganondorf.

Ganondorf stabbed Pikachu.

"Uh… uh…" said Kirby, backing away slowly.

_Wolf and Samus_

"We are so lost after we got off the highway," said Wolf, navigating through a bumpy, desert road.

_Toon Link and King Dededede_

"It's boiling and we're lost," said Toon Link, "…I think we see a team far ahead of us though."

_Fox and Falcon  
_"Geez, those desert girls there are suuuure hot," said Falcon, peering out of the window.

"Those are cacti," said Fox.

…

_Roy and Zelda_

"You guys go now," said Kirby, to Zelda.

"I love you all!" said Zelda, blowing a kiss to the Pokemon.

"Wow, you're so caring," said Roy, "And sweet, and that's what I love about you."

"Yep, yep, I love you, yep," said Zelda dismissively and quickly.

_Enrhein Camel Station_

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Their four-wheel drive turned into an even bumpier road.

"I spot camels!" said Wolf, pointing ahead.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Look Link! I'm a camel!" said King Dedede, wearing a novelty hat with a hump on top of it.

"Pay attention to the road," said Toon Link softly, clenching his teeth as their car neared a flock of camels.

"Honk! Honk!" said King Dedede, making a duck noise.

"That is not a camel noise, now can you please look at the road?!" screamed Toon Link, as they neared the bunch of camels.

"And…" said King Dedede, opening his door, "…bail!"

King Dedede attempted to jump out, but his penguin fat was too large to let him stay in the car.

"Uh…" said King Dedede, their car now fifty metres from the camels, and nearing quickly.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" screamed Toon Link and King Dedede.

_Wolf and Samus_

Samus jumped out of the car, ran out and grabbed a clue.

"You must now-" read Samus.

King Dedede's car was coming straight for Samus.

Most of the flock of camels ran off. One camel pushed Samus forward with his head to warn Samus.

"These animals are so rude!" said Samus angrily, holding her clue away from the camels, and holding her ground.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"AAAAHHHHH!!!!" screamed Toon Link and King Dedede, their car nearing Samus.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Samus!" screamed Wolf from twenty metres away.

"I'm trying to read the clue!" screamed Samus angrily.

A strong gust of wind came between the two.

"There's a car coming straight for you!" screamed Samus.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!" screamed Toon Link and King Dedede, their car coming straight for Samus.

Suddenly, a small tornado formed right in front of their car.

Their car gently glided over Samus's head and landed five metres from the clue box.

…

…

"Well… karma must be rewarding me for being such a good person!" laughed King Dedede.

King Dedede strolled out of the car, smiling smugly.

A tornado formed underneath his feet, picking him up, and swirling him towards a pit of spiky, sharp animal fossils.

"Okay! Okay!" screamed King Dedede, "I won't push my luck!"

The tornado put King Dedede back down.

"…sucker…" chuckled King Dedede.

The tornado started to form underneath King Dedede's feet.

"Okay! Okay!" screamed King Dedede.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay! We're here first!" said Wolf, grabbing a clue. "Road Block! Who can stand both heat and cold?"

"_Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person may perform! In this Road Block, that person must take one of these camels through the desert, braving ninety-degree heat! They must lead this camel on a two-kilometre trek to this oasis, where they must perform a ritual for the goddess, Ashera! Once they have taken this potion and submerged themselves in icy water for two minutes, they will be able to collect their next clue!"_

"I'll do it!" said Samus.

"Lead a camel on a two-kilometre trek along a marked path to an oasis," read Wolf, "Once there, participate in a traditional ritual to receive your next clue."

"Right!" said Samus, using a shovel to dig in the sand.

…

"…what possible reason led you to start digging in the sand?" said Wolf.

"I'm finding camels," said Samus.

…

"Technically, yoooou're…" said Wolf, "…not going to find a camel underneath the sand."

"You're not allowed to help!" said an on-location cameraman from production. "Or it's a five minute penalty!"

"What?!" said Wolf angrily.

"Don't worry, Wolf! I've got this all under control!" said Samus, digging deeper into the sand.

"Sure you do," sobbed Wolf, burying his head in his arms. "Sure you do."

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Road Block!" read Toon Link, "Who can stand both heat and cold?"

"I'll do it," said Toon Link, "After all, you shouldn't be running through the desert. You get sweaty reaching for a hamburger!"

Toon Link grinned at King Dedede.

King Dedede stared blankly.

"It was a joke," said Toon Link.

…

"…I'm making fun of your weight," said Toon Link.

…

"Oh! Very funny!" laughed King Dedede.

King Dedede lunged towards the cameraman, the picture turning black. Suddenly, the sound muted.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Coal Miners_

The picture came on again.

"Road Block!" said King Dedede enthusiastically, "Who can stand both heat and cold?"

"Ooh, ooh," said Toon Link angrily, scratch marks and bandages covering his face, which had two noticeable black eyes. "Me. Me. I'll do it."

"Yes, yes you should!" laughed King Dedede, "After all… I shouldn't be running through the desert! As I get… …sweaty reaching for a hamburger!"

King Dedede grinned, anticipating a laugh.

…

"You beat me up for making a joke about your weight and then you **steal** my joke and use it afterwards?!" said Toon Link angrily.

…

"Do you want me to do that to you again?" said King Dedede angrily, pointing to Toon Link's face.

"This is all being recorded," said Toon Link angrily.

"Just kidding!" screamed King Dedede in a very fake manner, "Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" screamed King Dedede forcefully.

_Kilvas Highway_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Oh look! Here's our spare car!" cheered Kirby, pointing to a four-wheel drive being driven towards them.

The car stopped, and a production assistant jumped out.

"Come on!" squeaked Pikachu, climbing into the back seat. "We have to catch up!"

"Yeah! We've got catching up to do!" announced Kirby.

Kirby revved the engine and accelerated down the highway at 120 miles per hour.

"Uh… Kirby…" said Pikachu nervously.

"Yep?" said Kirby, making a coffee as he took his hands off the steering wheel.

"Can you… try and be a bit safer this time?" said Pikachu nervously.

Kirby sipped his coffee as he sat back in his seat looking at the dangling fluffy dice with the car in auto-pilot. "Don't worry, everything should be fine!" said a relaxed Kirby who was leaning back further as the car accelerated in auto-pilot from 120 to 130 miles an hour as they approached a sharp 90-degree bend.

"Kirby!" screamed Pikachu, the sharp freeway bend nearing.

Pikachu grabbed onto the steering wheel, jumped onto the front seat and jammed on the brake, causing the car to skid around the corner, taking several cacti and cows with it as it made the turn.

"Oh! So now you have a problem with my driving?" said Kirby angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

Pikachu drove down the highway at a calm 80 miles an hour.

"You are… …such an old man driver," said Kirby angrily.

"I'm still speeding!" said Pikachu angrily, pointing to the 60 miles per hour sign on the right.

"Oooolllld maaan…" taunted Kirby.

…

"Do you want your cane, old man?" said Kirby.

"Shut up!" screamed Pikachu in a deep, gruff masculine voice.

_Enrhein Camel Station_

_Toon Link_

Toon Link crawled through the desert heat, taking shade in the camel who was walking alongside him.

"Go Link!" cheered King Dedede, "You better **hurry up**! Otherwise you'll **die in the desert heat** or be **eaten by coyotes!**"

Toon Link turned around angrily. "Those aren't even puns!" he screamed.

_Samus_

Samus continued to dig through the sand, looking for a camel.

"Samus, there aren't any camels there!" said Wolf angrily.

Samus rummaged through their car for a camel.

"You are not going to find a camel in the car," said Wolf angrily.

Samus started looking inside her clothes for a camel.

"Samus… …no Samus…" said Wolf, sobbing into his paws.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

The frats sped their car into the parking lot, narrowly missing small animals and endangered wildlife as they sped into the carpark.

"Frats are here, and they're ready to party!" screamed Fox, jumping out of the car in his bathers, holding a keg of beer.

"The party is here!" screamed Falcon, wearing a skimpy swimsuit.

"Race you to the pool!" screamed Fox, running towards a pile of hot quicksand.

They jumped into the sand.

"This pool is so freaking heated!" cheered Falcon.

They sunk.

"I hope I can meet a girlfriend!" cheered Fox, drowning.

_Kilvas Highway_

_Kirby and Pikachu_

Pikachu drove the car.

"So… old man…" said Kirby, pushing his face up to Pikachu's. "…you had your pills yet?"

Pikachu glared angrily, and continued to drive the car.

"Have you cleaned your dentures today?" said Kirby, grinning.

Pikachu scrunched his face up and continued to stare at the highway.

"…there's bingo afterwards!" said Kirby.

…

"Do you like bingo?" said Kirby.  
"Shut up!" screamed Pikachu in his deep, manly, masculine voice.

…

"No bingo for you then!" said Kirby angrily. Kirby jumped back into the back seat and crossed his arms angrily.

_Enrhein Camel Station_

_Toon Link  
_"Go camel, go!" said Toon Link, waddling along next to his camel in the desert heat.

_Samus  
_Samus looked underneath a rock.

"No Samus, no," said Wolf angrily.

Samus walked past the camel.

"Samus!" screamed Wolf angrily, "Back there!"

Samus walked back towards the camel. Samus walked past the camel. Samus looked underneath a rock.

"AEIFBHWEUFONIO!" screamed Wolf, biting his hand.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"I'll do it, groovy dude!" said Falcon, wearing a 60's rainbow t-shirt and psychedelic-vision-inducing sunglasses.

"Since when do you _ever_ talk like that?" said Fox angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"DRIVING IN THE DESERT" said Jigglypuff, covering Ganondorf's face as he drove down the freeway.

"DRIVING IN THE DESERT" screamed Ganondorf, attempting to insert chocolate into his own mouth except Jigglypuff was blocking his mouth so he was actually inserting chocolate into Jigglypuff's back which did not digest the chocolate very easily.

_Toon Link_

"Hiya!" screamed Link, leading the camel throughout the desert.

The camel walked at the same speed.

"Go faster, boy!" cheered Toon Link.

The camel walked at the same speed.

"Good boy!" said Toon Link, patting the camel.

_Samus_

"Wolf, I have worked out what the camel is!" said Samus proudly.

"What?" said Wolf impatiently.

"That!" said Samus, pointing to a camel.

"Yes Samus, yes!" cheered Wolf, "Well done! Now you can finally lead your camel and-"

Samus shot the camel repeatedly with her blaster.

"Now I can lead my camel across the desert!" cheered Samus, looking at her incredibly maimed camel.

"Generally when you lead camels on treks, they're supposed to be _alive_," said Wolf pitifully.

…

"…oooohhhhhhh…" said Samus.

…

"Oops," said Samus.

"Just take another camel," said Wolf.

"No, no! I think I've got this!" said Samus, attempting to drag the dead camel across the sand.

"Just. Take. Another. Camel." said Wolf angrily.

"Look! Look!" cheered Samus, pointing at the stationary camel, "It's moooving! It's mooooooving!"

"**JUST TAKE ANOTHER CAMEL**" screamed Wolf.

…

Samus took another camel. "Get it, _**moooving?**_"

"Camels do not moo," said Wolf.

"Waah! Waah!" cried Samus, running off crying.

_Oasis_

_Toon Link_

"Go Toon Link!" cheered King Dedede, driving in the jeep alongside Toon Link.

"Phew, almost there," said Toon Link, panting, taking several steps towards a post and then tying the camel to it. He pulled the clue out of his pants pocket. "Once there, participate in a traditional ritual to receive your next clue."

"I give you ritual!" screamed a crazy old lady, holding up a strange mixture in a glass.

"Uggh," muttered Toon Link under his breath.

"I believe in you!" cheered King Dedede from his car.

"I guess I have to do this for the race," said Toon Link, cringing at the worms and dirt surrounding the glass.

"You can do it!" cheered King Dedede.

Toon Link took the mixture and swallowed it.

"You can realise that this is actually not part of the task!" cheered King Dedede.

Toon Link started to choke. "This is disgusting!" screamed Toon Link. "What did you say?"

"It's not part of the task!" cheered King Dedede.

"W- WHAT?!" screamed Toon Link angrily, gagging on the mud, peanut butter and worm chowder inside the mixture.

A worm crawled out of his stomach and into his mouth. "You mean I drank this disease-ridden drink and it's not part of the race?!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"Well, that's what I paid that crazy lady to do!" laughed King Dedede, "The ritual is over there!" King Dedede pointed over to a booth next to the oasis that was labelled 'ritual'.

"cDSVSDJHNIE!" screamed Toon Link, becoming infected with disease.

"Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!" chuckled King Dedede.

_Toon Link  
Performing Ritual_

"So this is the ritual?" said Toon Link, looking at a dinky plastic cup on the table.

"Yep, it's pretty simple!" said a native wolf girl sitting at the desk.

Toon Link downed the potion. "Hey, this is sweet!" said Toon Link happily, ingesting the sweet syrup with ease. "Is that the whole ritual?"

"Yep," said the girl.

…

"Oh, also we have to submerge you in water for two minutes," said the wolf girl.

"Submerge whaaaa?" said Toon Link.

"I'LL DO IT!" screamed King Dedede, jumping out of the car, running across the hot sand and picking up Toon Link.

He dived into the oasis, pinning Toon Link below the water.

"THIS. WILL. TEACH YOU." screamed King Dedede, pushing down with all his might, "TO TRY. AND. TAKE. MY. PLACE. AS. A. COMIC RELIEF CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!"

"mmmf!" screamed Toon Link.

"Time's up," said the native.

"NOT ON MY WATCH" screamed King Dedede, pushing Toon Link down further.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Well, I knew that all along!" laughed King Dedede, glaring at the locals angrily with one eye, "I knew that the potion you drank assists you in breathing underwater! Why else would I try and drown you besides for comedic effect?"

"You didn't know that!" said Toon Link angrily, flapping his gills, taking the clue, "I still can't believe you tried to drown me!"

Toon Link opened the clue.

"Drive to the Persis Military Training Centre!" read Toon Link.

"_Teams must drive through the political and economic capital of Begnion, Sienne to find this military training centre!" said Master Hand, "Once here, they must search the grounds for their next clue!"_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Hey! We're finally in first place!" cheered Toon Link.

"…or are we?" said King Dedede, grinning goofily.

"Oh no you don't!" screamed Toon Link, dragging King Dedede along.

King Dedede's fat penguin body budged barely an inch.

"Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

Toon Link grunted.

_Enrhein Camel Station_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Road Block! Who can stand both heat and cold?" read Ganondorf.

"oh me me me I can do it" said Jigglypuff enthusiastically.

"well" joked Ganondorf, who was about five feet taller than Jigglypuff, "if my partner, who is not hear doesn't want to do it"

Ganondorf looked around at the surroundings his height.

"…then I'll have 2 do it" said Ganondorf angrily, "way 2 let me down bitch"

Jigglypuff kicked Ganondorf in the shins.

"ow ow o wow ow my shins" cried Ganondorf, falling over the ground.

"NOW U CAN FEEL WHAT IT'S LIKE 2 BE ME" said Jigglypuff angrily, stabbing Ganondorf's legs repeatedly. in the desert.

_10 minutes later…_

"well" said Ganondorf, sitting on a wheelchair, "I am sitting on wheelchair and still taller than you olol!"

Jigglypuff removed Ganondorf's wheels. "how about now" cryed Jigglypuff.

Ganondorf was two feet tall, sitting on the ground. "still taller than yuo!"

Jigglypuff grabbed a chainsaw and-

_2 minutes later…_

"now u are as tall as me!" laffed Jigglypuff, leaning on Ganondorf's disembodied head.

"OMG I AM REALLY HUMILIATED AND IN A LOT OF PAIN AS I AM A DISEMBODIED HEAD" screamed Ganondorf.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Rooy! We are so behind!" screamed Zelda, panicking, ripping open the clue. "Road Block! Who can stand both heat and cold?"

"I'll do it, Zel," said Roy.

"ROOOY!" screamed Zelda, "You never let me do anything!"

"Are you sure?" said Roy, pointing to Jigglypuff leading a camel in front of them, "It looks like you might have to walk through the desert."

"Oh, so are you saying women are physically incapable of performing any task that involves even an ounce of strength?" said Zelda angrily, "I am woman and I am strong!"

An ant crawled up to next to Zelda's leg.

"AIIIIEEEE!" screamed Zelda, jumping into Roy's arms in a Scooby-Doo-esque style, trembling.

"…I'll do it," said Roy.

_Kilvas Highway_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

Pikachu drove down the highway.

"We are currently in last place," said Kirby. "We've never been used to this position and we don't want to go home today."

Kirby glared at Pikachu angrily, "And maybe we wouldn't if this old man here wouldn't drive so slowly!"

"Forgive me for driving 59 in a 60 zone!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Old man," said Kirby, grinning.

…

"Old man, we're going to play some 1920's songs afterwards," said Kirby, grinning.

…

"Are you excited?" taunted Kirby.

"Well if I'm an old man, then that makes you a little kid!" said Pikachu angrily. "Go back to kindergarten, little boy!"

…

"…hey!" whimpered Kirby.

_Enrhein Camel Station_

_Samus_

Samus walked the camel along.

"So… is there anything you'd like to say to me?" said Samus angrily.

The camel did not respond.

"I KNOW YOU'RE HIDING SOMETHING FROM ME!" screamed Samus, shaking the camel.

The camera panned fifty metres behind Samus.

_Falcon_

"Come on camel!" cheered Falcon excitedly, placing shots of whiskey in front of the camel to mark out a path.

The camel slurped up a shot, walking quicker and quicker to each next glass.

"To the college guidance counsellors, I say ha!" said Falcon triumphantly to the camera, "Alcohol has many benefits indeed!"

The camel fell asleep.

"Damn it!" screamed Falcon.

The camera panned across the desert, several hundred metres back.

_Jigglypuff_

"OMG CAMEL" said Jigglypuff angrily, wearing a sparkly bandana, "it's step step jump not step jump step!!!!!!!"

"HOW CAN you make it on the cheer team if you can't perform _basic choreography!_" screamed Ganondorf angrily, with a lisp.

_Roy_

"You know," commented Roy to the camera, streams of sweat flowing down his red face, "It's really hot out here and it's really tough, but I keep on going because I know I have the full support of my partner!"

_Begnion Plaza_

_Zelda_

"Hmm… hmm… hmm…" said Zelda, shopping for shoes.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Oh my gosh!" said Toon Link excitedly, passing all of the racers leading camels, "I think we're in first place!"

"Oh, we'll take care of that," laughed King Dedede evilly, cradling his hands.

"You're on my team, you know!" said Toon Link angrily.

King Dedede stared at Toon Link, dumbfounded. "You mean… we're racing… together?!?!"

"I can't believe I just heard those words coming out of your mouth!" said Toon Link angrily, "And to believe-"

"Just kidding!" laughed King Dedede.

"oooohhhh!" laughed Toon Link.

…

"Well, now that we're in first place," commented Toon Link, "We should-"

"nyom nyom nyom!" laughed King Dedede, inhaling Toon Link and eating him.

"…I WAS THE ONE DRIVING!" screamed Toon Link.

"hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

"It's on auto-pilot and everything! We might hit something!" screamed Toon Link.

"Okay! Just fooling around!" laughed King Dedede.

King Dedede reached in his mouth to pull out Toon Link, but grabbed something else.

"Okay, here goes!" said King Dedede excitedly, pulling out his heart and-

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" screamed King Dedede, in excruciating pain, holding up his heart.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" screamed Toon Link, looking out of King Dedede's mouth, noticing the cave that their car was speeding towards.

Dramatic pre-ad-break music.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" screamed Toon Link, looking out of King Dedede's mouth, noticing the cave that their car was speeding towards.

"Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede, placing Toon Link back into the driver's seat. "Just kidding!"

"Very funny," said Toon Link angrily, taking control of the car.

"You see," laughed King Dedede, "I bought this fake heart to scare you into thinking-"

The 'fake' heart in King Dedede's hand started beating.

"Oooohhhh…. Craaaap…" said King Dedede, pulling out the fake heart of his stomach.

King Dedede collapsed onto the dashboard.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"We are currently turning into the camel station," said Kirby turning the wheel as Pikachu operated the pedals, "And we're hoping that one team's still stuck here."

Toon Link and King Dedede's car came towards them. Both cars slowed down.

"Yo dudes," said King Dedede, the four-wheel drive's hydraulics causing it to bounce in time to the bird's hip hop mixtape, "Everyone's still at the task."

"If you guys work quick, you can still stay in!" said Toon Link.

"Okay, you got that?" said Kirby.

Pikachu nodded.

"Onwards!" cheered Kirby in his deep, manly warrior voice. "We shall let nothing stand in our way!"

Pikachu pressed the accelerator pedal.

"Oh! Oh!" said Kirby, pointing to a juice stand on the side of the road in the middle of the desert, "Can we get some juice? We need some juice!"

Pikachu drove past.

"You are **NO **fun, old man!" said Kirby angrily.

"Don't you want to stay in?" said Pikachu angrily.

"Don't you want some juice?!" screamed Kirby.

_Oasis_

Wolf and Fox waited at the end of the Road Block in their cars.

"So…" said Fox sexily out of his window to the next car, "What are you doing afterwards, Samus?"

Wolf rolled down his window angrily.

"I did not realise you looked uh… like that under your suit," said Fox hesitantly, leaning back.

"I am not Samus!" screamed Wolf angrily.

"You seriously need a shave, bearded lady," said Fox sexily, leaning towards Wolf.

"I AM NOT SAMUS!" screamed Wolf.

_Samus_

"I'm done!" said Samus, panting as she crawled the final steps of her long trek.

"Way to go, Samus!" cheered Wolf, "Go Girl!"

"That was so tiring," said Samus, taking a drink from a production-provided refreshment stand.

"You still have to perform the ritual!" said Wolf.

"Getting onto it, honey!" said Samus, walking over to the potion stand.

"This potion shall give you gills," said a mysterious, veiled woman, "Which will allow you to stay underwater for a long time."

"Oh my god!" screamed some random fanboy, "Samus transforming into a fish whilst wearing her revealing zero suit! This is a dream come true!"

Everyone stared at him.

"I'm just gonna uh…" said the fanboy nervously.

Security escorted him out just as Samus was about to change into her zero suit.

"NUUUUEEEE" screamed the fanboy.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Road Block! Who can stand both heat and cold?" read Kirby.

"I'll do it," said Pikachu, "You need to stop for food every two minutes."

"Do not!" said Kirby, snacking on Pikachu's ear.

"That's my ear," said Pikachu angrily.

"Uh…" said Kirby.

_Falcon_

"We are done, bro!" screamed Falcon, tying his camel to a post.

"Go dude!" cheered Fox.

"I am so excited to get in the water with Samus!" said Falcon excitedly.

"Hey!" screamed Wolf angrily, "_**Nobody**_ makes comments about _**my girlfriend!**_"

…

"…Samus is… a dude?" said Falcon.

"You are an idiot!" screamed Wolf.

"Samus is a dude?!" screamed Fox.

"I told you that like, two minutes ago!" screamed Wolf.

Fox chugged down another bottle of beer. "Samush is… a duuude?" said Fox slurrily.

"You guys are absolute idiots," said Wolf.

_Falcon_

"I'm comin' for ya, Samus!" said Falcon excitedly, downing his gill pills.

_Samus_

A shot of Samus gliding underwater peacefully played.

_Wolf and Fox_

"You know," said Fox drunkenly, putting his arm around Wolf's shoulder, "There's one thing I neeever really understood about Samus…"

Wolf pushed Fox's arm off him.

"If Samus is like 6 foot or whatever… how come she can bend into the shape of a basketball because there…" said Fox, with slightly unclear speech, "…there's no way the human body can even contort itself into that position, nor can the human body take up that little space! Huuuuuh, Wolf?"

"Okay, I've got another mystery," said Wolf angrily, "How can you be so freakin' stupid and get your own series of games, huh? Huh?"

"Hee, hee," laughed Fox childishly, "You're silly!"

"I was **insulting** you," said Wolf angrily.

"Gaw! Haw! Haw!" sobbed Fox.

_Falcon: 0:23  
Samus: 1:34_

"Show me your moves!" said Fish Falcon, flaunting his gills to Samus.

Samus pushed Falcon back into a rock violently.

"Ooh… I like a girl who plays rough," said Falcon sexily.

Falcon realised he was impaled on a sharp spike.

"Owie! Owie! Owie!" screamed Falcon, bleeding.

The sharks in the oasis noticed and-

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

Fish Samus emerged from the water.

"Yaay!" cheered a team of teenage fanboys.

Samus, Wolf, security and production gave them a dirty look.

"NUUUEEE!" screamed the kids, being escorted to the execution chamber.

Wolf ripped open the clue. "Drive to the Persis Military Training Centre!" read Wolf.

"Come on, let's beat the frats!" screamed Samus angrily in a manly baritone.

_Fox and Falcon_

The camera panned over to Captain Falcon, who climbed out of the water desperately, gasping for air, sharks mauling his tight-fitting suit, gnashing their teeth into his skin.

Captain Falcon stood up, a shark's teeth impaled on one of his buttocks. Falcon casually grabbed the clue and read, "Drive to the Persis Military Training Centre!"

"Dude, there's a shark biting your ass," said Fox, staring at the shark biting Falcon.

"Why thank you," said Falcon, smiling giddily, doing a masculine curtsey.

"How could that _**possibly**_ be misconstrued as a compliment?!" said Fox angrily.

"I thought you were saying my buttocks were nice and firm!" cried Falcon, running off crying.

_Pikachu  
On Road Block: Currently Last_

"Come on, Pikachu!" cheered Kirby, driving alongside his partner who ran along, camel in hand.

"I'm trying my best!" said Pikachu, waddling quickly through the sand, holding a leash through his teeth.

"Good word bud, we're catching up!" cheered Kirby.

_Roy  
On Road Block: Currently 5__th_

The camera panned towards Roy, who was struggling to stand up straight.

"The desert heat is killing me," muttered Roy, sweat covering his eyes, hands and face, "I hope I'm not hallucinating but I think I see the end not too far away."

_Jigglypuff  
On Road Block: Currently 4__th_

"I LIIIKE JELLY" sang Jigglypuff in a beautiful soprano, taking a bite out of the camel.

"I LIKE CAKE" screamed Ganondorf, biting the camel's ear.

"I LIKE CAMEL SERVED ON MY PLATE" sang Jigglypuff to Disney-esque background music, bluebirds flapping and resting on her arms.

"I LIKE PIE" said Ganondorf, holding up a freshly baked pie.

"SO DO I" said Jigglypuff, holding up a coyote skull that rested next to her feet.

"LET'S TAKE THIS KNIFE AND CUT ALL INSIDE" sung Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, holding up a knife together.

They started to kill the camel.

"Uh…" said the cameraman, "The task is to transport the camel, not to _eat _the camel."

…

"wAY TO Tell us, camel!!!!" said Ganondorf angrily.

"yea! Wey tO LeT US down Camel!!!!!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

The camel's carcass did not respond.

"YOU ARE Deeleted from mah myspac ea and face book and twitter and blocked from msn" said Ganondorf angrily.

The camel's carcass did not respond.

…

"dibs," said Ganondorf, pointing to one of the camel's legs.

_Sienne_

Baroque harpsichord music played as shots played of aristocracy, grand buildings and upper

class folk.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Wow, this is such a high class place!" said Toon Link, admiring the bliss of this renaissance city, watching academics stroll down the street in their gowns.

King Dedede came to a stop at a traffic light.

"Yes, everyone here is quite sophisticated and polite," said King Dedede. He rolled down the window, and in a British accent said, "Good afternoon good sir!"

"Good afternoon plump anthropomorphic bird!" said a man dressed in a suit, in a posh British accent. "The fast food chain is around the corner!"

"Ho, ho, ho!" laughed a band of his associates.

"Very clever," said King Dedede, stepping out of the car, "And the hospital is also around the corner, too!"

…

"wut?" said Toon Link.

_Sienne Police Station_

King Dedede and Toon Link sat in a jail cell.

"You BROKE his KNEECAPS?!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"NO I _**ATE**_ HIS KNEECAPS" screamed King Dedede, blood and foam frothing from his mouth.

_Sienne_

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Wow, this place is so high class and posh!" said Wolf excitedly, looking out his window at a traffic light, "I actually feel like I fit in with my monocle!"

"I thought it was an eye patch," said Samus.

"I KNOW it's an eye patch!" said Wolf angrily, "Haven't we been over this like, twenty times this race?"

"Uh…" said Samus, searching through the last five chapters, "…doesn't seem like it."

…

"…wut?" said Wolf.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

Fox drove through town, Falcon chugging a beer in his mouth.

"This place _freaking sucks_!" said Fox angrily, pointing at the old men in nice suits walking around, "It's like all of the bad, academic parts of college put together in one place! All of the professors that failed us because _we couldn't stand straight_ or we were _too inebriated to sit for finals_!" sobbed Fox, waving his arms angrily every time he read out the _italicised words_.

"I know buddy," said Falcon, patting Fox, "Sometimes life just isn't fair."

_Enrhein Camel Station_

_Roy: Currently 5__th__  
Pikachu: Currently Last_

Roy struggled to keep a steady pace as Pikachu caught up from behind.

"Go camel, go!" cheered Pikachu, scampering past Roy under the shade of his camel.

_Roy  
On Road Block: Currently Last_

Roy sighed as he was passed, "All of us are fighting to avoid elimination right now and we're pretty close together."

_Jigglypuff: Currently 4__th_

"gANNIE I'M SO Tvvvvbbbbbbtiiiiired" screamed Jigglypuff, dragging the dead camel down the last thirty metre straight.

"WELL MAYBE you SHOUldn'T ComaPlain or I will shoot you" said Ganondorf, "Shoot you WITH this GUN liked I dids for the camel"

"why do you killed the camel?!" cried Jigglypuff, "it's like 9.36 x 10^5 times aharrder"

"wELL it's NOT avery hard for ME so IT SHOUldn't BE For YOU dumb BITCH" said Ganondorf, cruising alongside Jigglypuff in his air-conditioned car.

"omg it's easy for us as you have aircon and everything!1" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"well YOU DON'T HAVE AIRCorn cos nobody like you!!!!" said Gnaondor f angrily.

"waah waah waah" sobbed Jigglypuff, running off crying.

"you'll be back" said Ganondorf.`

"i'm a golnna make this whole of quicksand and then die out in the desert heat I hope ur happy" said Jigglypuff angrily, grabbing a shovel out of the camel's insides. Jigglypuff started digging.

Pikachu scampered past with his camel.

"omg u can't do that's!" laffed Ganondorf.,. "as you r not strong enuff to dig a WHOle because you DON'T Have all The vitamins from riboflavin to THIACIN stupid!!!!!!"

"waah waah waah" sobbed Jigglypuff.

"what a stupid joak you are" said Ganondorf, taking a book out of the camel's insides, "I am going to edit this joke book and right in ur name because u r a joke"

"waah waah waah" sobbed Jigglypuff.

Ganondorf grabbed a pen out of the camel's insides, "LOOK I'm editing the joak book and drawing ur name in it cos ur so stupid and then that makes you a joke as your name is contained within the joke book OLOL and calling u a joke implies that ur merit as a person is quite low to society's standards OLOL"

"WAAH WAAH WAAH" sobbed Jigglypuff, taking tissues out of the camel's insides.

"waaaaaah waaaaaaaaah" sobbed Jigglypuff, taking a black marker out of the camel's insides, drawing emo tears on herself.

"" sobbed Jigglypuff, taking a laptop out of the camel and posting emo messages on her myspace.

Roy walked past with his camel to see Jigglypuff pulling out random objects from the camel.

"And what exactly did you guys _**feed**_ this camel?!" said Roy in disbelief.

_Pikachu  
Performing Ritual_

Pikachu ran over to the post and tied his camel to it.

"Great work!" cheered Kirby, "You have to still do the ritual!"

Pikachu looked at the oasis nervously, "Do I… have to go in that?!"

A shrieking high-pitched violin sound played.

"Yeah, come on, dude!" cheered Kirby. "You'll do fine!"

"I dunno!" said Pikachu nervously.

_Roy  
Performing Ritual_

Roy walked the final stretch with his camel and tied it to the post.

"Well done Roy!" cheered Zelda, wearing a completely new outfit, holding her new desert-themed handbag.

"…where did you pick that outfit from?" said Roy.

…

"…it's uh… a mirage… and certainly not a waste of our race money" said Zelda shiftily.

"…oh," said Roy.

"Yeeeah," said Zelda shiftily.

_Jigglypuff: Currently Last_

"omg if ur not gonna treat me liek a human being this relationship is OVA!!!!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"LOL WHATEVA" laffed Ganondorf.

"I'm leving 4eva and I'm gonna go out and u'll be sorry without me!!!" sobed Jigglypuff.

"okay" laffed Ganondorf, "i don't need u! I will enjoy this nice bottle of grape juice in this air conditioned car"

"ha!" laffed Jigglypuff spitefully, "u can't drink that without me cos u have week wrists!!!"

"i so can open it with my bear hands!" said Ganondorf, showing Jigglypuff his bear hands.

"ha!" laffed Jigglypuff.

"GNNNGGHHHHGGNNNGGHHHH!" screamed Ganondorf, trying to twist the bottle.

JIgglypuff walked off.

"wait jeeglypoff b4 u leave 4eva can u open this 4 me?!" said Ganondorf, thirsty.

"NO!" said Jigglypuff angrily, walking further away.

"omg ur such a bitch" said Ganondorf.

"Hmmph!" screamed Jigglypuff.

…

"O MY GOD i'm gonna die of dehydration if i don't drink this juce!!!!" said Ganondorf angrily.

…

"jeeeglypoff!" screamed Ganondorf, crumpling up and dying.

_Persis Military Training Centre_

_Persis Military Training Centre_

Shots of marching wolf men and humans in strict formation played on screen.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Their car, jerking forwards suddenly every few seconds and then stopping, made its way into the car park.

"Stop doing that!" screamed Toon Link, as the car came to a halt again.

King Dedede accelerated the car quickly and jerked it forward. "Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

"Stop it!" screamed Toon Link, "What are you trying to do, make me sick?!"

"Nope, I'm trying to make _**me**_ sick!" laughed King Dedede.

"That doesn't even begin to make sens-" uttered Toon Link angrily.

"BLEEEEUGGGHHHH!" screamed King Dedede, vomiting camel meat and month-old Subway into Toon Link's face in a constant stream, like a hose.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Coal Miners_

Toon Link, covered in old food and undigested meat stood next to King Dedede, arms crossed in anger.

"Detouuuur!" sung King Dedede melodically, "Sword Training or Board Training!"

"_This military centre is Begnion's central youth training facility, where sissies are turned into real men!" said Master Hand, "In this detour, teams have to join the armed forces for a day and choose between two military training exercises: Sword Training and Board Training!"  
"In Sword Training, teams must go to this field and must demonstrate increasing levels of sword proficiency! First, teams must run through this field full of dummies and hack their way through twenty dummies in just two minutes! If these Olympic judges are impressed with the technique, form and variety of the team's attacks (giving a combined score of 20 out of 30 or more), teams may progress to the next drill!"  
"Secondly, teams must walk over to this circus tent and learn how to juggle swords with each other! Once they can get three swords working at a time for five seconds, teams may progress onto the next drill!"  
"Lastly, both members must walk over to this fencing field and choose a swordsman each to duel! To finish this detour, each team member must get three hits on their swordsman! This seems easy, but with an unlimited time limit, and a pay bonus for every gallon of blood each swordsman can drain from each contestant, teams may find themselves literally being held up… because they have been impaled by a sword and the sword's been stuck up high which means they've been held up!"  
"In Board Training, teams must snowboard through a 2 kilometre snowboard course in an icy underground cavern, one of the planet's toughest! If teams can brave through areas of pitch black, cliffs, 45- degree one metre-wide drops and several loop the loops, they might find themselves… speeding ahead! However, if teams get stuck, they will have to be transported by snowmobile back to the top, a very time-consuming break between each try!"_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Let's do Sword Training, definitely," said Toon Link.

_Enrhein Camel Station_

_Roy  
Performing Ritual_

"Come on, Roy!" cheered Zelda, as Roy swallowed the potion.

_Pikachu  
Performing Ritual_

"Come on, Pikachu!" encouraged Kirby, holding Pikachu's shoulders, "The potion will help you hold your breath for longer! I know you can do this!"

"I guess…" said Pikachu nervously.

_Roy_

Roy took off his shirt and dived into the water.

"Go Roy!" cheered Zelda, "Come on, we're not gonna be in last!"

_Jigglypuff: Currently in Last_

"jeeglypoff I can't believe u'd leave me like this" sobbed Ganondorf, "ur such an unreasonable bitch and now I'm going to die of heat exhaustion and it's all ur fault"

Jigglypuff stumbled outside from dehydration.

"u are soooo selfish" said Ganondorf, leaning back in his chair in the well circulated, air-conditioned car, "u have like, no idea how 4tunute u are when ppl like me have to die out in the desert like this"

"omg help" said Jigglypuff, dying.

"sorry, did I just hear _**a total bitch**_ speak or was that just the wind?!" said Ganondorf angrily.

"omg help" screamed JIgglypuff, choking.

"u r so selfish and to think of all the sacrafices I make 4 u!!!" said Ganondorf angrily.

Jigglypuff's health meter neared 0.

"OMG u totally just used a mod to do that, I'm not sharing my resources u cheater!!!" said Ganondorf angrily.

_Pikachu  
Performing Ritual_

"Come on, dude!" said Kirby supportively. "I'll buy you a peanut butter chocolate ice cream if you do this!"

"You know I'm allergic to nuts," said Pikachu, trembling with fear.

"Oh, what a shame," said Kirby, getting lost in thought, "Guess I'd have to eat that ice cream… that nice, nice, delicious looking ice cream…"

"This really isn't helping that much…" said Pikachu, trembling.

_Roy  
Time Breath Held: 1:22_

"Woooow!" said Roy, underwater, apparently the first contestant to realise that it is quite different to be able to breathe underwater.

_Pikachu  
Performing Ritual_

"Nah dude, I joke!" said Kirby, patting Pikachu on the back, "I know you can do this, bud! Besides, it's gonna be cool in there anyway, and the potion is gonna help you stay under there!"

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Post-Leg Interview_

"Electric Pokemon have a natural fear of water," said Kirby.

"Mainly because there's the possibility of us electrocuting ourselves which hurts a lot!" said Pikachu, shuddering. "We have to be relaxed not to electrocute ourselves!"

_Pikachu  
Performing Ritual_

"Come on!" cheered Kirby, "I know you can do this!"

"Here goes!" said Pikachu nervously, jumping in.

Triumphant music played.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Drive to the Persis Military Training Centre!" read Roy.

"I'm so proud of you, honey!" cheered Zelda.

_Jigglypuff: Currently in Last_

The air-conditioner stopped working.

"OMG jigglypuff this is rly serious I'm gonna die hear now" said Ganondorf.

Jigglypuff lay passed out in the desert.

"OMG this is srsly not a time to be playing ded!!!!!" said Ganondorf. "the heat is going to make me exhausted and then i'm going to dehydrate and then I'm going to starve…"

Ganondorf stared at Jigglypuff's body.

"…unless…" said Ganondorf.

_Two seconds later…_

"NYOM NYOM NYOM" said Ganondorf, biting and chewing Jigglypuff's leg.

"OMG WTF r u doing" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"I thought u were food!" said Ganondorf angrily.

_Pikachu  
Time Breath Held: 0:48_

"Stay caaalm… stay calm…" said Pikachu to himself, trembling underwater.

_Kirby_

"I am so proud of Pikachu right now," said Kirby happily, "He's my best friend and it means a lot that he's doing this for me!"

_Jigglypuff: Currently in Last_

Jigglypuff stood in the middle of the desert, sobbing, sitting down with her camel.

"jiggy is everything ok?" said Ganondorf, feeling slightly guilty.

"yes," said Jigglypuff angrily.

"OH okiee!!!!" said Ganondorf happily, "Because u are usually such a bitch wen ur depressed because no-1 likes you"

"I AM OBVIOUSLY NOT ok!!" cried Jigglypuff, sobbing.

"i am so sorry!" cried Ganondorf, biting into his ice cream.

"NO ICE Cream for Yuo!!!!" screamed Jigglypuff, taking Ganondorf's ice cream and throwing it in the sand.

"HOW DARE YOU THROW MY ICE CREAM AWAY LIKE THAT!" screamed Ganondorf, tensing his muscly muscles angrily. "THAT MAKES ME FEEL ANGRY!"

"…u are feeling right now, how u make me feel all the tiem!!!!" said Jigglypuff, sobbing. "evry time u say bad things its like me throwing ur ice cream in the sand"

"i never understood the severity of the situation before you created this analogy!!!" sobbed Ganondorf, "I'M A MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"waaaaah" cried Ganondorf. "I'm sorry"

"I forgive you," said Jigglypuff, sad music playing in the background.

"I'm glad you can forgive me," said Ganondorf, mellow saxophone elevator music playing in the background, "…now Jigglypuff, we have a race to run!"

Triumphant music played in the background.

_Pikachu  
Time Breath Held: 1:51_

"You can do this!" said Pikachu to himself.

"Time's up!" shouted the native from above water.

Pikachu hurriedly emerged from the water, gasping for air.

"Go Pikachu!" cheered Kirby.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Drive to the Persis Military Training Centre!" read Kirby, Pikachu drying himself off with a towel.

_Persis Military Training Centre_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
1__st__ Drill: Dummy Hacking_

"Okay, so we have to kill twenty dummies in two-minutes," paraphrased Toon Link, looking down at the clue as they walked towards the field of dummies.

"…aaand… we get judged on our form, technique and variety of attacking techniques?!?!" said Toon Link, astonished.

"Yep, looks like it!" said King Dedede, pointing to a table of three judges in front of the dummies.

"This isn't sword training, this is… the moronic cousin of Olympic ice skating!" said Toon Link angrily.

An angry Russian man wearing a flamboyant, decorated-with-sequins leotard, wearing skates stared at Toon Link angrily.

Toon Link blushed, "Which of course, I love!"

_One minute later…_

"Okay, so are we going to get started?" said Toon Link impatiently.

"Soon!" said King Dedede angrily, "Just because you're skinny and you can fit into _**your**_ leotard quickly!"

"But we're not wearing leotards," said Toon Link.

"Then where did I get this-"

The angry, almost-naked Russian ice skater stared at King Dedede angrily.

"…oh," chuckled King Dedede, "What an innocent mistake! I must have just mistook you for a coat hook stand, and I must have taken off your costume presuming we were supposed to wear it for the task! Innocent mistake!"

"How is that an innocent mistake?" said Toon Link softly, rolling his eyes.

"Oh don't worry! Accidentally removing leotard happens all the time to Dimitri with Russian girls, you know?!" laughed the Russian man.

…

Toon Link chuckled nervously, realising he would receive a death stare if he did otherwise from the Russian man.

_One minute later…_

King Dedede put the classical record on. Toon Link and King Dedede paused in the position as the record sped up.

The sound track started. Toon Link took giant ballet-esque leaps across the grass in front of the judges, landing in the splits, slicing off the heads of two nearby dummies.

A Waddle Dee inserted some sheets of ice underneath King Dedede's feet. He put on some skates and performed a triple-lutz whilst holding the sword in his teeth, disembowelling three dummies at once.

Toon Link did a brief waltz with another dummy, putting it into a position where three were lined up together. He plunged his sword through all their stomachs.

As the piece came to a close, King Dedede stabbed the final dummy in time with the pulsating notes of the orchestral work, giving the dummy a death kiss on the final note.

The record stopped. Toon Link and King Dedede bowed to the judges, who all proceeded to give them a standing ovation. Roses and teddy bears were thrown on the ice/grass in front of them.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Completed 1__st__ Drill_

"Okay," said Toon Link, looking at the clue, "Now we have to juggle swords!"

_Sword Juggling Tent_

"Okay," explained Toon Link, "Juggling swords might look hard but the trick is to try and give the sword enough rotation that it floats up and-"

"Catch!" laughed King Dedede, spearing a sword in Toon Link's direction.

"Yikes!" screamed Toon Link, ducking for cover. He stood up angrily, "What the hell? You could've killed me!"

"Relax!" laughed King Dedede, "It's just a plastic sword!"

King Dedede noticed the man stumbling behind Toon Link with a very sharp sword impaled in his chest.

"…uh… a very sharp plastic sword…" said King Dedede.

_Oasis_

_Jigglypuff  
Performing Ritual_

"She must now take this potion that will grow gills on her and help her breath underwater!" said the native to Ganondorf.

"my gal doesn't need pills silly!1!1" laffed Ganondorf, "as she IS a one of the best qwater pokemon"

"I am clearly of the pretty pokemon type" said Jigglypuff brilliantly "I mean uh balloon pokemon"

"that was clearoly a joak!!!!" said Ganon dorf cataclysmically

"u know u are also a joak too!" taunted Jigglypuff astonishingly.

"GAW HAW HAW" cried Ganondorf, his wax face melting

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

A quick shot of Jigglypuff submerging, with a cut to them reading the clue.

"Drive to the Persis Military Training Centre!" read Ganondorf

"we may be in last place but however i personaly believe that us americans and such as and such as and the iraq" said Jigglypuff.

_Persis Military Training Centre: Sword Juggling Tent_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
2__nd__ Drill: Juggling Swords_

"Okay, we have to clock five seconds of juggling with one sword always in the air," said Toon Link nervously, holding a sword in one hand.

"…go!" said a man with a timer.

King Dedede hurled his left sword in the air. It twirled violently through the air and as Toon Link tried to read its path, he tossed the sword in his other hand up high. He caught the other sword, trembling nervously. King Dedede effortlessly caught the sword in one hand, right after he tossed the other up high.

"Time's up!" said the man.

"Yay!" cheered King Dedede, catching two swords with his left hand, and throwing up all of the swords in victory.

The swords flew with an arrow-like trajectory towards Toon Link, rocketing blade first towards his head.

"AAAAH!" screamed Toon Link, ducking for cover.

The swords narrowly missed his feet by inches, forming a circle around him.

"You idiot!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Okay, onto the next task!" announced the jolly penguin.

King Dedede waddled around.

Toon Link attempted to move out of the circle of swords, pushing one sword with all his might. It didn't budge.

"Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

Toon Link grunted.

_Persis Military Training Centre_

_Wolf and Samus_

"These stupid frats have been following us all day…" said Wolf angrily, driving through the complex's entrance.

_Fox and Falcon_

Falcon drove, Fox sat in the back, letting his face sink into his hands.

"It's a paarty in the USA.." sung Falcon to the soft sound system of the car.

"You are such a loser," muttered Fox.

"Shut up!" sobbed Falcon, "Miley Cyrus is a talented and pretty young musician and she speaks to my heart! And she makes more money than you and she's way prettier so-"

Fox let out a long groan.

_Wolf and Samus_

Wolf screeched the car to a halt, parking awkwardly across two spaces in the parking lot. "Let's beat the frats!" he screamed, jumping out of the car and running towards the clue box.

_Fox and Falcon_

"????" screamed Fox, chugging down a beer.

_Wolf and Samus_

Clue-rip sound.

_Fox and Falcon_

Clue-rip sound.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Detour! Sword Training or Board Training?" read Samus.

"We're definitely doing Sword Training," said Wolf, "We're both famous video game warriors, so we shall do what we do best!"

"Welll…" said Samus, "Certainly I'm a famous video game warrior but all you do is sit in a ship and shoot people… …not very well…"

"Oh my god I've been over this so many times," said Wolf angrily, "I'm really not trying my hardest in Star Fox because it's not my game and I have to let that idiot over there…"

_Fox and Falcon_

"Hehehe! That tickles!" laughed Fox, plunging his hand deeper into the blade of the knife.

_Wolf and Samus_

"…win!" he growled, "If we were in a real battle I would inseminate him instantly! Instantly! I am a warrior and I am not a sissy as that game, which by the way is a fictional depiction of our personalities, leads you to believe!"

Wolf started twitching angrily and foaming from the mouth, crumpling the clue into a tiny, tiny ball.

"Okay," said Samus, thinking back to what her social-interaction-therapist said, "So you are foaming from the mouth and twitching and turning red and breathing heavily which means you are now…"

Samus thought. "…happy?!"

"Wrong. Emotion." screamed Wolf, gnashing his teeth so hard together that they broke.

"…s- s- saaaad?" said Samus, confused. "…saaad?"

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Detour!" read Falcon very slowly and with an irregular rhythm to the pace of his words, "Sword Training or Board Training?"

"I think we should do some sn- sn- snowboarding!" said Falcon excitedly.

'"I choose option C," laughed Fox, "We attend a kegger and we get totally wrecked!"

"And meet lots of new girls!" laughed Falcon.

…

"I wish I got invited to keggers," cried Fox quietly.

"I wish I knew a girl," sobbed Falcon softly.

_Rural Begnion_

_Roy and Zelda  
_"Honey, navigating these maps are a nightmare," said Zelda, frustrated.

"I know you're doing your best, Zel," said Roy.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"We haven't seen anyone since we left," said Pikachu, driving along, "and I just hope the adventure won't end today for me and Kirby. We've had the most amazing time, seen the most amazing things-"

Kirby let out a loud snore from the back.

"Aren't you supposed to be navigating?!" screamed Pikachu in his deep, gruff, manly voice.

"…yes I'd like a cherry pudding…" said Kirby, licking his lips, half asleep.

"That's really cute," said Pikachu, rolling his eyes.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"OMG we have a flats tyre!1" said Ganondorf, pointing to a flat tyre that may have been caused by the nail factory they were driving through two minutes before.

"horray" cheered Jigglypuff

"horray" cheered Ganondorf

Ganondorf and Jigglypuf hopped out of the car.

"NYOM NYOM NYOM" said Jigglypuff, eating the flat tyre.

"NYOM NYOM NYOM" said Ganondorf, eating the flat tyre.

The flat tyre wasn't fixed.

"at least we have eaten the nutritiously beneficial meal!!!!!" said Ganondof.

They died of rubber poisoning.

_Persis Military Training Centre  
Fencing Field_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
On 3__rd__ Drill: Duel_

"We're currently putting on our fencing uniforms for the third of our three drills," said Toon Link, "I just hope King Dedede can get through this task, because he's not a sword fighter and he's not really quick with his hands."

"I am however, quick with my mouth!" said King Dedede slyly.

"If you inhale them you'll get your mouth pierced by a sword!" said Toon Link.

"Nope, _you'll_ get pierced by a sword!" laughed King Dedede.

"Wut?" said Toon Link.

King Dedede inhaled Toon Link. He put on the rest of his fencing uniform, and ran towards the field. "I'm ready!" announced King Dedede.

"Let me out!" screamed Toon Link.

"Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

Toon Link grunted.

_Wolf and Samus  
On 1__st__ Drill: Dummy Hacking_

The timer started. Wolf did a ballerina rotation on one foot, stepping gracefully on the other and pushing his sword through a dummy's neck.

Samus walked up to a dummy and started to chip away at its polystyrene flesh.

Wolf did a running flip, landing at the feet of the dummy, slicing its legs and removing its body.

Samus continued to chip away at the same dummy.

Wolf performed some extravagant salsa moves with a polystyrene dummy, before slitting its head off with his teeth.

Samus continued to chip away at the same dummy.

Wolf looked over to Samus. "What are you doing, Samus?!" he screamed, "Why aren't you slicing any of the other dummies?"

"You mean this isn't a sculpting task?!" screamed Samus angrily, standing next to her half-completed duck sculpture.

Noticing two seconds left on the timer, Wolf quickly dived to slash the last four dummies in one slice.

A whistle sounded. The judges conferred. A drum roll sound played. Samus and Wolf sat in front of the camera, shaking hands with the head officiator and the coach. Samus waved to the camera as they waited for the scores on the screen.

"_Score… 24 out of 30!_" was announced over the PA system by a voice suspiciously like Mario's.

"Hooray!" cheered Wolf.

"Woo and yay!" cheered Samus.

_Wolf and Samus  
Finished 1__st__ Drill_

"Come on, let's catch up!" cheered Wolf, running along.

_Fox and Falcon  
On Board Training_

"Dude, I'm not sure about this task," said Fox, "I mean… I haven't even snowboarded before."

"Fox," said Falcon, inspirational music playing in the background, "College, much like life is full of challenges. But if we can chug beers every Saturday night fast, then why can't we snowboard fast?"

…

…

"That analogy makes no sense on so many different levels," said Fox.

"Do it for Omega Omega Delta Sigma frat!" screamed Falcon.

"For Spaaarta!" screamed Fox, charging down the hill.

They stood on their snowboards, sliding down a mild hill at several kilometres an hour.

"This is insaaaaane!" screamed Falcon.

They continued to slide down the hill at two kilometres an hour.

_Fencing Field_

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
On 3__rd__ Drill: Duel_

"We're about to start our duels," said Toon Link, "We decided to pick the slowest-looking fencers possible because it's not so much about how powerful they are, but how quickly we can land a few hits."

"Ready!" said King Dedede, putting on his visor.

"Ready!" said Toon Link.

_Toon Link: 0 Hits  
King Dedede: 0 Hits_

A whistle played.

A dub-over in a sports commentator-like voice said, "_To complete this task, racers must land three hits on their opponent's upper body! Racers have unlimited time to complete this task, and may call a time out whenever they want!_"

The camera panned over to Toon Link. Toon Link's opponent was a seven-foot, 200 kilo monster with a bodybuilder physique, who wielded a sword that was bigger than Toon Link.

Toon Link tried to swipe the man's stomach, but his opponent moved his sword quickly to block Link's little blade. The man quickly thrust his sword into Toon Link's side. The force, speed and power of the blade caused Toon Link to fall back and roll out of the fencing area.

"_Time out!_" called a referee.

Toon Link grunted. "Maybe I should've just picked a little guy and just fought him normally," he said, frustrated.

The camera panned over to King Dedede, who was battling a twelve-foot, 400 kilo dragon with muscles. Everywhere.

"Come on, King Dedede!" cheered Toon Link.

Noticing an opening, King Dedede slashed the dragon's thighs.

"_You have to hit the upper body!_" said the referee.

King Dedede tried to jump with his half-bodyweight sword and slash the dragon's stomach. The dragon moved his sword to block, causing King Dedede do do a half-backflip from the momentum, landing on his skull.

"…ow," said King Dedede.

"We have to change opponents," said Toon Link.

_Death Canyon_

_Fox and Falcon  
On Board Training_

"Dude," laughed Falcon, after completing the first fifty metres of the course, "This is the tamest thing we've ever done! Extreme my ass!"

"Uh… Falcon…" said Fox, pointing to the almost vertical, 30 metre, 3-metre-wide drop they were about to ride on, with sharp rocks and gigantic stalagmites meeting them at the bottom.

"AAAAAHHHHH!" they both screamed.

They zoomed down the hill with virtually no control over their board at ninety kilometres an hour. With ice skidding underneath them and both of them falling onto their fronts, face-first down the hill, they both screamed. Their faces narrowly missed hitting sharp rocks and they came to a stop with only a couple of bruises.

…

"Dude, that was awesome!" cheered Falcon. "I'd do that any day!"

"Yeah!" cheered Fox. "This is amazing!"

"Piece of cake!" laughed Falcon, popping his shoulder back into the place, "This is such a pansy task!"

They saw a sign that read, "1/16th of the course completed."

"…we are so screwed," said Fox.

_Sword Juggling Tent_

_Wolf and Samus_

"We just sped through that first task," said Wolf, jogging over to the tent, "And now we're going to juggle some swords!"

"We saw what we think is King Dedede's car in the parking lot, so maybe we can still get first place," said Samus.

_Fencing Field_

_Toon Link_

"We just both took a time out," said Toon Link, "I've got two hits on my swordsman, who's being super-defensive and King Dedede doesn't have any yet."

"Normally I do…" said King Dedede, panting, "…a lot of sport… but this one of the hardest things… I've ever done…"

"You never do any exercise," commented Toon Link. "…and you've never worked a day in your life! All you do is eat food and get fat and tell people what to do!"

"…and I'm…" said King Dedede, panting heavily. "…extremely good at… …doing that…"

"You know," laughed Toon Link, "Maybe all of this starvation and exercise you have to endure is actually good for you!"

"You're right," said King Dedede, "From now on, I resolve to live and eat healthily, as what is life without-"

"OH MY GOD FRIED CHICKEN" screamed King Dedede, running and tackling a woman holding fast food. He ate all of the chicken, and her in one gulp.

Toon Link sighed.

"CHICKEN" screamed King Dedede, tackling a fire hydrant and gulping it down.

…

"…that's not even food!" said Toon Link.

_Sword Juggling Tent_

_Wolf and Samus_

"This is easy!" laughed Samus, the swords Wolf was throwing at her deflecting off her armour.

"That's because you're wearing protective armour and you never actually face the threat of being slashed by a sword!" said Wolf angrily. "And you're not even catching them, so we're not even really juggling them!"

"You're cute when you're angry," giggled Samus.

"Me… and cute… are not synonymous…" said Wolf angrily, twitching in his good eye, scrunching up his face angrily, holding up a puppy dog in one hand and an open claw in the other threateningly.

"Anyway," giggled Samus, picking up eleven swords at once, "Catch!"

Samus threw them all at Wolf.

"AAAAHHHHHH!" screamed Wolf. The swords, like a barrage of arrows from an army flew blade-first towards Wolf. They all merged and flew in a straight line towards Wolf's heart. Wolf quickly caught each oncoming sword and quickly tossed them in a quick flicking motion, alternating hands each time.

As Wolf was about to catch and throw his last sword, Samus exclaimed, _Whee! That's great_, and tossed all of the swords back.

"No! No! No!" screamed Wolf, diving out of the way.

Wolf turned to the judges, "How much time has passed?"

"_Two seconds,_" said one of the judges.

"TWO SECONDS?!" screamed Wolf, catching and juggling the swords that changed direction mid-air and homed towards his neck, "This scene has gone on for hours! In fact, I don't think it's physically possible to say such a long sentence in _less_ than five seconds, let alone all of the dialogue we've exchanged!"

"_Three seconds,_" said the same judge.

"What are you running on, the Mayan calendar!" screamed Wolf angrily.

Samus on the other end, catching the swords one-by-one with her right hand started to javelin the swords back towards Wolf. "Hey Wolf, isn't this fun?" giggled Samus, spearing the swords back at him harder and harder.

"Samus! That's not even lobbing the swords to make it easier! You're trying to kill me!" screamed Wolf, catching every sword two inches before his neck and tossing it back with the same hand.

"_And, time!_" said one of the judges.

"That was not _**five**_ seconds!" said Wolf angrily, tossing the last couple of swords towards Samus.

"_Looks like you're right!_" chuckled the other judge, "_Turns out we lost count and you actually juggled for __**a minute and five seconds**__, not five seconds!_"

The judges chuckled heartily.

"I hate this stupid, freaking task!" said Wolf angrily, taking a step towards the judges.

All of the swords zoomed straight past where he was standing a second ago.

"I think this task reaffirms my love for Wolf," said Samus to the camera.

"This task doesn't symbolise anything, you deluded old lady! It just means you're insane and you're trying to kill me!" screamed Wolf.

"That's his way of saying that he loves me," said Samus, "I think what's great about our relationship is that I can understand his Wolf language!"

"I SPEAK ENGLISH!" screamed Wolf, biting a metal pole in half with his teeth.

_Fencing Field_

_King Dedede: Time Out, 0 Hits_

"We just agreed in our simultaneous time out that I'll wait for Toon Link before I continue, and he's going to coach me after he's done," said King Dedede, stuffing several sandwiches into his mouth as he talked.

"Are you eating **my** half of the food?" shouted Toon Link angrily from twenty metres away, in the middle of his duel.

"Mmf course I'mm not!" said King Dedede angrily, munching.

_Wolf and Samus  
Finished 2__nd__ Drill_

"Come on," said Samus, running alongside Wolf, "This is to beat them for first!"

_Toon Link: 2 hits_

Toon Link's opponent, who was of similar height held the sword very closely to his body, waiting for Toon Link to pounce.

"Hyaa!" screamed Toon Link, slashing his sword in a quick, slitting motion towards his neck. His opponent blocked, holding up the sword tightly to his body.

Their swords locked, Toon Link dragged his sword back towards his body, and went to slash in the opposite direction. As his opponent went to block, he quickly pulled his sword around and slashed him in the first direction on the lower torso.

_Toon Link: Finished  
King Dedede: 0 hits_

"Go Toon Link!" cheered King Dedede.

"Come on!" said Toon Link, dropping his sword and running towards King Dedede.

_Wolf and Samus  
On 3__rd__ Drill: Fencing_

"There it is!" said Wolf, sprinting towards the fencing equipment on the field.

"We can still beat these guys!" said Samus.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"This is for number one, bud," said Toon Link.

"Gee Toon Link, I dunno if I can take a little guy who's a lot quicker than me," said King Dedede.

"You're strong," said Toon Link, "Use that to your advantage!"

_Wolf and Samus_

"Come on, Wolf! We need to get our gear on!" said Samus, slipping on a fencing jacket over her heavy body armour.

"For the last time, YOU DON'T NEED THAT! YOU'VE ALREADY GOT A THICK LAYER OF BODY ARMOUR!" screamed Wolf.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

Toon Link continued to whisper in King Dedede's ear. "You got that?" he asked.

_Wolf and Samus_

"We're going to get this task done in no time!" said Wolf, slipping on his visor.

_King Dedede_

The big fat bird, covered in white fencing armour holding a dinky sword stood up against his shorter opponent.

_Death Canyon_

_Fox and Falcon  
On Board Training_

"Dude, this is actually pretty fun!" said Fox, riding alongside Falcon.

They both went down a steep hill and went up a ramp, clearing a five metre jump over a volcano.

"Actually, I think this calls for a beer!" said Falcon, taking a beer from the six-pack between his legs on the bottom of his board.

Falcon opened his beer and took a long sip, the thin ice beneath him collapsing as he went over it.

"You know, after those first few cliffs and those sharp rocks we almost broke our teeth on," said Fox, smiling, missing several teeth, "This task turned out to be really fun!"

"Yeah dude!" said Falcon, going first over a one-metre-wide ice bridge with a stream of lava several hundred metres below, the snow falling away beneath his feet as he went over, "It's actually not as bad as I thought it was!"

"Yeah dude!" said Fox, attempting to do a 360 spin over the same narrow, incredibly high, no-barrier bridge.

"Whoops!" laughed Fox, slipping over the edge slightly. He caught his falling board with his legs, and quickly but unstably hopped back onto the ice bridge.

"I think this was a piece of cake too!" laughed Falcon, finishing the bridge nearing the three hundred metre almost vertical drop.

"Hey dude! What does this say?" laughed Fox, pointing to a sign.

They stopped their boards.

"Warning: Death Valley… death toll: 18," read Fox.

An underground blizzard started, blowing heavy snow towards them.

"Is that called Death Valley because it's _**dead**_ boring?" laughed Falcon, snorting.

"Dunno dude," said Fox, taking another sip.

"Either way," said Falcon.

They grinned at each other. "COWABUNGA!" they screamed.

_Two seconds later…_

"Ow," said Falcon, his spine, shoulders and legs dislocated and twisted in a very origami-like formation.

"Dude, are you okay?!" said Fox, who landed on the soft cushion that was Falcon's body.

"I'm okay because you're here," said Falcon softly, stroking Fox's fur.

"Uh… dude… your neck is sort of, not facing your front… anymore…" said Fox.

"Is that a metaphor? Is that a metaphor for love?" said Falcon softly and romantically.

Falcon looked down at his broken body.

"No it's not!" he sobbed.

_Fencing Field_

_King Dedede: 0 Hits_

King Dedede stood in his ready position. The referee blew his whistle.

"You know what to do!" cheered Toon Link.

King Dedede eyed his opponent, who was half his size. His opponent started to repeatedly slash the bird in the stomach, slashing him with his sword repeatedly.

King Dedede raised his thin little sword and went for a counter-attack, trying to lodge one into his opponent's side. His opponent blocked, and their swords pushed against each other's. King Dedede used his fat birdy strength to push over his opponent. As his opponent lay on the ground, King Dedede quickly stabbed his opponent.

"_One hit!_" called the referee.

_Wolf and Samus  
On 3__rd__ Drill_

"Okay! We're ready!" screamed Wolf, pumping himself up, jumping up and down, and then running towards the fighting area.

_King Dedede: 1 Hit_

King Dedede sat on his opponent, crushing his legs. King Dedede quickly swiped his opponent twice as he was down grabbing his legs in pain.

"_Two, three hits for King Dedede!_" said the referee. "_Task complete!_"

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Toon Link ran and grabbed the clue, opening it quickly. "Make your way to Merv's Fun Water Resort and swim to your next pit stop!"

"_Teams must now drive over seven kilometres to the pit stop for this leg of the race, Merv's Fun Water Resort!" said Master Hand, "Once here, they must swim the length of the planet's __**longest **__outdoor swimming pool, a length of 150 metres to get to the pit stop mat! Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive, __**may**__ be eliminated!"_

"Warning, the last team to arrive may be eliminated!" read Toon Link.

"This is it! This is for number one!" screamed Toon Link.

"And then I'll get…" said King Dedede, pondering at a hamburger stand three metres away from Toon Link, "…two family sized value meals and a-"

"NO FOOD!" screamed Toon Link, dragging King Dedede away by the collar.

"Waah! Waah!" sobbed King Dedede.

_Wolf and Samus_

Two whistles sounded. Wolf, in true fighting spirit unleashed a barraged of non-stop attacks on their well-trained opponents. After throwing every combination possible, Wolf did a fakey and then quickly landed three successive hits to the side.

"_Three hits for Wolf!_" called the referee.

The camera panned over to Samus. Samus's six-foot opponent continued to slash her repeatedly, with Samus not defending herself. She kicked the man in the shins and as he grabbed his leg in pain, Samus quickly slashed him thrice.

"_Task complete for Wolf and Samus!_" called the referee.

Samus kicked the man in the shins again.

"Ow!" he whimpered.

"Samus, the task is over, you don't have to do that anymore," said Wolf.

Samus started cutting the man's skin with a blade near his liver.

"Samus!" snapped Wolf.

_Wolf and Samus  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Make your way to Merv's Fun Water Resort and swim to your next pit stop!" read Wolf, "Warning, the last team to arrive may be eliminated!"

"We have to beat the fatty and the little kid!" said Samus, running towards their car.

_Persis Military Training Centre Carpark_

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Come on! We've still got a little lead on them!" said Toon Link, Wolf and Samus thirty metres behind on the footpath.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Our car's right at the gate," said Wolf, pointing to the nearest jeep.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"We parked all the way near the vehicle entry spot because we didn't think we could get a spot," said Toon Link, jogging along.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Buckle up tight!" said Wolf, jumping cowboy-style through the window into the driver's seat.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

King Dedede opened the car. Toon Link threw their bags into the back.

"Come on!" said Toon Link, shutting the boot, "We have to beat them out of here!"

"No probs!" said King Dedede, buckling up.

_Wolf and Samus_

Wolf revved the engine, reversed quickly and then sped his way through the carpark.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

King Dedede started the jeep and drove the car straight out towards the entry/exit lane.

An aerial shot of the two cars played. Wolf's car, speeding down a long straight towards the exit was cut in front of by King Dedede's car. King Dedede stopped his car at the one lane exit.

"Why are you stopping?" said Toon Link.

"Safe driving!" chuckled King Dedede.

_Wolf and Samus_

Wolf, whose car was being blocked by Toon Link and King Dedede honked his horn. "Come on! Move!"

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Why are you adjusting the mirrors and the seat? You've been driving this same car with the same settings the whole day!" said Toon Link angrily, Wolf blaring his horn loudly behind.

"Well… I need to be safe!" said King Dedede.

"You've never cared about my safety at any point in this trip!" said Toon Link angrily.

"I said _**I**_ need to be safe!" said King Dedede angrily.

King Dedede removed Toon Link's seatbelt and put it on his own seat.

_Wolf and Samus_

"We're not going to be able to get past!" said Wolf angrily, honking this horn.

"There's only one thing we can do…" said Samus, dramatic music playing in the background.

"We have to deconstruct their car so they no longer have a car!" screamed Samus desperately.

Samus jumped out and tried to pull off the back components of King Dedede's car: the exhaust pipe, the back bumper plate, the licence plate,

"They're not coming off!" screamed Samus.

"That's because it's a car, Samus," said Wolf, shielding his face in shame from confused onlookers.

"Then we have to eat their car!" screamed Samus, jumping out of the jeep, and then biting on their back bumper. "If we can consume all of their car, then there's no car left for them to drive when they get to the pit stop! Mwahaha!" Samus cackled manically.

"Samus, this is one of those things that sounds really good on paper…" explained Wolf.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

Toon Link looked behind.

…

"…is she trying to eat our car?!" said Toon Link, confused.

_Wolf and Samus_

"…basically, nobody in their right minds would EAT A CAR!!!" screamed Wolf angrily.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"NYOM NYOM NYOM" said Jigglypuff, eating the carpet on the back floor of the car.

"THEse LEATHeR seats are A good substitutes for THE reaL food" said Ganondorf, eating the glove compartment.

"we ARE LOADED with THE MONEYS now that we're not spending tiem on fewd" said Jigglypuff, holding up a five dollar bill.

"OMG where's our other moneys???" said Ganondorf aggrily.

_Death Canyon_

_Fox and Falcon  
On Board Training_

"Woooo!" screamed the frats, narrowly both avoiding a face plant as they made their way down the last, large hill.

"That was so amazing!" said Falcon, taking a clue from a clue box.

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Make your way to Merv's Fun Water Resort and swim to your next pit stop!" read Falcon.

"Now how do we get out?" said Fox.

They saw more terrain below them.

They gulped.

_Persis Military Training Centre Carpark_

Wolf honked his horn repeatedly, King Dedede's car still blocking the path in front of him.

"Hurry up!" screamed Wolf.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Are you done yet?" said Toon Link angrily.

"Okay!" said King Dedede, starting the car and driving left onto the main road.

_Wolf and Samus_

"They're _**finally**_ moving!" screamed Wolf, accelerating the car as fast as he could.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

Wolf and Samus's car zoomed past. "Losers!" screamed Samus as they sailed by.

"…and then I make my play!" laughed King Dedede, quickly U-turning and going the opposite direction.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Oh hot dog," said Wolf angrily, looking at King Dedede's car going in the opposite direction, "They totally just pulled a move on us."

"Well don't wait!" said Samus angrily, turning the steering wheel.

Explained Wolf, "Samus, generally we have to check before we-"

Wolf noticed Samus already leaned over and was turning the steering wheel, and their car was running straight into the path of an oil tanker.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" screamed Wolf.

The oil tanker rolled over and caused a five-oil-tanker pileup behind them.

"Phew!" said Wolf and Samus at the same time.

"Good to know everyone's okay," said Samus, assessing the camera crew and sound guy in the car.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"You see, there's a reason why I was waiting there," said King Dedede, "After they get angry, they speed ahead and maybe we gain a minute or two on them."

"Wow," said Toon Link, impressed, "Maybe we can still win this leg!"

_Toon Link  
Post-leg interview_

"This leg has made me realise that King Dedede's the sneaky, tactician of the team," said Toon Link. "And maybe if we actually work together like this we can do well!"

_Wolf and Samus_

"King Dedede and Toon Link just shook us with a quick U-Turn," said Wolf, waiting at a stop light, "So now we reckon we're about a minute behind them."

"But Wolfy here's gonna do everything he can to catch up," said Samus, grinning.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"We know that Wolf will pull every single move possible to catch up to us," said Toon Link anxiously in the back seat, "So we just have to get our swimming mode on and hope we can beat them!"

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Come on, dude, frats to the finish!" cheered Fox, getting in the front seat of the car.

_Wolf and Samus_

The stop light went to green. Wolf squeezed through two cars in the gap between two lanes and accelerated very quickly.

"Wolf is driving amazingly," said Samus.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"We're now on a long piece of highway and then we hit the resort on the right," said Toon Link, reading the map.

_Wolf and Samus_

Wolf continued to weave through cars, moving up to higher and higher gears.

"We are catching up!" said Wolf, quickly going on the wrong side of the road to overtake a car.

_Merv's Fun Water Resort_

Dramatic camera angles and individual pans of King Dedede, Toon Link, Wolf and Samus's faces.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Crap, that's their car behind!" said Toon Link, peering out the back window to see the other car in the distance.

_Wolf and Samus_

"I see you!" said Wolf, grinning evilly.

"I know you do, I'm in the same car!" giggled Samus.

"I'm not talking about you!" screamed Wolf, making his crazy eye-twitchy face.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

King Dedede's car slowed to the intersection, a right turn across traffic to the entrance to the resort.

"Okay, we got a green light but we're trying to do one last move," said King Dedede.

Wolf's car pulled up directly behind them.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Whatever you do, follow them slowly behind so we both make the light," said Samus.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

The light turned amber.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Get ready," said Samus.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

The light turned red.

_Wolf and Samus_

"He's not moving again!" screamed Wolf angrily.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

The traffic going across them started to accelerate. Before they reached any speed, King Dedede put his foot down hard on the accelerator. He narrowly cleared all of the oncoming cars, and they continued to cross the intersection, blocking Wolf and Samus after he cleared the turn.

"We shook them!" cheered Toon Link, peering at Wolf and Samus, who were still at the intersection.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Drat!" screamed Wolf angrily, slamming his fist on the dashboard.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Come on! Now we have to swim to our pit stop!" said Toon Link, running out of the car.

"Let's go surfin'!" said King Dedede, quickly changed into a surfer's outfit, wearing shades and holding up a board.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Come on," said Wolf angrily, waiting at the light.

_Merv's Mega Pool_

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

They ran up to the start of the pool.

"There's the pit stop!" said Toon Link, pointing to a mat on the other end of the pool.

"Let's move!" cheered King Dedede, grabbing Toon Link and jumping into the pool.

_Wolf and Samus_

The light turned green. Wolf put his foot down on the accelerator.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

Toon Link and King Dedede started jumping along, pushing off the bottom of the pool with each step.

"We have to get an advantage!" said Toon Link, swimming along slowly through the pool.

_Wolf and Samus_

"Okay, let's swim!" said Samus, in her zero suit.

Wolf quickly parked the car, took off his top and took off his pants to his board shorts underneath.

"…let's swim," said Wolf in a deep voice, winking at the camera.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"This pool keeps on going forever!" said Toon Link, swimming freestyle through the pool.

The camera zoomed back a fair way to Wolf and Samus, who jumped into the start of the pool.

"They're here!" said King Dedede, still jumping and wading along through the pool.

_Wolf and Samus_

Wolf and Samus both swam quickly and efficiently, conserving energy with their smooth, fluid strokes underwater.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"This is the halfway point, dude!" said King Dedede, nearing a shallow point in the middle of the pool.

"I'm struggling!" said Toon Link, panting.

"Let's have a mini-break!" said King Dedede.

_Wolf and Samus_

"???" mumbled Wolf underwater, catching up to Toon Link and King Dedede.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Kids!" said King Dedede, pointing to a bunch of 11 and 12 year olds in the pool, "If you see a wolf and a girl swimming, please splash them and try and maim them so they can't make the distance!"

"yaaay!" cheered the kids.

_Wolf and Samus_

Wolf started running through the pool for several seconds. "We're closing in on them!"

The camera panned twenty-five metres forward, where Toon Link and King Dedede started to swim from the halfway point.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Come on," said Toon Link softly, slowly wading through the pool, breathing heavily.

"You can do it, bud!" said King Dedede, wading along.

The camera panned twenty metres backwards, where Wolf and Samus were nearing the halfway point.

_Wolf and Samus_

"We're doing this!" cheered Samus.

Suddenly, several pool patrons started to splash water into Samus's eyes and mouth.

"Gaa!" screamed Samus angrily, punching the kids.

"How dare they!" screamed Wolf, being attacked by a barrage of splashing children.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Less than fifty metres to go!" screamed Toon Link. "Last lap!"

_Wolf and Samus_

"Damn it!" said Wolf, finally escaping the clutches of the splashing children, diving back in.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"Come on, Link!" said King Dedede, pulling Toon Link along, as he continued to wade along, and Toon Link floated.

_Wolf and Samus_

"These guys are toast!" said Samus, closing to a fifteen metre gap.

_Toon Link and King Dedede_

"I can see the pit stop!" said King Dedede, piggybacking Toon Link along.

Wolf and Samus, ten metres behind, continued to catch up.

"The end is right there!" screamed Toon Link, exhausted, standing on King Dedede's back.

_Pit Stop_

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

King Dedede, five metres in front of Wolf and Samus neared the end of the pool. With Wolf and Samus gaining every second, Toon Link jumped off King Dedede's back onto the dry land.

"Get out, bud!" said Toon Link, holding out his arm.

Wolf and Samus neared the wall.

King Dedede lifted himself up, and started to roll over.

Wolf and Samus were a stroke away from the end of the swim.

King Dedede had his chest and arms on dry land. Toon Link tried to pull him out.

Wolf and Samus reached the wall and both grabbed the ledge.

King Dedede, with all his might pulled himself up with his arms. He pulled one leg out.

Wolf, with the aid of his legs, tried to pull himself up. He lifted one of his legs out of the pool.

King Dedede rolled out of the pull, his bird body lying flat on the ground.

"Hurry!" said Toon Link, trying to help King Dedede up.

Wolf got out of the pool and grabbed his arms out to help Samus.

King Dedede stood up. "Run!" screamed Toon Link, pointing to the pit stop ten metres in front of them. They started to jog up to the mat.

Samus leapt out of the pool. "Catch them!" she screamed.

King Dedede and Toon Link ran straight ahead towards the mat. Wolf and Samus attempted to slip by the side of King Dedede. King Dedede, now wearing full hockey gear side-checked Wolf, who fell on the ground. Samus weaved around the falling Wolf, and ran onto the mat. Toon Link ran onto the mat. King Dedede continued to waddle along at his excruciatingly slow pace.

Wolf jumped out, untied the tie off his nice suit and attempted to lasso King Dedede. He grabbed King Dedede's ear with the tie and pulled him backwards. King Dedede fell on his back. Wolf, at full pace tried to sprint around King Dedede. King Dedede, lying on the ground, put out his leg, tripping Wolf over a metre from the mat. King Dedede got up again, and started to waddle slowly before the mat.

"CAN YOU WALK WITH A BIT MORE PACE?!" screamed Toon Link, extremely annoyed.

"Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!" laughed King Dedede, walking in the style of a musical, taking giddy little steps towards the mat, five metres in front of him.

Wolf, angry and frothing from the mouth jumped up again and tried to tackle King Dedede.

King Dedede chuckled, too heavy to be pushed over by Wolf. A metre before the mat, King Dedede pushed Wolf off his back and strolled onto the mat.

"Yes!" cheered Toon Link.

"Toon Link and King Dedede…" said Master Hand. "You are team number…"

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Arrived 1__st_

"…one!" he said.

"Yes!" cheered Toon Link.

King Dedede did his twirly walking-in-a-circle taunt. "Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!" he laughed.

"And I have some more good news," said Master Hand, "As the winners of this leg of the race, you have each won a lifetime's supply of gourmet breakfast products!"

"Yay!" cheered Toon Link.

"…sponsored by the King Dedede Manufacturing Corporation!" said Master Hand.

"WHAT?!" said Toon Link.

"Every day, the King Dedede Manufacturing Corporation will deliver special King Dedede-related breakfast products straight to your door, such as: King Dedede waffles!"

A Koopa held up a plate of waffles with King Dedede's image stamped into the waffle pattern.

"…King Dedede toast!"

A Koopa held up a plate of toast with King Dedede's face in the toast.

"…and King Dedede bacon!"

The camera panned on a dead pig with King Dedede's face drawn on it.

"Could this prize get even lamer?!" said Toon Link angrily.

"It gets better! All of this will be hand cooked by one of Dream Land's most famous celebrity chefs…" said Master Hand,

"…chef Kawasaki?" said Toon Link, suddenly excited.

"…King Dedede!" said Master Hand and King Dedede in unison.

Toon Link grunted.

"He'll be there for breakfast every day, and this prize is so good that you will be legally obliged to let him in your house everyday!" said Master Hand.

"If you just wanted to spend more time with me you could've said so!" said Toon Link angrily.

"And guess what?" said Master Hand, "This prize is for you both!"

"Yay!" cheered King Dedede.

"Both?" said Toon Link.

Another King Dedede walked up to them. "That's right! Me, King Dedede!"

"…it's King Dedede!" cheered King Dedede.

Muttered Toon Link softly, "But there can't be two King Dededes, because-"

"PARADOX?!" screamed everyone.

The universe imploded.

_Wolf and Samus  
Arrived 2__nd_

Wolf walked onto the mat. "Wolf and Samus, you're team number two!"

"That's alright," said Samus.

"That was a pretty intense battle for first, guys," said Master Hand.

"Yeah, we didn't come on top today, and these guys are stronger than we thought they were," said Wolf.

_Toon Link and King Dedede  
Post-Leg Interview_

"I think King Dedede's starting to suss out what the race is really about," said Toon Link, "And maybe if we work together like this, we'll be able to win the whole thing!"

_Wolf and Samus  
Post-Leg Interview_

"Toon Link and King Dedede…" said Samus, "They've got a very small bag of tricks and they've used them all today."

"Today was an absolute fluke for them," said Wolf, "We know they're good at some things but they're not going to be at the top for very long."

Dramatic music played.

_Persis Military Training Centre Carpark_

_Fox and Falcon  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We are heading to the pit stop, and we think we're in third," said Fox, driving out of the carpark.

_Roy and Zelda_

"We are finally at the training centre," said Roy, "And we're just still hoping there's another team around."

_Fox and Falcon_

"Dude!" said Fox, pointing ahead.

"What?!" screamed Falcon dramatically, spit-taking his coke onto Fox.

"There's another team! And must you do this to me _every time_?" said Fox angrily.

"Do what?!" screamed Falcon dramatically, spitting another mouthful of cola onto Fox.

"Stop spitting beverages onto me!" said Fox angrily.

"Stop what?!" screamed Falcon dramatically, sp-

_Roy and Zelda_

"It's the frats?" said Zelda, "They left ages before us!"

Their two cars met, Fox and Roy rolling down their windows.

"Guys, we haven't seen anyone else around!" said Fox, "We haven't seen Kirby's team or Ganondorf's team here!"

"Roy! We're not in last!" cheered Zelda.

"Thanks guys!" said Roy, driving into the carpark.

"We thought we were last," said Zelda, "But if the next task isn't too hard, maybe we can stay in the race!"

_Kilvas Highway_

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"We are pretty stuffed…" said Kirby, fiddling with the map in the back seat, "We just can't find the city on this map."

"We're both looking at a map to try and find where we are," said Pikachu, reading his map upside-down.

"Hey! Here we are!" said Kirby excitedly.

"Where?!" said Pikachu.

Kirby pointed to a drawing he made of himself and Pikachu on his map.

"Cute," said Pikachu, "We have to find where we are though!"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"OMG lok!!!!" said jigglypuff xcitedly, "it's another team"

"hooray hooray" said Ganondorf, "now we have more body parts to sell in caes we have not enuff moneys!!!"

"ho ho ho ganondof you crack me up!!!" said Jigglypuff

"I literally will when I sell ur body parts!!!" said Ganondorf

"omg I don't think your joking now" said Jigglypuff, scared and she was screaming in scared. Ness.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Hey! That's Jigglypuff and Ganondorf behind!" said Kirby, pointing out back.

"Aww, man!" said Pikachu, "They were ages behind us!"

"_We really weren't that glad to see Jigglypuff and Ganondorf catching up to us," said Kirby in a voiceover._

"_But we figured that if we could get to the place at the same time, maybe we could beat them to the mat!" said Pikachu._

Ganondorf stopped his car. "hey guys follow us!" he shouted with his windows rolled down. "We kNOw the way!"

Kirby hopped out of the back seat and scampered over towards Ganondorf's front window. "Are you sure? Can I see a map as proof?"

"yes this kind man GAVE us THE DIRectiONS" said Ganondorf, holding up a map with red pen marked on it, and a disembodied fist that was still gripping the paper.

"Uh…" said Kirby, acting suspiciously, "I don't think you _have_ a map."

"o yeah?" said Ganondorf angrily, bringing the map closer to Kirby.

"I don't think so!" said Kirby, grinning slightly evilly.

"o yeah?" said Ganondorf, holding the map up to Kirby's face.

…

Ganondorf waved the map in Kirby's face.

…

Kirby snatched the map and bolted towards the car. "Drive! Drive! Drive!" he screamed.

Pikachu pushed his foot down hard on the accelerator.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Awesome move, Kirby!" said Pikachu, giving Pikachu a high-five.

"We just pulled a pretty bold move on them," said Kirby, buckling up his seatbelt, "We know the way to go and hopefully that will give us enough of a lead."

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"LITTle Did tHey KNOW that that was a fake map!!!!" cackled Ganondorf evilly, holding up a cheeseburger wrapper. "THIS is The REAL one! A perfect copy!"

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Aww man!" said Kirby, disappointed, inspecting at the map, "The rest of the route is along like, two roads! It's impossible to miss! Even dummies like them could probably figure out the way to the destination!"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"HONEY WE'RE heRE" said Ganondorf, crashing the car into the feature display in an art museum.

"HONEY I don't think this is it WHEre are the chicken mcnuggets?!?!" said Jigglypuff "it clearLY stated that's on THE cLUE!1!1 and there's know CHICken McNuggets hear!"

"_**WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!**_" said the furious gallery owner.

"Where's my mcnuggets, biatch" said Gaonondorf, pulling out an gun!

_Persis Military Training Centre_

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Detour! Sword Training or Board Training?" read Roy.

"I think we should do sword training," said Zelda, "I don't want to break my legs!"

"You sure you can fight someone with a sword though?" said Roy.

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda, "I don't want to break my legs!"

_Downtown Sienne_

_Fox and Falcon_

"And we are totally heading to the pitstop," said Falcon to the camera.

"We are totally going to meet some beach chicks!" said Fox, grinning slyly, driving into a deep dark cave.

Shrieking orchestral music played.

_Persis Military Training Centre_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We're about to turn into the centre," said Kirby to the camera, "and we're certainly second to last."

"We need to kick some butt on this next task, bud!" said Pikachu.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"we r trying to find the next turn off!" said Ganondorf, driving the car at several kilometres an hour.

"omg it's on the right!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, pointing to a sign.

"now it should be somewhere on the right" said Ganondorf.

"omg stop ignoring me! It's on the right!" said Jigglypuff.

"where could it possibly be" said Ganondorf.

"aaaiieee" screamed Jigglypuff frustrateredly.

_A Cave_

_Fox and Falcon_

Fox continued to drive along in a cave. In pitch black.

"…duuuude…" said Falcon, "Are you going the right way?"

"I dunno dude," said Fox. "Let's swap."

They jumped out of the car and swapped seats.

Falcon continued to drive along in pitch black.

"…yeah… I think this is the right way," said Falcon.

…

The car suddenly came to a halt. Sounds of glass shattering played. Shrieking orchestral music.

_The Smashy Amazing Race_

_Fox and Falcon  
Heading to the pit stop_

The car smashed against a cave wall.

"Dude!" screamed Fox.

"We are totally going the wrong way!" said Falcon angrily.

"Try left!" suggested Fox.

Falcon reversed the car, and then drove forward, turning left. They smashed into another cave wall. Shrieking orchestral music played.

"Where the hell are we?!" screamed Fox, making a shocked face.

Fox spotted the light at the end of the cave. "Hey! We totally just drove into a cave!"

"Yeah dude! Stupid frat boy mistake!" laughed Falcon.

Falcon drove out of the cave. "Hey! At least there was no harm done, right?" laughed Falcon.

The cameraman panned on the multiple bruises and wounds they had all sustained.

_Persis Military Training Centre_

_Roy and Zelda  
On 1__st__ Drill: Dummy Hacking_

"Okay Zel, we have to hack all of these dummies artistically in two minutes," said Roy.

The music started.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Come on, let's find a spot!" said Kirby, drumming on the back of Pikachu's head nervously.

"Kirbs, that doesn't really help!" said Pikachu, irritated.

Kirby drummed softer on Pikachu's head.

"That's not exactly what I meant," said Pikachu.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"hey guys! I'll pAY you 200 dollars for ur taxi!!!" said Ganondorf at a stop light to the taxi next to them.

"omg we already have a car!!!" said Jigglypuff, "ur stupid will!"

"shut up tara at least I'm trying my best!!!!!" screamed Ganondorf.

_Roy and Zelda  
On 1__st__ Drill: Dummy Hacking_

The _Blue Danube_ played. Roy slashed dummies in time with the music, whilst Zelda repeatedly disembowelled one dummy that sort of resembled Roy.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Whee!" said Kirby, piggybacking Pikachu to the clue. Pikachu grabbed a clue out of the box.

"Detour! Sword Training or Board Training?" read Pikachu.

"Snowboarding could take forever!" said Kirby, "Let's do the swords!"

"Yeah!" said Pikachu.

Kirby put on his blue, spiky wig. "I only fight for my friends!" he exclaimed in a deep voice.

Kirby put on his red wig. "Hey guys! I got cut!"

Kirby put on a smoother, blue wig. "みんな、見ていて-"

"Kirby! We have a race! We have a race!" screamed Pikachu, dragging Kirby off by the hand.

_Roy and Zelda  
Finished 1__st__ Drill_

"You did great, Roy!" cheered Zelda.

"Let's go! We got two more!" said Roy.

_Merv's Fun Water Resort_

_Fox and Falcon_

Triumphant music played. Fox and Falcon, still wearing their day-to-day uniforms swam the last lengths of the pool, got out and strolled onto the pit stop.

"Fox and Falcon," said Master Hand, "You're team number three!"

_Fox and Falcon  
Arrived 3__rd_

"Awesome!" said Fox.

"Awesomelicious," said Falcon.

"Awesometopia!" said Fox.

"Awesomeriffic!" said Falcon.

"_Why?_" cried Master Hand internally, "_Whyyy???_"

"Awesoma-awesome!" said Fox.

"_WHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY????_" cried Master Hand internally.

_Persis Military Training Centre_

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

Ganondorf ripped open the clue with his bare hands.

"Detour! Sword Training or Board Training?" read Jigglypuff.

"Let's do Sword Training!" declared Ganondorf, wearing a medieval battle costume.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
On 1__st__ Drill: Hacking Dummies_

"ピカチュウ,! ピカチュウ,!" screamed Pikachu, holding a knife between his teeth and slitting a dummy.

"みんな、見ていてくれ!" said Kirby, disembowelling a dummy with a spinning slash.

_Roy and Zelda  
On 2__nd__ Drill: Juggling Swords_

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda, struggling to pick up a sword, "This is toooooo heavy!"

"Zel, that's because it's on the bottom of the pile," said Roy.

"Then move it! MOOOVE IT!" screamed Zelda.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Finished 1__st__ Drill_

"YOU FINISHED TASK COMPONENT" declared some random Japanese guy excitedly.

"Arigato gozaimashita," said Kirby and Pikachu, both bowing.

_Roy and Zelda  
On 2__nd__ Drill: Juggling Swords_

"You have to catch the sword, and then quickly throw it back," explained Roy to a sobbing Zelda.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
On 2__nd__ Drill: Juggling Swords_

The camera panned over to Kirby and Pikachu, who came into the tent.

"These swords are gigantic!" said Kirby, pointing to Zelda's pile of swords.

"We have a set of smaller swords," said one of the drill instructors, pointing to a pile of pocket knives.

"…yaaay!" cheered Kirby and Pikachu, throwing them everywhere in celebration.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
On 1__st__ Drill: Hacking Dummies_

"HACKING DUMMIES" said Jigglypuff, standing on a snowboard.

"HACKING DUMMIES" said Ganondorf, standing on Jigglypuff who was standing on a snowboard, crushing her face.

A buzzer sound played.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
On 2__nd__ Drill: Juggling Swords_

"Whee!" cheered Kirby and Pikachu, juggling the knives to each other with ease, twirling knives with their feet as they juggled.

"A WINNER IS YOU" said the same random Japanese guy.

"Good luck, guys!" said Kirby, running out of the tent.

_Roy and Zelda  
On 2__nd__ Drill: Juggling Swords_

"They got it done so fast, because they were using the little swords!" said Zelda angrily.

"Just make sure you don't get cut with the knives," said Roy.

"I won't," said Zelda.

They clumsily juggled the knives for five seconds.

"Your time is up!" said the judge.

"Yaay!" cheered Zelda, putting her arms up in celebration.

"ZEL!" screamed Roy.

Zelda looked up. A knife, still flying in the air briefly cut her arm. "ROOOY!" she screamed.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Finished 1__st__ Drill_

"YOU FINISH NOW" said the random Japanese guy.

"Yaaay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, running away from the field which was now on fire.

_Fencing Field_

_Kirby and Pikachu  
On 3__rd__ Task: Duel_

"Okay, quickly! We have to put on all of this gear for our fight!" said Kirby, pointing to a complete fencing uniform, which included a fencing jacket, fencing pants, fencing vests, masks, underarm protectors and breast protectors.

They both grabbed their fencing mask and waddled onto the field with their swords.

_Roy and Zelda  
Finished 2__nd__ Task_

"Come on, Zel!" said Roy, jogging over to the fencing field, "If we get this done quick we can stay in!"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Juggling Swords_

"THIS TASK IS SO EASY" screamed Jigglypuff, throwing twelve swords at Ganondorf.

"OW" said Ganondorf, all of the swords impaling him at various arteries throughout the body.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Okay! Pick our partners!" said Kirby.

They picked two children/midget-ish looking people.

_Roy and Zelda_

"I know you can do this!" said Roy, helping Zelda put on the finishing touches of her uniform.

_Roy and Zelda  
Post-leg Interview_

"I was really proud of myself because I was the only girl that did this task today," said Zelda.

"Actually, I think Samus did as well," said Roy.

"Yeah, but she's like, some evil, man-freak, thing!" said Zelda angrily.

_Kirby and Pikachu_

Kirby and Pikachu, with their super-quick hands launched many jabs and slashes to their opponents, who were constantly on the backfoot.

Pikachu, who was wielding the sword with his teeth, slashed his short opponent in the shoulder, getting his first hit.

_Roy and Zelda_

Roy, with a barrage of fakes and quick hits quickly disposed of his opponent. Zelda, against a female competitor used all her might in several attacks, all of which were blocked.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Finished 2__nd__ Task_

"We Juggled the swords very well!" said Ganondorf, covered in swords, blade-first into his body.

_Kirby: 1 hit  
Pikachu: 2 hits_

Pikachu continued to slash back and forth in the same repeating pattern. His opponent, who started to tire lost his concentration and let Pikachu slash him.

"Go Pikachu!" said Kirby, drawing his sword back in, taking a break to cheer Pikachu.

His opponent's guard down, Kirby quickly sliced his opponent in the stomach. "Tricked ya!" said Kirby.

"One more, Kirby!" cheered Pikachu.

_Roy: 3 hits  
Zelda: 0 hits_

"ROOY! I can't do this!" moaned Zelda, launching powerful but slow attacks towards her opponent, who blocked them all.

"Zel, call a time out!" said Roy.

_Kirby: 2 hits_

Kirby jumped on his opponent's shoulder and delivered the last blow.

"Yay!" cheered Kirby and Pikachu.

Pikachu scampered over to retrieve the clue. Clue-ripping sound.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"You can do it!" cheered Pikachu to Zelda as they ran past.

"Make your way to Merv's Fun Water Resort and swim to your next pit stop!" read Kirby.

"Aww man, I'm not sure about swimming!" said Pikachu, running towards the car.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"HURRY zElDA" taunted Ganondorf, putting his vest on his legs and his pants on his head, "u don't want to get beet'd by Jigglypuff and Ganondorrf!"

"Beet'd as in beetrooted?" said Jigglypuff.

_Zelda: 0 hits_

"Rooy! They're really mean!" quietly sobbed Zelda.

"Zel! Don't listen to them!" said Roy, "Use this to motivate you to beat them!"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"we R ready to fite!" said Ganondorf, wearing his mask as a shoe, wearing his actual shoes on his hands and his gloves on the other foot and one of his ears.

"NO GOOD UNIFORM" said some random Japanese guy.

A buzzer sound play.

"omg what's wrong with our uniforms?!" said Jigglypuff, wearing a toupee and not a fencing uniform.

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"I don't know about this water," said Pikachu nervously, driving along.

"Pikachu, don't psyche yourself out!" said Kirby, taking floating vests and a tube out of one of his bags, "I'm gonna help you swim there!"

"Thanks bud!" said Pikachu, still slightly nervous.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"we r ready" said Jigglypuff, wearing Kiss makeup.

A buzzer sound played.

_Zelda: 0 hits_

"I know you're strong," explained Roy, "But here you only get a hit if you're quick! It doesn't matter how hard you hit them!"

"Okay, got it!" said Zelda, suddenly motivated.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"we r ready" said Ganondorf, wearing an octopus costume.

A buzzer sound played.

_Zelda: 0 hits_

"Ready, Zelda?" said Roy.

"I'm ready!" screamed Zelda triumphantly.

With war-battle music raging in the background, Zelda walked towards to the fencing field.

Zelda tripped over a rock. "ROOY!" she wailed.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"we r ready" said Ganondorf, wearing a stormtrooper costume.

"Okay, that's good enough, just go fight," said the referee, lowering his head in pity.

_Zelda: 0 hits_

A whistle sounded. Zelda faced her muscly female counterpart.

Zelda faked a hit to the left, and plunged the sword into her opponent's right.

A 'tick' sound played.

_Zelda: 1 hit_

"Way to go, Zel!" cheered Roy.

_Jigglypuff: 0 hits  
Ganondorf: 0 hits_

A whistle sound played.

"NYOM NYOM NYOM" said Ganondorf, eating his opponent's sword.

"What?!" screamed the fencer.

Ganondorf hit his opponent three times with his blade.

"yaaai" said Ganondorf.

_Zelda: 1 hit_

Zelda and her opponent's swords pressed against each other. Zelda quickly drew her sword back and tried to slash her opponent. Her opponent blocked. Zelda quickly drew her sword back again, faking one way, and slashing the other, hitting the opponent in the hip.

A tick sound played.

"Go Zelda!" cheered Roy.

_Jigglypuff: 0 hits_

Jigglypuff faced her eight-foot opponent, holding a butter knife.

"omg use ur smallness to fite him" said Ganondorf.

_Zelda: 2 hits_

Her opponent hit her. Zelda, now enraged, launched a series of quick swishes, slashes and slices, finally hitting her opponent for the last time.

"Woo!" cheered Zelda.

"You did awesome!" screamed Roy, running to get the clue.

_Roy and Zelda  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Make your way to Merv's Fun Water Resort and swim to your next pit stop! Warning, the last team to check in may be eliminated!" read Roy.

"Let's hurry!" screamed Zelda, running along.

_Jigglypuff: 0 hits_

Jigglypuff, armed with her butterknife, jumped onto her opponent's shoulders and hit him three times.

"yay" said Jigglypuff, "I'm here to show everyone that I… am an intelligent person and such as and such as and the Iraq and I think I proved this today"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

Ganondorf took the clue. "Make your way to Merv's Fun water resort and swim to the pit stop!"

_Merv's Fun Water Resort_

_Kirby and Pikachu_

"Okay, bud!" said Kirby, leading Pikachu by the hand, "We're going to swim to the pit stop!"

"Okay!" said Pikachu nervously, wearing floaties on his arms, a life vest on his torso and black, electric-proof board shorts.

They reached the pool. Kirby grabbed a floating tube and put Pikachu in it. Pikachu floated along, and Kirby swam alongside him. "We got this!" cheered Kirby.

_Pit Stop_

_Kirby and Pikachu_

Kirby and Pikachu, exhausted, climbed out of the pool and collapsed onto the mat.

"Kirby and Pikachu…" said Master Hand. "…you are…"

Kirby and Pikachu gave a nervous smile.

"…team number four!" said Master Hand.

"Yes, bud!" cheered Kirby, hugging Pikachu tightly.

"Now I understand you guys ran into some obstacles today," said Master Hand.

"This was our toughest leg," said Kirby, "I flipped the car, which put us in last…"

"…and then I struggled to get into the water… twice…" said Pikachu.

"And then we got lost going to the military place," said Kirby, "So yeah… it was tough."

_Kirby and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"The fact that we were half an hour behind everyone and that we still came in fourth place," said Kirby, "it shows how awful everyone else is and what great racers we are!"

"We can all hear you!" shouted Samus angrily from next door.

…

"…wait! Only me!" said Samus angrily.

_Roy and Zelda_

"We left at most a couple of minutes before Jigglypuff and Ganondorf," said Roy, "I just hope we have enough of a lead to beat them to the pit stop, because they can run and swim pretty fast!"

"Roy is kicking butt, though!" cheered Zelda.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"GO GANNIE" screamed Jigglypuff, Ganondorf's risky driving forcing oncoming cars off the road.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Okay, what's the next turn?" said Roy, overtaking a car on the left

"It's a right here!" said Zelda.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"we r catchings up!!!!" said Jigglypuff.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Yes! I see it!" said Roy, pointing to the 'Merv's Fun Resort' sign on the right.

"We're stuck at a red light though!" said Zelda.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"LA LA LA" sung Ganondorf, ramming more cars off the road, weaving through traffic.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Oh man, please change!" prayed Roy, "Please! Please!"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"iS that another team?!?!" said Jigglypuff, pointing ahead.

_Roy and Zelda_

The light turned green.

"Okay, we gotta kick some butt now," said Roy, zooming through the intersection.

"Please turn back to red!" said Zelda, looking behind.

The light behind them turned red.

"Phew!" said Zelda, still peering out the back.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf's car pulled up to the intersection.

"ROOY! They're here!" moaned Zelda.

"Get ready to swim, then!" said Roy.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"lok they're ahead!" said Jigglypuff, pointing to Roy's car pulling into the carpark.

_Roy and Zelda_

"Leave our stuff in the car! We just gotta find this pool and go fast!" said Roy, running barefoot towards the entrance.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

The light turned green. Ganondorf sped the car through the intersection.

_Roy and Zelda_

"There it is! The giant pool!" screamed Zelda, pointing to a long pool down a flight of stairs.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"Get readies to swim!1" said Ganondorf, taking off his shirt to reveal his hairy, fat, old guy body.

_Roy and Zelda_

They ran to the edge of the pool. Roy jumped in. Zelda hesitated at the end of the pool.

"ROOY! It looks wet!" moaned Zelda.

"Zelda!" said Roy anxiously. "Are we going to do this?!"

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"omg I see tha pool!" said Ganondorf, running straight through a metal gate.

_Roy and Zelda_

"ROOY! I can't do it!" said Zelda.

"Zel! For a million dollars!" said Roy.

"Okay!" said Zelda, smiling, jumping in.

The water was cold. "ROOY! It's cold and wet!" moaned Zelda.

"Hurry up and start swimming!" said Roy, panicking.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"out of the way, kiddies!1" said Jigglypuff, whipping several children to the side.

_Roy and Zelda_

Roy and Zelda swam slowly through the pool. As they neared the quarter way mark, the camera panned to Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, who jumped into the pool.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

Ganondorf swam freestyle quickly, as Jigglypuff sat on Ganondorf's head, paddling along.

_Roy and Zelda_

They reached the shallow part of the pool.

"ROOY!" moaned Zelda, "They're catching up!"

"Zel! Just do your best and swim your hardest!" said Roy.

The camera panned back twenty-five metres to Jigglypuff and Ganondorf.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"SWIMMING TO THE PIT STOP" said Ganondorf, standing on Jigglypuff's head as a flotation device.

"mff mff mff mff" said Jigglypuff, whose speech was not very decipherable as Ganondorf's feet were in her mouth.

_Roy and Zelda_

Zelda continued to walk along the floor of the pool. "ROOY! I'm tired!" said Roy.

"Do something less consuming like breaststroke!" said Roy.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"HI ZELDA ASL nice to meet you" said Ganondorf, swimming along.

"that's coad for HI ZELDA we're going to beat you" said Jigglypuff.

_Roy and Zelda_

Roy embraced Zelda as she sobbed. "They're so mean!" sobbed Zelda.

"Then let's show them and let's beat them!" said Roy angrily.

"Okay!" said Zelda, starting to swim again.

_Jigglypuff and Ganondorf_

"NYOM NYOM NYOM" said Jigglypuff, eating some gum she found in the pool.

_Pit Stop_

Dramatic camera angles.

Roy swam to the edge of the pool quickly, jumping out as fast as he could. Zelda lagged behind, with Ganondorf and Jigglypuff catching up with ten metres to go. As Zelda stroked as hard as she good, Ganondorf swam past her, Jigglypuff, holding onto his leg.

Ganondorf reached the fall first, and he tried to pull himself up with his arms. Zelda neared the wall. Ganondorf got one of his legs out. Zelda reached the wall. Roy held his arms out, grabbed Zelda and placed her on the land. Ganondorf had his whole body out of the water now.

"Sprint!" screamed Roy, running the last stretch to the pit stop.

Ganondorf stood up and sprinted full pelt, holding Jigglypuff in his arms.

Roy ran onto the pit stop. Zelda, with five metres on Ganondorf jogged the last stretch, Ganondorf catching up with every stride. With two metres to go, Ganondorf was half a body length behind.

Ganondorf swung his arm to punch Zelda, but missed and ended up punching himself in the face. Ganondorf collapsed.

Zelda ran onto the mat.

"OMG NUUEZ" screamed Jigglypuff.

"nuueee" cried Ganondorf.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf crawled onto the pit stop.

"Serves you guys right for your trash talk!" said Zelda angrily.

"Roy and Zelda, you are team number five!" said Master Hand.

"Yes!" said Roy, hugging Zelda tightly as triumphant music played.

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf," said Master Hand, "You're the last team to arrive."

"Waah waah waah" sobbed Jigglypuff.

"And I'm sorry to tell you," said Master Hand.

"waah waah waah" sobbed Ganondorf.

"…that this next leg is going to be much harder, as this is a non-elimination leg!" said Master Hand.

"YAY YAY YAY" cheered Jigglypuff and Ganondorf.

"NYOM NYOM NYOM" said Jigglypuff, eating Ganondorf's leg.

"NYOM NYOM NYOM" said Ganondorf, also somehow eating Ganondorf's leg.

"However," said Master Hand, "Next leg you guys must face a _speed bump_, a task that only you two must complete."

"well I eat speed bumps 4 brekfast!" boasted Ganondorf.

"olol not the concrete ones, liek a task!" laffed Jigglypuff.

"omg!!!" said Ganondorf, shocked.

"Are you happy to hear that, Roy?" said Master Hand.

"Not really," said Roy, "They're not the most pleasant people we know on the show, and we wouldn't be too fussed if next leg we see them gone."

"o yeah?" said Jigglypuff, "well roy… more like… boy!!!!"

Ganondorf whispered something to Jigglypuff.

"omg you guys aren't both girls I thought u were the mean lesbians couple!1" said Jigglypuff.

"I really hope you guys are eliminated," said Zelda.

**Finish Times:**

Toon Link and King Dedede: 3:42 PM

Wolf and Samus: 3:43 PM

Fox and Falcon: 4:38 PM

Kirby and Pikachu: 5:13 PM

Roy and Zelda: 5:20 PM

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf: 5:21 PM – face speed bump

That was my first update of TSAR for more than a year! I wouldn't say it's my best leg, but I hope you guys still enjoyed it!

Review, telling me who your favourite teams are and what your favourite bits were! Point out any obvious errors and don't forget to vote on the poll!

Visit the Smash Mansion for more nonsense! Thanks for reading!


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